The Saddle Club # 87: Show Jumper

The Saddle Club # 87: Show Jumper

Cover:

Honestly, this cover doesn’t bother me too much. There are several things I’d like to see tweaked, but overall (and especially compared to “Secret Horse”), I give it a thumbs up. It clearly depicts a scene from the book, including the dreaded “pink” coat. Lisa’s hair should be kept neat under a hair net (despite the near-constant implications in this series that French braids are sufficient) and her helmet does NOT meet safety requirements – it needs to pulled down over her forehead more and include a chinstrap. I would also like her to be wearing field boots instead of dress boots. I wish Samson’s form was a little crisper and Lisa’s equitation leaves something to be desired (to say nothing of the doofy look on her face), but nonetheless, a solid effort in the cover department.

Blurb:

(to be added momentarily - as soon as I can figure out where the book went...I suspect my nine month old son of shredding it...)

Summary:

I’m not going to go into a massive amount of detail in this summary. The plot of the book is pretty simple, albeit adorned with a steaming vat of melodrama and multiple slaps in the face of realism. The Saddle Club is off to the Macrae Valley Open, where Carole and Lisa will compete in the Junior Jumper division. Before they leave, Lisa lets her mother drag her to the tack store to buy a whole new riding ensemble. They leave with a new riding jacket that will cause Lisa nothing but embarrassment and despair – but at least she puts her foot down about the custom boots. Once at the show, the Saddle Club runs into a trio of girls whose snobbery and malevolence rivals Veronica’s – fitting, then, that Veronica and the leader of this Evil Trio are friends from riding camp. Anywho, Carole and Lisa (and Veronica) all jump clean on day one of the competition, ensuring that they will make it to the second round the next day. Naturally, Lisa cannot bring herself to enjoy this measure of success because a.) everyone is all aflutter about what a stellar horse Samson is, leaving Lisa out of the picture entirely, and b.) she committed the ultimate horse show fashion faux pas and wore a “pink” coat into the show ring. Lisa’s self-esteem really takes a beating – which Veronica and her three evildoing cronies plan to exploit to no end, in order to trounce her in the competition. They drop many a snide remark about Lisa’s experience (or lack thereof) and poor choice in show attire. They succeed in rattling her and Lisa enters day two of the show emotionally in tatters. Somehow, she makes it to the jump off in a daze, but once there, commits a grievous error and getting herself thrown. Feeling like she now has nothing left to lose, she gets back in the saddle, finishes the course, gets a second place and falls to pieces because she cost Samson the blue ribbon. Carole and Lisa scold her for (rightly) being so hard on herself and remind her that if it wasn’t for her, Samson would still be at home in Willow Creek, trotting around the pasture, wasting his life – you know, until a more experienced rider like Red trained him properly and in a more appropriate timeframe. Okay, I added that last part, but it’s implied in the text – I swear. Lisa pulls herself together and the three girls spend the rest of their time at the Macrae scoring famous riders’ autographs, sneaking into the VIP box to watch the Grand Prix event and finding out about the respective past love lives of Max and Mrs. Reg. All’s well that ends well, and I’m left praying that Lisa goes back to counseling.

List:

• Page 2: The book opens with Lisa daydreaming about winning the Junior Jumpers at the Macrae Valley Open. In said daydream, the judge awards her the blue ribbon and trophy while announcing to the crowd something about “this poised young rider” and “one of the most promising horses we’ve seen in a long time.” Boy, Lisa really does live in her own little world, doesn’t she?
• Page 6: My suspicions are aroused – here is my first inkling that this book was not written by the same person who wrote its prequel, “Secret Horse.” In “SH,” we were told that Red was off being a working student in Vermont for a month. Here, we’re told two weeks. Hmmmm. More inklings to come.
• Page 9: “Lisa couldn’t even imagine how high the fences were going to be.” Something you might want to look into before entering a big show with a totally green horse, wouldn’t you say, Lisa? (I mean, seriously!)
• Page 15: Stevie not only likes dressage, she’s a “star performer” in dressage. “Star performer!”
• Page 21: Since Lisa is late for her lesson, Carole and Stevie volunteer to get Samson ready for her. They tether Starlight and Belle to a fence in order to do so. Am I the only one who thinks Pine Hollow has a serious lack of cross-ties?
• Page 24: Lisa says “thanks but no thanks” to her mom’s offer of brand new custom boots. Even though I know Lisa would never have them broken in in time for the Macrae, I would have an extremely difficult time saying no to custom boots. I would eat nothing but Ramen noodles for the next two years if it meant I could get custom boots.
• Page 26: Gah! What part of “I can’t be late for my lesson, Mom” does Mrs. Atwood not understand? Is there a reason they can’t go to the tack store AFTER Lisa’s riding lesson?
• Page 27: I know I said this before, during my review of “Secret Horse,” but Lisa, honey, your mom doesn’t want to buy you all this stuff because she’s proud of you. She’s not even excited about you going to the show because she’s proud of you. She’s excited because she has an excuse to buy a couple of new outfits for herself and she wants to treat you so you’ll fit in with all the other spoiled society princesses.
• Page 29: I kind of resent this attitude of “anyone who knows ANYthing about horses knows what ‘pink’ coats are all about.” I’m pretty sure folks who ride western pleasure or saddleseat don’t know and don’t care. Furthermore, I’ve heard Jimmy Wofford say (while doing commentary for the Rolex stadium jumping) “the ‘pink’ coat means (s)he’s competed for his/her country.” Not to mention that traditionally, only gentlemen in the hunt are permitted to wear pink coats – but there’s no mention of this in the book. Finally, I must point out that there have been several Saddle Club covers that picture riders in red/pink hunt coats – off the top, “Silver Stirrups” and “Stable Witch.” Just sayin.’ Don’t be so condescending, BB!
• Page 34: I will never cease to be amused that Bonnie Bryant (or whomever) refers to lateral work as “dressage moves.” I mean, I can only assume we’re talking about lateral work here (shoulders-in, haunches-in, leg yielding, etc.), but the way it’s written makes you think Carole, Lisa and Stevie warm up by doing tempi changes, pirouettes and a passage or two. Which I guarantee you they do not.
• Page 36: We are reminded that, this being the junior JUMPER division, form doesn’t matter. What matters is clearing the jumps and getting through the course quickly. Just what you’d want to do with a young horse who’s green over fences and going to his first show. *eye roll*
• Page 54 (almost twenty pages with nothing to snark at? I’d better go back and read those again…): Each of the girls have a Walkman to listen to on the drive to the show. My brain automatically replaced “Walkman” with “iPod.”
• Page 61: What the heck is this “pleasure horse class” that Max won a blue ribbon in umpteen years ago? Western Pleasure? Country English Pleasure? Do explain, Max.
• Page 64: Max explains to the girls that the Macrae has been going on all week but they came just in time for the junior jumper division because he thought they “could use the extra practice time.” I would think that, given that this is Samson’s first show, it might be beneficial to let him get used to the warm-up ring, grounds, etc. Just my opinion – but then, I wasn’t in Pony Club, so what do I know?
• Page 66: I have to say this somewhere and it might as well be here. I didn’t show as a junior – I’ve only been riding hunter/jumpers for three years now – but I make it to at least two or three ‘A’ or ‘AA’ rated shows per year and am pretty familiar with the barns and competitors in our area. I have never seen any of our junior riders “act as if they hate one another.” I’m sure this is the case some places, but fortunately, not in the environment where I show.
• Page 72: Two of the snotty Macrae girls are named Belinda and Melinda? Seriously?
• Page 74: I’m starting to get annoyed with Stevie and Lisa for constantly deferring to Carole on all “big horse show” matters. I know I haven’t read *every* Saddle Club book ever written, but near as I can tell, Carole’s riding has pretty much been limited to Pine Hollow/Pony Club events. Sure, a show or two here and there (Briarwood, for one), but when was she supposed to have been learning the ropes about these huge rated shows?
• Page 75: Carole, Lisa and Stevie are wearing “old” riding clothes at the Macrae. To be fair, we’re not talking about their show clothes, but still – whenever I go to a show, I make sure I look well put together.
• Page 87: BB comes right out and says it here – “Carole had been to several major horse shows before…” Where? When? Am I missing something?
• Page 92: There’s something wrong with this book’s rehashing of the “Lisa and Prancer Briarwood” story. We’re told here that Max expressed “reservations” about Lisa taking such a green horse to the show, but “because of Lisa’s hard work and practice” she ended up winning him over. Actually, I’m pretty sure Max’s sole comment was “interesting” when Lisa picked Prancer to ride at Briarwood – even though Lisa had ridden her just once, and that one time happened to be her first time under saddle since the mare recovered from the injury that ended her racing career. In short, Prancer was almost fresh off the track when Lisa started working with her and Max didn’t even try to stop her from taking the horse to a big horse show (can you tell I had some problems with book # 25, “Show Horse?”). Anyone else think Max exhibits a pattern of frighteningly negligent instructor behavior? Thank God he has that lucky horseshoe in his stable!
• Page 97: The dreaded pink coat has made its public debut. Again, I have to wonder about the viability of the information presented here. “Only members of hunt clubs and USET members who compete in the hunting divisions wear pink jackets,” Carole says. Someone should really tell Karen O’Connor that, then, because I’m sure she would be mortified if she found out she wasn’t allowed to wear a pink coat because she rides eventers, not hunters.
• Page 113: Aaaargh! Carole, you have NOT seen “that blond girl on the gray horse” at “a few shows!” You spend all your time at Pine Hollow, riding your horse and cleaning tack! For the LOVE!
• Page 118: Lisa’s attempt to describe to Jock Sawyer the Saddle Club’s training of Samson falls pretty flat if you ask me. She’s like a little child, prattling on…for instance, when Jock asks how high their schooling fences were, Lisa holds out her hand and demonstrates. “This high,” she says. Dear Lord, Lisa. What happened to using units of measurement? Are you “this many,” too?
• Page 121: Oh dear, another one of those situations that makes me want to pull Lisa’s parents aside and ask, “she still sees her therapist, right?” Lisa’s sitting outside Samson’s stall, all woebegone and ridiculously nervous. She’s drowning in a whirlpool of self-doubt, thinking that this is her one chance to make it in the big leagues. If she doesn’t do well this one time, she’s doomed to be a green rider forever and ever, cleaning out stalls and riding in Pony Club rallies.
• Page 124: Just when I thought I couldn’t be more annoyed with the drama and overreacting, enter Mrs. Atwood. I really, really cannot stand this woman. It is unforgivable the way she uses Lisa riding in the Macrae – the realization of a dream, the accomplishment of a goal, the reward of many years of hard work – to try and elevate her social status. Instead of letting Lisa get dinner with her friends and score the autographs of famous riders, she forces her to go to some stuffy French restaurant with three of the most deplorable teenagers on the eastern seaboard – who just so happen to be plotting against Lisa. Mrs. Atwood goes out and buys a dress for Lisa to wear to dinner, insists that she get her hair done at a beauty parlor and won’t hear any excuses. Apparently, she’s “worked very hard to make friends” at the Macrae, the event being about her and all. Ten bucks says Lisa starts drinking in high school.
• Page 128: More Mrs. Atwood ridiculousness. Heck, I’m about to start drinking, just reading about her!
• Page 136: Stevie and Carole have a plan to protect Lisa from Margie, Belinda and Melinda. If the little snots come near Lisa, S and C will bark at them until they go away. That sounds…mature.
• Page 149: It’s day two of the Macrae and poor Samson is confused. Apparently he is “used to either jumping the same course again and again…or getting a day in between to adjust to a different course.” While I understand the whole “green horse is nervous at his first show” bit, this sentence perfectly illustrates why three teenage girls shouldn’t be allowed to “train” a green horse over fences by themselves – and why the junior jumper division is a foolish place to have him make his show ring debut.
• Page 152: Uh, apparently Bonnie Bryant is not aware that if a rider falls off in a show jumping competition, the horse and rider pair is disqualified.
• Page 153: I hate to break it to Lisa – and to Carole, who consoles her – but…yeah, you are too inexperienced to be riding at this level. I’m guessing these jumps are in the 3’6” range and even at the 3’ level your riding has to be very precise. Letting your hands fall to your horses neck and becoming dead weight on your horse’s back while he speeds up and launches himself at a fence is extremely dangerous. Lisa’s lucky she and Samson did not get hurt much worse. Also, where is Max when this talking-to is happening? Worst. Instructor. Ever.

My Verdict:

I love jumping. Love it. I’ve been riding and showing in the lower (2'6") hunter and equitation divisions for the past three years and I can say without a doubt that I have never been more committed or dedicated to anything else in my life – with the exception of my marriage and raising my son. This passion created an interesting dichotomy between enthusiasm and disgust as I re-read this book. I enjoy pretty much any book that revolves around my chosen equestrian discipline – but I will also hold said book to extremely high standards in terms of factual realism. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good underdog-beats-the-odds/sickly-foal-goes-on-to-be-a-champion story as much as the next person, and I appreciate that this formula is not repeated ad nauseum in the Saddle Club universe, but when the plot revolves around a simply ludicrous premise and the characters manage to get away with a scenario that, in the real world, would probably get them severely injured, I have to shake my head. Not to mention, there are a few instances of eyebrow-raising interpretation of FEI rules – murky understanding at best, blatant contradiction at the worst.

The Saddle Club # 86: Secret Horse

The Saddle Club # 86: Secret Horse

Cover:

This has to be one of my least favorite SC covers – at least out of those done in this particular style. I have…so many questions when I look at the front of this book.

1. Who is this horse supposed to be? Spoiler alert: this book is about Samson – Delilah and Cobalt’s son, who is unfailingly described as black. So who is this giant, nondescript chestnut?
2. Why is his halter askew/why is he wearing a stud chain?
3. Why are the girls wearing tennis shoes to the barn?
4. Finally, why are Stevie and Carol looking so…morose and vacant, respectively? Lisa’s expression is the only one I can remotely comprehend. She’s clearly marveling over the horse’s disproportionately large head. Or maybe she too is wondering who the heck the horse is.

Blurb:

“THE SADDLE CLUB HAS A SECRET!

Stevie Lake, Carole Hanson, and Lisa Atwood are hoping to compete in a prestigious horse show. To that end, they’re doing everything they can to stay on stable owner Max Regnery’s good side – including doing extra chores around Pine Hollow, such as exercising stable horses.

Veronica diAngelo is sure she’ll be making the trip to the horse show – just as she’s sure she’ll be bringing home a blue ribbon. And of course Veronica has no intention of lifting a finger to help anyone.

The Saddle Club would love to beat Veronica, but how? She and her horse are tough competition. Then Lisa takes one of the horses over a jump, and he’s a natural. Now the Saddle Club has to keep their secret weapon under wraps and teach Veronica a lesson she won’t forget.”

Summary:

The Macrae Valley Open is apparently the show of all shows – the kind of competition that attracts all the best riders from everywhere and has the USET members turning out in full force. It’s the kind of show the Saddle Club has only ever dreamed of going to, which explains why we’ve never heard of it before. Well, actually, Carole has but that’s to be expected. Stevie apparently can’t even pronounce it and Lisa gets butterflies at the mere thought – also par for the course.

Once the girls find out that Veronica is going to the Macrae, they immediately swing into “me too!” mode and set out to prove how indispensible they are to Max and the general running of Pine Hollow. You’d think by now Max would realize that his stable would fall apart without the hard work, dedication and know-how of three middle school girls. At least they’re not yet sleeping in the barn like they would be if they lived in the Thoroughbred series. This flurry of barn work comes at just the right time; Red, Pine Hollow’s head stablehand (I always assumed ONLY stablehand) is heading off to a famous rider’s farm to be a working student for a month. Because apparently, being Max’s right hand man/Veronica’s servant for umpteen years hasn’t taught him enough.

Spending their every waking moment the barn has its upside. When they’re not raking the driveway, cleaning endless piles of dirty tack and scrubbing water buckets, the SC girls get to exercise horses. This includes the Prince William of Pine Hollow, Samson. After learning the basics at a nearby trainer’s, Samson has turned into a fine riding horse and the girls can’t wait to try him out.

Lisa exercises the gelding first and after a great schooling session on the flat, she decides, in an uncharacteristic lapse of judgment, to try him over the jumps. Naturally, he’s phenomenal and Lisa starts dreaming of taking him to the Macrae, since that is the logical place to start a baby green, as a junior jumper in an A-rated show. (Note: in the hunter ring, Juniors compete at a height of 3’6” – I don’t know if that is the same height in the jumper division, but I’m willing to bet that it’s close. In contrast, Baby Green Hunters and Pre-Green Hunters compete over fences that are 2’6” and 3,” respectively.)

So, of course, once Carole and Stevie realize how talented Samson is over fences, they throw themselves into “Project Secret Horse” with reckless abandon. The plan seems to be threefold: train Samson over fences, prove their indispensability to Max by making Pine Hollow so clean you could eat off the barn aisle and spy on/befriend Veronica to stay on her good side so she won’t rent out the entire Pine Hollow van for herself – or something like that. I’ll admit, I’m not really clear on the third part of that plan – but then, what good is a Saddle Club project if it doesn’t involve a little espionage at Veronica’s expense?

Meanwhile, Lisa combats some inner demons. She wants to ride Samson in the Macrae but isn’t sure she can or that she’ll be allowed. She also thinks that Carole will probably want to ride the gelding herself and doesn’t want to step on her friend’s toes. Oh, and she falls off Samson during a training session and that sends her into the classic Lisa Atwood spiral of paralyzing self-doubt. Which reminds me – how’s therapy going there Lisa?

Long story short, they debut their plan to Max (earlier than they would have liked, since he happened upon a training session one morning – the one morning he sets foot out of his office in weeks, apparently) and instead of being livid that they jumped his homebred youngster without his permission, he hears out their plan. Lisa gives a little speech, Carole vouches for Lisa to ride Samson, Stevie gets even with Veronica (somehow – doesn’t she always?) and Max agrees to let Lisa ride. It’s off to the Macrae Valley Open which we’ll read about in the very next book!

List:

• Page 1: Huh. Right here on the first page, a reference is made to “stable employees.” Employees, plural. Who are these mysterious employees and why don’t we ever get to meet them?
• Page 3: There goes Red, off to Vermont for a month. I’ll have to ask around – I wonder if one month is the average length of time for one to be a working student…seems like a pretty brief period to me, but then what do I know. I am interested, however, in what Red will do with his newly honed three day eventing skills when he returns from Toby MacIntosh’s farm. Surely he doesn’t need to go all the way to Vermont to become better at tacking up Veronica’s horse for her or teaching the little kids how to pick out a pony’s hoof.
• Page 6: We make it this far before being reminded (a) how the girls formed the Saddle Club and (b) that there are only two rules, etc., etc. Also on this page, Carole mentions that the SC will pitch in to make up for Red’s absence. Pay attention to how much work they do. Red must be freakin’ Superman if it takes three able-bodied girls to do what he can do in a single bound.
• Page 9: Ugh, how could I have forgotten Danny’s show name. Who names a show horse “Go For Blue?” I mean really.
• Page 12: Here’s where the scheming begins. Call me naïve, but if Carole, Lisa and Stevie want to go to the Macrae in the Pine Hollow van, why don’t they just…ask? I know if I wanted to hop on board and go to a horse show, all I’d have to do is say “sign me up!” cut a check and pack my trunk. Pony Club must be different.
• Page 16: If Carole wants to live up to the expectation that she will make “the Team” (USET) someday, girlfriend had better get a move-on in the junior division at rated shows! Scrubbing water buckets is only going to get her so far in life.
• Page 18: Oh dear God, Stevie just found out that some riders – gasp! – pay someone ELSE to braid their horses for them!
• Page 20: Lisa wonders aloud if Prancer’s girth will fit Samson. This launches Carole into a mini-lecture on tack fit and conformation. Boy if I was this girl’s friend in real life, I’d learn to tune her out in a hurry.
• Page 24: Lisa’s out hacking Samson and after twenty minutes of “dressage” (because that sounds more impressive than “shoulder-ins, leg yielding and collection/extension,” which is, I guarantee you, the closest Lisa gets to doing “dressage”), she decides to take Samson over a jump. Here are my thoughts on this: (a) This horse doesn’t belong to Lisa, nor is he a school horse, (b) he is Max’s horse and he is young – she does not have permission to jump him and (c) there’s no one around – you wouldn’t catch me jumping a horse I’d never ridden before unsupervised.
• Page 26: After trotting and cantering Samson over the small jump “several” times, Lisa decides, in her infinite wisdom, to jump the brush jump that is alternately described in this book as “big,” “huge,” and one that “only the best riders at Pine Hollow” practice over. *head smack* Oh dear, oh dear, Lisa. If anyone ever pulled a stunt like that at my barn, you can bet they’d be out the door in a heartbeat. I don’t want to overstate this but let’s be logical here: you’re on a horse for the first time, you don’t know how much training it’s had, you trot it over one fence and it completely over-jumps, proving that it’s completely green. Naturally, the next step is go galloping pell-mell toward the biggest jump on the property just for the thrill of it.
• Page 36: In a nice little blip of continuity “an Olympic horse” Carole has ridden is mentioned. Based on the context, I can only assume we’re talking about Southwood.
• Page 37: Apparently, “Max doesn’t need another show horse.” I wasn’t aware that Max actually HAS any show horses. Doesn’t the man run a Pony Club branch? Who rides these “show horses,” I wonder?
• Pages 39 and 42: Lisa never learns. Just once I’d like her to say, “Actually Mom, these Greek vases are about the most boring things I’ve ever seen” and “You know Mom, Veronica’s a bitch.” But oh no, we mustn’t make waves. It’s always “maybe you’re right, Mom.”
• Page 52: Here is the only time you’ll read about any of the girls second-guessing their decision to train Samson as a jumper. Carol wonders if what they’re doing is “stupid and reckless.” In a word, yes.
• Page 56: Oh man, Carole tells Lisa that “no matter how talented a horse is, you don’t want to rush him.” Yeah, ‘cause you guys are really going at a snail’s pace here. From totally green over fences to junior jumpers at a top-rated show in about a month – that’s standard, right? Riiiiiight.
• Page 58: Again, I’m a little flabbergasted at the amount of work these girls are doing around the barn. From sunup to sundown, sometimes staying after dark…I’d love to see their tans at the end of the summer.
• Page 83: No, Carole, Lisa isn’t “very sensitive to other people’s feelings,” she’s a doormat who doesn’t have the stones to come right out and ask for what she wants. “Hating conflict” doesn’t even scratch the surface, darlin.’
• Page 84: Geez, just how big IS the brush jump? BB makes it sound about five feet tall!
• Pages 85 thru 87: These three pages pretty much convince me that everyone in this book is totally clueless. Lisa lets Samson get too strong during her ride because she doesn’t want to hamper his enthusiasm. So, like green horses are wont to do, he blasts over a fence and jumps Lisa right out of the saddle. At no point do Carole or Mr. Grover (an actual horse trainer) call out to her to collect him or slow him or any variation of “whoa!” Then when Lisa (rightly) says that the mistake was hers, Carole brushes it off and basically says it happened because Samson is green and this was bound to happen eventually. Because God forbid we shatter Lisa’s confidence.
• Page 103: Why is Stevie surprised that Veronica’s bedroom is one giant display of ostentatious frivolity?
• Page 112: I actually really enjoy Stevie’s response to Carole and Lisa asking why she doesn’t want to ride Samson in the Macrae. I have the feeling that writing Stevie must be very enjoyable.
• Pages 115 thru 117: Max discovers what the Saddle Club is up to. Dun dun DUN! Lucky for them he’s not mad – although I can’t fathom why. I also can’t fathom how he didn’t figure it out earlier.
• Page 119: Ha ha! Max is “a horseman” who is “responsible for his horses and his students.” Again, I have to ask how he didn’t figure out what the girls were doing, responsible hands-on horseman that he is.
• Page 121: I can’t really explain why, but when Lisa says “Samson by Cobalt out of Delilah” I grind my teeth a little. She knows that his sire and dam aren’t famous, right? I mean, they’re both really nice horses and everything, but what does she think she’s proving by throwing that out there? Maybe it’s just supposed to add an unnecessary flourish to her little speech.
• Page 138: I get a migraine just reading Mrs. Atwood’s dialogue. She. Is. Such. A. Moron. Her daughter just told her she gets to achieve a life goal and ride a fabulous horse that she’s been helping train herself in a hugely important show and the woman goes on and on about how important a society event this is and how she’ll need a haircut and if Lisa wins “the trophy” she’ll get to go to the winner’s circle (Mrs. Atwood clearly doesn’t realize this isn’t the Kentucky Derby), and on and on. Again, can I get a “cram it, Mom!” Lisa?
• Page 141: No, Lisa, you didn’t “get into a fence wrong,” you let the horse get too revved up and it got you dumped.
• Page 143: Carole mentions that once, at one of these top-rated shows, a girl cut Carole off in line at the toilet even though she knew Carole was on deck to ride. I have a question and a comment about this – when did Carole go to all these fancy schmancy shows? I know I haven’t read EVERY book in the series, but I don’t seem to remember a lot of A-rated horse shows in between riding camp, Pony Club rallies in England, teaching a movie star to ride, learning to wrangle cattle, etc. Oh, and I guess that’ll teach you to use the bathroom before you leave the stabling area, won’t it Carole?
• Page 149: Veronica can’t join the group at TD’s because she’s at home with her coach, discussing “strategy.” What the heck kind of show jumping “strategy” is there to discuss when you haven’t even seen the course?
• Page 150: The girls act surprised that making a living in the horse industry is tough. Carole’s in for a rude awakening when she’s not able to simultaneously be a vet, a trainer, a competitive rider and a breeder isn’t she?

My Verdict:

You’d think, with the amount of sniping I did throughout this book, that I hated it. Well, you’re kind of right, but not totally right. I don’t understand how the girls pulled off Project Secret Horse for as long as they did. I can’t believe we’re supposed to buy that a horse that’s never jumped before spends a month being trained by three 13 year-old girls and is suddenly ready for the big time. I’m really confused as to why Stevie needed to spy on Veronica/pretend to be her friend. Oh and Lisa got on my nerves. All that being said, I like Saddle Club installments where the minor characters are kept to a minimum and the plot revolves mainly around Stevie, Carole and Lisa. Stevie has some great moments in this book, and Veronica is deliciously snooty. If this book was a movie, I’d be able to look past the inconsistencies and occasional lapses in credulity because I liked the characters. Most of the time.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

Conformation Faults
Pine Hollow #5

Friends don't keep secrets from friends, do they? But now it seems that everyone is hiding something. Callie Forester has things that she doesn't want people back home to know. But when an old friend betrays her, Callie has to wonder if any secret is worth keeping.

Impressions (Because I can't in good faith call this a review):
I genuinely don't remember a lot of this book, because I sort of skimmed through it several weeks ago and never bothered to write a review after what I managed to learn from my bored glancing.

Know this: everyone is annoying. Lisa is trying to keep it under wraps that she ever entertained the possibility of staying in California, because she is scared of her asshole boyfriend's possible reaction. Stevie, not understanding how awful her brother is in general, is threatening to tell. Carol is stupidly focused on Samson to the point that she doesn't bother to clean out Starlight's water every hour (horrors), and on the off chance that she remembers to go to school, she's cheating on her tests because she appears to spend most of her time riding Samson or thinking about riding Samson. Callie is trying to decide if she was ever friends with this Sheila girl (maybe that was her name? If not, they're basically mortal enemies, so the answer is no). Phil's friend is stubbornly refusing to be functional, causing chaos while he does an impressive display of not caring whilst playing loud music in his room. How dare he act like a normal teenager! God!

Basically it's like a very serious, drawn out Saved by the Bell episode with horses. That isn't as funny as you might think.

And that, my friends, is a Whitebrook Farm Blog non-review.

Pine Hollow: And then I said "blah" and went to post a review.

Changing Leads
Pine Hollow #4

New friendships vs. old

Stevie Lake can't get Scott Forester to forgive her for the car accident that injured his sister. And now Scott and Stevie's boyfriend, Phil, have started hanging out. Doesn't Phil realize how Scott's attitude hurts her? But Phil has problems of his own. His best friend, A.J., is acting weird and won't tell anyone what's going on. Phil's getting really worried.

Lisa Atwood is adjusting to life back home after her summer in California, but she feels like an outsider--even among her best friends. Will she have to accept the change?

Carole Hanson is facing changes, too. New challenges at work mean new responsibilities--and that threatens her relationship with one of her best friends. Should Carole reexamine where her loyalties lie?

Summer may be over, but things are really heating up.

Oddly enough, I have almost nothing to say about this book. It doesn't spark any need to ruthlessly mock it, but then it didn't hold my interest enough for me to care about it either. It simply is the fourth book in the Pine Hollow series, and that summary is pretty much all you need to know.

I'll attempt to say something anyway, in the form of a numbered list. What fun!

1. Things happened. That's right! Changing Leads stirs up some issues, of which it resolves none. I don't know about anyone else, but one issue created and resolved in this book would have been nice. Instead it resolves Stevie's Scott issues, which the series kicks around for nearly four books. But you know how that's going to end. This book brings up the following: Carole has been ordered to keep Lisa away from Prancer, the horse Lisa loves, for seemingly no reason that irks me to no end; A.J. breaks up with his girlfriend, also for seemingly no reason, and suddenly starts to act abnormal; Samson is back, and boy is Carole freakishly excited about it, enough to strain her already strained relationship with Ben, whom we care about for, again, seemingly no reason. Hurrah. Issues.
2. I really liked Phil in this episode. He was adorable, which is really not normal for this series. Most of the boys in Pine Hollow are the epitome of awful, so to see one good one roaming around is pretty damn special.
3. Speaking of boys, Alex didn't totally offend me. He was only slightly offensive this time around, but I'm sure he'll roar back soon as the jackass I know he is.
4. Scott and Stevie collectively get over it in the school parking lot. Stevie yells, Scott employs sarcasm as a defense before breaking down into tears, and then they have a moment that would only happen in a psychologist's office.
   
5. Lisa spends a lot of time being jealous of Callie. Lisa, the girl just suffered a brain injury. You can stop being so self-absorbed any time now.

And that's it. I'm going to go read In & Out by Barbara Moss now. It looks like an epic I could knock someone out with, so I'm sure there will be several breaks for whatever I feel like posting about at the moment. Like, say, finishing off season three of Wildfire. That really needs to happen.

Pine Hollow: Hand me that surf board, quick!

Pine Hollow #3
Reining In

Everything changes or nothing changes....

Will Lisa leave Virginia for sunny California? She's been there for most of the summer and she likes it. There's a lot less pressure on her, and she's working on a TV show loaded with good-looking guys, romance, and horses. What more could she want? Maybe she should stay....

Her boyfriend, Alex, worries that Lisa is spending too much time with a handsome movie star. Some girls might fall in love with someone like that, but Lisa wouldn't. Or would she? If only Alex could be sure. Carole and Stevie are Lisa's best friends and they want the best for her, but they don't want her to move away either. Is there anything they can do to persuade her to come home?

Three people's happiness is riding on one decision...will Lisa make the right one?

Allow me to repost a ten-year-old review on this book from Amazon:

TOO MUCH BOYS! TOO MUCH LOVEDOVEY JUNK! WHAT THE HECK WENT WRONG! I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE GIRLS! ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS BOYS, BOYS, BOYS! TOO MUCH OF IT! LESS OF HORSES, HORSES, HORSES!

Well, I guess someone was upset. Ignoring the hysteria here, this review does bring up a good point about Pine Hollow: the girls have grown up. They've moved past horse crazy stage, and are battling their raging hormones that have been begging to stampede around unchecked by things like morals or sense. I don't mind this at all, actually. In fact, I find it a little refreshing. However, because these stories straddle the line between YA and middle grade, and have the misfortune of using Saddle Club characters that younger kids and the more immature set of teens are attracted to...we get a lot of weird responses to the attempt to mix boys with the horse craziness. Hence...hysteria!

My opinion: grow up. You know how thrilled I would have been if the Thoroughbred series had embraced its teenage hormones like this? I would be giggling myself sick with joy! (Or maybe not, but that's hypothetical situations for you.) Anyway, moving on.

Reining In deals with a few issues, namely: Stevie's inability to live in the present (car wreck trauma, etc), Carole's complete inexperience (and frustration) with the opposite sex, and Lisa's upcoming decision about whether or not she's staying in California. Stevie is holding on by a thread, which is savagely snapped by the appearance of Veronica and her boy toy, Trent, who is basically a zombie without that nasty blood lust.

As it is with all middle grade books (I mean, stupidly immature YA books...um...damn you, Pine Hollow!), Veronica brings out the worst in our dashing and wonderful main characters, a la Brad Townsend as he stands nearby Ashleigh & Co., looking bored as they have a collective conniption fit over his presence. (Yes, I find the protagonist reaction to some antagonists ridiculously hilarious now. Thank you, Thoroughbred!) Veronica wants to ride with her boy toy, and Ben casually agrees to be her stable boy, tacking up the horses as Carole and Stevie are too busy reacting to her snobbery by acting as catty or insane as possible.

Seriously, horse story protagonists, your pure and supposedly justified reaction to your antagonists makes you look bad. Please read every middle grade horse book ever for further examples on this topic.

Anyway, Stevie has a mental break and runs off to relive her wreck...or something. This means that Stevie's parents are going to step in and send her and Carole to California for two weeks! (Alex immediately interjects that he misses Lisa too, and he wants to go too, and everyone laughs at him and he is so going to be a domestic abuser when he grows up.) So most of this book takes place in California, where Stevie irritatingly enough "looks after her brother's interests" and Carole succumbs to her hormones.

Lisa, irritated that they are both pressing her about coming home to Willow Creek, takes them and their shitty attitudes to the tv set where she works. There they are immediately pacified by horses and the beautiful boys that populate this show. There is completely idiotic talk about how the obviously nice boy, Matthew, must not be that nice because he plays the bad guy, which leaves Carole open to fall in love with the obviously bad guy, Jeremiah, who plays Skye Ransom's charismatic best friend. Seriously, you guys, who honestly believes that people who play villains must be inherently predisposed to be bad in real life? This makes no sense, Pine Hollow.

Carole is also scared to death of dying in an earthquake, so during a tremor she freaks and is saved by Jeremiah, who takes his chance to engage in inappropriate behavior. Skye breaks it up, like a sensible person. And Carole acts her age by wanting to tell everyone about it. But during a sightseeing session with Jeremiah, Stevie breaks up his attempt to devour Carole with his mouth, and he breaks things off with Carole because...friends who tag along are so irritating? Maybe?

Well, whatever. During this, Skye eventually admits to Lisa that he wants her to stay and is attracted to her now that she is seventeen. This is where I admit to becoming a little bit of a Skye/Lisa shipper, mainly because why not?

Anyway. Jeremiah insults Carole, probably delivers years and years of scarring in one sentence that is fairly impressive in an immature way, and Stevie grows bitter over her California experience. They are all phonies! And fakes! And everyone is stupid, with the stupid perfect weather and the stupid perfect greenery and such! But this is before Lisa decides to drag them all to a club, because I guess that's normal? Matthew, awesome guy from before, listens to Stevie's tirade against the state of California with as much grace as an awesome person can, and decides to take her to see the most awesome part of California that only awesome people know about. I don't know exactly where this is, but it involves the beach, a shirtless him, and surf boarding. Stevie is perplexed, as was I, but she gets over it, grabs a surf board, and decides to have fun.

Ultimately, Lisa decides to go back to Virginia -- back to her shallow, emotionally unresponsive mother, her controlling and emotionally needy boyfriend, and her irritating and judgmental friends. For the sake of the drama, I guess this is a good thing. For the sake of Lisa's sanity and my sudden and unrelenting Skye/Lisa obsession, obviously she ticked the "nothing changes" box and chose wrong.

Saddle Club: In which Lisa nearly kicks it and Phil’s the only smart one

Saddle Club S.1.14 “Over the Bit”

This episode opens with Lisa attempting to study for a geology test before her riding lesson. Carole and Stevie are their usual “helpful” selves, asking her: what’s more important, school or horses? Lisa mentions that she also has a report due, a ballet recital, and a clarinet lesson this week. Red adds that she has a riding lesson that he’s already tacked Prancer up for, and tells her not to burn herself out.

Phil calls the girls over and leads them up to the hay loft, where they discover a strange boy hiding in the hay. Mystery!!

Strange kid acts all super cool and introduces himself as Liam, Red’s cousin. Liam says he’s there to talk to Max about buying a horse in a way that shows, very clearly, that he’s lying. He says his parents own a big ranch and have lots of big horses, and that he’s outgrown his stallion. The girls seem to buy it, but Phil is actually smart enough to see through it.

When Lisa mounts Prancer, she acts like her stomach is bothering her. She acts cross with the others, saying she has a lot on her mind.

Red finds Liam, who feeds him a story about his parents letting him come to visit. Red tells him to call his parents, to let them know he got there alright. He takes Liam into Max’s office, tells him it’s off limits and to not touch Max’s Super Special Trophy™, thus predictably setting up the shenanigans later. Liam fake calls his mom until Red leaves the area.

As Lisa brushes Prancer, she starts acting like her stomach hurts again. When Carole notices, she offers to help while Lisa lays down, but Lisa says she doesn’t have time because she has to get home to babysit her sister.

Liam tries chatting Stevie up, talking about Comanche. Liam says he had a horse just like him named Bob, but they had to sell him when they moved to China. (WTF?) Phil, being the only smart one, asks how many hands Bob was. Liam smart-assedly replies that horses don’t have hands, they’re called hooves. Stevie thinks he’s being funny. Phil knows better. He tells Stevie that he and Liam will turn Comanche out. When Stevie’s gone he tells Liam to turn Comanche out, which he tries to do with his tack still on. Fail.

When Phil tries to tell Stevie and Carole that Liam’s lying, they don’t believe him. Phil says he’ll prove it. He goes to find Liam, catching him playing with a riding crop (like a tool, I might add) in Max’s office. When he says something, Liam spooks and breaks Max’s trophy.

Predictably, Max shows up, and Liam manages to blame Phil for breaking the trophy. Max is irritated that they were in his office and tells Red to keep a closer eye on Liam. Red gets all offended and says Liam would never do it.

Carole’s worried about Lisa, and offers to exercise Prancer for her, but Lisa says it’s the only fun thing she gets to do that day. As she rides, it becomes clear that her stomach is hurting more.

Red gets a call from his aunt, and discovers that Liam lied about his parent letting him come, lied about calling his mom, and (when he finds Liam’s sunglasses in Max’s office) realizes he lied about Phil breaking the trophy.

Liam continues to lie to Carole, now talking about all the places he’s lived. Meanwhile, Stevie gives Phil hell for giving Liam such a hard time. Red shows up and gives Liam a verbal ass whipping and tells him to pack his bags, because his parents are coming to get him.

Riding back to the stables, Lisa is doubled over in the saddle from the pain. Oh noes…

Liam’s gonna show them all, he ops to run away before his parents get there. Moron…

Lisa falls off Prancer and can’t stand up. Drama!!

Liam’s genius plan of running away leads him to the woods, where he finds Lisa and Prancer. At first Liam is all like “I wanna help, but I have my own problems.” But I guess even he realized what an ass that made him, and he runs back to the stable.

Red’s mad about Liam, but Max tells him to take it easy on him, to remember what Red was like when he was fourteen. He also tells him that Liam is still his cousin.

Liam tries to tell Phil and Red about Lisa, but they refuse to listen. He runs back out to Lisa, and tells her that he’s got to get her on the horse. Prancer, being a Magikal Horse™, lays down without being told so Lisa can get on. This leads me to wonder why Liam has to be there at all. Whatever.

Liam manages to lead Prancer back to the stable and tells the girls to call an ambulance. Turns out Lisa had appendicitis, and she got to the hospital just in time. Carole and Stevie feel bad for not believing Liam the one time he was telling the truth. They all hug and make up… yay…

Liam apologizes to Red, and their BFFs again. Stevie and Carole apologize to Phil for not believing him, and everyone’s happy. Whoo…

The episode was blah, just blah. I feel if they had just made it a ‘Lisa is stressed and nearly dies’ episode it would have been better. Or if it was a ‘new guy shows up and breaks up Stevie and Phil’ episode, it would have been tolerable. But because you had both going on at the same time, it just came across as asinine. You know it’s a bad episode when you’re wishing Veronica would show up just to make something interesting happen. So I give it a… C-. Not the worst episode ever, just not really worth watching.

Pine Hollow Tip: Stalking is perfectly acceptable if a boy doesn't want to talk to you.

The Trail Home
Pine Hollow #2
1998

Are there some problems even your best friends can't help you solve?

Callie Forester is out of the hospital after the car accident that nearly claimed her life. Now Carole Hanson and Stevie Lake are determined to help her on the road to recovery. But Stevie is still consumed by guilt. After all, she was driving the car; could it be her fault that Callie almost died? Scott Forester, Callie's brother, certainly seems to blame her. Meanwhile Carole Hanson wants to know what secret Ben Marlowe is hiding. Why won't he let anyone get close to him? What's he afraid of? And if she does find out, will it ruin their new friendship? As for Lisa Atwood, she's enjoying life in California, working on a TV show. Will she decide that California is the place to be and abandon her friends and boyfriend? This summer could mark the end of everything, or a brand-new beginning.

You know what's sort of annoying? This book. You know why it's sort of annoying? It reads like it was written by a life coach, or maybe a motivational speaker, or maybe someone who spends their time frolicking through fields of daisies. It mainly caused me to feel unnerved, because whenever I run into dialogue that is this formal (and therefore totally ridiculous) I get a little twitchy. For instance, this is a short book. Only 166 pages. But people tend to fly off into giant, unexpectedly deep discussions that I don't care about, which also seem rather redundant because you're pretty sure you always know what their conclusions will be. It's kind of like a lengthy episode of Dawson's Creek, only with shorter words. And it took me forever to finish it.

Also, this book is mainly about Carole's inability to mind her own business. Ben Marlowe is hiding something! He's quiet and sullen and totally not interested in people! Well, okay, why don't you just give him space then, Carole? Why do you suddenly feel the need to get in his business and decide to, I don't know, stalk him and stake out his house?

So while Carole is invading people's space in more ways than one, Stevie is upset because she was driving the car that sort of almost killed Fez and Callie. She immediately quits her pizza delivery job and goes to work at "the laundry." Callie's brother hates her. This is mostly left undeveloped. Her brother is still a giant twerp who actively hopes Lisa is miserable in California so she will come back to Virginia and his incessant hovering. Don't worry though, kids. He only does it because he "loves" her! Really!

But mainly it's all about Carole stalking Ben. And Ben catches Carole stalking him, because she somehow discovers his address and goes there to discover his giant secret. He is not...whatever it is she thought he was. He is poor. He lives on a street with rusted cars and not absolutely perfect lawns and dogs leashed to trees with frayed rope. You guys! Carole is attracted to the kid living on the wrong side of the tracks. It would be so adorable if she hadn't staked out his house and accidentally gotten caught because she actually decided to park right in front of his house. Oh, Carole. You dope.

And then Fez dies and Ben tells Carole all that she wanted to know and Carole has the nerve to tell herself that she kind of suspected what was up with Ben. Carole, shut up. You totally didn't, otherwise you wouldn't have been having a minor conniption fit over every tiny thing he wasn't telling you which leads to what? He's poor and wants to go to college? How is this even minorly interesting, CAROLE?

Oh, and Callie did therapeutic riding or something and PC is an equine angel. And Lisa is probably having the time of her life in California, but she keeps downplaying it because she's probably afraid of her boyfriend. I would be.

And then everyone had a deep conversation and decided that life was hard. The end.

• That meant untacking, grooming, watering, and feeding the sweet horse that had just exerted so much effort for their friend. Oh my God, is this how this book is going to be on every single page? *thumbs through book* YES. YES IT IS.

• "As if Max, or anyone here, could possibly ignore the needs of any horse!" And then Stevie picked up her skirts and sashayed back to the estate to resume her embroidery!

• Ben would never, ever, under any circumstances, do anything that would hurt a horse. That's great, person who wrote this. I kind of got it now! The Saddle Club characters aren't, like, animal abusers. I think it's very clear. You can stop being annoyingly repetitive now that you have gotten to page 28.

• Apparently helping Ben is going to be Carole's own personal Saddle Club project. What the hell does that mean? Carole, shut up about the stupid club apparently no one cares about anymore and do your damn job.

• Oh, good. I'm glad to know Fez isn't in "constant pain." He's just "in pain a lot of the time."

• Pine Hollow keeps the barn key in its "more or less secret hiding place under the mat outside the office door." Where do these people live? Utopia?

• Why do I get the feeling that this author should be editing Martha Stewart Living? Oh, it's because she uses words like piquant and tableau. PIQUANT and TABLEAU.

• Wow, Emily is a little go getter: Callie is going to do all the work and she's going to get better, and that'll make me look brilliant. With this author, I cannot tell at all if she is kidding.

• You think of me as someone who helps around the stable, someone you can laugh with or maybe rely on or borrow money from sometimes. Look, look! Friendship defined!

• Do we really need to read about Carole opening junk mail? What is pertinent about this?

• Oh hell. If Lisa is coding the fact that she's spending lots of time with Skye Ransom in a post card she's sending to the barn, she needs to break up with her boyfriend.

• "She's all yours, for now." Alex's creepy possessiveness rears its ugly head. Isn't it so fabulously attractive, ladies?

• Carole watched Ben work, gentle and kind. The veins stood out on his strong hands... This, kids, is why The Trail Home is a YA book. Well, this and the Dawson's Creek conversations.

No one has friendships that compare to the Saddle Club.

The Long Ride
Pine Hollow #1
by Bonnie Bryant
1998

High school. Driver's licenses. Boyfriends. Jobs.

A lot of new things are happening, but one thing remains the same: Stevie Lake, Lisa Atwood, and Carole Hanson are best friends.

Still, even among best friends, some things do change. Stevie's love affair with her car is eating up the time she used to spend with her horse. Lisa's long-distance relationship might not last the summer. Carole's job has her so wrapped up in horses that she forgets about the people around her. Problems can strain any friendship, but these three can handle it.

Then an accident leaves a girl's life in the balance, and everyone is looking for someone to blame. Can even best friends survive this test?

Okay, this summary? Completely not what the book is about. At all. It's actually pretty impressive in that regard. It's more of a general series summary than anything else, because from this book I have a feeling Stevie might become more obsessed with her car than with horses, Carole might start straining her friendships because of her work, and Lisa might have to break up with her boyfriend, which would really be okay with me, because I think he's an asshole.

I was never much of a Saddle Club fan, to be blunt. I had the first four books in the main series. I might have read them. I have some vague memory of spoons and eggs, but that's pretty much it. So just to let you all know now, I'm walking into these books with almost no knowledge of Saddle Club history. I know the names of the girls, and that's all. I decided to start reading Pine Hollow, mainly because I wanted to see if they were really classically Young Adult. I love Young Adult books -- like, I cannot wait for Sarah Dessen's new book to come out. Summer will not get here fast enough. So it's my dream to find more good, knock you over with their awesomeness YA horse books. Books like The Perfect Distance. Of course, I am not expecting Pine Hollow to live up to that level of good. Not at all.

The Long Ride starts out with a prologue. Lisa is going to California, because I guess somewhere along the way her parents divorced and her dad started himself a new family while Lisa's mom drowns in her bitterness because her life was "trivial" and now that's become all too plain. Stevie and Carole are going to the airport to give Lisa her big send off, and they have this girl Callie with them, who is along for the ride because Stevie is going to a tack shop afterward. They never make it to the tack shop. Instead they run into a horse on their way back to Pine Hollow, and the car rolls off the road. End prologue.

So the actual story picks up a few days before this tragic car wreck. The series takes a breathtakingly long time explaining the differences between middle school Saddle Club and high school Saddle Club, because the girls have responsibilities now! And jobs! And cars! And boyfriends! All of those things that were on the back of the cover! Carole is the morning barn manager at Pine Hollow for the summer, Stevie has recently gotten her driver's license and is in search of job to pay the car insurance, and Lisa is, of course, off to California to apparently have sex with a movie star named Skye Ransom, or so her boyfriend, Stevie's twin brother, seems to think. We're all caught up, yes? Let's move on to the plot.

Callie has come to Pine Hollow with her high maintenance Arabian named Fez. Carole is instantly overwhelmed by Fez's refusal to get off the horse van, and by the time Callie gets there she's a complete disaster waiting to happen. Callie arrives at the stable rushed and pissed because her brother is acting like a jerk and giving her about five minutes to see her horse before he has to chauffeur her to the dentist. This attitude crumples Carole's self-esteem almost immediately. Because Carole doesn't seem to have the ability to converse normally, she completely trips over herself and winds up offering Callie all of these services that boarders don't typically get at Pine Hollow, ie she will exercise Fez for Callie. Callie takes her up on the offer. As you can imagine, first impressions were not good.

Meanwhile, Stevie gets her license and is thrilled to pieces about it. She also gets a job as a pizza delivery girl, which involves so many gimmicks that you just have to roll your eyes because if I ever encountered a pizza delivery person wearing a felt Robin Hood hat, I'd probably tip them way more than normal just to help fund their path to a less ridiculous job. Stevie drops Lisa off at her house, and because they're practically neighbors, Alex immediately launches out of his house and makes a bee line straight to Lisa's place. This disturbed me. What was he doing? Waiting by the window? He shows up, all eager to pick out Lisa's clothes for her trip to California, probably wanting to select the frumpiest things she owns in his pathetic attempt to keep her anchored to his side from a few thousand miles away. While they're going through her CD collection, Skye Ransom calls, the very boy Alex is so worried about, and Lisa is forced to answer Skye's happy-go-lucky questions with vague statements in order to convince Alex that he has nothing to worry about. Dude, Alex sucks. This whole relationship makes me uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, Stevie delivers a pizza to Callie's home and, because everyone at Willow Creek are so ridiculously chummy, they strike up a conversation and Stevie winds up inviting Callie on the trail ride the Saddle Club is taking before Lisa leaves. Carole is not happy about this development, because she so dislikes Callie and she's tried to ride Fez and she hates Fez because he won't pick up a trot. Maybe. So Carole backs out of the trail ride, leaving Lisa and Stevie to get to know Callie, which they do and all goes swimmingly. Carole doesn't understand. Callie is a bitch! Surely her friends should have noticed this! They eat ice cream.

So, somewhere along the way Callie accidentally insults a girl with cerebral palsy. Stevie agonizes over telling Callie about how she sort of scraped up her family's car by backing into it. Lisa gets a letter from Skye, because that's likely, indicating that there is an opportunity for her to work with the horses on the set of his new tv show. The only requirements are "knowing something about horses and being willing to look after them." Carole finally has a successful ride on Fez after Max tells her to stop letting the horse push her around, and she rewards the horse by turning him out. Four hours later, while returning home from the airport, Stevie runs over Fez.

Okay, so now we've finally gotten to the point in the summary where everyone feels guilty. Callie falls into a coma, while Stevie and Carole are relatively fine. Fez breaks a leg, but because Callie is a congressman's daughter, his life is miraculously saved. When Callie wakes up from her coma, she has a hilarious "I feel so refreshed! Get me a toothbrush!" moment, but she is partially paralyzed on her left side, so the cerebral palsy girl decides to help with her therapeutic riding. Carole starts over with Callie, and Stevie deals with being the driver in the accident.

And thus, Pine Hollow starts. It was a little long, winding, and relatively mundane.

Points:

• Apparently Stevie's method of merging across three lanes of airport traffic is to wave her hand out of her window, "confuse" the drivers, and then dart all the way across the road. In a car, mind you. She is a wreck waiting to happen.

• Alex had only his lawns to mow. Apparently Alex has no friends. He only has lawns and lawn care paraphernalia.

• Carole and Stevie say a tearful goodbye to Lisa at the airport, and then Carole literally says she's going to miss Lisa and tells Callie, "It must be hard for you to understand." Dude, what? Does Callie not understand the concept of interpersonal relationships? Is she a sociopath? It would seem Callie has no friends either. Callie and Alex should totally hook up.
  

• Their house still bore the scars of a few water balloons gone astray. Wow, that's serious. Apparently Stevie's family is too poor to replace shattered windows.

• "It's a television series. A contemporary series set on a horse ranch. He's been cast as the young romantic lead. All the girls who come to the ranch fall in love with him." This suspiciously sounds like The Bachelor.

• "He can't help being insecure, but, honestly, he has nothing to be insecure about." Lisa's boyfriend, Alex, has serious insecurity issues. Ew. Lisa, dump him now.
  

• You know, when your boyfriend wants to pick out your clothing for a trip he will not be attending with you this is what is known as the horrible red flashing neon sign that says: "Your boyfriend sucks and you need an upgrade."

• Whoever wrote this (Bonnie Bryant? Perhaps not?) is a horrible tipper.

• The Saddle Club has been eating ice cream at the same venue for ages. They have been served by the same waitress every single time. I would not be surprised if that waitress was the most depressed person on the face of the earth.

I wouldn't exactly call this young adult. It's more of a 9-12, middle grade market book trying desperately to appeal to an older audience and not quite getting there. It reads a little like the Thoroughbred series, actually. Despite that, it's still solid enough as the first in a spin-off series.

Saddle Club: In which the Saddle Club turns to the Dark Side

Saddle Club S.1.13 “Set Up”

OK, we open up with a seemingly random montage of things at Pine Hollow. Horses running, getting groomed, being ridden, etc… The Saddle Club are talking about Max and Deb, how Max is crazy about her and stuff. Said couple drive past the girls in Max’s POS truck, and Prancer randomly hurts her leg at the fetlock. Max gets out to check her and Deb gets out to act like a pansy around the horses. Carole gets Deb to pet Comanche, who blows snot on her . Yay, Comanche! Also, Max thinks Prancer’s fine.

Anywho, seems Deb and Max had a date, which Deb now can’t go on due to the aforementioned horse snot stain. Max tries to help, which in typical guy form just makes things worse, and Deb gets all pissy. The Saddle Club worries that Max blew it with Deb. They feel he needs major help in the romance department. I feel Deb needs to cowgirl up or piss off, but whatever.

The girls hang out at Lisa’s house reading romance articles in girly magazines so as to help poor Max. Yeah, this’ll work.

At Pine Hollow, Veronica’s parents have a surprise for her. It’s a new horse, Garnet, who I think is very pretty. Veronica does too, until Kristi comes in and gives a lackluster opinion of her. Veronica caves to peer pressure and decides to hate Garnet in order to remain cool. Awesome. Veronica’s dad says he’ll try to return Garnet. Both parents are disappointed.

Max looks sad and tries calling Deb, but gets interrupted by Ashley, who can’t find Dime’s saddle. Max helpfully tells her to check the tack room. He goes back to his call, to be interrupted again by Red, who says the light in the tack room has gone out. Max gets a little pissy, saying he’ll deal with it later, and closes the office door.

Red tells his stupid friend Jake that the wiring is shot, and not to bother with the light anymore. Jake believes he can fix it. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think I’d call Dumbshit to fix the wiring in MY naturally flammable barn.

Max apologizes for his life being all about horses (WHAT?!?) and gets Deb to give him another chance. As this occurs, the lights begin to flicker. Max agrees to dinner and a play, but just as he’s setting a time, the power goes out completely. Of course, the call is dropped, because it would be ridiculous for Max to own a cell phone. Max is POed, walks out to find a smoking bulb socket and a miraculously uncrispy, but very sheepish Jake. Max says Pine Hollow is already bankrupting him, and he can’t afford more of Jake’s ‘help.’

The girls intercept Max before he picks Deb up. Carole picks flowers, Stevie washes his POS truck (including nasty old sandwich under the seat) and Lisa and Mrs. Reg make Max upgrade from old jeans and hay covered jacket to something that’s actually socially acceptable. After picking at him a little bit more, they finally let him leave, looking like he has a reasonable chance of getting laid. It would all be adorable if he wasn’t going to pick up Deb. Oh, well.

Veronica and Kristi watch Red groom Garnet, who Veronica nitpicks at for Kristi’s benefit before stomping off. Basically, who wants a crappy mare when everyone knows Veronica can only ride Magical Black Stallions.

The Saddle Club are staking out Pine Hollow waiting for Max to return, because in little girls minds a successful date still ends with a kiss at the girl’s door and goodnight, or something. Lisa comments that it would be adorable if they got married and procreated and their kids rode around on little Shetland ponies. Yeah, I kinda wanted to smack her a little.

Anyway, Max and Deb walk in, so the girls shut off the light to spy on them. Max can’t understand how Deb doesn’t like horses. Deb doesn’t understand how Max can get up at dawn to muck stalls. They hold hands and Deb says she likes Max, even though she could do without the horses. Max kinda laughs and agrees, saying the barn is falling into disrepair and it’s stressful. Deb kinda pushes at him to sell Pine Hollow, that maybe he’s outgrown it. Max seems to agree. Oh, noes! The girls hear this and start to evil plot against Deb, stating that if they were such good match makers, they can just as easily become match breakers. Hey girls, if you feel the need to send in a ninja assassin, my katana’s always sharp and ready to go.

The next day, the evil plan begins. Stevie and Lisa imply to Deborah that Max has several girlfriends, while Carole suggests to Max that Deb wants them to do a lot of expensive vacationing. Stevie intercepts a boarder about to take her horse, Pandora, out on a hack, saying Max wanted to see her about something important. Lisa stops Deb from going into Max’s office, where she see’s Max talking to the pretty boarder. Lisa then tells Deb that Max has a surprise for her. Lisa and Carole convince Deb that Max is taking her on a trail ride. (Side note: Deb apparently doesn’t believe in wearing a freaking bra on a date, which could explain a lot.) Stevie stops Max, who looks all darling in a snazzy suit, saying Deb thinks it makes him look like a country hick, and that’s why he hasn’t met any of her friends. Max. Is. Ticked.

Deb and Patch are not getting along. Deb gets off and lands in poop, which barely gets on her custom made high heel boots. At this point, she freaks out, and it appears that Max has been dating a grown up version of Veronica, except one who doesn’t like horses. Max and Deb have a nasty confrontation, and it appears that they break up. The Saddle Club exchange high fives. It seems the Dark Side really works for them.

Kristi watches Red brush Garnet, continuing to bad mouth the poor mare. Red finally disagrees, stating that Garnet is an awesome horse with perfect legs. Kristi goes and tells Veronica how awesome Garnet is, implying that she wants to buy her. Veronica reinstates her original happiness with Garnet, saying she’s not for sale.

Max is sad, camped out by the phone hoping Deb will call. Mrs. Reg and Red notice, and the Saddle Club feels guilty. So they plan to fix things. Lisa gets Max to agree to go on a trail ride with her. Carole gets Mrs. Reg to fix up a picnic basket. Stevie manipulates Deb into showing up just as Max and Lisa arrive at the picnic site. There, the girls fess up to their shenanigans, saying they didn’t want Max to sell Pine Hollow. Max and Deb both laugh a little, saying they were talking about Max’s crappy truck. Max and Deb are back together and the Saddle Club congratulate themselves on a job well done.

This episode was good. Good, not great. Veronica’s love, hate, love for Garnet was classic Veronica. The Saddle Club going over to the Dark Side was great. The fight between Max and Deb was well set up and executed. This episode gets a solid B. Not an A because, let’s face it, Deb is still annoying and she’s still around. Sorry. I do make the rules and am unwilling to change them.

The Saddle Club #17: Mystery at Pine Hollow!

The Saddle Club #17: Horsenapped
By: Bonnie Bryant
Published: August 1991

Stevie, Carole, and Lisa are best friends and horse-crazy members of The Saddle Club. The three are looking forward to the combined-training event at Pine Hollow Stables, when all riders will compete in dressage, cross-country, and stadium jumping. It's a horse lover's dream!

When snooty Veronica blames her bad performance on her horse, Garnet, and storms out of the ring, Carole follows, fearing Veronica's threat to give away her horse. But horse and rider have disappeared.

Later, when Lisa finds a $10,000 ransom note in the stall, the possibility becomes all too clear: Garnet has been horsenapped!

Who would have thought that The Saddle Club would ever feel sorry for Veronica ? The girls resolve to catch the horsenappers and soon find themselves in a daring escape that puts all their hose-riding skills to the test.

Some of you may have noticed my lack of motivation to keep snarking the early books in the series -- after all, they are sweet in a sort of 1980s, Bonnie-Bryant-hasn't-ridden-a-horse-since-she-was-ten kind of way -- so we're jumping straight to the good stuff: the later books. Well, not the really good stuff. The really snarkable ones are later, where there are people with names like Tiffani and Arab princesses and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever or whatever was going on at the very end of the series. I can never keep any of those books straight, which is probably why I'm reviewing this one -- one that I read when I was little -- and not those.

So. It's summertime, and Max doesn't have enough to do with himself, so he's throwing a three-day combined-training event/competition/show at Pine Hollow for both the adult and young riders. Combined training includes three events: dressage, cross-country, and stadium jumping. Three events, three members of the Saddle Club. Get where this is going? I hope you're all following along.

The girls are looking forward to Alicia Downing, one of the grown-ups, whose horse is called Bodoni (like a Budyonny, get it, except that Bodoni is a Thoroughbred) and is a full brother to Cobalt, Carole's beloved horse who kicked the bucket when Veronica snapped his leg like a twig. Unfortunately, Alicia never turns up to ride, and Bodoni's gone. Same with Bill Feeney, another grown-up, who rides a Thoroughbred named Saturday's Child. In fact, the only person who does turn up is Donald, the new stablehand who is always rushing around like he has ADHD.

Then it's the girls' turn to ride. Stevie does wonderfully, and everyone's favourite Veronica diAngelo does abysmally. She makes a great big noisy fuss, blames the whole thing on Garnet, drops out of the competition (we should remember this from the back cover), and marches off. After Lisa and Carole finish their rides, they go to check on Garnet and find a ransom note stuck to Garnet's stall with bubble gum: "WE HAVE YOUR HORSE. IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN, GET $10,000 CASH AND WAIT FOR ANOTHER NOTE FROM US. DO NOT CALL THE POLICE OR IT'LL BE CURTAINS FOR THE NAG!"

The girls inspect Bodoni and Saturday's Child's stalls and find not only no horses, but bubble gum there as well. They conclude that all three have been "horsenapped" and of course they'd better not call the police, because how much fun would that be? They decide to investigate on their own first. Carole rides Starlight to Alicia and Mr. Feeney's houses, where she finds no horses there, either.

The second day of the event is cross-country, which is not as exciting as the next plot development: Veronica didn't answer the phone this morning, so the obvious conclusion is that she's been kidnapped too. After their cross-country rides, the girls figure that the kid/horsenappers must be hiding out in a farm in the woods somewhere, away from all the riders who are traipsing through the woods on the cross-country trail. They ride off to check it out, but before they can get very far they run into Donald the stablehand, who drags them back to Pine Hollow. The girls go to TD's to get some ice cream, where they run into -- guess who -- Veronica! Apparently she hasn't been kidnapped at all, and instead was at the mall buying garnet earrings (garnets, get it?).

The last day of the event is show jumping, which is also not as exciting as the eureka: Stevie realizes that she keeps seeing Donald, running around being all ADHD, and chewing bubble gum and leaving the wrappers around and tacking up ransom notes and selling it four for a penny (oh, no wait, that was Henry Huggins). Anyway, they ride out to the woods again, and find the horses and some horsenappers at an abandoned farm. Since the girls have been to Kate Devine's dude ranch twice, which makes them all professional cowgirls, they round up the three horses -- Garnet, Sat, and Bodoni -- and herd them back to Pine Hollow. Unfortunately, they are not good enough cowgirls to stop all six horses from running into the show ring while one of the grown-ups is doing her stadium jumping.

After the police come and arrest ADHD Donald and the other horsenappers, Max gives out ribbons. The girls each take a first, second, and third in one event, but Carole ends up as junior champion, which really makes no sense mathematically if all three of them have the exact same scores. The book denoues for a little bit while the police read out Donald's Exposition Rights and scold the girls for saving the horses themselves, and then the diAngelos make an appearance. Mrs. diAngelo shakes each girl by the fingertips and says nothing. Veronica says she didn't want Garnet back, because "the darned horse cost me a blue ribbon." Mr. diAngelo, to his credit, acts kind of embarrassed and announces that he's going to give the girls five hundred dollars as a reward (I hope that's each), and the girls decide to take it since it'll really piss off Veronica, and after all, what else can you ask for at the end of the day?

Overall, this isn't a terrible book -- it's early enough in the series that the horsenapping plot isn't old (get back to me after Mystery Ride and Western Star and we'll talk), and the girls mostly figure it out by prancing around in the woods, which is what they generally do anyway. It's also a very funny book. It's full of zingers, such as "I was actually referring to the fact that being kidnapped probably isn't exactly swell fun" (I totally need to use the phrase "swell fun" on a regular basis). In fact, it's kind of like an episode of 30 Rock -- it's a little crazy and unbelievable, but funny and full of one-liners along the way.

My real problem with it is that it doesn't really make sense in the context of the other books. Alicia, Bill Feeney, Bodoni, and Sat drop out of nowhere into this book and then are never heard from again. Donald was never introduced prior to this book, a sure giveaway that he's the evil-doer (see the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Conundrum" for another fine example of this crappy storytelling). Pine Hollow never sponsors a three-day event again (well, not until all those later books whose titles I can never remember), and I really don't buy Lisa as a good enough rider to take a second in dressage and a third in show jumping, although granted, BB never breathes a word of any other young riders except Veronica, who drops out.

Points of Interest:

• Stevie orders a dish of vanilla ice cream at TD's, but what she actually meant to order was vanilla and pistachio with blueberry and pineapple topping.
  
• Mrs. Reg tells no thematically relevant horsey stories in this one.
  
• The cover art is by George Tsui, who took over from Rob Sauber and did the art for books 13-25. It's actually not bad, if you can overlook the dark and stormy night in the background, Carole's hideous chartreuse shirt, and the fact that Carole looks way more Hispanic, or even Mediterranean, than African-American. On the other hand, I guess her chartreuse shirt matches the design of the front cover (yet another reason they should never have dropped that horseshoe design). Also, I assume that's Garnet in the background. Is it me or is she abnormally small compared to the horsenapper?

Happy Holidays from the Whitebrook Farm crew!

Earlier this month, I received a Christmas card from none other than Elizabeth, Saddle Club contributor for this blog. Elizabeth designs these cards by hand -- really, she's very awesome about this. This year she just outdid herself, and I have to share her awesomeness on the blog:

The theme this year: Carole Hanson celebrates Kwanzaa. She gave me free rein to detail the card in colored pencil, but really, how can I destroy this level of brilliance?

Happy Holidays!

Saddle Club: In which I suffer the return of Deborah

Saddle Club S.1.12 “Jumping to Conclusions”

This episode starts off with Veronica bitching over Max assigning Prancer to Lisa while she gets reassigned to Patch. My personal opinion is that Patch is adorable. Veronica does not share my opinion. As she dismounts in a temper tantrum, Patch starts walking, landing Veronica on her butt. The Saddle Club snickers and Veronica says Lisa isn’t good enough to ride Prancer.

Later, the girls are still making fun of Veronica up by the quarry. Phil tries to justify her behavior by saying she’s probably still upset about Cobalt. This pisses Stevie off.

Veronica is curling her eyelashes (God, why do people do that?) and bitching to Kristi about Prancer. In walks a member of Red’s band, Jake, who is apparently hot. Once again, I really don’t see the hotness. Kristi and Veronica fall for him. Jake’s unhappy that Red spends more time working than practicing. After all, Jake’s made sacrifices. He skips school and everything all for the band. Loser.

Red asks Max for Saturday off, but Max says no. Then Deb shows up. Blech. She and Max are all awkward smiling. It makes me sick. Max tells Red if he can find someone to work part time, he can have Saturday off. Then he and Deb are smiley some more. Whoo.

Kristi attempts to flirt with Jake. Veronica comes in and breaks it up, dragging Kristi out. Phil witness all this and thinks Jake is some girl attracting god, so he asks for some advice for asking Stevie out. Jake’s brilliant suggestion? Hey, tell her she looks good, because all girls love complements. Awesome.

Lisa goes to tack up Prancer, but finds her acting strange. Max agrees that she’s not quite herself, but thinks she’ll settle down. During the lesson, she acts skittish and refuses a jump. True to her character, Veronica snarks that a horse is only as good as its rider. Max tells her not to ride her on the trails to cool her out, and that he’ll have Red check her feed.

Stevie borrowed her brother’s shirt without asking, says he’ll never notice, and then promptly spills soda on it. I laughed. So did Carole. Phil comes in and, not noticing the soda stain, complements Stevie’s shirt. Epic fail. Stevie gets mad because she thinks he’s making fun of her.

Lisa is worried about Prancer, but Max thinks she’s just having an off day. Veronica comes up and says Prancer’s slacking off because of her novice rider. Max retorts that he doesn’t consider Lisa to be a novice anymore. Lisa doubts herself and tells Max that maybe Veronica should ride Prancer. Max doesn’t want Lisa to lose me confidence, but agrees to let Veronica ride Prancer for one day.

Veronica continues being a bitch and Lisa insists that Prancer is not well. Phil tries to complement Stevie again and fails again. Red comes in and says Prancer’s feed is fine. Veronica acts bitchy some more. Red then tells them that all the horses have strict feeding routines, and that no one is to feed the horses anything extra. He tells the girls about a horse that would turn into a steeplechaser every time he was fed extra oats. It’s news to me that oats will make a horse hot (that is, high spirited) but this story puts a scheme in Veronica’s head.

Red tries to get Jake to take the part time job so he can get more time off and they can get in some rehearsal time. Jake’s not interested in horses. Red gives him a hard time about Kristi and Veronica, saying they’re too young for him. Jake acts like a jerk, going “I can’t help it if they dig me.” Loser. He then steps in horse poo and gets all huffy.

Veronica sneaks some oats to Prancer as Jake tells Phil to “play it cool.” As in, ignore Stevie all together. Brilliant.

The next day, Prancer does well for Veronica. Despite getting exactly what she wanted, she still has to be a bitch, saying “You either have it or you don’t, right Lisa?” Lisa looks sad.

Veronica goes further, telling Lisa that since Prancer means so much to her, she can cool her out. That’s the only way she’ll ever get to ride her. Lisa agrees to do it saying they can ride her up to the quarry. Carole tells Stevie to invite Phil. After some protesting, she does, but Phil ignores her. Stevie leaves all annoyed and Phil looks confused.

Stevie and Carole determine that Veronica is doing something to make Prancer act so strange. They head back to find some evidence while Lisa stays out with Prancer.

Stevie and Carole start going through Veronica’s bag, where they are predictably caught by Max.

Phil finds Lisa and asks where the others are. Lisa teases him about Stevie, but tells him she likes him back. She tells him that Stevie hates to be ignored, and when he doesn’t respond she says she doesn’t either. Suddenly Phil says the plant Prancer is eating is oleander, which is poisonous.

As Max brings Stevie and Carole to apologize to Veronica, they catch her putting extra oats in Prancer’s feed bag. Max is thoroughly ticked, suspends her from lessons, and tells her, if she’s lucky, she’ll get to ride Patch again. Lisa and Phil come in with the news that Prancer’s been poisoned.

Dr. Judy tells them that Prancer didn’t eat very much, so she should be alright in 24 hours. After Lisa’s first lesson on Prancer, they rode up to the quarry, where Prancer got into the oleander. The next day, Prancer was sick, so they didn’t go up to the quarry. Later Veronica gave her the oats, so by the next lesson she was back to normal. Stevie gives Phil a big hug, which makes him all love dizzy.

Jake runs into Deb, which makes him act like a goober. Max comes up and says Jake will be working for them part time. Jake, in awe of Deb, stupidly parrots his consent.

Elsewhere, Kristi and Veronica are arguing over Jake. They agree to let Jake decide, but when they go to find him they discover him talking to/ trying to flirt with Deb. They are both disgusted because she is far too old for him, and he must be so desperate. Kristi turns her attention back to Red, and Veronica just looks exasperated.

In a lesson later on, Lisa and Prancer are getting along much better. Veronica is again on Patch. Poor Patch.

This is the best Prancer centered episode thus far. That’s not to say the episode was great. Veronica’s over the top bitchiness annoyed me more than usual. Therefore, the episode gets a B.

I do have to say Prancer and Lisa have really become my favorite horse/rider team. They are both imperfect, and have both undergone real character growth. A big part of this show is the merchandising, and I have somewhat fallen into the trap. The Breyer Prancer model has come to live on my desk at work, and despite myself, I may have to get the rest of the Saddle Club set.