Is Headed For the Win heading towards the trash? Well...

Headed for the Win
by Rachael Eliker
July 2014

Nadia Wells has spent her life trying to convince her parents that horses are a necessity but despite her best efforts, they see them only as an extravagant luxury. After landing her dream job mucking stalls in exchange for riding lessons, a wealthy philanthropist recognizes Nadia’s talent and decides to invest in her. Purchasing a mare nicknamed Winny, Nadia is sure she’s bound for equestrian greatness but on the cusp of their most challenging three-day event yet, Winny bucks Nadia off in front of a crowd of her peers. Humiliated and fuming, Nadia makes a birthday wish that she could better understand her horse. The next morning, she wakes up to discover she has four hooves and a tail swishing between her legs: she and Winny have switched places! If life as a teenage-girl-turned-show-horse wasn't hard enough, Nadia has to figure out a way to tell the dashing Mike how she feels or risk losing him and the competition to the talented, gorgeous and spoiled Gretchen. Will the pair concede defeat or work together to overcome the impossible and be headed for the win?

The Summary:
I don't know why more authors don't write the book summaries for their books. They tend to be 100% accurate, because hey, they wrote the book. Shock and awe.

The Cover: 
Kindle books tend to lean towards using real pictures of horses because most authors can't afford to hire any artist worthwhile, and they like their own work too much to employ the likes of later Thoroughbred artists. This cover gets bonus points for depicting a horse that looks much like the one in the story, though were I to nitpick I'd point out that the fictional horse has three white stockings. No big deal though.

The Plot: 

Meet Nadia Well, your more or less average horse loving teen who, like many, was cursed into a family that supports her love but cannot afford to buy her a horse of her very own. Her parents land her a job at Stoney Brooke Stables as a working student, cleaning stalls and caring for the horses in exchange for lessons. She finds a kindred spirit in her employer Danika, and immediately falls for the other stable worker, a young man named Mike who doubles as a farrier because that's a part time job that you work around shoveling shit and not a full time profession. 

We also meet Gretchen, a rider Nadia's age who has her own horse and perfect blonde hair and her life is just perfect and she has everything and appreciates none of it and don't you just hate her guys. Hate her. Do it! Nadia never shuts up about how awful Gretchen is, so you know Gretchen is a terrible person. If for no other reason than she keeps dry humping Mike, and that's Nadia's not boyfriend, dammit!

Anyway, Danika decides that Nadia will have a horse of her very own, because after a few weeks worth of riding lessons it's clear she's Olympics bound. Danika introduces Nadia to her old riding instructor, Ms. Deiderich, who has nothing better to do with her time and money than buy dumb teens horses. Nadia actually faints from this news I shit you not.

So off we go to look at horses, during which we hear a long boring story about how Danika used to have a best friend named Helena, but they hated each other at first because they competed against each other both at shows and over the handsome young lad, Chuck. Helena married Chuck and later died competing, leaving Chuck to crawl into a bottle for a while. They arrive at Chuck's farm and buy a horse off of him, Headed for the Win, or Winny for short.

Winny is a blood bay mare with three white stockings and a star, underweight with a scar on her flank that she doesn't like touched. Turns out she was abused and sent to a kill buyer auction where Chuck saved her. Before long Nadia and Winny are jumping four foot fences together because of course they are, then they're off to their first level one show. I will hand it to the author, Nadia fucks up her Dressage test due to nerves and doesn't place.

The next stop is the Gallant Meadows show some months later. Where Nadia will be completing at the Preliminary level. If you need to walk away for a bit to come to terms with that declaration, please feel free. I'll wait...

...

Back? Okay. So as Nadia is schooling Winny, she gets frustrated as her horse decides to mare up like every show mare ever and whips her hard on her scarred flank, getting bucked off for it. Nadia is fully prepared to sent Winny to the glue factory, being a pissy shit for the rest of the day. Well, until Mike shows up late at night with a cupcake because it's her birthday. Her wish? 

"I wish I could understand Winny."

A wish that should have delivered Dr Doolittle plot instead results in her waking up the next day having swapped bodies with her horse, Freaky Friday style. Finally. 

Now we get to the surprisingly boring meat of the story. Winny has no problem passing as human, she explains to Nadia her abusive past and flirts with Mike on Nadia's behalf. Folks, you know you're a loser when your horse is trying to get you laid. But, oh no, Gretchen is still around trying to flirt with Mike! 

No time for that nonsense though, it seems Winny is in fact really terrible as a rider. But sneaking out at night riding around for hours causes the two of them to form some sort of bullshit spiritual connection or something. They are ready to compete!

On the day of the competition, Gretchen randomly tells Winny that her family is a hot mess, since her mom is dead, her dad is an alcoholic, and her grandmother is all mean and shit. Character depth in our antagonist? The devil you say! In spite of their newfound sympathy, Winny and Nadia are determined to beat Gretchen because winning is the most important thing.

They get through the Dressage test and the cross country, with Nadia spooking and near shitting a brick over a plastic bag, a judge's hat, the shadows in the woods, and a creek. At this point they're tied with Gretchen for the lead, but they come across Gretchen dry humping Mike again and it pisses Winny right off. Telling Nadia she deserves better she proceeds to be a real shit to Mike. Wingman to cockblocker in an instant, this horse.

Nadia manages to sneak out of her stall that night and finds Mike bumming around, being a pouty lamewad. He tells the supposed horse that he really loves Nadia, but he doesn't know what to do about it. He also says he thinks of Gretchen as a sister and then kisses horse Nadia on the nose. It's really uncomfortable to read borderline bestiality.

The next day, Nadia's family show up to watch the show jumping. Chuck shows up to drop exposition, turns out he's Gretchen's drunk dad! And Ms. Deiderich is her scary grandma! And then Gretchen shows up with Mike in tow. Gretchen immediately starts dry humping Nadia's older brother Peter, because turns out she just thinks of Mike as like a brother. Bully for all!

While warming up for the jumping, a Friesian stallion runs wild and kicks Nadia right in the shoulder. They decide to compete anyway, numbing her leg with cold water and jumping clean, resulting in a jump off with Gretchen. Gretchen goes clean, so Winny and Nadia have to beat her time. Over the last jump, I shit you not, they get struck by lightning, somehow cross the finish line, pass out and wake up switched back. And they won, because fucking duh.

So Nadia makes out with Mike a bit, gets a trophy, becomes sort of friends with Gretchen, who owns Peter now so she's all about helping Nadia get laid, and has an all new perfect understanding of her horse. And at last, I am done with this fuckery.

Points of Interest: 

• Nadia is a hard character to sympathize with when she's constantly pointing out how Gretchen is spoiled and rich and has everything Nadia ever wanted when some rich bitch just bought her a horse of her very own. Seriously Nadia, you have a very valuable horse and a ridiculous amount of gag worthy "natural talent" so shut your pie-hole.
• Likewise, Nadia frequently refers to herself as "just a lowly stablehand." No one looks down on her for it, not even our antagonist really. Once we see Gretchen ask Nadia to take care of her horses for her, the rest of the book Gretchen grooms and cares for Isis herself. The only thing Nadia has to do is feed and clean stalls. You know, stablehand things.
• I don't think the author really wanted Gretchen to be the antagonist, but Nadia paints her as one the whole book until the end. It's very interesting to see the author and the main character at odds, but it makes Nadia come across as a brat.
• This author owns a Thesaurus, occasionally her descriptions get pretty over the top. Mike's eyes are not blue, they are bachelor button blue, with a ring of green around his pupils like stalks of grass and leaves.
• Considering I bought this book solely based on the premise of a horse and person swapping bodies, I was thoroughly perturbed that it took 'til Chapter 12 to happen. Also, Winny's easy transfer to acting human was very disappointing. We ALL wanted to see Winny - turned - Nadia running around half naked, screaming and pooping as she went.
• Why is Nadia still able to understand humans as a horse, but Winny can no longer understand horses?

In Conclusion: 

I don't think this is a terrible book in general, especially not for an author's first. I would have like to see more polish. Why did it have to insist Gretchen was an antagonist, when really Nadia was her own worst enemy. The book didn't need a bad guy. I had a hard time dealing with how easily everything came to both Nadia and Winny, especially Winny adjusting to being human. And I really didn't care about the romance, though I will give props to the author for what felt like a genre savvy moment where Nadia questions why she gives a shit about Mike when all she's ever cared about was horses. I don't know if it was intentional, but considering most main characters in horse books are complete neuters, it made me smile watching Nadia's confusion over her nethers tickling.

I did have a good time reading this book, even as I facepalmed. I'm now following the author, and I see a lot of potential for a second book, especially if she gets an editor to really help tighten things up. 

New Series: Timber Ridge Riders

Keeping Secrets
Timber Ridge Riders Series

by Maggie Dana

A valuable horse is dead, and it's all her fault . . . which is why 14-year-old Kate McGregor has put horses and riding out of her life. Forever!

But her new job as a companion to Holly Chapman, a former riding star who's now confined to a wheelchair, takes her back to the barn where she's forced to confront her guilt. Can Kate keep her terrible secret from Holly, who is fast becoming her best friend? And, more important, can she keep her secret from Angela Dean who lives for only two things--winning ribbons and causing trouble? 

Some of us might find this synopsis familiar, because Timber Ridge Riders was once a book series called Best Friends. It took me a while to put my finger on why it seemed like I'd been here before, until I realized I'd read the fourth book in the series, If Wishes Were Horses, circa 1988. Naturally I hadn't read the previous books, as I was a child and had not yet developed crazy quirks like stridently insisting on chronological order. Therefore my memory is hazy, but bells are definitely ringing and I am intrigued.

Anyway, Kate is a roving teen looking for a job. Her mom is gone, and her dad has basically abandoned her for bugs, leaving her with an aunt who would rather not have this responsibility. Consequently, Kate goes forth and, with the courage and tenacity most of us lack in this economy, lands herself a job as companion for a wheelchair-bound teen named Holly. Kate moves in for the summer and thinks she has it made, right up until she realizes that horse stable they all live on? Yeah, that's going to be a big part of her life, and Kate would rather it not be.

Holly lives and breathes horses, which is not so great for Kate because it turns out Kate is traumatized from having accidentally killed her old barn's favorite horse: Black Magic. In order to get out of being near the horses Holly insists she be around every waking moment, Kate feigns horse phobia (is there a word for that? Equinophobia! Thank you, internets!) and is immediately mocked by the reigning antagonist, Angela, an antagonist name if ever there was one. Angela has problems of her own, of course. Her mother is a show mom on steroids, and it's all she can do to get a couple of nice words out of the woman. Therefore, all will know Angela's wrath, and Kate is right in her path of fury.

When Sue, one of the riders on the stable's equestrian team, is injured out in the woods somewhere, Kate is forced to out herself and leaps aboard Holly's horse, Magician, in order to race for help. Everyone goes ooooh at Kate's sudden and unexpected ability, before going boooo at Kate's lie, and finally landing on awwwww after she tells Holly her tragic tale of woe. But now that Sue can't ride, Kate is the perfect fall back, so looks like everything happens for a reason. Or something.

Only Angela is lurking in the shadows, having overheard everything and plotting mercilessly to make sure Kate can never ride at Timber Ridge! For that would surely mean Angela would not receive the medal for individual accomplishment at the upcoming show, and that means she must do what antagonists do sort of well, but not really. Sweet, sweet blackmail.

Forced to not tell Holly's mother, the manager and trainer of these kids and their horses at the barn, because Angela will then take Kate's horse killer story to her mother, who will then make sure Holly's mom knows the sting of a pink slip, Kate feels trapped and helpless. Thus begins the power struggle.

I will say one thing, I have never seen a more motivated antagonist. You know how lots of middle-grade horse books have "antagonists" who are sort of annoying and might do one or two somewhat ridiculous things that are more merely irksome than they are true sights to behold? Angela falls into the last category. When blackmail doesn't succeed, she moves on to researching the rulebook to get Kate kicked off the team. When that doesn't pan out, she destroys the cross country trails to ensure Kate gets lost. When Kate pops out of the forest despite the bad signage, she wrecks Kate's stall so the team will be docked points for bad stable management. That actually works. But is she done? Hell no! We have stirrups to tamper with, because Angela is thorough.

But I'm not saying Angela makes the book. Kate is rather likeable by herself, and Holly is plucky and enthusiastic. The horse scenes are knowledgeable without going overboard, and while there is a subtle hint of Wonder Pony about Magician, the book certainly tones down the sentiment that seems to run rampant in horse books. (ie, crops are used to effect without anyone crying about it.) By the end, winning is shown not to be all there is in life, which is accentuated by the show results and the battle royale at the end.

Keeping Secrets has reminded me that I really should scour Amazon for more independently published horse books, because where traditional publishing has failed me in so many ways, the indie authors are out there striking out on their own, taking chances publishing houses would probably rather not. Kids with Kindles and a distinct love of horses will devour Keeping Secrets and search for more. Not to mention, I will be reading more so I can compare and contrast with my hazy memory of book #4.

Keeping Secrets is available for Kindles everywhere at Amazon.

Close Call: The book that made me love Parker.

Close Call
by Karle Dickerson
Thoroughbred #41
Published: 2000

It's probably impossible to review/recap this book after Claire's awesome entry on it last June, but here I am anyway.

I give this cover my stamp of approval, mainly because it reminds me a little of the older covers. You know, the covers that bothered to put effort into depicting tack even somewhat correctly.

Parker's Olympic dream is at risk...

Parker Townsend and Christina Reese haven't seen much of each other lately. Parker is competing in the Olympic trials in combined training and Christina is racing Thoroughbreds. When Parker meets Lyssa Hynde, things only get worse.

Lyssa, the daughter of a Montana rancher who rides her horse without a bit, has been winning everything and is fast becoming a celebrity. Christina instantly befriends Lyssa, eager to learn all her tricks. Parker's jealous of Lyssa, and it's affecting his riding. Will Parker let Lyssa ruin his shot at the Olympics?

I'm going to run through this fairly quickly, because I can't say much more than Claire already has. So if you want the full review, check out hers.

That said, here's my opinion on this book: WHAT. I think that sums it up. I have never loved Parker more, but that's mainly because he is the ONLY voice of reason in this book. Everyone else is too busy instantly accepting Lyssa, and then fawning all over her to a point of borderline worship. It's no wonder Parker begins to come a little loose at the seams. If I was shoved into this situation, I'm pretty sure I'd snap. I give Parker so many points for having to go through these ridiculous scenarios that he almost instantly became the most awesome character in this series. In fact, I'll just say it now: Parker is the most awesome character in this series after Brad.

So, now let's focus on Lyssa's awfulness. Not only do I smell mary sue, I am going to scream it from the hills. Mary sue! Kill it! Look, it's not that she just randomly walks up with her horse and is annoying. It's that the first thing she does is criticize Parker's dressage test, and she's right. First, you think bitch. Just who is she? Then she shows up to warm up her horse using only a wire slung around its neck, and you think grandstanding bitch! And it gets worse from there. Lyssa wins the first event, throwing Parker into turmoil. Her horse follows her around like a lovesick puppy, and then all human characters follow suit. Samantha suddenly starts to use Lyssa's training techniques, for Christ's sake. It just does not stop, and it gets increasingly strange, and every single time someone mentions how fantastic/inriguing Lyssa is you want to run over and give Parker a hug and/or smack Lyssa just for being there.

Of course, who steps in to force things back into normalcy? Brad. Thank you, Brad. All it takes is Brad's appearance at Whisperwood to tell his son that eventing is just randomly hauling about over logs (because Brad Townsend will go so out of his way to drive home his disappointment in someone that he will resort to taking a road trip to Whisperwood), and Lyssa's annoying mary sue inclination of being the only one who will stand up to him (thus giving Parker back his confidence, which she was doing such a fantastic job of draining away in the first place), to set things right.

So, mutual dislike for Brad and Lavinia put Parker and Lyssa on somewhat okay terms. Big event comes along, and to my eternal aggravation, Lyssa beats Parker again. But because Parker has learned something about teamwork or whatever this is totally okay! Today is the best day of his life, and he learned stuff from Lyssa that...sort of got him somewhere that remarkably resembles exactly where he was in the beginning of the story? And his parents are totally okay with this result! And they're totally okay with telling everyone he's going to the Olympics! A totally okay ending!

Can I just interject here and say that it is totally not okay! After all of this, to have Lyssa win again just annoys me. It doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy that Parker has grown and accepted whatever lesson he was forced to learn in this book. It just makes me want Lyssa to fall off her horse and get dragged into a pool of water just deep enough to drown her.

Also, this final exchange further makes me want Lyssa to meet an awful end:

Parker: I've learned so much from you.
Lyssa: Ah. So you finally admit it?
Parker: So what?
Lyssa: Well, if it's any consolation, I managed to learn something from you, too.

WHAT.

And those are my thoughts.

Other random points!

• In autumn, you cannot enter a horse in the Blue Grass Stakes. What's more, you can't even agonize about the Blue Grass Stakes because it's KIND OF IN APRIL, KARLE.

• Brad enjoys eating French toast and/or Eggs Benedict in the morning, and because Parker turns his nose up at this we instantly know that eating large portions of rich food is clearly evil. This begs the question of what is an acceptable breakfast food to our beloved main characters, and the answer is doughnuts.

• Parker attempts to go to school in jeans and sneakers (I suppose he forgot his shirt?) and Brad gives him a look, as well he should because Parker is obviously forgetting something. Brad is all, "My professors would never allow this!" Surely! And, on the off chance I'm supposed to just assume Parker put on a shirt, in what era did Brad go to college? This must be some crazy continuity issue, because I will forever believe Brad went to college in the 90s.

• Karle, thank you for confirming my suspicion that Brad went to an Ivy League school.

• You know, I know I'm supposed to laugh at Lyssa's story that someone might dare to show up for riding wearing "stockings and high heel sandals" but mainly I can't help thinking that this is a faux pas for all sorts of other reasons.

• It occurs to me that if these people think flatwork is boring, and whine about it constantly, perhaps they're in the wrong profession.

• I'm pretty sure that somewhere in here Samantha tells Parker to relax, by which she means "go make out or have sex with your girlfriend if that is where you are in your relationship." Christina is so not at that stage in their relationship, much to Parker's distress.

• Intriguingly, Dylan shows up in this book, if only briefly and always off screen.

So. That was a Thoroughbred book!

Dancer: If some horse books are fantasies, this one is literal.

Dancer: A Novel
by Shelley Peterson
1996

First of all, I think it's worthwhile to say that one review pointed out that this book is "as ingenuous as early Nancy Drew" and that is pretty spot on. Therefore I'm going to have to let go of some of the serious WTF? moments that this book strings along at a consistent rate, because Dancer is 100% pure horse story fantasy. Fantasy as pure as the driven snow. That sort of pure that makes you feel a little sick after being exposed to it for a lengthy amount of time. I'm actually going to tag this as fantasy, because I've got two ghostly visits and a haunted riding crop that tell me it is.

Second, if reaction to my giveaway post concerning Dancer is any indication (not to mention this book's Amazon page), there are some pretty basic schools of thought when it comes down to Shelley Peterson. Either you like her, or you just don't. I have no fond childhood nostalgia for this book, nor am I Canadian, so I really have to go with whatever impression comes to me first, and with Dancer it's that I think this book is mainly exceptionally strange.

Hilary James ('Mousie') is just sixteen when she wins The Fuller Trophy at the Royal Winter Fair jumping her horse, Dancer. Her triumph is rewarded with an invitation to perform in England for Queen Elizabeth, but she has also attracted the unwanted attention of the nefarious Samuel Owens who schemes to acquire Dancer for his niece, Sara. Rebuffed in his first attempt to buy the horse, Owens instructs his hired man, Chad Smith, to try to steal it. Mousie has a dream in which a beautiful blond horsewoman warns her of impending danger.

As far as summaries go, this one is horrible. However, it had no hope of being good, so I'm just going to give whoever wrote it points for trying to compound this book into four sentences.

Mousie is our heroine this time out, and the book opens up with her winning this Royal Winter Fair with her horse, Daring Dancer. Dancer is 17 hands high, a chestnut (12-year-old girls everywhere start squeeing in joy), a stallion, and acts like a human. By this I mean that he cannot be kept in a stall (he will jump out of it or knock the door down or both), chooses only to be ridden by Mousie, "bows" and basically acts like a showman in front of audiences without any command, and acts like a bodyguard (and by this I mean he will attack various intruders, but only to the point that he scares them or has them pinned to the ground). Saying that he is perfect is an understatement, because everything he does is so fantastic he's practically a mythological beast sent straight from Mt. Olympus. However, this is not all of the animal insanity. Mousie and Christine live on a farm surrounded by variously aware animals, such as the attack geese, goat, and terrier. They're all practically out of the movie Babe, only Babe, of course, was so much better.

Okay, so now you know what we're dealing with here. Mousie wins this show, getting the attention of Samuel Owens, who is this level of evil that is impossible to comprehend. He desperately wants the horse for his niece, Sara, and dispatches his trainer, Chad, to convince them to sell. Of course, they do not sell because Dancer is everything to Mousie, whose father has recently died and lives life as the social pariah of her school. Owens is not thrilled about this, so he tells Chad that he is going to get Dancer for him, no matter the cost. Chad accepts his fate and begins to plot.

Enter The Queen. This is Canada, and as some of us probably know, Canada just can't give up the pomp and circumstance of royalty. Thus they are a constitutional monarchy, meaning that some Canadians are crazy fangirls for The Queen (okay, that's not what it means...it's just a result). Shelley Peterson is clearly in this group of people, as are all of her characters. A letter from someone special arrives and informs her that The Queen is coming. OMGYAY! And not only that, Canada is going to put on some special show for her. OMGYAYAGAIN! And not only that, but Mousie has been selected to perform at this very show! Well, everyone about dies from the shock. Mousie and Dancer start to practice terribly hard, and when the show rolls around we are treated to Christine's rather ridiculously detailed description of it. Meanwhile, important stuff is going on with Mousie that we don't hear about until well after the fact. I have never encountered this sort of storytelling before, but it made me want to take the book and throw it at Shelley Peterson. Seriously, what? So when Mousie comes out on Dancer, and she and her saddle fly off of Dancer during the show, resulting in mass hysterics, you feel not only left out, but annoyed.

So because Dancer is a Black Stallion character, the only person who can take him home is Christine. That leaves Sandy, son of Rory, Christine's former high school flame, to go to the hospital with Mousie, who has a crush on Sandy like you would not believe. Convoluted? Maybe! Anyway, Christine leaves Dancer at the stable to go back to the hospital, relieving Sandy, who goes back to the farm with Rory to look over Dancer because Chad Smith is lurking around, being evil. When they get there, all the animals have been drugged and Dancer is gone. Sandy and Rory immediately head over the neighboring farm, conveniently owned by Owens (Rory, Christine, and Owens are all neighbors, of course), and find Dancer dyed black and drugged up in a locked barn. They escape and gallop back to Christine's. Eventually Christine and Mousie arrive home and have a good laugh because Dancer is black and wow, that's sort of amusing?

After this Rory tries to profess his true love to Christine, completely out of nowhere. He is unhappily married to the (evil, alcoholic) Helena, and is not yet divorced, but Christine doesn't know how much he wants to be divorced and turns him away. Meanwhile, Sandy has inadvertently caused a scene with Mousie by trying to take both her and the hated Sara Owens to school in the same car. How dare he! Mousie ignores Sandy for months, toiling in her friendless solitude. Or maybe she finally found a friend in these few months. I can't remember, because Shelley Peterson decided it wasn't important to show Mousie interacting with anyone, making me wonder if this friend is imaginary. Oh, yeah, and Chad Smith dies trying to euthanize Dancer. Mousie interrupts his attempt because some bleeding woman in a dream tells her to, causing Chad to fall over and accidentally stab himself in the chest with a hypodermic. Don't worry! We are assured he felt no pain, and Mousie gets over this trauma fairly quickly. Then Owens appears to inform Christine that he's a NICE GUY REALLY and she TOTALLY BELIEVES HIM because she is incomparably stupid because she is so sweet and nice. And Rory arrives to tell her all about his marriage and convince her that he'd like to date her when he's finally divorced. This pushiness, perhaps not shockingly, relieves her rather than sets her on edge. I'd be backing away slowly and/or screaming for help.

Enter The Queen. Because Queen Elizabeth just loves it when people fall off of seventeen hand horses, she invites Mousie to present Dancer to her court (or something) in England. OMGYAY! And then Mousie's grandmother sends them tons of new, fashionable clothes because they can't go to England wearing their farm rags. OMGYAYAGAIN! They wear their fashionable clothes to the airport, where they are treated to first class and all the wine and crackers they can conceivably eat. Then they are picked up in a limo and taken to the most quaint English cottage in the history of vine covered quaint English cottages. Everyone faints from sheer joy!

Dancer, of course, cannot live in their quaint surroundings, so he is relegated to some super awesome royal stables. There he still won't stay in his damned stall, freaking out one of the grooms to no end. At night, Mousie receives another dream from the bleeding lady, sending her straight to the barn, where Eddie, the unsettled groom, has roped Dancer and is freaking out. Mousie just tells Dancer to go to his stall, and he does, making Eddie look like an idiot. Only Christine then overhears Eddie nefariously plotting to steal Dancer, and wonders who could be behind this plot because surely it is not Samuel Owens! Surely! Christine has Eddie fired, thinking that's the end of it.

Enter The Queen. Mousie performs perfectly for Queen Elizabeth, and Dancer bows and rears to applause because he's that annoying. They win a pretty silver bowl. OMGYAY! Then they dance and eat with royal people and Mousie talks to The Queen. OMGYAYAGAIN! Then the royals indicate that they would really like Dancer for themselves, and Mousie goes into this long speech about how she couldn't possibly, so they relent and ask if they can breed him to their super fabulous mare. Everyone faints from sheer joy!

Then Rory and Helena get divorced and Rory speeds to England with Sandy so he can tell Christine about this. Sandy and Mousie nearly get kidnapped by Eddie, who surely couldn't be employed by Samuel Owens! Surely! Rory is not buying it that Christine keeps dealing out about Owens, not that this matters because it's fox hunt time! Sandy and Mousie get into a highly irritating conversation about the moral qualms of fox hunting, and Mousie is so for ripping those foxes to shreds but do not call her bloodthirsty, damn it! It's a totally non bloodthirsty sport! She thinks! Sandy backs down, because all horse story main characters are right and he has no hope of voicing an opinion. And then Mousie and Prince Charles fox hunt together and have a marvelous time until Eddie comes out of nowhere in an attempt to kill Dancer, but only winds up smacking his head into a tree and breaking his neck. He dies. Mousie and Prince Charles call for a doctor and then proceed with the marvelousness. And she helps some ghost get over her trauma of dying during a fox hunt. Eddie, apparently, will take her place.

Returning to Canada, time passes. Sandy and Mousie are dating, as are Rory and Christine. Samuel Owens is keeping a low profile. Sandy is learning how to ride and buys a horse so he can ride around with Mousie. Another royal letter arrives with pictures of the foal conceived between Dancer and the English Mare of Awesomeness. After about six to seven months of gestation, which makes me want to throw the book at Shelley Peterson again. Mousie dismisses the foal as scraggly and wet, wanting to hear nothing more of it because apparently she was expecting a seventeen hand, fully grown stallion to come popping out of that mare? Christine tries to explain that the foal is a day old, if that, and Mousie ignores her. Confused? You bet I was.

Then everyone goes on a ride, and Sandy's little sister falls. While Mousie is sitting with what's her name, somehow Samuel Owens comes out of nowhere, having been driven insane, and attacks Dancer with a knife. Dancer nearly dies, but of course he doesn't. Samuel Owens is hauled off, Mousie's dead dad appears to reminisce with Christine and Mousie, and then Christine and Rory get married. The end.

Okay.

Either you like Dancer for being the cute, slightly wacky fantasy it is or you dismiss it as unrealistic insanity. Here are some random thoughts (in which I don't rip it apart for being unrealistic, because really that's a waste of breath):

1. The story is invested in appearing innocent, making death practically comical or something easily risen above (Dancer's recovery that is mainly explained by his awesomeness, similar to Wonder's Pride's recovery through love in Pride's Last Race). The characters are black and white, no shades of gray to be found. Even Helena, who might have been good at some point in her life, is evil by the end of the book (drink and bitterness = evilness...remember this kids!).

2. Shelley Peterson is telling the story when she should be showing. That whole scene during The Queen's visit to Canada is the best example of this, as well as deus ex machina. Instead of showing us something relevant to whatever nonexistent plot she's trying to develop, she tells us what's going on in the show through Christine. You know what? I don't give a crap what's going on in the show. You want to know what I care about? THE DAMNED MAIN CHARACTER. Where the hell is she and what is she doing? Do I care about how much The Queen likes seeing some 8-year-old boy from Calgary rope a calf? Nope. Not at all. Then, after the hospital and the plan to dye and kidnap Dancer, Mousie tells us what happened when we were wasting our time with Christine during the show. How much do I care now? NONE AT ALL. Everyone's telling me what happened and jacking up the word count when we could have accomplished everything in half the time by just showing me what was going on with Mousie and Dancer backstage, explaining how she and the saddle fell off of Dancer in the first place.

3. There is no plot. Sure, there's (resolved immediately, yet unnecessarily drawn out) conflict. Sure, stuff happens. Sure, people do things. Mainly? It's about a year in the life of a perfect girl and her supernatural horse, in which they squee over the royals. I couldn't get into this because I ultimately saw no point to the story.

4. Relationships do not work like that! Seriously, no. Rory and Christine can get together. That's fine. Sandy and Mousie can have as much step-sibling sex as they want in the future. I don't care about that either. The whole relationship between Rory and Christine scared me, in total honesty. Rory lives a sham life with his uncaring wife, wants to get divorced but doesn't, randomly tries to tell Christine he loves her after ONE DAY of reminding each other that they exist after YEARS of separation (despite being neighbors!) and is rejected. Then they have a quick "yeah, I'm not happy and want to get divorced" discussion that lasts all of two seconds, he gets divorced, and is (practically the next day!) proposing to Christine? The hell? Who relates to anyone that way and could be called fairly normal by most people? A lot of this book can be chalked up to impatience on the part of the author, I think. This is not good, because it makes the book so much more wacky.

So that's a brief overview of my opinion. It's obviously an unrealistic story, so much so you can't even point that out as a reason to dislike it. This story totally owns up to the fact that it's unrealistic, so you can feel free to like it for its fantasy. Or you can dislike if for some of the facts which I have presented here, realism aside. Or you can dislike it for being totally and unabashedly unrealistic. Whatever you like.