Child endangerment camp!

Horse Mad Series
Vol. 3: Horse Mad Academy
By Kathy Helidoniotis
Published in US: Mar. 1, 2009

Ashleigh and her horse, Honey, face their fears together in a new adventure.

Ashleigh Miller is starting a course at the Waratah Grove Riding Academy, one of the best riding academies in the country. It seems like a dream come true until she realizes there is more to this school than she bargained for. Getting through an exhausting riding schedule, training with the best junior riders in Australia, struggling with a horse who won't do dressage routines and competing for a chance to ride at the nationals all have Ashleigh thinking life in Shady Creek with the Creepketeers was a breeze.

But those aren't Ashleigh's only worries. She's beginning to unravel the mysterious past of her horse, Honey, and wonders if she can ever renew Honey's spirit. To top it all off, her new baby brother or sister is on the way at home, there's something fishy going on inside Roycroft Cabin and Ashleigh has to figure out a way to survive four weeks without her two best friends.

Ashleigh and Honey take on an exciting four weeks they won't soon forget.


Last time Ash had just won a trip to Waratah Grove Riding Academy, and found out her Mum was pregnant. This book sees Ash at said Academy, where all is magical and good. She stands in the parking lot for a while bemoaning her pregnant mom drama and getting all hot for a silver horse someone else is unloading from their trailer. She meets Mrs. Strickland, the boss, and gets thoroughly embarrassed by her parents at lunch before they leave.

She then makes friends with some girl named Brooke. It’s very important that you know that Brooke is wearing make-up, with painted nails, chews gum in an obnoxious manner, and says “like” in every sentence. This means she’s evil, but Ash is not genre savvy, so she doesn’t pick up on it.

Juliette, some other obnoxious girl who only repeats what Brooke says, and Ash are assigned to the Roycroft cabin with three other girls. Ash dubs Brooke, Juliette, and herself the Three (goddammit) Groveketeers. They meet their cabin leader, an older girl named Kylie who’s a big name rider.

The cabin mates and their horses are:
Brooke - Angel (the grey Ash drooled over)
Tash - Silverado
Molly - Rebel
Juliette - Storm
Ash (duh) - Honey
Lena - Biscuit

Brooke and Tash hate each other and Brooke warns Ash to stay away from her. Lena, the youngest in the cabin, is a bit of a crybaby, but she is only eight. Molly is a vegetarian.

Everyone gets their schedules, which are totally hardcore, are told the requirements to graduate from the camp, get homework assigned, and hear about the Waratah Grove Cup, a trophy that is rarely awarded, and only to a rider who proves themselves worthy. Ash vows to win it.

At Ash’s first Dressage lesson she gets chewed for showing up not dressed appropriately, after Brooke had said she looked fine. Brooke is the queen of passive-aggressive warfare.

Honey refuses to enter the arena, then freaks half way through a routine, tosses Ash and makes a run for it.. Ash gets back on, finishes her test, and feels pretty good about it until Brooke suggests that maybe she can’t handle a mare, and should get an easier gelding.

At the show jumping lesson, Brooke is a smart ass who makes sure everyone knows she’s a B-grade jumper, and bullies her mare. Ash jumps clean. Of course she does.

Tash has a picture of her little sister that someone cuts up into tiny pieces and then frames Ash for. Brooke tells Ash that they can’t be friends anymore, leaving Ash completely isolated. Brooke then begins open bitchiness.

Ash rocks the cross-country practice, and her next dressage lesson starts off well until she starts Honey in the arena where someone starts ringing a bell until Honey spooks. The instructor bans her from the dressage ring.

Molly and Tash help Ash eavesdrop on Brooke, who dun dun dun… is Carly’s cousin! The newly formed trio plot revenge. They steal her clothes and blackmail her with a warning that they’ll tell on her or some such.

Tash tries to help Ash with dressage, but Honey still acts like a butt. So they decide to train in the woods. Awesome. Honey randomly does a flying lead change and Tash gets all hot over her. Honey must be a dressage horse! So it’s to the library where they do a search on Honey, formally called Argonaut. They discover that Honey’s last owner had whipped her across the head repeatedly after a poor dressage score. Ash discovers a scar that she’d never noticed before behind Honey’s ear.

She goes to see Mrs. Strickland, who gives her a bullshit, “I knew but couldn’t tell you because you needed to learn it for yourself” talk. WTF? The adults in these book are morons.

Brooke keeps up the bitchiness, Ash is awesome at the show jumping, Tash reveals that her mum died and she takes care of her little sister. They keep practicing dressage until Ash is finally allowed back into the arena. Honey does the simple beginners course, but Ash feels the need to be a show off, and throws in some fancier moves, which earns her a bitching out from the instructor, who somehow manages to spook Honey, who chucks Ash into the wall.

The camp intends to send Ash home until Lena suggests that they teach Honey to park. Ash, Tash, and Molly argue, Honey refuses to park, Ash does bad in her last jumping lesson, she does good in her last cross country lesson, she’s still banned from dressage, then finally Honey learns to park and that makes everything better. Ash gets the okay to take the dressage test, Mrs. Strickland gets all proud, Ash gets all nervous over the test until Lena points out that, hey, it’s only horse riding. Genius!

Brooke and Ash make a bet that whoever gets the worst final score will refuse to have their name put on the Honour Board. At Ash’s dressage test, aside from a few little mistakes, everything goes fine. Ash makes up with Molly and Tash. In the show jumping, Ash gets a few faults. After some freaking out, Ash rides the cross country perfectly.

Ash gets to graduate, she gets more points than Brooke, who promptly forgets their bet, and Molly gets the Waratah Grove Cup for some reason. Ash goes home and her parents tell her about a new riding school opening up in Shady Creek looking for riders to come work for them. End.

God… What can I say? That the person in charge knew why Honey was acting like a nutcase, and didn’t say anything blew my mind. That Brooke was a villain in a book with enough to overcome without needing a villain, was ridiculous. And of course, the antagonist has to be abusive to her horse. That Ash, through stupid luck and actual hard work, fixed her batshit crazy horse with no help from the adults and didn’t get that super special trophy was anticlimactic. Would it have been cliché? Yeah. But it would have made sense. Molly did nothing of real interest, nothing to deserve the thing. Unless they’re handing out trophies to people for being Ash’s friend, but then Tash and Lena deserved one as well.

BTW, I noticed something about the cover. The pic above I got off of Amazon. The rider kinda looks like she's about to sneeze, the horse is obviously a bay, and has no blaze. My book's cover is exactly the same picture, except the rider is smiling, the horse is still bay, but the color has been lightened. It's still a bay, because it still has black points, but it's body is comparable to a chestnut horse. It also is sporting a blaze. I have to give them props for trying to make the horses on all the covers look like the same horse, but it's pretty easy to find chestnut horses. You don't have to photo manipulate a bay to make a fake chestnut horse. It's just weird.

So much PMSing...

Horse Mad Series
Vol. 2: Horse Mad Summer
By Kathy Helidoniotis
Published in US: Aug. 15, 2008

Join horse-crazy Ashleigh and her new horse, Honey, for their latest adventure.

Ashleigh Miller has just moved to the town of Shady Creek with her family. The best thing about leaving the city has been getting her new horse, Honey, and making a new best friend, Becky. But Ashleigh really misses the friends she left behind in the city, especially her other best friend, Jenna.

When Ashleigh finds out that Jenna is coming to spend the summer with her for a horse mad holiday, it sounds like the best news ever. She can't wait for her two best friends to meet. But when Jenna arrives, she doesn't get along with Becky. Ashleigh feels caught in the middle. Will the three girls be able to get past their differences and have the horse-crazy holiday that Ashleigh was hoping for?

Find out what happens to Ashleigh, Becky and Jenna in their first horse mad summer together.


I tore the last book a new one. This book doesn’t fair much better. At the Shady Creek Riding Club, Ash’s instructor Gary tells the group that the Waratah Grove Junior Cross-Country Riding Championships are coming up. The prize for which is $1000 dollars and a four week stay at Waratah Grove Riding Academy, a super swanky school. I don’t think I’ll spoil it for you by saying that Ash is going to win, but of course there must be a whole lot of wangst to get there. So let’s see what we got.

Only two riders per age group from each zone get to compete. The Club will sponsor any members who makes it in, so everyone has to think up fundraisers. Ash, having schemed for money all of the last book, is not thrilled with that, but is all sorts of excited that her BFF Jenna will be visiting for a month soon.

Becky and Ash decide to clean, paint, and decorate old horseshoes to sell as Christmas ornaments. (Side Note: Keep in mind that summer in Australia is in December. Simple, but I spent half the book being confused as Hell until I remembered.)

Ash tries to practice cross country, one of the (sigh) Creepketeers, Flea, spooks Honey and Ash falls off. Doing something like that is dangerous for the horse, so I didn’t get the chuckle out of it that I might have otherwise. But of course, Ash gets back on, does the jump, and is all around wonderful. Yay…

Ash is so in love with Jenna that it’s all she talks about. Becky gets annoyed, I get creeped out. Ash is oblivious to both. During her first ride over the cross country course, she’s totally awesome and everyone amazed. She realized that she wants to beat everyone, including Becky. She angsts over this.

Anywho, at the try-outs Ash has a clean round until the last jump, where she freaks out and causes Honey to refuse. Because of that, Carly, one of the (sigh) Creepketeers, and Becky are the two to go to the Championships.

Ash tags along on Carly and Becky’s training session. Both riders get caught up in competing and ride aggressively, earning a bitch out by Gary.

After Christmas, Jenna finally arrives. Ash bullies her about riding Cassata, Jenna is less than thrilled. Then Jenna and Becky meet, and Ash is disappointed that they don’t fall in love with each other. Jenna tells Ash that her parents are getting divorced, and she has to keep it a secret from Becky.

Jenna has her first riding lesson, Ash doesn’t train with Becky because she thinks she should stay with Jenna, after the lesson Jenna acts like a wuss because she’s saddle sore, Becky, Ash, and Jenna go swimming in the creek, Ash and Jenna act like lovers and it hurts Becky’s feeling. Then Ash blows Becky off about training to take Jenna around town. God, so dramatic.

Ash manages to tell Becky that she’s keeping a secret from her, a secret she refuses to reveal. Becky’s feeling are hurt some more. Fail, Ash. Then she bullies Jenna some more about riding, and Jenna is obviously scared, until her father tells her to knock it off.

More fundraising. Jenna has an idea to have a dance party, Flea of all people thinks it’s a great idea. The party is on and the theme is horses (duh).

Ash organizes a sleepover with Becky and Jenna. They kind of get along, go on a trail ride, until in the morning Becky discovers that the horses have gotten out of the corral. Jenna was the one to close the gate. Becky yells at Jenna, Ash sticks up for Jenna, Becky cries, Jenna cries, they find the horses, Becky goes home. God, so much more dramatic.

The dance happens and Jenna and Becky still hate each other. Ash notices that Becky’s eyes had lost the sparkle that she loved so much. I’m not kidding. The dance is a big hit, but Ash is scared that she’s losing Becky.

The three go trail riding, it turns into another emo fest, everyone cries, Becky breaks up with Ash because “three’s a crowd.” She canters off leaving Ash and Jenna. Then the forest catches fire! Then they find Becky, who fell off Charlie, twisted her ankle, and broke her arm. Ash gets her up on Cassata with Jenna and tells them to get out while she finds Charlie. She does and the day is saved. Wow.

Becky, Jenna, and Ash all decide they love each other. Because Becky can’t ride, Ash gets to ride in the Championships. She trains, the (sigh) Creepketeers try to mess with her. She goes to the Championship, rides a perfect ride, Carly gets disqualified for overuse of the whip, and Ash wins first place, a big honking trophy, $1000, the stay at Waratah Grove Riding Academy, and the love and admiration of the whole stinking world. Yay.

In the end, Jenna goes home and Ash’s parents tell her that they're expecting a baby. Ash asks if she can name it Jenna or Rebecca. The end.

God, this book. It’s almost ridiculous enough to be entertaining. As I’ve mentioned, Ash loves her friends to an unhealthy degree. I stopped caring long before the book was over. The horse related segments were somewhat few and far between, but were fairly solid. Soooo.. Ashleigh Miller vs. Ashleigh Griffen round 2... GO!

For those looking for a more annoying Ashleigh...

Horse Mad Series
Vol. 1: Totally Horse Mad
By Kathy Helidoniotis
Published in US: Aug. 15, 2008

The first book in an exciting new series about the adventures of a horse-crazy Australian girl named Ashleigh.

Ashleigh Miller is mad about horses, and she craves her own. But she can’t afford one, her parents don’t know anything about horses, and there just isn’t room in her tiny back yard in the city. So, when Ashleigh’s parents tell her that she can finally have a horse of her own, she thinks it’s the best thing ever. But the good news comes at a price. Ashleigh’s family is leaving the city and heading for the small country town of Shady Creek in rural Australia.

Ashleigh’s life is about to change, and her adventures have just begun.


Ok, this is a book that tried to assassinate poor Mara, so let’s see what we’ve got…

We open with Ashleigh Miller, aged 11, in a totally BS daydream of winning the Olympics. Her instructor, Holly, yells at her for being stupid, and her nemesis, Nicki, laughs. Ashleigh shows them though with the best barrel run EVER! Her instructor and teammate kiss her ass and Nicki (appropriately) acts disgusted.

Ashleigh determines she HAS to buy a horse of her own. Her BFF Jenna, in spite of obviously not giving a rat’s ass about horses, agrees to help.

Ashleigh, being eleven, can’t get a job, so she takes odd jobs instead. Her dad says he’s impressed with her initiative. That’s gonna bite him in the butt…

So Ashleigh tries to sell her parents' stuff to raise money. Her parents, for some reason, do not appreciate this, and ground her for two weeks. Then she tries to take her money and bet it on a race. Again, her parents get upset.

Side Note: I do have to say, though, that Ashleigh’s parents really do suck. It’s a running theme through all the books.

Ash’s parents tell her she can have a horse because, oh they forgot to mention, they bought a house in the country.

Ash breaks the news to her BFF by basically saying “I’m moving away from you and getting everything I ever wanted, YAY!!” For some reason, Jenna is upset that this beyotch is moving away, and stomps off, telling her she’ll never speak to her again.

Side Note: Another running theme in these books in Ashleigh’s unhealthy amount of love for her friends. It borders on creepy, but I personally am rather hermity, so maybe it’s just me.

So Ash and her parents move, and within five minutes of arriving, Ash stalks some kids to the nearby riding school, Shady Creek Riding Club. It’s ghetto compared to South Beach, but Ashleigh decides to grace the place with her presence anyway. She tries to impress the kids there with her Twelve-Under Championship, so they put her up on a psychotic horse named Scud, who bolts and tosses her.

Yet Another Side Note: Who freaking screams when a horse bolts? Is it supposed to make the horse feel better when you're clinging to their back and roaring like a wildcat? Ash is a moron.

With a wounded ego, she then meets Gary Cho, who owns the Riding Club, and his daughter Becky. Becky is the reject of the group, so of course she and Ash will be friends later.

The horses Ash and her father go to see all fail. A Shetland, an ancient, and an insane. Ashleigh would take them all if her dad let her. I feel there would be more than three horses for sale in rural Australia, but whatever.

The kids from Riding Club go after Ash at school, dubbing her ‘Spiller Miller’ until Becky shows up to save her. She then offers to let Ash borrow Cassata, her sister's neglected Appaloosa, until she gets a horse of her own.
So, of course, Ash goes home and buys a horse off the internet. This REALLY doesn’t go over well. She is in SERIOUS trouble, you guys. Plus her parents drop the bombshell that they are running out of money and can’t afford a horse right know. This really is another case of the Miller parents ass-suckyness, because, instead of telling her all this when she was asking about going to see horses, they just blew her off. Plus, who makes an expensive move without securing a job beforehand? Epic FAIL Millers.

That’s not to say that Ashleigh doesn’t act like a total brat. She hates everyone now. Becky has to twist her arm to get her to ride Cassata, because, seriously, what’s the point of riding a horse that isn’t even yours?

‘Course, then they find a emaciated chestnut horse in an abandoned field. The vet says she’s so bad that she may have to be put to sleep. Oh, noes! Ashleigh throws a shit fit, bullies her parents into letting her keep the mare, and names her Honey. Yays. She actually even gets her parents to let her miss school, but the mare doesn’t get any better. There are a million and one horse people around, and not one thinks that a worm infested horse might need more than one tube of wormer. You know, my horses get tube wormed (what they call drenching in this book) once a year. You’d think the vet in this book would have thought of that. Seriously, Ash is a ‘tard, but none of the adults are impressing me much either.

But, tada, the horse improves after the drench. And for whatever reason, everyone is impressed with Ashleigh because of it. What’s more, Honey is actually a champion in all the local events. Ash calls her old owner, she and Becky cry at him, and he decides to give her the horse to avoid going to court for neglect or something. Oh, and the horse’s name used to be Argonaut. Lame.

Ash and Honey get put on the team for some competition, knocking one of the others off. The Three (sigh) Creepketeers vow to get Ashleigh off the team.

Ash also has the problem of money. Since her parents are asstards, she is literally paying for everything herself, doing everything just short of selling blood and prostitution. She comes up with the plan to sell homemade ribbon brow bands, which she dubs ‘Bandies’, at the competition. But, in the meantime, she decides to collect cans.

In a truly hilarious scene, she fills a plastic bag with said cans and gets on Honey. Honey responds like any horse who hasn’t been properly desensitized would: she spooks. Ash, of course, loses her grip on the reins, grabs her horse like a wildcat and screams. Honey, sensibly, dumps her. I kinda love this horse.

Anyway, her bum plumber mother manages to get a job, so Ash won’t have to whore herself. She makes a butt load of (sigh) Bandies to sell at the competition, and her friend Jenna gets the stick out off her butt and writes Ash a letter. Yays.

Ash’s old nemesis, Nicki, shows up and trash talks. The Creepketeers dirty up Honey and Charlie, Becky’s horse. Then ‘someone’ spooks Honey by tying plastic bags all around her. Then they plan on loosening Honey’s girth right before the competition, but Ash sets up some espionage and gets them talking about it on film, foils their evil plans, and wins the day.

Then Jenna shows up and Ash’s day is like the best ever! And Jenna’s going to stay over summer break! And Jenna’s going to take riding lessons! And the book ends there.

There really isn’t much I can say about this book. It is the definition of ridiculous, and I think it’ll teach kids more ridiculous misconceptions about horses than the Thoroughbred series. Fortunately, generally where Ash does something stupid, bad things happen to her. Which leads me to a request. As I review these books, I’d like to engage you readers in discussions of “Ashleigh vs. Ashleigh.” Simply put, how does Ashleigh Miller measure up to Ashleigh Griffen? Ok, readers. Ready? Discuss! Should be interesting!