I'm sick of winter! Here's Appaloosa Summer

Appaloosa Summer
Island Trilogy # 1
by Tudor Robins
June 2014

Sixteen-year-old Meg Traherne has never known loss. Until the beautiful, talented horse she trained herself, drops dead underneath her in the show ring. Jared Strickland has been living with loss ever since his father died in a tragic farming accident. Meg escapes from her grief by changing everything about her life; moving away from home to spend her summer living on an island in the St. Lawrence River, scrubbing toilets and waiting on guests at a B&B. Once there, she meets Jared; doing his best to keep anything else in his life from changing. When Jared offers Meg a scruffy appaloosa mare out of a friend’s back field, it’s the beginning of a journey that will change both of them by summer’s end.


The Cover:
Not gonna lie, I judge books by their cover. I really like this one, simple, a little YA cliche if I wanted to waste some snark on it, but really pretty and feels warm and comfortable, which sums up this book very well.

The Plot:
We open up with Meg having a reoccurring nightmare of her horse Major dying under her in the show ring, leaving Meg with a nasty concussion and an extra large helping of grief. Struggling not only with that, but the knowledge that her best friend is leaving the country in the fall for university, selling her own horse and leaving the sport in the process, has Meg reeling and looking for an escape. As luck would have it, friends of the family offer her a job for the summer at their Bed and Breakfast, and Meg, not really wanting to spend the summer showing on another horse, unsure if she really wants to show at all again, agrees.

On the island she settles into the job and living alone in her family's summer cottage. She doesn't throw the typical horse girl "I'll never love another horse / I never what to have anything to do with horses" nonsense out, as she quickly becomes familiar with all the local animals as she goes out jogging every morning. Along the way, she also becomes rather familiar with one handsome young man, Jared.

Striking up a friendship / flirtation with Jared, she ends up talking about Major, he in return shares his own grief over the death of his father, his fear of leaving the island, etc. Their romance is very sweet and natural, and as Jared wants to help Meg, he takes it upon himself to find her a new horse, an appaloosa mare by the name of Salem.

As Meg works with Salem, she comes to terms with her grief over losing Major. She finds a young protegee in Jared's cousin Lacey, and at the end of the summer it's Lacey who takes Salem to the big show, and ultimately it's Lacey who ends up owning the mare. Meg and Jared confess their love for each other, and make plans to see each other after the summer ends. The novel ends just beautifully.

Points of Interest: 

• Meg is just a fantastic character. Her heartbreak feels real, her grieving process and her character development are so natural, and even the romance just feels so normal that it kind of threw me for a loop. Granted, the last book I read involved body swapping, so maybe my "normal bar" is set pretty low right now...
• This book has so many beautiful, quiet moments. The one that most sticks out in my mind is one where Meg rows out into the bay and leaves a braid of Major's mane that she's been keeping the whole book. As the owner of a few such braids myself, I found myself tearing up over it.
• The fact that Salem wasn't an abuse case, wasn't wild or broken or any sort of cliche was so damn refreshing. Meg loves Salem, and ends up selling her to Lacey. It's only slightly bittersweet, mostly it just feels really good.  

In Conclusion: 
I read this book in a single day. It's not short, it's just lovely enough that I didn't want to put it down. I bought the physical copy of this book and I'm glad to have it on my shelf. The second book has not yet been listed on Amazon, but you can bet I will be getting it the moment it's available. Really can't recommend this book enough guys, go read it!

It all began with A Horse Called Wonder

A Horse Called Wonder
by Joanna Campbell
Original Publication: 1991

Ashleigh wouldn't care about anything, ever again.

Ashleigh Griffen swore she'd never give her heart to another horse -- not after a terrible disease wiped out her family's breeding farm, along with Ashleigh's favorite mare, Stardust.

Now the Griffens are starting over as breeding managers at Townsend Acres, and Ashleigh's sure she is going to hate living there.

Then a small, sickly foal is born -- a beautiful copper filly that looks like Stardust. No one thinks the foal will live or that it's worth trying to save. No one but Ashleigh.

Can one girl's love alone work miracles?

There's not much I can say to add on to the old review. If you're reading this blog, you've most certainly read A Horse Called Wonder, so you don't really need me rehashing the book. But since it's Christmas, and I'm feeling nostalgic (and it's cold out and I'm not ready to venture out to clear stalls yet) I thought it was the perfect time to look at the very book that brought us all together. Not really a review, just me rambling about some old book that somehow caught all our attention.

I don't remember how old I was when I was gifted with this book along with volumes 2-4 and a small number of Saddle Club books, but I'm fairly certain is was a Christmas gift. I ignored the Saddle Club books, instead devouring the four Thoroughbred books in about five days. I am now a full grow adult with the entire collection on my shelf writing on a review blog built on the back of this silly series of books.

Reading through this book after having read through the entire series is really something. Who remembers when Ashleigh had serious balls, standing up to the man who controls not merely the fate of the horse she loves, but her entire family's livelihood? The determination and guts she portrays in this book reminded me of why, as a child, Ashleigh Griffin was my hero. I pretended to be Ashleigh, raising Wonder, training her, racing... It's really quite amazing the way her character, more than any other in the series, was freaking neutered and fed stupid pills as the later plots demanded. Guys, go read the book again, Ashleigh is awesome.

I don't need to go over the plot for you all, you know it. Girl falls in love with a weak foal, saves her, etc. It's not a unique plot, it wasn't even really that unique when it came out. And really, not that much happens in this first book, but it sucked me in, as I know it did others. It founded a series that we've all loved, hated, and loved to hate. I honestly intended to write up a proper review, and maybe for the others I will here and there, but I find it hard to take off the nostalgia goggles on this one. Maybe it's that sappy Christmas spirit, but my snark well has dried up. It's a Christmas miracle, ya filthy animals...

Is Headed For the Win heading towards the trash? Well...

Headed for the Win
by Rachael Eliker
July 2014

Nadia Wells has spent her life trying to convince her parents that horses are a necessity but despite her best efforts, they see them only as an extravagant luxury. After landing her dream job mucking stalls in exchange for riding lessons, a wealthy philanthropist recognizes Nadia’s talent and decides to invest in her. Purchasing a mare nicknamed Winny, Nadia is sure she’s bound for equestrian greatness but on the cusp of their most challenging three-day event yet, Winny bucks Nadia off in front of a crowd of her peers. Humiliated and fuming, Nadia makes a birthday wish that she could better understand her horse. The next morning, she wakes up to discover she has four hooves and a tail swishing between her legs: she and Winny have switched places! If life as a teenage-girl-turned-show-horse wasn't hard enough, Nadia has to figure out a way to tell the dashing Mike how she feels or risk losing him and the competition to the talented, gorgeous and spoiled Gretchen. Will the pair concede defeat or work together to overcome the impossible and be headed for the win?

The Summary:
I don't know why more authors don't write the book summaries for their books. They tend to be 100% accurate, because hey, they wrote the book. Shock and awe.

The Cover: 
Kindle books tend to lean towards using real pictures of horses because most authors can't afford to hire any artist worthwhile, and they like their own work too much to employ the likes of later Thoroughbred artists. This cover gets bonus points for depicting a horse that looks much like the one in the story, though were I to nitpick I'd point out that the fictional horse has three white stockings. No big deal though.

The Plot: 

Meet Nadia Well, your more or less average horse loving teen who, like many, was cursed into a family that supports her love but cannot afford to buy her a horse of her very own. Her parents land her a job at Stoney Brooke Stables as a working student, cleaning stalls and caring for the horses in exchange for lessons. She finds a kindred spirit in her employer Danika, and immediately falls for the other stable worker, a young man named Mike who doubles as a farrier because that's a part time job that you work around shoveling shit and not a full time profession. 

We also meet Gretchen, a rider Nadia's age who has her own horse and perfect blonde hair and her life is just perfect and she has everything and appreciates none of it and don't you just hate her guys. Hate her. Do it! Nadia never shuts up about how awful Gretchen is, so you know Gretchen is a terrible person. If for no other reason than she keeps dry humping Mike, and that's Nadia's not boyfriend, dammit!

Anyway, Danika decides that Nadia will have a horse of her very own, because after a few weeks worth of riding lessons it's clear she's Olympics bound. Danika introduces Nadia to her old riding instructor, Ms. Deiderich, who has nothing better to do with her time and money than buy dumb teens horses. Nadia actually faints from this news I shit you not.

So off we go to look at horses, during which we hear a long boring story about how Danika used to have a best friend named Helena, but they hated each other at first because they competed against each other both at shows and over the handsome young lad, Chuck. Helena married Chuck and later died competing, leaving Chuck to crawl into a bottle for a while. They arrive at Chuck's farm and buy a horse off of him, Headed for the Win, or Winny for short.

Winny is a blood bay mare with three white stockings and a star, underweight with a scar on her flank that she doesn't like touched. Turns out she was abused and sent to a kill buyer auction where Chuck saved her. Before long Nadia and Winny are jumping four foot fences together because of course they are, then they're off to their first level one show. I will hand it to the author, Nadia fucks up her Dressage test due to nerves and doesn't place.

The next stop is the Gallant Meadows show some months later. Where Nadia will be completing at the Preliminary level. If you need to walk away for a bit to come to terms with that declaration, please feel free. I'll wait...

...

Back? Okay. So as Nadia is schooling Winny, she gets frustrated as her horse decides to mare up like every show mare ever and whips her hard on her scarred flank, getting bucked off for it. Nadia is fully prepared to sent Winny to the glue factory, being a pissy shit for the rest of the day. Well, until Mike shows up late at night with a cupcake because it's her birthday. Her wish? 

"I wish I could understand Winny."

A wish that should have delivered Dr Doolittle plot instead results in her waking up the next day having swapped bodies with her horse, Freaky Friday style. Finally. 

Now we get to the surprisingly boring meat of the story. Winny has no problem passing as human, she explains to Nadia her abusive past and flirts with Mike on Nadia's behalf. Folks, you know you're a loser when your horse is trying to get you laid. But, oh no, Gretchen is still around trying to flirt with Mike! 

No time for that nonsense though, it seems Winny is in fact really terrible as a rider. But sneaking out at night riding around for hours causes the two of them to form some sort of bullshit spiritual connection or something. They are ready to compete!

On the day of the competition, Gretchen randomly tells Winny that her family is a hot mess, since her mom is dead, her dad is an alcoholic, and her grandmother is all mean and shit. Character depth in our antagonist? The devil you say! In spite of their newfound sympathy, Winny and Nadia are determined to beat Gretchen because winning is the most important thing.

They get through the Dressage test and the cross country, with Nadia spooking and near shitting a brick over a plastic bag, a judge's hat, the shadows in the woods, and a creek. At this point they're tied with Gretchen for the lead, but they come across Gretchen dry humping Mike again and it pisses Winny right off. Telling Nadia she deserves better she proceeds to be a real shit to Mike. Wingman to cockblocker in an instant, this horse.

Nadia manages to sneak out of her stall that night and finds Mike bumming around, being a pouty lamewad. He tells the supposed horse that he really loves Nadia, but he doesn't know what to do about it. He also says he thinks of Gretchen as a sister and then kisses horse Nadia on the nose. It's really uncomfortable to read borderline bestiality.

The next day, Nadia's family show up to watch the show jumping. Chuck shows up to drop exposition, turns out he's Gretchen's drunk dad! And Ms. Deiderich is her scary grandma! And then Gretchen shows up with Mike in tow. Gretchen immediately starts dry humping Nadia's older brother Peter, because turns out she just thinks of Mike as like a brother. Bully for all!

While warming up for the jumping, a Friesian stallion runs wild and kicks Nadia right in the shoulder. They decide to compete anyway, numbing her leg with cold water and jumping clean, resulting in a jump off with Gretchen. Gretchen goes clean, so Winny and Nadia have to beat her time. Over the last jump, I shit you not, they get struck by lightning, somehow cross the finish line, pass out and wake up switched back. And they won, because fucking duh.

So Nadia makes out with Mike a bit, gets a trophy, becomes sort of friends with Gretchen, who owns Peter now so she's all about helping Nadia get laid, and has an all new perfect understanding of her horse. And at last, I am done with this fuckery.

Points of Interest: 

• Nadia is a hard character to sympathize with when she's constantly pointing out how Gretchen is spoiled and rich and has everything Nadia ever wanted when some rich bitch just bought her a horse of her very own. Seriously Nadia, you have a very valuable horse and a ridiculous amount of gag worthy "natural talent" so shut your pie-hole.
• Likewise, Nadia frequently refers to herself as "just a lowly stablehand." No one looks down on her for it, not even our antagonist really. Once we see Gretchen ask Nadia to take care of her horses for her, the rest of the book Gretchen grooms and cares for Isis herself. The only thing Nadia has to do is feed and clean stalls. You know, stablehand things.
• I don't think the author really wanted Gretchen to be the antagonist, but Nadia paints her as one the whole book until the end. It's very interesting to see the author and the main character at odds, but it makes Nadia come across as a brat.
• This author owns a Thesaurus, occasionally her descriptions get pretty over the top. Mike's eyes are not blue, they are bachelor button blue, with a ring of green around his pupils like stalks of grass and leaves.
• Considering I bought this book solely based on the premise of a horse and person swapping bodies, I was thoroughly perturbed that it took 'til Chapter 12 to happen. Also, Winny's easy transfer to acting human was very disappointing. We ALL wanted to see Winny - turned - Nadia running around half naked, screaming and pooping as she went.
• Why is Nadia still able to understand humans as a horse, but Winny can no longer understand horses?

In Conclusion: 

I don't think this is a terrible book in general, especially not for an author's first. I would have like to see more polish. Why did it have to insist Gretchen was an antagonist, when really Nadia was her own worst enemy. The book didn't need a bad guy. I had a hard time dealing with how easily everything came to both Nadia and Winny, especially Winny adjusting to being human. And I really didn't care about the romance, though I will give props to the author for what felt like a genre savvy moment where Nadia questions why she gives a shit about Mike when all she's ever cared about was horses. I don't know if it was intentional, but considering most main characters in horse books are complete neuters, it made me smile watching Nadia's confusion over her nethers tickling.

I did have a good time reading this book, even as I facepalmed. I'm now following the author, and I see a lot of potential for a second book, especially if she gets an editor to really help tighten things up. 

Pam's Bitchy BFF Adventure

I have no lead in, let's just get right to it, shall we?



Pony Camp vol. 2
Pam's Trail Riding Adventure
by Susan Saunders

The trail can be a scary place to ride...

Everyone at Pony Camp is looking forward to the trail ride - everyone except Pam.

Pam's terrified because her slow, steady horse is hurt, and she has to ride Dandy - the wildest horse in the stable.

Pam needs help from her best friend, Jessie, but Jessie won't help her. She's mad at Pam for being nice to nasty Lisa Harris.

But on the trail, it's Lisa Harris who needs help - and Pam is the only one who can save her. Will Pam be brave enough to rescue Lisa?

Jeez, this synopsis is even more wrong that the first one was. Let us count the ways...

In this book we get a change from Jessie's POV to Pam Werner's. This is not the relief you might be hoping for, as Jessie is still a ginormous beyotch, but we'll get to that. Pam here is not too thrilled with Pony Camp, but being a weak willed thing, she can't say no to Jessie. So in spite of having nightmares about riding runaway horses, she hauls her ass to camp every day, not telling Jessie that she is, in fact, quite nervous around thousand pound animals, because that would make her a total wimp and she would lose her special title of "Jessie's Bitch." Yep.

Anyway, Pam's horse, Gracie, the sleepy chestnut mare, somehow does herself an injury, and has to rest for two weeks. Her replacement is Dandy, who everyone treats like Horse Jesus or something. He's an Arabian show horse and he's- I quote- "the color of coffee ice cream, with a vanilla mane and tail and a white diamond on his forehead."

Lisa Harris happens to walk by and instantly gets all hot for Dandy, trying to bully her way to being his rider. When she finds out Pam will be riding Dandy, she says the best (and by that I mean worst) line she has in the whole trilogy, "What a total waste of excellent horseflesh!" WTF? Who talks like that?

So after an awkward first lesson on Dandy, Pam comes to find out that her mother has invited Lisa's BFF Sally to spend the night. This apparently is the worst thing ever, because Pam is all upset, Jessie gets pissy at Pam, and Lisa is out to get Pam. Wow. Top it all off with news that the camp is going on their first trail ride, it is officially the worst day of Pam's life.

We get more of Jessie being a bitch for a while, because obviously Pam wants to be BFFs with Sally, and everyone knows you can only be friends with Jessie. It is a full. time. job, people. Then... the sleepover.

Pam and Sally both confess to being afraid of horses, and get along pretty well, until the next morning when they arrive at camp and Sally runs back to Lisa. This is apparently all Jessie needs to forgive Pam for her terrible deeds. At least until Lisa shows up and tells Jessie that Pam is scared of horses, and Jessie's a big meanie face for making her be there. Jessie, what else, gets pissy at Pam and storms off. Lisa then informs Pam that Dandy will runaway with her on the trail.

Pam confesses to her instructor, Diana, that she's afraid of horses, and terrified that Dandy will bolt with her on the trail ride. Diana points out the absurdity of the camp buying a runaway and putting a beginner on him, then points out that Pam has gained a lot of confidence around horses since first starting out. She then teaches Pam about horse body language, which somehow makes Pam feel all better. She even grows a pair and tells Lisa to get out of her face, regaining a tiny amount of approval from Jessie. They make up and it's all beautiful and whatnot.

So what happens to Lisa? You know, the synopsis was all, "Will Pam be brave enough to rescue Lisa?" The answer is no. Not that Pam isn't brave enough, it's just that she herself doesn't rescue Lisa from anything. Lisa's horse lays down to roll in the stream, and Lisa's instructor pulls her off her horse before he rolled over on her. And Pam, Jessie, Maxine, and Peter ride away laughing about it. The end.

Things of note:

Jessie is one of the bitchiest characters I've EVER read, and in horse literature that is saying something. We are talking bitchier than Cindy you guys. The only thing worse is how Pam bends over and takes it.

I'm not sure why Peter exists. He did literally nothing in this book, or any of them really. It's a trilogy that focuses of the three girls, Peter doesn't get his own book, he barely gets any story at all.

Two down, one to go...

Hold on to your butts as Jessie Takes the Reins

Oh my God the Pony Camp trilogy. Just... my. God. Remember those books you read as a kid, the ones you loved but gave away for some reason, leaving them to ferment in your memories until you know you know that book, but can't exactly remember it? These are those books for me. I swear I must have had them damn near memorized at one point, but they hit the table at some garage sale or another. As I was putzing around the interwebs I unintentionally rediscovered them. Of course I HAD to order them. I mean, the nostalgia!!



Pony Camp vol. 1
Jessie Takes the Reins
by Susan Saunders

Will Jessie ever learn how to ride?

Jessie has always wanted to learn how to ride a horse. Now she's going to pony camp to meet the beautiful horse of her dreams. But Ranger isn't what Jessie expected.

He's spotted. He's stubborn. He's short.

And he doesn't like Jessie any more than she likes him!

Jessie wanted to be a great rider overnight. But learning to ride Ranger is really hard. What's worse, snobby Maxine from Jessie's third-grade class is a great rider who thinks she knows everything. Will Jessie need help from bossy Maxine to make her dream come true?

That's a long ass synopsis for a 90 page book, and it's not really all that accurate. Awesome.

So eight year old - I MEAN EIGHT AND A HALF since she mentions it twice on the first page (God it's first person narrative) - Jessie Johnson is a horse fanatic who's going to pony camp (no really?). She's also an idiot, but I'm getting ahead of myself. She's "read every horse book in the library, so I'm an expert on horses."

Jessie and her BFF Pam are off to this day camp where Jessie KNOWS you guys that she's going from beginner to expert in like five minutes, because she knows EVERYTHING about horses. Yep. She has wet dreams over the huge black thoroughbred that will be her magikal steed, named Thunder or something equally cliche.

Anyway, Jessie and Pam and put in a group with a fat boy named Peter, who is fat and messy and has a stupid haircut and eats candy all the time and ISN'T JESSIE'S NARRATIVE A GEM YOU GUYS? As well as Maxine who is neat and tidy and a good student and bad at sports and therefore a huge bitch and Jessie and Pam hate her OMG. Seriously, we get a lot of info about why Maxine is hate worthy. I mean, when Jessie hears Maxine has been taking riding lessons for a few months and is a natural, Jessie nearly shits her pants over how much that CAN'T be true.

So THEN Jessie meets the horse she's been assigned, an Appaloosa named Ranger. And apparently a spotted horse is a world ending situation, because while a black horse or a white horse would be an appropriate mount for little miss bitch, I mean bitch, I MEAN JESSIE - a black and white horse is OMG ugly kill it with fire.

But Ranger has the sense to be unimpressed with Jessie as well, and when Jessie utterly fails at EVERYTHING Jessie declares the HORSE has an attitude problem.

But if there isn't enough drama for you yet, we get introduced to our main antagonists, Kevin and Lisa Harris, and Lisa's BFF Sally. They're pretty much carbon copies of every horse book antagonist EVER. Except they really don't do anything in this book except trash talk. More on that later.

So the first time Jessie get's in the saddle she closes her eyes and lifts into a jump position and Ranger has the GALL to MOVE HIS HEAD A LITTLE BIT WHILE STANDING STILL. Jessie is ill prepared to handle such a wild movement and is pulled out of the saddle and onto his neck. Clearly this horse is out to get her. The first time they try a trot Jessie falls off and demands a new horse because Ranger is horse Satan or something.

So then there's some more smack talking from the Harris siblings that culminates in a swimming race which our "heroes" win. I fail to see the point.

And finally, Jessie happens to see an older rider taking Ranger over some jumps and gets all hot for the horse and decides to keep riding him instead of another horse, which Ranger is no doubt thrilled over. And we are treated to a saccharine ending in which Jessie comes to realize that she IS in fact a beginner. Gasp.

Things of note:

None of our four are typical horse book protagonists. Jessie and Pam are good students who love playing sports of all kinds. Maxine is very neat and tidy. Peter is... um... well, he doesn't really count.

The synopsis led me to believe that Maxine was the antagonist. And Pam and Jessie go on and on about what a bitch she is before she actually shows up in the book. Their proof of her bitchiness is: she's clean, bad at sports, and quiet. From the moment she appears she obviously has low self esteem, tries hard to be nice and helpful, and never comes across as condescending despite the fact that she OBVIOUSLY is a more knowledgeable and experienced rider.

Jessie is a bitch to her own BFF, getting mad at her for asking dumb questions and getting impatient with her for being nervous around horses. OUR HERO YOU ALL.

So obviously this thing doesn't coast on nostalgia, but then again as I read it I was reminded of the fact that I thought Jessie was a know it all bitch even when I myself was a young horse crazy child, so there you go.

Child endangerment camp!

Horse Mad Series
Vol. 3: Horse Mad Academy
By Kathy Helidoniotis
Published in US: Mar. 1, 2009

Ashleigh and her horse, Honey, face their fears together in a new adventure.

Ashleigh Miller is starting a course at the Waratah Grove Riding Academy, one of the best riding academies in the country. It seems like a dream come true until she realizes there is more to this school than she bargained for. Getting through an exhausting riding schedule, training with the best junior riders in Australia, struggling with a horse who won't do dressage routines and competing for a chance to ride at the nationals all have Ashleigh thinking life in Shady Creek with the Creepketeers was a breeze.

But those aren't Ashleigh's only worries. She's beginning to unravel the mysterious past of her horse, Honey, and wonders if she can ever renew Honey's spirit. To top it all off, her new baby brother or sister is on the way at home, there's something fishy going on inside Roycroft Cabin and Ashleigh has to figure out a way to survive four weeks without her two best friends.

Ashleigh and Honey take on an exciting four weeks they won't soon forget.


Last time Ash had just won a trip to Waratah Grove Riding Academy, and found out her Mum was pregnant. This book sees Ash at said Academy, where all is magical and good. She stands in the parking lot for a while bemoaning her pregnant mom drama and getting all hot for a silver horse someone else is unloading from their trailer. She meets Mrs. Strickland, the boss, and gets thoroughly embarrassed by her parents at lunch before they leave.

She then makes friends with some girl named Brooke. It’s very important that you know that Brooke is wearing make-up, with painted nails, chews gum in an obnoxious manner, and says “like” in every sentence. This means she’s evil, but Ash is not genre savvy, so she doesn’t pick up on it.

Juliette, some other obnoxious girl who only repeats what Brooke says, and Ash are assigned to the Roycroft cabin with three other girls. Ash dubs Brooke, Juliette, and herself the Three (goddammit) Groveketeers. They meet their cabin leader, an older girl named Kylie who’s a big name rider.

The cabin mates and their horses are:
Brooke - Angel (the grey Ash drooled over)
Tash - Silverado
Molly - Rebel
Juliette - Storm
Ash (duh) - Honey
Lena - Biscuit

Brooke and Tash hate each other and Brooke warns Ash to stay away from her. Lena, the youngest in the cabin, is a bit of a crybaby, but she is only eight. Molly is a vegetarian.

Everyone gets their schedules, which are totally hardcore, are told the requirements to graduate from the camp, get homework assigned, and hear about the Waratah Grove Cup, a trophy that is rarely awarded, and only to a rider who proves themselves worthy. Ash vows to win it.

At Ash’s first Dressage lesson she gets chewed for showing up not dressed appropriately, after Brooke had said she looked fine. Brooke is the queen of passive-aggressive warfare.

Honey refuses to enter the arena, then freaks half way through a routine, tosses Ash and makes a run for it.. Ash gets back on, finishes her test, and feels pretty good about it until Brooke suggests that maybe she can’t handle a mare, and should get an easier gelding.

At the show jumping lesson, Brooke is a smart ass who makes sure everyone knows she’s a B-grade jumper, and bullies her mare. Ash jumps clean. Of course she does.

Tash has a picture of her little sister that someone cuts up into tiny pieces and then frames Ash for. Brooke tells Ash that they can’t be friends anymore, leaving Ash completely isolated. Brooke then begins open bitchiness.

Ash rocks the cross-country practice, and her next dressage lesson starts off well until she starts Honey in the arena where someone starts ringing a bell until Honey spooks. The instructor bans her from the dressage ring.

Molly and Tash help Ash eavesdrop on Brooke, who dun dun dun… is Carly’s cousin! The newly formed trio plot revenge. They steal her clothes and blackmail her with a warning that they’ll tell on her or some such.

Tash tries to help Ash with dressage, but Honey still acts like a butt. So they decide to train in the woods. Awesome. Honey randomly does a flying lead change and Tash gets all hot over her. Honey must be a dressage horse! So it’s to the library where they do a search on Honey, formally called Argonaut. They discover that Honey’s last owner had whipped her across the head repeatedly after a poor dressage score. Ash discovers a scar that she’d never noticed before behind Honey’s ear.

She goes to see Mrs. Strickland, who gives her a bullshit, “I knew but couldn’t tell you because you needed to learn it for yourself” talk. WTF? The adults in these book are morons.

Brooke keeps up the bitchiness, Ash is awesome at the show jumping, Tash reveals that her mum died and she takes care of her little sister. They keep practicing dressage until Ash is finally allowed back into the arena. Honey does the simple beginners course, but Ash feels the need to be a show off, and throws in some fancier moves, which earns her a bitching out from the instructor, who somehow manages to spook Honey, who chucks Ash into the wall.

The camp intends to send Ash home until Lena suggests that they teach Honey to park. Ash, Tash, and Molly argue, Honey refuses to park, Ash does bad in her last jumping lesson, she does good in her last cross country lesson, she’s still banned from dressage, then finally Honey learns to park and that makes everything better. Ash gets the okay to take the dressage test, Mrs. Strickland gets all proud, Ash gets all nervous over the test until Lena points out that, hey, it’s only horse riding. Genius!

Brooke and Ash make a bet that whoever gets the worst final score will refuse to have their name put on the Honour Board. At Ash’s dressage test, aside from a few little mistakes, everything goes fine. Ash makes up with Molly and Tash. In the show jumping, Ash gets a few faults. After some freaking out, Ash rides the cross country perfectly.

Ash gets to graduate, she gets more points than Brooke, who promptly forgets their bet, and Molly gets the Waratah Grove Cup for some reason. Ash goes home and her parents tell her about a new riding school opening up in Shady Creek looking for riders to come work for them. End.

God… What can I say? That the person in charge knew why Honey was acting like a nutcase, and didn’t say anything blew my mind. That Brooke was a villain in a book with enough to overcome without needing a villain, was ridiculous. And of course, the antagonist has to be abusive to her horse. That Ash, through stupid luck and actual hard work, fixed her batshit crazy horse with no help from the adults and didn’t get that super special trophy was anticlimactic. Would it have been cliché? Yeah. But it would have made sense. Molly did nothing of real interest, nothing to deserve the thing. Unless they’re handing out trophies to people for being Ash’s friend, but then Tash and Lena deserved one as well.

BTW, I noticed something about the cover. The pic above I got off of Amazon. The rider kinda looks like she's about to sneeze, the horse is obviously a bay, and has no blaze. My book's cover is exactly the same picture, except the rider is smiling, the horse is still bay, but the color has been lightened. It's still a bay, because it still has black points, but it's body is comparable to a chestnut horse. It also is sporting a blaze. I have to give them props for trying to make the horses on all the covers look like the same horse, but it's pretty easy to find chestnut horses. You don't have to photo manipulate a bay to make a fake chestnut horse. It's just weird.

So much PMSing...

Horse Mad Series
Vol. 2: Horse Mad Summer
By Kathy Helidoniotis
Published in US: Aug. 15, 2008

Join horse-crazy Ashleigh and her new horse, Honey, for their latest adventure.

Ashleigh Miller has just moved to the town of Shady Creek with her family. The best thing about leaving the city has been getting her new horse, Honey, and making a new best friend, Becky. But Ashleigh really misses the friends she left behind in the city, especially her other best friend, Jenna.

When Ashleigh finds out that Jenna is coming to spend the summer with her for a horse mad holiday, it sounds like the best news ever. She can't wait for her two best friends to meet. But when Jenna arrives, she doesn't get along with Becky. Ashleigh feels caught in the middle. Will the three girls be able to get past their differences and have the horse-crazy holiday that Ashleigh was hoping for?

Find out what happens to Ashleigh, Becky and Jenna in their first horse mad summer together.


I tore the last book a new one. This book doesn’t fair much better. At the Shady Creek Riding Club, Ash’s instructor Gary tells the group that the Waratah Grove Junior Cross-Country Riding Championships are coming up. The prize for which is $1000 dollars and a four week stay at Waratah Grove Riding Academy, a super swanky school. I don’t think I’ll spoil it for you by saying that Ash is going to win, but of course there must be a whole lot of wangst to get there. So let’s see what we got.

Only two riders per age group from each zone get to compete. The Club will sponsor any members who makes it in, so everyone has to think up fundraisers. Ash, having schemed for money all of the last book, is not thrilled with that, but is all sorts of excited that her BFF Jenna will be visiting for a month soon.

Becky and Ash decide to clean, paint, and decorate old horseshoes to sell as Christmas ornaments. (Side Note: Keep in mind that summer in Australia is in December. Simple, but I spent half the book being confused as Hell until I remembered.)

Ash tries to practice cross country, one of the (sigh) Creepketeers, Flea, spooks Honey and Ash falls off. Doing something like that is dangerous for the horse, so I didn’t get the chuckle out of it that I might have otherwise. But of course, Ash gets back on, does the jump, and is all around wonderful. Yay…

Ash is so in love with Jenna that it’s all she talks about. Becky gets annoyed, I get creeped out. Ash is oblivious to both. During her first ride over the cross country course, she’s totally awesome and everyone amazed. She realized that she wants to beat everyone, including Becky. She angsts over this.

Anywho, at the try-outs Ash has a clean round until the last jump, where she freaks out and causes Honey to refuse. Because of that, Carly, one of the (sigh) Creepketeers, and Becky are the two to go to the Championships.

Ash tags along on Carly and Becky’s training session. Both riders get caught up in competing and ride aggressively, earning a bitch out by Gary.

After Christmas, Jenna finally arrives. Ash bullies her about riding Cassata, Jenna is less than thrilled. Then Jenna and Becky meet, and Ash is disappointed that they don’t fall in love with each other. Jenna tells Ash that her parents are getting divorced, and she has to keep it a secret from Becky.

Jenna has her first riding lesson, Ash doesn’t train with Becky because she thinks she should stay with Jenna, after the lesson Jenna acts like a wuss because she’s saddle sore, Becky, Ash, and Jenna go swimming in the creek, Ash and Jenna act like lovers and it hurts Becky’s feeling. Then Ash blows Becky off about training to take Jenna around town. God, so dramatic.

Ash manages to tell Becky that she’s keeping a secret from her, a secret she refuses to reveal. Becky’s feeling are hurt some more. Fail, Ash. Then she bullies Jenna some more about riding, and Jenna is obviously scared, until her father tells her to knock it off.

More fundraising. Jenna has an idea to have a dance party, Flea of all people thinks it’s a great idea. The party is on and the theme is horses (duh).

Ash organizes a sleepover with Becky and Jenna. They kind of get along, go on a trail ride, until in the morning Becky discovers that the horses have gotten out of the corral. Jenna was the one to close the gate. Becky yells at Jenna, Ash sticks up for Jenna, Becky cries, Jenna cries, they find the horses, Becky goes home. God, so much more dramatic.

The dance happens and Jenna and Becky still hate each other. Ash notices that Becky’s eyes had lost the sparkle that she loved so much. I’m not kidding. The dance is a big hit, but Ash is scared that she’s losing Becky.

The three go trail riding, it turns into another emo fest, everyone cries, Becky breaks up with Ash because “three’s a crowd.” She canters off leaving Ash and Jenna. Then the forest catches fire! Then they find Becky, who fell off Charlie, twisted her ankle, and broke her arm. Ash gets her up on Cassata with Jenna and tells them to get out while she finds Charlie. She does and the day is saved. Wow.

Becky, Jenna, and Ash all decide they love each other. Because Becky can’t ride, Ash gets to ride in the Championships. She trains, the (sigh) Creepketeers try to mess with her. She goes to the Championship, rides a perfect ride, Carly gets disqualified for overuse of the whip, and Ash wins first place, a big honking trophy, $1000, the stay at Waratah Grove Riding Academy, and the love and admiration of the whole stinking world. Yay.

In the end, Jenna goes home and Ash’s parents tell her that they're expecting a baby. Ash asks if she can name it Jenna or Rebecca. The end.

God, this book. It’s almost ridiculous enough to be entertaining. As I’ve mentioned, Ash loves her friends to an unhealthy degree. I stopped caring long before the book was over. The horse related segments were somewhat few and far between, but were fairly solid. Soooo.. Ashleigh Miller vs. Ashleigh Griffen round 2... GO!

For those looking for a more annoying Ashleigh...

Horse Mad Series
Vol. 1: Totally Horse Mad
By Kathy Helidoniotis
Published in US: Aug. 15, 2008

The first book in an exciting new series about the adventures of a horse-crazy Australian girl named Ashleigh.

Ashleigh Miller is mad about horses, and she craves her own. But she can’t afford one, her parents don’t know anything about horses, and there just isn’t room in her tiny back yard in the city. So, when Ashleigh’s parents tell her that she can finally have a horse of her own, she thinks it’s the best thing ever. But the good news comes at a price. Ashleigh’s family is leaving the city and heading for the small country town of Shady Creek in rural Australia.

Ashleigh’s life is about to change, and her adventures have just begun.


Ok, this is a book that tried to assassinate poor Mara, so let’s see what we’ve got…

We open with Ashleigh Miller, aged 11, in a totally BS daydream of winning the Olympics. Her instructor, Holly, yells at her for being stupid, and her nemesis, Nicki, laughs. Ashleigh shows them though with the best barrel run EVER! Her instructor and teammate kiss her ass and Nicki (appropriately) acts disgusted.

Ashleigh determines she HAS to buy a horse of her own. Her BFF Jenna, in spite of obviously not giving a rat’s ass about horses, agrees to help.

Ashleigh, being eleven, can’t get a job, so she takes odd jobs instead. Her dad says he’s impressed with her initiative. That’s gonna bite him in the butt…

So Ashleigh tries to sell her parents' stuff to raise money. Her parents, for some reason, do not appreciate this, and ground her for two weeks. Then she tries to take her money and bet it on a race. Again, her parents get upset.

Side Note: I do have to say, though, that Ashleigh’s parents really do suck. It’s a running theme through all the books.

Ash’s parents tell her she can have a horse because, oh they forgot to mention, they bought a house in the country.

Ash breaks the news to her BFF by basically saying “I’m moving away from you and getting everything I ever wanted, YAY!!” For some reason, Jenna is upset that this beyotch is moving away, and stomps off, telling her she’ll never speak to her again.

Side Note: Another running theme in these books in Ashleigh’s unhealthy amount of love for her friends. It borders on creepy, but I personally am rather hermity, so maybe it’s just me.

So Ash and her parents move, and within five minutes of arriving, Ash stalks some kids to the nearby riding school, Shady Creek Riding Club. It’s ghetto compared to South Beach, but Ashleigh decides to grace the place with her presence anyway. She tries to impress the kids there with her Twelve-Under Championship, so they put her up on a psychotic horse named Scud, who bolts and tosses her.

Yet Another Side Note: Who freaking screams when a horse bolts? Is it supposed to make the horse feel better when you're clinging to their back and roaring like a wildcat? Ash is a moron.

With a wounded ego, she then meets Gary Cho, who owns the Riding Club, and his daughter Becky. Becky is the reject of the group, so of course she and Ash will be friends later.

The horses Ash and her father go to see all fail. A Shetland, an ancient, and an insane. Ashleigh would take them all if her dad let her. I feel there would be more than three horses for sale in rural Australia, but whatever.

The kids from Riding Club go after Ash at school, dubbing her ‘Spiller Miller’ until Becky shows up to save her. She then offers to let Ash borrow Cassata, her sister's neglected Appaloosa, until she gets a horse of her own.
So, of course, Ash goes home and buys a horse off the internet. This REALLY doesn’t go over well. She is in SERIOUS trouble, you guys. Plus her parents drop the bombshell that they are running out of money and can’t afford a horse right know. This really is another case of the Miller parents ass-suckyness, because, instead of telling her all this when she was asking about going to see horses, they just blew her off. Plus, who makes an expensive move without securing a job beforehand? Epic FAIL Millers.

That’s not to say that Ashleigh doesn’t act like a total brat. She hates everyone now. Becky has to twist her arm to get her to ride Cassata, because, seriously, what’s the point of riding a horse that isn’t even yours?

‘Course, then they find a emaciated chestnut horse in an abandoned field. The vet says she’s so bad that she may have to be put to sleep. Oh, noes! Ashleigh throws a shit fit, bullies her parents into letting her keep the mare, and names her Honey. Yays. She actually even gets her parents to let her miss school, but the mare doesn’t get any better. There are a million and one horse people around, and not one thinks that a worm infested horse might need more than one tube of wormer. You know, my horses get tube wormed (what they call drenching in this book) once a year. You’d think the vet in this book would have thought of that. Seriously, Ash is a ‘tard, but none of the adults are impressing me much either.

But, tada, the horse improves after the drench. And for whatever reason, everyone is impressed with Ashleigh because of it. What’s more, Honey is actually a champion in all the local events. Ash calls her old owner, she and Becky cry at him, and he decides to give her the horse to avoid going to court for neglect or something. Oh, and the horse’s name used to be Argonaut. Lame.

Ash and Honey get put on the team for some competition, knocking one of the others off. The Three (sigh) Creepketeers vow to get Ashleigh off the team.

Ash also has the problem of money. Since her parents are asstards, she is literally paying for everything herself, doing everything just short of selling blood and prostitution. She comes up with the plan to sell homemade ribbon brow bands, which she dubs ‘Bandies’, at the competition. But, in the meantime, she decides to collect cans.

In a truly hilarious scene, she fills a plastic bag with said cans and gets on Honey. Honey responds like any horse who hasn’t been properly desensitized would: she spooks. Ash, of course, loses her grip on the reins, grabs her horse like a wildcat and screams. Honey, sensibly, dumps her. I kinda love this horse.

Anyway, her bum plumber mother manages to get a job, so Ash won’t have to whore herself. She makes a butt load of (sigh) Bandies to sell at the competition, and her friend Jenna gets the stick out off her butt and writes Ash a letter. Yays.

Ash’s old nemesis, Nicki, shows up and trash talks. The Creepketeers dirty up Honey and Charlie, Becky’s horse. Then ‘someone’ spooks Honey by tying plastic bags all around her. Then they plan on loosening Honey’s girth right before the competition, but Ash sets up some espionage and gets them talking about it on film, foils their evil plans, and wins the day.

Then Jenna shows up and Ash’s day is like the best ever! And Jenna’s going to stay over summer break! And Jenna’s going to take riding lessons! And the book ends there.

There really isn’t much I can say about this book. It is the definition of ridiculous, and I think it’ll teach kids more ridiculous misconceptions about horses than the Thoroughbred series. Fortunately, generally where Ash does something stupid, bad things happen to her. Which leads me to a request. As I review these books, I’d like to engage you readers in discussions of “Ashleigh vs. Ashleigh.” Simply put, how does Ashleigh Miller measure up to Ashleigh Griffen? Ok, readers. Ready? Discuss! Should be interesting!

Saddle Club: In which Lisa nearly kicks it and Phil’s the only smart one

Saddle Club S.1.14 “Over the Bit”

This episode opens with Lisa attempting to study for a geology test before her riding lesson. Carole and Stevie are their usual “helpful” selves, asking her: what’s more important, school or horses? Lisa mentions that she also has a report due, a ballet recital, and a clarinet lesson this week. Red adds that she has a riding lesson that he’s already tacked Prancer up for, and tells her not to burn herself out.

Phil calls the girls over and leads them up to the hay loft, where they discover a strange boy hiding in the hay. Mystery!!

Strange kid acts all super cool and introduces himself as Liam, Red’s cousin. Liam says he’s there to talk to Max about buying a horse in a way that shows, very clearly, that he’s lying. He says his parents own a big ranch and have lots of big horses, and that he’s outgrown his stallion. The girls seem to buy it, but Phil is actually smart enough to see through it.

When Lisa mounts Prancer, she acts like her stomach is bothering her. She acts cross with the others, saying she has a lot on her mind.

Red finds Liam, who feeds him a story about his parents letting him come to visit. Red tells him to call his parents, to let them know he got there alright. He takes Liam into Max’s office, tells him it’s off limits and to not touch Max’s Super Special Trophy™, thus predictably setting up the shenanigans later. Liam fake calls his mom until Red leaves the area.

As Lisa brushes Prancer, she starts acting like her stomach hurts again. When Carole notices, she offers to help while Lisa lays down, but Lisa says she doesn’t have time because she has to get home to babysit her sister.

Liam tries chatting Stevie up, talking about Comanche. Liam says he had a horse just like him named Bob, but they had to sell him when they moved to China. (WTF?) Phil, being the only smart one, asks how many hands Bob was. Liam smart-assedly replies that horses don’t have hands, they’re called hooves. Stevie thinks he’s being funny. Phil knows better. He tells Stevie that he and Liam will turn Comanche out. When Stevie’s gone he tells Liam to turn Comanche out, which he tries to do with his tack still on. Fail.

When Phil tries to tell Stevie and Carole that Liam’s lying, they don’t believe him. Phil says he’ll prove it. He goes to find Liam, catching him playing with a riding crop (like a tool, I might add) in Max’s office. When he says something, Liam spooks and breaks Max’s trophy.

Predictably, Max shows up, and Liam manages to blame Phil for breaking the trophy. Max is irritated that they were in his office and tells Red to keep a closer eye on Liam. Red gets all offended and says Liam would never do it.

Carole’s worried about Lisa, and offers to exercise Prancer for her, but Lisa says it’s the only fun thing she gets to do that day. As she rides, it becomes clear that her stomach is hurting more.

Red gets a call from his aunt, and discovers that Liam lied about his parent letting him come, lied about calling his mom, and (when he finds Liam’s sunglasses in Max’s office) realizes he lied about Phil breaking the trophy.

Liam continues to lie to Carole, now talking about all the places he’s lived. Meanwhile, Stevie gives Phil hell for giving Liam such a hard time. Red shows up and gives Liam a verbal ass whipping and tells him to pack his bags, because his parents are coming to get him.

Riding back to the stables, Lisa is doubled over in the saddle from the pain. Oh noes…

Liam’s gonna show them all, he ops to run away before his parents get there. Moron…

Lisa falls off Prancer and can’t stand up. Drama!!

Liam’s genius plan of running away leads him to the woods, where he finds Lisa and Prancer. At first Liam is all like “I wanna help, but I have my own problems.” But I guess even he realized what an ass that made him, and he runs back to the stable.

Red’s mad about Liam, but Max tells him to take it easy on him, to remember what Red was like when he was fourteen. He also tells him that Liam is still his cousin.

Liam tries to tell Phil and Red about Lisa, but they refuse to listen. He runs back out to Lisa, and tells her that he’s got to get her on the horse. Prancer, being a Magikal Horse™, lays down without being told so Lisa can get on. This leads me to wonder why Liam has to be there at all. Whatever.

Liam manages to lead Prancer back to the stable and tells the girls to call an ambulance. Turns out Lisa had appendicitis, and she got to the hospital just in time. Carole and Stevie feel bad for not believing Liam the one time he was telling the truth. They all hug and make up… yay…

Liam apologizes to Red, and their BFFs again. Stevie and Carole apologize to Phil for not believing him, and everyone’s happy. Whoo…

The episode was blah, just blah. I feel if they had just made it a ‘Lisa is stressed and nearly dies’ episode it would have been better. Or if it was a ‘new guy shows up and breaks up Stevie and Phil’ episode, it would have been tolerable. But because you had both going on at the same time, it just came across as asinine. You know it’s a bad episode when you’re wishing Veronica would show up just to make something interesting happen. So I give it a… C-. Not the worst episode ever, just not really worth watching.

Saddle Club: In which the Saddle Club turns to the Dark Side

Saddle Club S.1.13 “Set Up”

OK, we open up with a seemingly random montage of things at Pine Hollow. Horses running, getting groomed, being ridden, etc… The Saddle Club are talking about Max and Deb, how Max is crazy about her and stuff. Said couple drive past the girls in Max’s POS truck, and Prancer randomly hurts her leg at the fetlock. Max gets out to check her and Deb gets out to act like a pansy around the horses. Carole gets Deb to pet Comanche, who blows snot on her . Yay, Comanche! Also, Max thinks Prancer’s fine.

Anywho, seems Deb and Max had a date, which Deb now can’t go on due to the aforementioned horse snot stain. Max tries to help, which in typical guy form just makes things worse, and Deb gets all pissy. The Saddle Club worries that Max blew it with Deb. They feel he needs major help in the romance department. I feel Deb needs to cowgirl up or piss off, but whatever.

The girls hang out at Lisa’s house reading romance articles in girly magazines so as to help poor Max. Yeah, this’ll work.

At Pine Hollow, Veronica’s parents have a surprise for her. It’s a new horse, Garnet, who I think is very pretty. Veronica does too, until Kristi comes in and gives a lackluster opinion of her. Veronica caves to peer pressure and decides to hate Garnet in order to remain cool. Awesome. Veronica’s dad says he’ll try to return Garnet. Both parents are disappointed.

Max looks sad and tries calling Deb, but gets interrupted by Ashley, who can’t find Dime’s saddle. Max helpfully tells her to check the tack room. He goes back to his call, to be interrupted again by Red, who says the light in the tack room has gone out. Max gets a little pissy, saying he’ll deal with it later, and closes the office door.

Red tells his stupid friend Jake that the wiring is shot, and not to bother with the light anymore. Jake believes he can fix it. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think I’d call Dumbshit to fix the wiring in MY naturally flammable barn.

Max apologizes for his life being all about horses (WHAT?!?) and gets Deb to give him another chance. As this occurs, the lights begin to flicker. Max agrees to dinner and a play, but just as he’s setting a time, the power goes out completely. Of course, the call is dropped, because it would be ridiculous for Max to own a cell phone. Max is POed, walks out to find a smoking bulb socket and a miraculously uncrispy, but very sheepish Jake. Max says Pine Hollow is already bankrupting him, and he can’t afford more of Jake’s ‘help.’

The girls intercept Max before he picks Deb up. Carole picks flowers, Stevie washes his POS truck (including nasty old sandwich under the seat) and Lisa and Mrs. Reg make Max upgrade from old jeans and hay covered jacket to something that’s actually socially acceptable. After picking at him a little bit more, they finally let him leave, looking like he has a reasonable chance of getting laid. It would all be adorable if he wasn’t going to pick up Deb. Oh, well.

Veronica and Kristi watch Red groom Garnet, who Veronica nitpicks at for Kristi’s benefit before stomping off. Basically, who wants a crappy mare when everyone knows Veronica can only ride Magical Black Stallions.

The Saddle Club are staking out Pine Hollow waiting for Max to return, because in little girls minds a successful date still ends with a kiss at the girl’s door and goodnight, or something. Lisa comments that it would be adorable if they got married and procreated and their kids rode around on little Shetland ponies. Yeah, I kinda wanted to smack her a little.

Anyway, Max and Deb walk in, so the girls shut off the light to spy on them. Max can’t understand how Deb doesn’t like horses. Deb doesn’t understand how Max can get up at dawn to muck stalls. They hold hands and Deb says she likes Max, even though she could do without the horses. Max kinda laughs and agrees, saying the barn is falling into disrepair and it’s stressful. Deb kinda pushes at him to sell Pine Hollow, that maybe he’s outgrown it. Max seems to agree. Oh, noes! The girls hear this and start to evil plot against Deb, stating that if they were such good match makers, they can just as easily become match breakers. Hey girls, if you feel the need to send in a ninja assassin, my katana’s always sharp and ready to go.

The next day, the evil plan begins. Stevie and Lisa imply to Deborah that Max has several girlfriends, while Carole suggests to Max that Deb wants them to do a lot of expensive vacationing. Stevie intercepts a boarder about to take her horse, Pandora, out on a hack, saying Max wanted to see her about something important. Lisa stops Deb from going into Max’s office, where she see’s Max talking to the pretty boarder. Lisa then tells Deb that Max has a surprise for her. Lisa and Carole convince Deb that Max is taking her on a trail ride. (Side note: Deb apparently doesn’t believe in wearing a freaking bra on a date, which could explain a lot.) Stevie stops Max, who looks all darling in a snazzy suit, saying Deb thinks it makes him look like a country hick, and that’s why he hasn’t met any of her friends. Max. Is. Ticked.

Deb and Patch are not getting along. Deb gets off and lands in poop, which barely gets on her custom made high heel boots. At this point, she freaks out, and it appears that Max has been dating a grown up version of Veronica, except one who doesn’t like horses. Max and Deb have a nasty confrontation, and it appears that they break up. The Saddle Club exchange high fives. It seems the Dark Side really works for them.

Kristi watches Red brush Garnet, continuing to bad mouth the poor mare. Red finally disagrees, stating that Garnet is an awesome horse with perfect legs. Kristi goes and tells Veronica how awesome Garnet is, implying that she wants to buy her. Veronica reinstates her original happiness with Garnet, saying she’s not for sale.

Max is sad, camped out by the phone hoping Deb will call. Mrs. Reg and Red notice, and the Saddle Club feels guilty. So they plan to fix things. Lisa gets Max to agree to go on a trail ride with her. Carole gets Mrs. Reg to fix up a picnic basket. Stevie manipulates Deb into showing up just as Max and Lisa arrive at the picnic site. There, the girls fess up to their shenanigans, saying they didn’t want Max to sell Pine Hollow. Max and Deb both laugh a little, saying they were talking about Max’s crappy truck. Max and Deb are back together and the Saddle Club congratulate themselves on a job well done.

This episode was good. Good, not great. Veronica’s love, hate, love for Garnet was classic Veronica. The Saddle Club going over to the Dark Side was great. The fight between Max and Deb was well set up and executed. This episode gets a solid B. Not an A because, let’s face it, Deb is still annoying and she’s still around. Sorry. I do make the rules and am unwilling to change them.

Saddle Club: In which I suffer the return of Deborah

Saddle Club S.1.12 “Jumping to Conclusions”

This episode starts off with Veronica bitching over Max assigning Prancer to Lisa while she gets reassigned to Patch. My personal opinion is that Patch is adorable. Veronica does not share my opinion. As she dismounts in a temper tantrum, Patch starts walking, landing Veronica on her butt. The Saddle Club snickers and Veronica says Lisa isn’t good enough to ride Prancer.

Later, the girls are still making fun of Veronica up by the quarry. Phil tries to justify her behavior by saying she’s probably still upset about Cobalt. This pisses Stevie off.

Veronica is curling her eyelashes (God, why do people do that?) and bitching to Kristi about Prancer. In walks a member of Red’s band, Jake, who is apparently hot. Once again, I really don’t see the hotness. Kristi and Veronica fall for him. Jake’s unhappy that Red spends more time working than practicing. After all, Jake’s made sacrifices. He skips school and everything all for the band. Loser.

Red asks Max for Saturday off, but Max says no. Then Deb shows up. Blech. She and Max are all awkward smiling. It makes me sick. Max tells Red if he can find someone to work part time, he can have Saturday off. Then he and Deb are smiley some more. Whoo.

Kristi attempts to flirt with Jake. Veronica comes in and breaks it up, dragging Kristi out. Phil witness all this and thinks Jake is some girl attracting god, so he asks for some advice for asking Stevie out. Jake’s brilliant suggestion? Hey, tell her she looks good, because all girls love complements. Awesome.

Lisa goes to tack up Prancer, but finds her acting strange. Max agrees that she’s not quite herself, but thinks she’ll settle down. During the lesson, she acts skittish and refuses a jump. True to her character, Veronica snarks that a horse is only as good as its rider. Max tells her not to ride her on the trails to cool her out, and that he’ll have Red check her feed.

Stevie borrowed her brother’s shirt without asking, says he’ll never notice, and then promptly spills soda on it. I laughed. So did Carole. Phil comes in and, not noticing the soda stain, complements Stevie’s shirt. Epic fail. Stevie gets mad because she thinks he’s making fun of her.

Lisa is worried about Prancer, but Max thinks she’s just having an off day. Veronica comes up and says Prancer’s slacking off because of her novice rider. Max retorts that he doesn’t consider Lisa to be a novice anymore. Lisa doubts herself and tells Max that maybe Veronica should ride Prancer. Max doesn’t want Lisa to lose me confidence, but agrees to let Veronica ride Prancer for one day.

Veronica continues being a bitch and Lisa insists that Prancer is not well. Phil tries to complement Stevie again and fails again. Red comes in and says Prancer’s feed is fine. Veronica acts bitchy some more. Red then tells them that all the horses have strict feeding routines, and that no one is to feed the horses anything extra. He tells the girls about a horse that would turn into a steeplechaser every time he was fed extra oats. It’s news to me that oats will make a horse hot (that is, high spirited) but this story puts a scheme in Veronica’s head.

Red tries to get Jake to take the part time job so he can get more time off and they can get in some rehearsal time. Jake’s not interested in horses. Red gives him a hard time about Kristi and Veronica, saying they’re too young for him. Jake acts like a jerk, going “I can’t help it if they dig me.” Loser. He then steps in horse poo and gets all huffy.

Veronica sneaks some oats to Prancer as Jake tells Phil to “play it cool.” As in, ignore Stevie all together. Brilliant.

The next day, Prancer does well for Veronica. Despite getting exactly what she wanted, she still has to be a bitch, saying “You either have it or you don’t, right Lisa?” Lisa looks sad.

Veronica goes further, telling Lisa that since Prancer means so much to her, she can cool her out. That’s the only way she’ll ever get to ride her. Lisa agrees to do it saying they can ride her up to the quarry. Carole tells Stevie to invite Phil. After some protesting, she does, but Phil ignores her. Stevie leaves all annoyed and Phil looks confused.

Stevie and Carole determine that Veronica is doing something to make Prancer act so strange. They head back to find some evidence while Lisa stays out with Prancer.

Stevie and Carole start going through Veronica’s bag, where they are predictably caught by Max.

Phil finds Lisa and asks where the others are. Lisa teases him about Stevie, but tells him she likes him back. She tells him that Stevie hates to be ignored, and when he doesn’t respond she says she doesn’t either. Suddenly Phil says the plant Prancer is eating is oleander, which is poisonous.

As Max brings Stevie and Carole to apologize to Veronica, they catch her putting extra oats in Prancer’s feed bag. Max is thoroughly ticked, suspends her from lessons, and tells her, if she’s lucky, she’ll get to ride Patch again. Lisa and Phil come in with the news that Prancer’s been poisoned.

Dr. Judy tells them that Prancer didn’t eat very much, so she should be alright in 24 hours. After Lisa’s first lesson on Prancer, they rode up to the quarry, where Prancer got into the oleander. The next day, Prancer was sick, so they didn’t go up to the quarry. Later Veronica gave her the oats, so by the next lesson she was back to normal. Stevie gives Phil a big hug, which makes him all love dizzy.

Jake runs into Deb, which makes him act like a goober. Max comes up and says Jake will be working for them part time. Jake, in awe of Deb, stupidly parrots his consent.

Elsewhere, Kristi and Veronica are arguing over Jake. They agree to let Jake decide, but when they go to find him they discover him talking to/ trying to flirt with Deb. They are both disgusted because she is far too old for him, and he must be so desperate. Kristi turns her attention back to Red, and Veronica just looks exasperated.

In a lesson later on, Lisa and Prancer are getting along much better. Veronica is again on Patch. Poor Patch.

This is the best Prancer centered episode thus far. That’s not to say the episode was great. Veronica’s over the top bitchiness annoyed me more than usual. Therefore, the episode gets a B.

I do have to say Prancer and Lisa have really become my favorite horse/rider team. They are both imperfect, and have both undergone real character growth. A big part of this show is the merchandising, and I have somewhat fallen into the trap. The Breyer Prancer model has come to live on my desk at work, and despite myself, I may have to get the rest of the Saddle Club set.

Saddle Club: In which we get three-dimensional characters, yay!

Saddle Club S.1.11 “Greener Pastures Part 2”

First off, I’m sorry I haven’t posted lately. I seem to have to catch every cold that goes around this month. Indiana weather is not helping. OK, the last episode was good. Really good by Saddle Club standards. It made me cry and everything.

This episode starts off with a memorial of sorts for Cobalt in his favorite field. Everyone takes a turn saying something. Carole and Veronica are both silent, giving each other death stares.

Carole blames Veronica completely, which is fair to a degree, but Carole blows it entirely out of proportion. She’s super pissed that anyone feels sorry for Veronica and wants her banned from Pine Hollow. She then goes completely emo, tearing down her horse pictures and saying she quits horses.

While Max is giving a lesson, Sam says he doesn’t think it’s fair acting like nothing happened. Max tells Sam it’s okay if he wants to sit out the jumping for now.

Carole continues to be emo, Lisa and Stevie don’t want to go to lessons without her. They inform Carole that Starlight is miserable without her, and she tries to tell them to ride him.
At Pine Hollow, Ashley tries to get Delilah to eat. She tells Mrs. Reg that Delilah is missing Cobalt. Starlight is also acting lonely.

Max is giving Sam a jumping lesson, but Sam keeps pulling Pepper up before the jumps. Max tells him he can lay off the jumping until he feels ready. Max is hot. Yes, this is a mandatory statement.

The vet stops in to see Delilah and says there’s nothing to worry about. She asks about Carole, but Max and Mrs. Reg only say that she’s taking Cobalt’s death very hard, but they wouldn’t give up on her yet.

Dr. Judy visits Carole at her home. She explains that prolonging Cobalt’s suffering would be much harder than letting him go. Carole retorts that sometimes you can save a horse, but the owner tells you not to bother. Carole pouts.

Later, Carole asks Stevie and Lisa to sell Starlight for her. They try to tell her that they all feel bad about Cobalt, but she criticizes them for continuing to ride. Stevie points out that the other horses don’t deserve to be punished for what happens. Carole gets pissed off some more and storms out.

Stevie and Lisa are worried about both Carole and Starlight. Stevie comes up with a scheme and Lisa looks worried and mildly disgusted. Really, her expression sums up how I feel about most of Stevie’s plans.

They go to Carole’s house and tell her they’ve found a buyer. Starlight needs a rider and this person needs a horse. Carole even knows the buyer. It’s Veronica. Stevie’s lie lights a fire under Carole’s butt and she heads for the barn as Stevie gives Lisa an ‘I told you so smirk.’

Carole tells Starlight that he doesn’t want to be around her. After her mother and Cobalt’s deaths, she thinks she’s jinxed. Carole then attacks Veronica, saying she can’t have Starlight. Veronica obviously has no idea what she’s talking about. Carole then says she can’t believe Veronica can even look at another horse. Veronica starts getting upset as Carole tells her Cobalt would still be alive if it weren’t for her, and that she’s not going to let her kill Starlight too. Veronica begins to cry and says she’s not getting another horse.

She says that her parents wanted to buy her an expensive jumper, but she didn’t want it. She also admits that she knows it was her fault, that Cobalt didn’t want to jump, but he didn’t want to let her down. As she cries, Carole comforts her. It’s a fairly touching moment.

Sam blames himself, because he challenged Veronica to the jump off. Mrs. Reg convinces him that it wasn’t his fault, and encourages him to try jumping again. As he goes to get Pepper he notices that Delilah is acting strange. Lisa and Stevie gawk at the sight of Veronica and Carole talking as Sam comes running out to get Mrs. Reg and Dr. Judy. At Delilah’s stall, Max tells them all that she’s just cranky. He then reveals that she’s pregnant with Cobalt’s foal. They didn’t want to say anything until they knew she was alright. Everyone’s happy. Yay.

Later, Carole is watching the video of her lesson and being slightly less emo. When some footage of her mom comes on, she and her dad share some good memories from before her mother got sick. Carole’s dad says it’s okay to be happy and sad at the same time. Hugs and sad music, and Carole’s dad is kinda pretty.

The next day, Carole gives Veronica a picture she took of Cobalt and offers to help the vet with Delilah. The Saddle Club then exchange hugs and giggles. The end.

This was another good episode. Carole’s behavior may seem a little extreme, but it’s a fairly accurate interpretation of a grieving child. Veronica got to be three-dimensional two episodes in a row. Whoo hoo. What the heck, this episode gets an A as well. We’re on a roll!

Saddle Club: In which I can't snark because it's genuinely sad

Saddle Club S.1.10 “Greener Pastures Part 1”

The episode opens up with a jumping lesson. Carole is jumping while her father video tapes her. Dr Judy, the vet, stops by to check on Delilah and tell Carole that her work study has been approved. Basically, Carole gets to be her assistant for two weeks. Yay.

In another lesson, Sam, riding Pepper, is jumping the course and Veronica determines that she’s going to do it faster. Max yells at her to slow down, but she doesn’t, and continues to ride like a loony. Max yells some more and Veronica blows him off.

Carole’s dad finds on old tape of Carole as a little girl. Little Carole is playing vet when her mom comes home. Turns out Carole’s mom was a vet, and Carole wanted to be just like her. Older Carole can’t watch the video of her mom and leaves.

On Carole’s first day as vet assistant she deals with pigs, cows, goats, chickens, and an adorable puppy that barfs on her.

Sam and Veronica share a lesson again. Sam is doing well and Veronica gets jealous. She rushes through the course until Max orders her to stop. He chews her out some more about racing. Veronica and Sam get crappy back at the barn and plan a jump off to see who the better rider.

Carole is tired and disenchanted. She’s scared she may suck at being a vet. Her dad acts all proud and tries to give Carole her mother’s vet bag. Carole gets all freaked out and says she’s not going to be a vet. Next morning her dad tells her that she has to be the one to tell the vet she’s quitting.

Red tells Veronica that she’d better start practicing because Sam is, and he’s doing really well.

Carole quits with the vet because she just doesn’t think she’ll be as good as Judy or her mother.

Kristi tells Veronica that the whole jump off is lame, but she offers to help her practice anyway. Red tells Kristi that she can’t ride Delilah because she has another vet appointment.

Everyone gathers to watch the jump off. Sam and Pepper complete it in 58 seconds. Veronica looks nervous, but she says no problem. Carole notices that Cobalt look stiff, like he hasn’t been warmed up. Veronica starts pushing him to go faster, whipping him to speed up. Carole screams to pull him up, but they jump. Cobalt lands wrong, and goes down, throwing Veronica. Veronica has an injured arm and a scratch above the eye. Cobalt’s leg is broken.

Real life perspective: My family had a three year old paint gelding who broke his leg in a pasture accident. Our vet gave us a thirty percent chance that he could be stall sound. Thirty percent. We stood out in the field with him for an hour in the rain before we put him down. Thirty percent wasn’t good enough, money was not the issue. This was four years ago, and I still cry sometimes. I cried watching this episode. I even cried proofreading about how I cried watching the episode.

Veronica’s mom takes her to the hospital, though she cries she wants to stay with Cobalt. The vet and Veronica’s father agree that it best for Cobalt to put him down. Carole fights her about it, but she eventually surrenders. They don’t show the injection, thank God. They show Cobalt laying down as the Saddle Club says their goodbyes. The episode ends with a shot of Cobalt running free through some woods and whinnying.

This is part one of a two-parter, but this episode gets an A. There’s nothing glaringly bad, and it made me cry like a little girl. There’s not much else to say.