Mar 19, 2009

Valuable Lesson #12091: Everyone online is a con artist or a stalker.

2.4 Dangerous Liaisons

The thing about season two of Wildfire is that I love it. Outside of that last episode about the random convict we don't care about, of course. Despite so much of it making no sense, this show is hilarious and wonderful.

In this episode, Mike is called upon to become an adult and look after the farm while Jean and Charlie go on a romantic weekend getaway. As we may remember from last time, Mike failed in so many ways when Jean entrusted the farm to him in the last season. Jean, of course, doesn't realize how juvenile her son actually is, and thinks that surely Mike can handle this level of responsibility. He can't. At all.

So with Ian gone...somewhere, and Jean and Charlie off to watch opera and drink wine, Mike has the farm to himself. Ashleigh is his enthusiastic helper. Only there is a problem, and that problem is Dani, who has discovered the joys of online classifieds. A horse is for sale that is just the most phenomenal horse there ever was, and she is convinced this horse will be an asset to her new racing stable. Her father, reasonably, says that there's no way you can trust an internet ad for a race horse, but Dani is all Keeneland is so last year. Everyone in the racing business sells horses on the internet now! Who would ever, like, want to look at a horse and touch it and stare at it for many minutes before plunking down thousands of dollars and purchasing it? Who would do that? WHO? Old, technophobic people, that's who. And apparently all you need to know about a horse to determine its level of awesomeness is a quick glance at Does it have Nearco in it's pedigree? Sold!

Well, fresh from her father's rejection, Dani appears at Whitebrook to convince Mike to take at look at the classified ad she has printed off the interwebs. Mike is somewhat supportive of her insanity, but he cannot go look at the horse, for he has no time. Surely Dani will understand that he is trying to be all responsible, but she does not. He must go. Now. So Mike trailers himself up to wherever to look at this horse breeze, etc, inadvertently taking the room Jean and Charlie booked for their weekend getaway, causing Jean and Charlie's vacation to crumble into shambles around them.

Meanwhile, at Whitebrook, Ashleigh is forced to take care of everything by herself because everyone decides to take a vacation, including all the grooms. Pretty much everyone. So she's forced to deal with manure by herself, and she's quickly becoming overwhelmed right when the hay shipment comes along and they just dump it in the middle of the drive, not thinking that hay should be under cover, apparently. Ashleigh flips out and breaks down, calling Brad, who is making his move on Caroline. Brad, because he's still in love with Ashleigh, drops everything, including Caroline, and rushes from the bar to Whitebrook, where he helps her finish off the chores before it starts to rain (although I don't think it ever rains, which sort of negates the rush, but whatever). After all the sweaty manual labor, Ashleigh and Brad are obviously all worked up. They stare at each other in the aisle, probably giving off enough pheromones to upset a large horse, which they happen to be surrounded by. They manage to keep up this staring contest through two phone calls, and then they pounce on each other, leading to sexiness in Ashleigh's trailer.

While the sex is happening, Wonder gets all disturbed and upset, feeling all frisky due to...unexplainable forces? Well, she just has to get some. And it's all Ashleigh and Brad's fault...I guess. So she somehow gets out of her stall and trots her way to Townsend Victor's paddock (read the mare's kind of hard to keep this Thoroughbred thing up when I'm trading out a colt for a filly), and we fade to black.

In the morning, Ashleigh and Brad have overslept and she rushes around apologizing and saying that what they did was such a mistake, hurting Brad's feelings again. She's so good at that. They rush off, both too busy to sit down and talk like normal people, and Ashleigh finds Wonder missing. God damn it all. She calls (of course) Brad, who has to turn around and drive back to Whitebrook and help find Wonder, who is found in Townsend Victor's paddock. They're just prancing around, having a grand old time, in the afterglow of the horse sex they were probably having. They get the horses off to their stalls, Brad goes on his way, Ashleigh goes on her way, and that's the end of that.

Moving on to Mike, he sees the super special internet horse that Dani wants, and shockingly the horse does exist. More shockingly, he gets it for a damn good deal (but on this show, people seem to think a horse is OMG FANTASTIC if it's worth about thirty grand, and that's like a bargain price most of the time). Even more shockingly (but not really because this is Mike, and this happens to him a lot), he gets conned. Discovering that the horse he bought has shoe polish smeared on his face to look like the blaze of the horse he was supposed to buy, Mike freaks out. Then, by sheer luck, he drives by the guy who sold him the horse, follows him, and manages to exchange the two horses behind the guy's back. He returns triumphant! But not before he walks into a diner and runs into Jean, who is pissed beyond words that he is indeed not as responsible as she thought he was. Well, come on. This is Mike. We can't trust him with a can opener. God only knows what would happen.

Sooo, that's pretty much it. Oh, that and Wonder is pregnant. (Okay, Belladonna is pregnant with Wildfire's foal, but in my world Wonder is pregnant with Townsend Victor's foal, and this foal will be called Wonder's Pride.)

Okay, that's all. I really liked this episode. Although based on my gift of sight, I see that the trees have turned color, making me wonder who in their right mind thinks that fall is a great time to breed a horse. Sure, the breeding was accidental, but the only reason they find out Belladonna is pregnant in the first place is because she refuses a breeding. Come on, writers. Does autumn scream "time to reproduce!" to you?

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