Hoofprints in the Snow, TB #56

Hoofprints in the Snow
Thoroughbred #56
by Karle Dickerson

I honestly think that some of these books are little rewards for the round table of authors on this series. They slave away at writing characters they basically didn't create in a story they didn't create, and try desperately to insert things they have created to keep them interested. Like Jennifer Chu's California characters, Mary Anderson's Crazy Backstory of Doom, and Karle Dickerson's Lyssa. And they don't get any love for these creations at all, which is kind of sad. But then you have, well, Lyssa.

Lyssa Hynde knows the Wyoming winters are cold, lonely, and dangerous. But she wouldn't give them up for anything. There's nothing she likes better than to gallop her three-day event horse, Blue, through knee-high fresh powder snow. It's snow, okay?

One day when she's out for her morning ride, Lyssa follows a trail of mysterious hoof prints that take her high into the mountains. Climbing a snowdrift, she and Blue set off an avalanche that builds in force as it heads straight for her ranch.

Will Lyssa make it home in time to warn her family and save the other animals? The avalanche is not a plot point, and no one needs saved. Move on already. Will she find the mystery horse that led her astray in the first place? 

Frickin' Lyssa.

Here's the deal: it's January. For your reference, we were practically headed into May in the last book, when Parker went off to England and Christina had literally wedged herself into a corner to stare in fascination at her own fingers. We should be right on top of the Kentucky Derby at this point, but for whatever reason we have been hauled back four months in time to visit Frickin' Lyssa, who has not a) been accepted to train with USET yet, has not b) been to ROLEX yet, and c) has not met Tony yet. I think Tony was in one of those Parker books? Maybe I have a vague memory of this because he's introduced in this one. Whatever. The important thing to note: this makes no sense.

The cover...I have no feelings toward it. The cover artist really ramped up the Western outfit, but for all intents and purposes it fits the book. Lyssa does (sigh) ride Blue around a lot without a saddle, at least before she starts to take current events seriously.

So we begin with Lyssa. Frickin' Lyssa. She's bemoaning the price of supplements or something and basically has the same epiphany that Parker had in another book previously: she needs sponsors. Perhaps the feed store would sponsor her! But before she can feel that swift kick of disillusionment, she is distracted by a woman trying to buy a puppy. Naturally, this woman is suspect because she is not Lyssa and all animals in the world are at risk of being abused if they are not connected to the main character.

So Frickin' Lyssa adopts the puppy out from under the lady, who is peeved but gives up the dog. Lyssa, whose family is strapped for cash, immediately regrets this move, but hauls the puppy home and introduces it to her incredibly open minded family amidst chili and waxing poetical about the mountains and the fresh powder (ahem, snow. Just say snow already!).

Later on, Lyssa's friend Gabriela shows up to inform her that Mystic, the horse Lyssa found for her on one of those random trips teens take to California, is super lame and she's giving her up to Mrs. Peters, crazy animal lady down the road. Mystic will have a forever home and Gabriela is free to pursue boys. Everyone wins. Lyssa feels a deep sense of disdain and decides to ride Blue around in the powder for a while, coming across the school she doesn't go to (because she is "homeschooled.") There, a boy pops out of nowhere and insists that she leave. He is the security guard, you see. It is very important that Lyssa not trample school property.

Being a girl, Lyssa can't help but notice how pretty he is, which I would say violates her determination to judge Gabriela for liking boys and not Mystic, but naturally Blue isn't lame so whatevs. Like boys all you want, Lyssa.

Then there's a party that Gabriela drags Lyssa to so she can dump her by the punch bowl in favor of the new boyfriend, leaving Lyssa free to run into the boy security guard again. His name is Tony. They dance. I'm sure it was titillating, a Western version of the Samantha era's "haunting flamenco," if you will. But I digress.

Blah blah blah. Things happen. Lyssa insists on checking out the school again, and finds hoofprints leading into the mountains, where she assumes Tony has taken the horse to hide out, which is stupid because of the avalanche risk. But of course Frickin' Lyssa follows him up anyway, and just as it's getting a little too dangerous to be plowing around through horse-chest-deep high "powder", Blue flips out and starts an avalanche.

And then girl and horse outrace an avalanche.

So, hold on to your seats, you guys. It's going to be action packed from here on out.

Blue proves himself to be super amazing, runs all the way back to the ranch, and deposits a hysterical Lyssa on the ground. The avalanche missed the ranch entirely, detouring into a canyon somewhere, so everyone can be reassured that nothing awful will ever happen to these people ever. Her mom insists she stay home, but Lyssa can't just let Tony and the horse alone and is back out the next morning, with friend Mitch in tow. They find Tony, discover that he has Mystic of all horses, and listen to his story of woe (he is totally not a horse thief you guys...unless you take into account that he took someone's horse off their property without asking and has no intent of bringing it back. It's not stealing if you've got good intentions, right?)

He insists that Mrs. Peters is a fraud, and she sells her superfluous horses to the meat packers when things are getting tight. Lyssa is shocked, because no one has ever known Mrs. Peters to be anything but an animal hoarder, which is totally okay and couldn't possibly go wrong. She and Mitch are both suspicious of Tony's story, so they take Tony and Mystic back to Lyssa's ranch and Lyssa rumbles off in Mitch's truck to check out Mrs. Peters, only to discover that Mrs. Peters is the lady that wanted the puppy from the first chapter.

Le shock! Mrs. Peters only wanted the puppy because it's a purebred with papers and could probably get money for it...hmmmm, yeah. Totally reasonable. And then the meat packers helpfully show up, and Lyssa conveniently discovers that one of the horses with Mrs. Peters was on a stolen horse flier at the feed store. So Lyssa hides a bridle in her Thinsulate, gets it on the stolen horse, and tears out of there bareback as Mrs. Peters (I keep envisioning an old lady, for some reason) jumps in Mitch's truck and chases after them.

Frickin' Lyssa, because she's amazing, loses Mrs. Peters and heads straight for the police station. So then the cops swarm everywhere, take in Tony, Mystic, Mrs. Peters and leave Lyssa wondering why life is horrible. Now Tony will be arrested for stealing a horse and deported to Arizona, where everyone knows jerks come from. It's accepted in Lyssa World as fact. But, of course, that doesn't happen. Don't worry you guys, Tony rides back on Mystic and says he bought her for cheap and he'll fix her feet because not only is he a 19-year-old horse thief with a heart of gold, he is also a budding eventer and an awesome blacksmith who knows "techniques." Also, he's going to stay in Wyoming or Montana or whatever and train with Lyssa and work for her dad and work for his relatives in Billings because he has them. So now Lyssa can blissfully fawn all over his spotty teenage neck scruff all she likes.

Hooray. USET invites for everyone!

Just don't think. It's easier that way. TB#55: Great Expectations.

Great Expectations
Thoroughbred #55
by Karle Dickerson

Can Parker live up to the challenge?

Parker Townsend couldn't be more excited as he sets off for England to train for the Olympics, taking with him two headstrong horses and some very high hopes. At first he's thrilled to see the beautiful country estate where he'll be staying. But it's not too long before he discovers that the English do things very differently from what he's used to. Since he's a guest, he has to listen to whatever his trainers say, no matter how much he disagrees with them. Although Parker worries that this could jeopardize his Olympic dream, he's determined to find a way to prove to everyone, including himself, that he and his horses are Olympic caliber after all.

Maybe it's just me, but I fully expect that horse to do a face plant into the ground as soon as its hind legs ram into that jump. How it got to the jump in the first place with those front hooves is also very mysterious. They look like they were fashioned out of Play-Doh. Also, I'm sure someone with far more expertise can tell me what is going on with that bridle, but it looks odd to me. The drop noseband and the bit are not jiving visually or logically, along with everything else that is going on here. Perhaps this is just me, but Parker ceases to be cute on this cover. Actually, he is almost a complete duplicate of Wolf from the cover of Cindy's Last Hope. The only differences being Wolf is in a jockey's crouch and wearing a collared shirt and a worried, hopeless stare. The color scheme is duplicated as well, because according to this cover artist all men on book covers should wear tan pants and light green shirts. But whatever. We have a book to discuss.

So for reasons I can't remember, Parker is headed off to England to compete in Burghley. I think this decision was made in the cut chapter of Parker's last book, actually, making Thoroughbred that much more entertaining with its random fits of editing. Everyone at Whisperwood, plus Melanie and Christina (which amounts to like six people, max) surprises Parker with a going away party, during which Parker attempts to amuse people and small children are unimpressed. A little girl tells him to shut up and open his present, while Christina sits in the corner and stares at her fingernails in some state of emotional oblivion. These two, you guys. I don't even know what to do with them. If only they'd had some sort of break up sex scenario in the back of Parker's truck before he left for England.

...I am totally going to believe that is what happened from now on. Anyway! So, fresh from that ordeal, Parker gets on a plane headed for Heathrow and is subjected to the horrors of this blond girl who is messy and loud. Granted, I can feel Parker's pain here because no one wants to be stuck in a tube for over seven hours with someone who will not shut up about pointless shit you don't care about, especially when they start chastising you for not using proper British sayings. It is the WC in England, thank you. You Americans and your bathrooms. Go back to the colonies, yank!

Seriously, I would like to say that there isn't a lot of pointless chatter about British slang, but there is and it can't be helped. Upon arriving in England, Parker acts like he's shocked that England is its own country apart from the United States. They drive on the left hand side of the road! They say loo and cheerio all the time. Gasp! They have their own currency and their vending machines only take that currency. WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO.

Okay, look. I know there are stupid people in this world. People try to pay with foreign money way more than we logical people know, I'm sure. Hell, the turnpike in Ohio is all with the "Only US Currency" signs plastered all over, suggesting that more than a few people try to throw Canadian coins at the tollbooth workers. But the thing here is that Parker kinda sorta definitely lived in England for most of his formative years. And he's shocked that the cars are driving on "the wrong side" of the road. And that sentence even came with an exclamation point. Let's all feel smug and/or visualize smacking Parker right across the face. It's okay. He deserves it.

So, upon arriving in London, Parker is lured into helping blond girl find her errant passport and his ride presumes he died in flight and abandons him. So Parker tries to scrounge up a cab that will leave the greater London area, of which only one will deign to honor Parker's request. Somehow they pass by Big Ben on their way from the airport to the country, which is quite a mighty detour. It's like twenty miles from Heathrow to Big Ben. Anyway, so Parker meets up with the Chillinghams, who are hosting Parker as a favor to Lavinia. Don't worry, you guys. The Chillinghams are super sweet and way nicer than Lavinia, which Parker goes on and on about because he hates his parents with an intense passion that honestly worries me. Down at the barn, Parker instantly starts acting like a complete ass hat the second someone talks to him, because he is an insecure goob who can't talk to others like a normal person. No, not Parker. Everyone is trying to find fault in him immediately and no one will ever give him a chance to blah blah blah.

Basically, the whole book is Parker acting like an arrogant twat and people giving him the side eye, which only enrages him into acting more like an arrogant twat. Then some kids talk bad about him behind his back and that's the beginning of the end for Parker and England. Or so we'd all like to think.

So, his lessons go horribly because, well, Parker is an arrogant twat. I mean, really, what were we all expecting? Then he falls a lot and people point and laugh. And Parker won't listen to anyone's advice, naturally, because Parker is a non-listener of advice. It is like his chosen profession. So Dalton, guy who was going to help Parker in England before deciding that Parker's attitude isn't worth it, runs off to a clinic after saying Parker should enter Merebrook, a tiny competition to get his feet wet.

Bah. A tiny competition you say? Parker is better than that! Or whatever. I don't even know anymore. But he goes and he insists on taking Ozzie with him and then he's like why am I such an idiot? Ozzie can't even jump things, much less act stable for five seconds. This is the horse that spends a whole chapter gallivanting around England by himself. Good going, Parker.

Oh, yeah, and the blond girl is Fiona, the Chillingham's granddaughter, who is now staying with them. Parker is sure that she is out to ruin his life. Also, the maid doesn't like him. And the assistant trainer doesn't like him. And the kids think he's stupid and fake. It's SPLENDID.

At Merebrook, it turns out that everyone on the face of the earth is there. And then Foxy steps in a badger hole and is scratched, leaving Parker with Ozzie the Unstable. After a gloriously horrible dressage test (but that's always a throwaway event, apparently, because no one likes dressage), Parker says SCREW THIS and decides that after this event they will leave England with its bangers and mash and coin currency. COIN DOLLARS ARE STUPID, says Parker. He is OUT. But he decides to just have fun during cross country, and miraculously this is the key. Moment of enlightenment achieved! Parker can now progress on to the next round.

Show jumping also goes well, and by some miracle Parker wins the show. Only during all of this he runs into Alexander the Grape, an old school friend with a fondness for sweets, who tells him he's an arrogant twat and he has always been an arrogant twat. Also? So was Dalton! That's why the two never get along, or something. And then the assistant trainer calls Parker an arrogant twat, and Parker agrees. Then Parker tells Dalton what an arrogant twat he is, and Dalton accepts Parker's self-realization and decides to train him.

I am not sure how winning the show caused Parker to realize that he's an insecure moron with an arrogant streak, but it did. Now we can move on to other things, like oddities.

• Great Expectations. Is this like satire? Just what the hell is this?
• Parker cannot do math. At least, he can't convert inches into centimeters, which would be a sad day for the American educational system if he hadn't been taught in English private school. 
• At one point, Parker hears someone speaking French and German during his walk around the course at Merebrook and later someone says that lots of international competition will be there this year. It's only then that he realizes, ah, those must have been international riders. OH. YOU THINK?

That's really it this time. I was just pretty astonished by Parker's massive display of stupidity in this installment. How he even clothes himself in the morning is anyone's guess.

Next: Lyssa. All glorious 172 pages of her.

Thoroughbred #49: Rising Star

Rising Star
By Karle Dickerson
Published: 2001

Hey, you guys! So I haven't read a Thoroughbred book since February 2010. I had to look this up, because it had been so long. Then I had to look up just where this story had left off with Christina before Rising Star came along and introduced Whitebrook to Louisiana. Turns out they were in Montana previously. And then everything came flooding back. It was like watching scenes from Thoroughbred flash before your eyes in a crappy montage with music by Coldplay. It was horrifying.

So let's step back on the crazy train, shall we?

Is Wonder's Star a has-been? 

No one thought Wonder's Star would get well again. Everyone was certain he would never run another race. The racing press was calling him a has-been.

But Christina Reese never gave up hope. Slowly and steadily she's been bringing Star back into racing condition. In her heart of hearts she still has Triple Crown dreams for them, but the Kentucky Derby is only a few months away and they're running out of time! Instead of starting with an easy local prep race, Christina enters Star in a tough Derby prep race, praying that he can withstand the grueling pace. Is it too much, too soon? Or will Star shine like the champion that he is? 

In the previous Star/Christina book, they were in Montana learning about the itancan from Lyssa because Star isn't being all he can be three days post deathly illness. Then the whole trip wound up being useless because all they had to do was wrestle in a pond for five seconds and magically Christina and Star are best friends again. Hooray! Let's win the Kentucky Derby!

Only since we all know Thoroughbred is basically just a roller coaster ride through Christina's manic depressive episodes, this is bound to unravel completely. Because everyone around Christina is somewhat competent, professional, and experienced, she starts to lose her shit when they unanimously agree that Star is not on the path to Kentucky Derby immortality. This collective knowledge, of course, does not equal the simple fact that no one knows Star like Christina, a line that Christina mutters to herself at least once every other chapter.

While Christina and Ashleigh are having this unspoken battle of wills, a reporter from the Racing Reporter shows up to ask Christina lots of leading questions like "Is Star a total brat?" and "Are you suffering delusions of grandeur?" Apparently the only way this woman got on the farm is because Ashleigh somehow thought she was saying Daily Racing Form every time the lady told her Racing Reporter, which is the most awful of awful racing publications in the world. Ashleigh doesn't bother to hide her disgust about this lady's employer, right before she abandons her child with a reporter she clearly does not approve of. Nice going, Ashleigh! Another example of shady parenting accomplished.

While the reporter eagerly clamors for gossip about how Star is washed up and a "bad actor," Christina becomes infuriated that anyone could think any of these things about her precious baby. She proceeds to have a literal melt down, and takes her feelings out on the track to prove this reporter wrong. Of course, because Star is a sensitive snowflake, the shit hits the fan and Christina not only delivers the most stunningly awful work in the history of Whitebrook, but because she doesn't use a crop she resorts to smacking her wonder pony around with her hand. During a work. Because when all else fails, hit your panicking mount when you're zig zagging across the track going 35 miles per hour! Awesome thought process, Chris!

So it takes about a chapter and a half for Chris to a) verbally abuse Dani and Star, b) physically abuse Star, and c) receive no punishment except for realizing her own mistakes. Because that in itself is punishment, or something. Christina proceeds to almost fall off of Star before realizing she needs to "join up" with him...although how she does that while she's clinging to his neck is questionable. Nevertheless, it happens.

Armed with proof that Christina is a total nut job, the reporter writes a pathetically childish gossip story that everyone in the country immediately believes. Christina, for about two seconds, thinks this is fine. Let everyone think Star is a has-been! At least the reporters will leave them alone now. And then she gets all pissy when everyone thinks Star is finished.

Sigh. It's so hard being locked in this kid's brain, you guys. I can't even.

Then Ashleigh decides to ship Image to Florida, where Whitebrook has historically dominated for eons. Christina takes it for the slap in the face that it is: Image is Whitebrook's Derby horse...despite the fact that Image is not Whitebrook's in any way, shape or form. Nor has she proven to be Derby caliber, or even interested in racing. Who knows. I certainly don't. Christina goes all bonkers, crashes into depression, and decides to watch Wonder's Derby tape so she can throw it in Ashleigh's face and ask her why she's trampling all over Christina's dreams.

Ashleigh, naturally, takes this to heart and tells Christina about this fabulous place called Louisiana. It's a state! In America! And Christina is all, "Tell me more about this...Louisiana." And then she's immediately turned off because such a newfangled place could never have the competition in Florida. Christina, being passionate about running her horse into the ground, will only accept G2 Derby preps or better. Little, short, dinky races are not acceptable as come back races for Star.

But then Christina hears of the Louisiana Derby, which she supposes will do for her purposes. She attempts to sweet talk her mother into her race selection using bagels, but Ashleigh has experienced an unusual moment of forethought and entered Star before Christina could have a panic attack about it.

Now we enter Christina's manic phase. She's so happy! Star is going to be awesome and prove everyone wrong, especially that evil Racing Reporter lady and all the people she converted to the opinion Christina wanted them all to have. But then she learns that Celtic Mist, the Townsend Acres horse of doom, is racing in the Louisiana Derby, sending Christina crashing into depression...despite getting what she wanted? Didn't she just want to race Star in the Florida Derby against Celtic Mist...? I'm just going to stop trying to follow her thought process. It's way too hard at this point.

So, in New Orleans, a place that does not take itself seriously (which Christina notes disdainfully while telling herself she's taking everything seriously) Christina notes with horror that it is hot, and there is jazz music everywhere, and this place has culture that she refuses to appreciate because she's busy. And then Brad Townsend and Lavinia show up to go through a comic relief sketch only found in movies meant for eight-year-old children. Dani sprays them with a hose, and then Brad steps in manure...only to scrape it off his foot without looking because he's in the Intimidate Christina Using His Persuasive Voice Zone.

Then Christina crashes again, because Celtic Mist is awesome and she should just stop trying. No one believes in her, Parker doesn't want to talk to her because she's deferring college for a year, and no one needs to know that she should be on serious medication. So she calls Ashleigh, who talks her off the ledge. Christina is happy again! And then she crashes again. Then she listens to some random track workers talk about their jobs and she's happy again because if you're going to work on a track, you should at least own a wonder pony. Those poor saps! Christina is living the dream!

And then she wins the damn race like we knew she would and they talk about red roses being better than orchids, the Louisiana Derby flower. Yeah, screw orchids. Roses are awesome.

I could get into a list of points of interest, but I think Claire already covered them here. Plus, there's a lot I find enraging about Lyssa and her stupid itancan philosophy and the superior/anti-fun attitude Christina & Co. have toward everything that I don't think can be contained in this post.

I will be moving on to some book about Parker next, because he's got Olympic issues that take whole books to cover.

Star's Chance: And then they got lost in Montana.

Star's Chance

Thoroughbred #45

by Karle Dickerson

2001

Will Star ever regain his spirit?

At last, Wonder's Star has recovered from the illness that halted his promising racing career so suddenly. The vet says he'll be back on the track in no time. But Christina Reese is convinced the colt has lost his spirit. She can't seem to communicate with him like she used to. Christina needs help.

When Lyssa Hynde offers to work her magic with Star, Christina takes the colt to Lyssa's ranch in Montana to rehabilitate. But Montana is worlds away from the track, and Christina and Star are lost there. Will Christina and Star learn to take risks and trust each other again?

The last time I read about Lyssa, I remember wishing she would drown in a shallow puddle of water. That desire really hasn't gone away, so I was curious to see how I'd react to Star's Chance, which initially seems like a flagrant device to get Lyssa back into the storyline.

Because we all love Lyssa.

Star's Chance begins with Star having rebounded from death, which seems like a pretty nifty trick because the last we saw him he was practically cast in his stall and only Christina's magical girl tears saved him from certain doom. The vet proclaims him fine, but cautions Chris about taking it easy with Star until he regains his strength. There's no telling if he'll ever bounce back to racing form, and the vet takes it even further by saying there's no telling he'll ever be strong enough to even breed. But what does he know? He is merely a vet! Christina knows what is best for her wonder pony, okay? And he's going to run in the Kentucky Derby next year, because that's what's best for the horse.

About two and a half days go by, with Christina getting ever more frustrated with Star's "lack of spirit" when she rides him. Parker mentions that if Lyssa were here, she would have Star back to his old self in a couple of hours, max. Then he has a most fantastic idea! Perhaps Christina should take Star to Lyssa, who lives on a dude ranch in Montana. Christina is certainly unenthused about this idea, telling him he is "absolutely nuts" and in no way is she taking her wonder pony to Montana to re-enact The Horse Whisperer, just without the death and the sex.

Enter Brad Townsend, because where plot goes stagnant, Brad Townsend has to be called in to stir up the pot. Asked to accompany Parker to a Townsend party, Christina is forced to stand around with people who are just as well off as she is, but have the gall to actually act rich and wear sparkly things. The nerve.

Instantly, Brad appears by Christina to tell her that he's heard about her troubles with Star, this being the third day after Star's been cleared for some light activity. Christina begins to ask how he heard, but he says, "No, it wasn't Parker. But I have my ways." Yes, he reads minds. Stunned, Christina instantly goes on alert, falling back to her default stance as indignant horse loving teen, asking him why he even cares, apparently having forgotten that Brad only antagonizes her because it is basically good sport. Brad insists that selling Star was the best business decision he ever made, taking the time to lift up her hand and point out her blisters and broken nails, because he is a master at deduction.

Christina promises that he'll regret selling Star, and he pretty much tells her that no, he will not. Then he saunters off, his work here done. Game, set, match. Brad Townsend wins at life. Immediately Christina rushes back to Parker, insisting that they have to go now so she can call Lyssa and go to Montana to help Star. Despite having only worked with Star for three days. I think someone has some instant gratification issues.

Because no one in Thoroughbred goes to school, and Ashleigh is a horrible parent, Christina goes to Montana with Lyssa's uncle, subjecting herself and me to every Western stereotype you can think of for the next hundred pages. Star is loaded onto a trailer with cattle, hauled by a truck that could very well fall apart at any second, with the radio station permanently tuned to Western music. Once they arrive in Montana, Christina is ushered into the house, where everything is beige and tastefully decorated in horse themed or Navajo prints. Instantly, some guy named Ray asks Christina if her horse's spirit is broken, and what the hell it totally is not! How dare he kind of be ignorantly astute like that! Only Christina can use similar verbiage to basically say the same thing.

Lyssa tries to placate Christina by saying that Ray doesn't know any better. He is, after all, from Arizona, where jerks come from. Ray continues to try to win Christina over, using common forms of conversation starters that Christina construes as "creepy" behavior. When she's not avoiding Ray, she's on super defensive mode with Lyssa, because despite the fact that she trailered Star all the way to Montana with heifers she ultimately wants nothing to do with Lyssa's supposed advice. Also despite being totally about Lyssa's training techniques back in Close Call.

Eventually, Lyssa demands that Christina take Star out into a reservoir in order for him to fight out his problems with her, because that's what the American Indians do, I guess. Christina isn't having any of that, no matter how many American Indians gentled horses this way. Star is a racehorse, damn it. She cannot hurt him, despite the fact that she's trailered him all the way to Montana for seemingly no reason and is about to take him on a round up type thing in the wilderness, where he will inevitably get lost and wind up roaming the countryside in search of his previously completely insane personality.

So this is what they do. Star gets loose up in the mountains, and Christina speeds off after him. Eventually they all get lost, Christina finds Star predictably injured, and winds up spending the night with him out in the wood somewhere. The next morning, Christina rides Star (sans tack, of course) into a river, where Star completely flips out and does his fight the water deal that brings his old personality back. And then they both climb out of the river and die of hypothermia.

Or not. Lyssa finds them, and all is well. Christina gets to put a checkmark next to Montana on her list of states that she has visited, and Star is set to win the Kentucky Derby. Surely he will not finish, you know, last. Or anything. That would be entirely too unjust.

• There is one thing I liked about this book: Christina never really admits that Lyssa's advice helped or did anything positive at all. By the end, she's really had it and starts to freak out at Lyssa about how it is entirely useless to train horses to open gates. And Lyssa actually does manage to look a little sheepish about it, because her horse was the one that let Star out to begin with.
• I really don't buy Parker telling Christina to take Star to Lyssa. I would accept this plot if Christina had dreamed up this idea, and then gotten totally overwhelmed when she finally gets there because she is a mother hen when it comes to her horse.
• Ashleigh, you suck so much. When Christina calls her mother up to tell her about this round up she's taking Star on, the very round up in which she loses Star, the only thing Ashleigh says is, "Sounds like it will be an adventure." Right about here is when you put your foot down and demand that your daughter bring her damn wonder pony back to Kentucky, because if the magical trick is thrashing around in water, I'm pretty sure you could have done that at home.
• Three days! She only waits three days before taking Star to Montana. Seriously.

And that was a Thoroughbred book.

Close Call: The book that made me love Parker.

Close Call
by Karle Dickerson
Thoroughbred #41
Published: 2000

It's probably impossible to review/recap this book after Claire's awesome entry on it last June, but here I am anyway.

I give this cover my stamp of approval, mainly because it reminds me a little of the older covers. You know, the covers that bothered to put effort into depicting tack even somewhat correctly.

Parker's Olympic dream is at risk...

Parker Townsend and Christina Reese haven't seen much of each other lately. Parker is competing in the Olympic trials in combined training and Christina is racing Thoroughbreds. When Parker meets Lyssa Hynde, things only get worse.

Lyssa, the daughter of a Montana rancher who rides her horse without a bit, has been winning everything and is fast becoming a celebrity. Christina instantly befriends Lyssa, eager to learn all her tricks. Parker's jealous of Lyssa, and it's affecting his riding. Will Parker let Lyssa ruin his shot at the Olympics?

I'm going to run through this fairly quickly, because I can't say much more than Claire already has. So if you want the full review, check out hers.

That said, here's my opinion on this book: WHAT. I think that sums it up. I have never loved Parker more, but that's mainly because he is the ONLY voice of reason in this book. Everyone else is too busy instantly accepting Lyssa, and then fawning all over her to a point of borderline worship. It's no wonder Parker begins to come a little loose at the seams. If I was shoved into this situation, I'm pretty sure I'd snap. I give Parker so many points for having to go through these ridiculous scenarios that he almost instantly became the most awesome character in this series. In fact, I'll just say it now: Parker is the most awesome character in this series after Brad.

So, now let's focus on Lyssa's awfulness. Not only do I smell mary sue, I am going to scream it from the hills. Mary sue! Kill it! Look, it's not that she just randomly walks up with her horse and is annoying. It's that the first thing she does is criticize Parker's dressage test, and she's right. First, you think bitch. Just who is she? Then she shows up to warm up her horse using only a wire slung around its neck, and you think grandstanding bitch! And it gets worse from there. Lyssa wins the first event, throwing Parker into turmoil. Her horse follows her around like a lovesick puppy, and then all human characters follow suit. Samantha suddenly starts to use Lyssa's training techniques, for Christ's sake. It just does not stop, and it gets increasingly strange, and every single time someone mentions how fantastic/inriguing Lyssa is you want to run over and give Parker a hug and/or smack Lyssa just for being there.

Of course, who steps in to force things back into normalcy? Brad. Thank you, Brad. All it takes is Brad's appearance at Whisperwood to tell his son that eventing is just randomly hauling about over logs (because Brad Townsend will go so out of his way to drive home his disappointment in someone that he will resort to taking a road trip to Whisperwood), and Lyssa's annoying mary sue inclination of being the only one who will stand up to him (thus giving Parker back his confidence, which she was doing such a fantastic job of draining away in the first place), to set things right.

So, mutual dislike for Brad and Lavinia put Parker and Lyssa on somewhat okay terms. Big event comes along, and to my eternal aggravation, Lyssa beats Parker again. But because Parker has learned something about teamwork or whatever this is totally okay! Today is the best day of his life, and he learned stuff from Lyssa that...sort of got him somewhere that remarkably resembles exactly where he was in the beginning of the story? And his parents are totally okay with this result! And they're totally okay with telling everyone he's going to the Olympics! A totally okay ending!

Can I just interject here and say that it is totally not okay! After all of this, to have Lyssa win again just annoys me. It doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy that Parker has grown and accepted whatever lesson he was forced to learn in this book. It just makes me want Lyssa to fall off her horse and get dragged into a pool of water just deep enough to drown her.

Also, this final exchange further makes me want Lyssa to meet an awful end:

Parker: I've learned so much from you.
Lyssa: Ah. So you finally admit it?
Parker: So what?
Lyssa: Well, if it's any consolation, I managed to learn something from you, too.

WHAT.

And those are my thoughts.

Other random points!

• In autumn, you cannot enter a horse in the Blue Grass Stakes. What's more, you can't even agonize about the Blue Grass Stakes because it's KIND OF IN APRIL, KARLE.

• Brad enjoys eating French toast and/or Eggs Benedict in the morning, and because Parker turns his nose up at this we instantly know that eating large portions of rich food is clearly evil. This begs the question of what is an acceptable breakfast food to our beloved main characters, and the answer is doughnuts.

• Parker attempts to go to school in jeans and sneakers (I suppose he forgot his shirt?) and Brad gives him a look, as well he should because Parker is obviously forgetting something. Brad is all, "My professors would never allow this!" Surely! And, on the off chance I'm supposed to just assume Parker put on a shirt, in what era did Brad go to college? This must be some crazy continuity issue, because I will forever believe Brad went to college in the 90s.

• Karle, thank you for confirming my suspicion that Brad went to an Ivy League school.

• You know, I know I'm supposed to laugh at Lyssa's story that someone might dare to show up for riding wearing "stockings and high heel sandals" but mainly I can't help thinking that this is a faux pas for all sorts of other reasons.

• It occurs to me that if these people think flatwork is boring, and whine about it constantly, perhaps they're in the wrong profession.

• I'm pretty sure that somewhere in here Samantha tells Parker to relax, by which she means "go make out or have sex with your girlfriend if that is where you are in your relationship." Christina is so not at that stage in their relationship, much to Parker's distress.

• Intriguingly, Dylan shows up in this book, if only briefly and always off screen.

So. That was a Thoroughbred book!

Grab a tissue, this one’s a tear-jerker: The Forgotten Filly

The Forgotten Filly
By Karle Dickerson
First Printing: January 1993
Re-printed as Ashleigh’s Thoroughbred Collection: July 1998

Ok, I admit it; I can’t read this book without bawling like a baby. I actually get teary-eyed just looking at the cover so I had it hidden on the bookshelf behind my Thoroughbred books. It’s just laden with sorrow and loss and those horrible things you never want to accept – like the death of a beloved horse that just breaks your heart, and it feels like the world will end. And I know, I’ve been there, done that. But in the end, there’s hope, there’s redemption, and there’s a future. So props to Karle Dickerson on a masterful read, it moves me each and every time. And when a book does that, it’s good. Sure, it’s not a classic like “A Tale of Two Cities” or “Oliver Twist” but hey, every book’s got a story, and this one just happens to be good.

The Cover:

It’s really quite adorable; a little long-legged black filly standing out in the gently falling rain while there’s some action in the background. It’s hard to find any fault with the cover; although I could swear on a stack of bibles that I’ve seen a photograph of a foal in the exact same pose – minus the rain and such. Plus, Southern Californian barns are much more modern than the classic red and white barn; they have those back east, but out here, you’ll find the pre-fabricated modular barns. But hey, how can anyone really argue with the cover, it just shows a little filly forgotten out in the rain. It fits!

Ye Olde Summary:

Joelle hates her new filly...

Joelle has a very special relationship with her Thoroughbred mare, Dance Away. Then Dancer dies giving birth to her first foal, and Joelle swears that no horse, not even Dancer's filly, will ever replace Dancer in her heart. But Joelle's parents insist she take care if the orphaned filly--it needs her help to survive.

Joelle does as little as she can to groom and train the foal. All she can think about is Dancer--that they won't be riding together in the big fall show where Joelle was sure they'd win a trophy. Joelle's convinced that Dancer's filly will never be a winner like her mother.

Then something happens that will make Joelle change her mind forever...

OK, OK … cheesy summary plot, but it gets right to the meat of the story. Girl loves mare, mare loves girl. Girl decides to breed mare, mare dies after foaling. Girl resents orphaned foal, and skimps on her care. But then filly does something that changes girl’s mind, and voila, instant OMG EXPLODING HEARTS AND STARS!!! Gotta admit it, whoever wrote the summary was spot on; it follows the book pretty damn well.

The Big Picture Plots:

Dance Away (.a.k.a Dancer): She’s this gorgeous black Thoroughbred mare that Joelle loves and loves with all her heart. And Dance Away loves Joelle back and it’s like the bestest bond in the whole wide world because they win big ribbons and jump and hang out together. And then Joelle wants to breed Dancer, and Dancer has trouble and has to be put down, so her loss figures prominently through the whole book. Joelle sighs, and cries, and mopes over her loss. And ignores the foal because she doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.

Jeff: He’s Joelle’s little brother, who was partially paralyzed after falling out of a tree so he has to stay in a wheelchair and get physical therapy which he hates. Part of the story really centers around him, and what happened and how it’s affected the family (and Joelle) and his part in the story has to do with the healing power of horses, and how much he loves Dancer’s filly, and the miracle she performed to save him.

Devin Butler: He’s the vet’s son. And he’s kind of a jerk. He’s sort of the male antagonist of Joelle the way Brad is to Ashleigh, but apparently Devin has a reason for being a jerk; his older sister was killed in a car crash so he started acting like an asshole to get away from the pain of missing her. But then, he turns away from the ‘dark side’ and starts acting good, and whoo! – not an asshole anymore. Fortunately for readers of the book, there’s no lovesick looks from girl to boy, and vice versa; they seem to be just ‘friends’ which is good considering they’re tweenies anyway. Plenty of time later for groping and kissing and that sort of thing. But then again, Joelle seems to be horse-mad, and horses kind of take precedence over boys a lot (dirty joke is … horses give you the better ride, har har) and Devin rides horses (which actually any smart boy who wants to get in with the girls will do … look at it this way – tons of girls, not very many boys, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.) But then, I liked Devin, jerk or not. My brother’s name is Devin. I have an excuse.

Midnight Dancer (a.k.a. Foal, a.k.a. Weanling, a.k.a. Midnight): Whoo, what a doozy Joelle put that poor baby through. Didn’t even give her a proper name until the last page of the book because of how much she resented the foal for Dancer’s death. Which certainly wasn’t the foal’s fault – but Joelle carried a chip on her shoulder for an awful long time. But the filly really shows heart, and saves Jeff’s life, which leads to Joelle loving her. I thought Joelle was a jerk for treating the foal the way she did when I first read the book, and it sure didn’t change with this reading. The story definitely tugs at the emotions, and it was easy to see how the foal responded to Joelle’s lack of caring compared to Jeff’s love, or anyone else’s.

Some Key Points of Interest:

• Death is really a recurring theme in this book, first Devin’s older sister Valerie gets killed in a car crash, and then Dance Away hemorrhages and they have to put her down. But I’m not going to complain; it was nice to read a book that wasn’t all sunshine and roses and magikal Gypsy Vanner butterfly farts. It didn’t dwell on death and the sucktasticness of life, but rather faced reality, and the fact that one has to move on after a loss, and keep making life worth living for.

• Dancer neighs softly after her foal is born. Now, granted, I've read that mares really do this, because it accustoms the foal to the sound of it's mother's voice, but Joelle in her youthful happiness interprets this nicker as "See? I did it!" This is not the only time a horse neighs or nickers or makes some kind of motion that indicates agreement.
  

• I have to admit, I simply love the names that the horses in this book are given. Devin’s two horses are named Blade Runner and Megaton. I think offhand, a better name for the second horse probably should have been Megatron (yeah, unsubtle Transformer reference there), but they’re horse names that boys like. I like names like Soldier, and Valor, and Trilogy and Great Caesar’s Ghost. They’re cool horse names, but nothing stupid like Rainbow or Four Leaf Clover or pretentious like Wonder’s Champion. Just normal every day horse names, without sounding too unrealistic. But hey, I had a Flair, and have a Mitch, so maybe that’s what endeared me to these horse names.

• After Dancer dies, Joelle makes like a tornado and rearranges her room up to and including: throwing her model horses in the closet along with Dancer's bridle, and putting away her ribbons. I always thought it was kind of strange when I read the book that she would completely de-equine her room like that, and then well ... I lost Flair, and did something similar. My ribbons are in my closet still (although I have the excuse that I'm redecorating -- they'll be out again soon enough.)
  

• I love the Latham family. Dad, Mom, sister, brother – they’re just cool and together in the face of adversity and sorrow, and work together to make their riding academy business work. Kind of reminds me of my Pony Club instructor and his wife and daughter – before the sordid affair with the assistant instructor and divorce, of course. The chapter where the Lathams are out on the lake in a rowboat is wonderful. Very family-like, which kind of shows how much they really do care about each other. Even in the middle of a horse book, the author took time out to throw the family on a little non-equine-related side trip, which added to the story.

• Can I just say how happy I am with the Pony Love in this book? Bluebell is an adorable and mischievous Welsh pony who helps Jeff in his therapeutic riding. And everyone loves him. Hooray for ponies!

• There’s some apparent rivalry between Windswept Riding Academy and the swankier Oak Meadows Riding Club where apparently all the snobs ride. Even Devin rode there. That is, until he switched to riding at Windswept, and became part of the Cool Kids Club™ But it's like Oak Meadows is like Townsend Acres or something, and Windswept is Whitebrook Farm
  

• OK, it’s incredibly cheesy, and sort of falls under the “Mother lifts car to save child” cliché, but Midnight pulls Jeff out of the flooded creek. The only thing I’d have to gripe about that is, I’d guess he was holding the lead rope, which was attached to the halter on the filly’s head. Dude, there’s ‘aint no way a horse is going to pull against that kind of weight with their head. But she does it, and yay, she pulls him out, and he’s OK! She’s a wonderhoss!

• Dr. Butler is a wise wise man with his lecture on nature, and the pitfalls of horse breeding. ‘Nuff said.

This book gets an A from me. Maybe even an A+ because of the way it was written. Yeah, it’s got angst, and angst kind of runs the gamut of Joelle’s experience throughout the story, but hell, she’s a frickin 12 year old, she hasn’t learned life’s lessons yet. And admittedly, she had to face that cold hard fact of a beloved horse dying far sooner than I did. So I liked this book, and could find very little fault with it. Glug, time to move on to Aladdin’s Derby then. But hell, that can wait. It’s a holiday, and there’s a fat pony calling my name.