Sep 4, 2008

Caitlin's Way: You can't comprehend Caitlin's issues! Do not try!

Season 1, Episode 4: Boundaries
Aired: March 12, 2000

So, I guess by sheer luck I started out this series with an episode relatively close to the beginning. Caitlin (Lindsay Felton) is still sort of fresh off the Philadelphia streets, where (as the opening sequence suggests) she spent all her time dying her hair, acting emo, and trying to trick people out of their money. Really, who falls for the three-card trick? Do people still do this, or is it something you only see on television?

This episode starts with Griffen Lowe, Caitlin's cousin, snooping around in her room. He rummages through her things, stares at a CD case as if he has no idea what it could possibly be, and somehow winds up in her underwear drawer. From this, I suppose we can deduce that Griffen has been repressing some dirty sexual urge and now that his female cousin is living with him he's going to start acting on his desires. Only in a very "I'm fifteen and harmless" sort of way. Actually, I had the distinct impression that Griffen is gay. Although that might be because at one point he goes on and on about this green shirt that will look so good with his new shoes. And also because Caitlin seems to routinely beat him up.

Okay, anyway, Caitlin finds him wandering around in her room and she does not like this. Griffen doesn't like it either, because her room used to be his game room, and really he was just up there looking for this old Nintendo cartridge, but Caitlin doesn't buy this and throws a pillow at him. Yes, Griffen, let this be a lesson to you! Stay out, or Caitlin will batter you with more feather-filled objects! Well, everyone is all "oooh, she threw something! she's so hard core!" and Griffen retreats.

Enter really ugly opening sequence. Seriously.

So Caitlin is listening to her music when she hears Bandit, the buckskin mustang wonder horse she saved or something, causing a ruckus in the barn. Caitlin rushes down to the barn and starts talking to Bandit about his hurt neck, because I guess he hurt it, and then starts to project her problems onto him. Does Bandit really want to say? Won't Bandit try to stick around a few more days? Then she sleeps in the barn with the horse. Her aunt wakes her up in the morning and blabbers about testing boundaries and something or another, giving Caitlin pause to mope about her situation. Then they eat breakfast. All hell breaks loose over the last pancake, which Griffen claims as his own by licking it and then shoving it in his mouth. Caitlin then compares her new life to jail and goes off to ruin Griffen's "best" shirt. The two kids scuffle around in the gravel for a minute before aunt and uncle (Dori and Jim) break it up and force them to do something together. Therefore they will be cooking dinner when they get home from school tomorrow. Boo, is essentially the verdict delivered by the kids.

They go to school. Griffen's friend tries to scuff up Griffen's perfect white shoes (...) and Caitlin gets in the guy's face. Stop trying to scuff up my prissy cousin's white shoes! And Griffen is all offended because his friend was just trying to be funny and he leaves in a huff because Caitlin is so serious all the time and does not like to be social, nor understands how to be anything other than emo. This all comes to a head after their Lit class, where Caitlin seems to not understand what the river means in Huck Finn, giving Griffen (who happens to be in the same class, of course) the chance to jump in and give his answer that it's all about life's journey! Caitlin acts emo some more. Then she storms into the men's bathroom to confront Griffen over this stupid river and how she was going to say that it's about something else all literary and meaningful that is also right, only it's more right because it's Caitlin's answer. Then she squirts him with water from the sink. Ohmigosh! She's even more hard core! Feather pillows and squirting water! It's too much for Griffen's rural mindset to compute! So he tries to squirt his Fresca all over her, but misses and gets the teacher instead. Damn. They both get detention and have to clean the bathroom. Something I don't see happening at all. High school teachers are never that creative.

Meanwhile, Dori tries to take Bandit out of the barn without a lead for the nonexistent blacksmith and of course she loses him. So Bandit is off running around and Dori and Jim have to go find him as Dori whispers about how much Bandit means to Caitlin.

Then the kids miss their bus, although frankly they missed it because Caitlin had to go into a long ass talk about how her life is so much more difficult than Griffen's because sometimes she didn't know where home was in Philadelphia. Yeah, Griffen, don't you dare try to tell Caitlin that you have problems too. She doesn't care about your problems because hers are always worse. Always. So they walk home. And nearly get gored by a bull. And they argue some more about how much their situation sucks and about how Caitlin doesn't have to do anything anyone tells her because she's hard core.

Eventually a neighbor comes along and Griffen abandons Caitlin to get a ride home in the neighbor's truck. She won't get in because there's a pig in the bed. Or something that looks like a pig. Anyway, Caitlin covers up this pig abhorrence with just being mean and irritating because she can, and Griffen goes off with the truck. Only then he sees Bandit running around and has to alert Caitlin. So he alerts Caitlin and miraculously they find Dori and Jim and Bandit. They all sort of converge together in a very convenient manner that would never possibly happen realistically. And Caitlin uses her magical horsey ability to calm wild mustangs and all is well. Perhaps Montana or Calgary or wherever the hell she is won't be so bad after all!

And they walk home, Caitlin and Griffen's problems are weirdly shoved to the side because Caitlin has magical horse-calming abilities, and then presumably they eat pizza.

  • Caitlin calms Bandit with her magical words of "whoa!" Griffen says: "Dad, did you see that? Did you see that?" Jim: "I'm standing right here, Griff." It becomes apparent that Jim has the best lines in this series. Obviously he saw Caitlin's magic. He was, as he said, right there.
  • Griffen continues his insane blubbering over Caitlin's horse magic and she says, "It comes with the territory." What territory? What is she talking about?
  • You know what I dislike? When they replace the main horse actor with another horse actor that is obviously different. Like, the main horse that plays Bandit has no blaze. The actor they have for running scenes has a blaze. It's obvious the horse has a blaze. You can't miss it.
So, that is my first Caitlin's Way episode. I hope you enjoyed the innocent teenage angst and melodrama.

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