Apparently the price of fame is to look goofy and wear hideous pink shirts. TB #64: The Price of Fame.

The Price of Fame
Thoroughbred #64
By Mary Newhall
April 2004

Christina saved Star from a stalker, but can she protect him from Brad Townsend?

When Christina first moved Star to Townsend Acres to keep him safe from his stalker, she couldn't stand the thought of keeping him under Brad's roof. But now that they've settled in, she can't complain: The facilities are great and Brad is keeping a polite distance. But just when Christina begins to let down her guard, she makes a shocking discovery. …

It turns out Brad is under a great deal of pressure from his investors to produce more moneymaking horses—horses bred from winners like Star and Light Fandango, a descendant of the famous Kentucky Derby winner Northern Dancer. Christina begins to suspect that Brad will force her to breed Star with one of his mares as payment for boarding Star. Christina will do anything to keep Star safe from Brad, but will she have a choice?

The Summary:

This is probably the most accurate summary I've read lately.  In fact, I considered just copy and pasting the first paragraph below, because that's basically the deal:  Townsend Acres is beautiful and well-managed, but Christina and Melanie wonder what on earth they're doing there.  Of course, you have to deduct about six points for the two famous horsie references in the second paragraph.

The Cover:

Oh man.  I'm pretty sure this travesty was the reason I wanted to get back into writing recaps.  That, and because it pays so well.  Anyway, the style is just completely bizarre, sort of like a cross between anime and CGI.  Or is anime all computer-generated these days anyway?  Well, whatever.  It looks 100% strange and cartoonish.  Christina's eyes (assuming that's Christina) are as big as Star's and I guess it's just the angle at which she's lovingly and protectively lying across his neck, but she also looks like the fattest jockey in existence.

The Plot:

So after Christina's questionable taste in new friends, she retreats to Townsend Acres with Star, even though the stalker left for California at the end of the last book.  I'm not completely clear on why Christina didn't just take Star back to Whitebrook and agree not to befriend any more weirdo stalkers, but I guess they had to get Christina to TA somehow, since, as we all know, Melanie isn't good enough to carry a plot on her own.  I mean, it wasn't good enough that Melanie wanted to be a jockey and Christina wanted to event, oh nooooo, Christina had to want to race too.  Whatever.  So Melanie is working with Jinx, who is even crazier than Image.  She's also agreed to let Brad breed Image to Celtic Mist.

The first third or so of this book involves Townsend Acres being beautiful and well-managed, but Christina and Melanie wondering what on earth they're doing there.  Christina overhears Brad and Lavinia talking about a syndicate meeting that Brad has to attend.  Apparently this means that Brad sells shares of his horses to investors so he can keep having cash to make improvements to his beautiful, well-managed farm.

Brad invites Christina and Melanie to dine with him (complete with "chilled forks"—is that a thing?) and asks them to exercise-ride some horses for Ralph Dunkirk.  Most of this dinner is actually taken up by Brad's snide comments about Christina and her parents.  Confession time:  I am not a big Brad fan.  I don't think he's Batman and I had a really hard time writing that Brad/Ashleigh challenge ficlet that Mara asked for one time.  But here he's probably the most interesting he's been since the OG books because everything he says is true:  Ashleigh and Mike have never really shown off Whitebrook.  Almost every great winner they've had did come from TA bloodlines (except for Glory, and TA owns half of Glory anyway).  Brad says, "The animals we breed and train are income-producing stock. The challenge of breeding for racing excellence, to become the best, is what it's all about."  Christina counters with, "Horses are glorious, magnificent creatures with personalities, and there's nothing so wonderful as connecting with one of them," and while that's probably what we're supposed to think, it sounds pretty ridiculous right this moment.  There was an early Saddle Club book that featured horse-racing and Carole coming to the realization that some horses are not just for fun and worth a couple hundred or maybe a thousand dollars; for some, they are big money and it's almost like they're not the same animal as a pleasure horse at all.  Sorry, Christina, but I think you lose this round.

Oh, and this is so important that it gets its own paragraph:  after Christina's little declaration, Brad comes back with, "I don't need to get attached to the horses to enjoy the benefits they provide me."  I guess maybe it's true; he never did love another horse after they had to destroy Townsend Prince.

Christina rides some horses with incredibly stupid names:  Townsend's Silver Spoon, TA Illumination, and Pride's Light Fandango.  Light Fandango is the one who's supposed to be important, because he has Northern Dancer bloodlines (famous horsie reference of the book).  Also, I think some of those names exceed the 18-character limit, unless that's supposed to mean "Silver Spoon who belongs to Townsend" and "Light Fandango who belongs to Pride" … no, that doesn't make any sense.

Surprising no one, Light Fandango is amazing and all that.  Ralph asks her to ride him in the Kentucky Cup.  At first Christina says no, because "Brad would never want me to race a Townsend Acres horse."  Ralph says that's true (zing!) but they need a jockey, so Christina says yes.  Jinx has been performing well, so Melanie plans to enter him in the Kentucky Cup.  She can't believe it when Christina says she's agreed to ride Light Fandango for TA.  Christina tells Ashleigh, who is clearly pissed but decides to go the passive-aggressive route and say she doesn't mind.

The Kentucky Cup happens (that was quick).  Melanie wins on Jinx, Christina brings Light Fandango in second, one of Ghyllian Hollis' colts runs third, and a Whitebrook horse named American Jazz is fourth.  Light Fandango is really tired, so Ralph says they'll leave him at the track overnight.  Christina gets back to TA just in time to find Brad showing off for the investors, who do not seem impressed.  They don't want Celtic Mist's bloodlines, they want a Wonderpony, and Brad failed in his quest to get Champion back to TA.  They ask if Star will stand stud at TA.

Christina freaks out and wants to move Star right away, accusing Brad of planning this.  Brad just rolls his eyes and tells her, "I didn't find someone to stalk your horse so that I could offer to let you keep Star here, I didn't call my foreign investors and invite them to have an unplanned stockholders' meeting so that I could show off Star and Image, and I didn't tell them Star is mine."  Brad tries three different tactics:  first he tells her, "We're really not all that different, you and I. We both like to compete and we both like to win. … For all your righteousness, you're as aggressive and focused as I am. The big difference is that I recognize it in myself, and I'm okay with it."  When that doesn't work, he says that if she loves Parker, she should want Brad to be successful so he can inherit TA someday.  When that still doesn't work, Brad tells her that if she takes Star away from TA, he'll buy Image from Jazz.  Well, that does it.  Christina's not sure what to do.

Melanie gets back to the farm and gets a call from Jazz.  Turns out Brad has already made the offer, and Jazz is considering it.  Melanie is heartbroken.

Christina spends several pages stewing and moping, until she comes up with a brilliant plan.  (Note generous use of "brilliant" in that sentence.)  She goes to Whitebrook to talk it over with Ashleigh and Mike.  They agree, but to draw out the suspense, we don't find out what the plan is for about 10 pages.

Christina goes back to TA with a ginormous check for Brad—the amount of money she won in the Belmont.  Christina says it's to pay for Image's therapy and for Brad to relinquish his interest in her first foal.  She and Brad get to do a little more verbal sparring, in which Brad tells her that "I get the same thrill out of cutting a smart business deal as you get winning a race. We have different priorities, but it's all about using your skills to come in first," and Christina can't really disagree.  In the end, Brad agrees, but adds one condition to the deal:  "A breeding with Star to the mare of my choice."  Christina figures he's just trying to get a foal out of Image, so she stipulates, "Any mare that is owned by TA."  Brad grimaces and says, "You outmaneuvered me on that one," which I don't really get.  I mean, they haven't signed anything, so they could just as easily continue to argue about it (though maybe the whole point is that Christina figured out what Brad was trying to get out of the condition?).  Christina's final condition is that Brad not tell Melanie or Parker about their deal.  Brad tells Christina that he'll call Jazz and she should get off the farm that night.

Then we have one more chapter in which Image is no one's Wonderpony and refuses to get on the damn trailer, and Christina and Melanie go back to Whitebrook and we end with a scene so sappy it rivals Full House, in which "all the nice stuff in the world doesn't mean a thing if it doesn't feel like home."  Thanks, Ashleigh.  That would mean a lot more coming from you if you weren't the worst mother since Alice Wakefield.

Points of Interest:

• Ah, OG canon check:  passed!  "Aunt Caroline" did indeed date Brad before he met Lavinia.
  
• Melanie is thinking of "Misty Image" as a name for the foal.  That's great Mel, because we don't have enough horses that sound like My Little Ponies.  I guess that's better than Perfect Celtic.
  
• One of the investors says that Townsend Pride "hasn't sired a foal of any renown for years."  If he were still alive, he'd been awfully old by this time.  In Ashleigh's Diary he is four, which I've always thought was a bit of a weird retcon given that Wonder would have been conceived that year, and the way they were talking about Townsend Pride's foals, it seemed like he'd been at stud for a lot longer than that.  But okay, if we accept that he was born when Ashleigh was seven, he'd be 35 years old now.  Maybe he needs horse Viagra.

Next up:  Sorry, I forgot that The Price of Fame hadn't been recapped, so next it really is the Samantha weddingfest of Bridal Dreams.

Try not to yawn as much through this recap as I did through the book. Thoroughbred #60: Taking the Reins

Taking the Reins
Thoroughbred #60

By Jennifer Chu

August 2003

It's time for Christina and Melanie to make some big decisions.

Christina loves being a jockey. But a heartbreaking accident at the Belmont track forces her to reconsider veterinary medicine. Working with a horse that has Charismatic's bloodlines reminds Christina of Charismatic's amazing story—how he unexpectedly won the Derby and the Preakness in 1999, only to go down in the Belmont with a broken leg. It would feel pretty great to help horses in similar situations. But how can she turn her back on Wonder's Star?

Meanwhile, Melanie finds her relationship with her cousin strained when she decides to ride a horse for the very couple Christina holds responsible for her accident. For Melanie, her prospects as a jockey seem clear, but her future with the people she loves—Christina, Jazz, and even Image—is less certain. How will Melanie prove to Christina that she puts the people she loves first?

The Summary:

I will give it a generous 2/10.  Yes, there is a heartbreaking accident.  Christina goes on and on about being a vet (again).  Other than that, everything, including that entire second paragraph, is bullshit.  Their relationship is strained for, like, maybe half a page.

The Cover:

Um, the less said about this travesty, the better.  Are there even stirrups on that saddle?  Why does Christina look like she's riding a rocking horse?  Why is that horse's head a veiny mess?  (Though to be fair, if I were having a "heartbreaking accident," my face would probably be a veiny mess too.)  Also, let's note that the front-cover tag says "Will Charismatic's tragedy cause Christina to give up her dreams of being a jockey?"  Sorry, HarperCollins, not even close.

The Plot:

This book zips back and forth between Christina and Melanie, until it doesn't anymore.  So chapter 1 is a Christina chapter.  We pick up after the Belmont—literally right after; Christina's still standing in the winner's circle talking to reporters—when Christina runs into Patrick and Amanda Johnston, those annoying California people.  They ask her to ride one of their fillies, Noble Answer (Nobie). Christina and Parker get back together … right before he goes back to England and she stays at Belmont for the rest of the summer.  Yeah, that makes sense.

Chapter 2:  Melanie wins a race on Blue Streak for the Johnstons.  She talks to Jazz on the phone.  Jazz tells her that Image is doing well, but Brad's served them with a massive bill, shocking no one.  Melanie angsts about whether she should give Image's first foal to Brad to pay the bills.

Chapter 3:  Christina rides some horses for the Johnstons and agrees to ride Matter of Time (Matt) in the Suburban.  She goes out to dinner with Aaron, and tells him that she got back together with Parker.  Burn.  Aaron gets sick, and Christina exercises Calm Before the Storm (Callie).

Chapter 4:  Melanie and Jazz have a hot date that includes walking Image and eating turkey and ham sandwiches.  Damn, they rival Christina and Parker for Passionate Romance of the Thoroughbred Century.  Jazz says he wants to buy another racehorse.

Chapter 5:  Christina rides Callie in a race.  He stumbles.  She's not sure what to do, but he keeps running, so she lets him … until he stumbles again.  He goes down, shattering some bones and tearing some tendons.  They haul him off to the vet clinic, which I think is the same as when they tell us at the shelter that a cat went to "the barn program."

Chapter 6:  Melanie asks Cindy for advice about being a jockey.  I’m not sure that Cindy is the right person to ask about this.  Melanie goes to Whitebrook for dinner with Ashleigh, Mike, Ian, Beth, Kevin, Sammy, Tor, Cindy, Ben … Jesus, what is this, a Whitebrook reunion?  These characters actually still talk to each other?  You could've fooled me. Christina calls to tell them about the accident.

Chapter 7:  The vet, Dr. Reuter, tries to operate on Callie, but he has "no chance of a meaningful recovery."  His owner, Marisa, agrees to have him put down.  Christina asks to see him, but the vet says that "he's in too much pain to recognize anyone."  Ahh, not bad work here, Jennifer, 'cause sometimes this is true.  (I may be a little bitter about this trope, having recently reread Goodbye, Midnight Wanderer.)  Christina gets all self-flagellating (wow, that sounds dirty) and blames herself for Callie's death.

Chapter 8:  Melanie goes to Belmont.  The Johnstons offer her a ride on one of their horses, Enigmatic, if Christina doesn't take it.

Chapter 9:  Christina is nervous and insecure about riding.  She lets Charisma get away from her during a work.  She's called to an inquiry about Callie's death.  She wonders if the Johnstons rushed him back to the track before he was sound.  Christina declines the ride on Enigmatic, and Amanda tells her that they already asked Melanie as a backup.  Christina proceeds to flip out and wonder how Melanie could possibly consider riding for such awful people who would kill a poor innocent defenseless horse.  Honestly, even for Christina, this is a stretch.

Chapter 10:  Melanie rides Enigmatic.  The stewards have dismissed the inquiry into Callie's death.  Christina is all sulky and crap, until Aaron shows her a tape of the race and she can't see the moment when Callie first stumbled.  After that, she's still all sulky and crap, but tells Melanie she just needs some time, and that she wants to be a vet.  Well, that wasn't so bad.  Only a few books of angsting and moaning; we're making progress here.

Chapter 11:  Christina tours Dr. Reuter's Super Secret Outer Space Other Hemisphere Ten Way vet facility and is all jazzed about being a vet, but decides she has to keep her word to the Johnstons and ride Matt in the Suburban.

Chapter 12:  Jazz comes to Belmont.  He tells Melanie that he made a deal with Brad:  they'll breed Image to Celtic Mist, and Jazz and Brad will share ownership of the foal 51-49.  Jazz and Melanie agree to look for another racehorse.

Chapter 13:  Christina rides Matt in the Suburban.  She's overly cautious, and at first he's 15 lengths off the lead.  Then she decides to snap out of it, and eventually brings him in third.  And thus ends Christina's racing career (I hope).  Thank God.  I've been waiting for this since book 40.

Points of Interest:

• This book is dedicated to "Barbara, Charlene, Cindy, Dominique, Marisa, and Patrick in honor of all our undergrad adventures," who all pop up as characters.  Barbara, Charlene, and Dominique are Melanie and Katie's friends; Marisa is Callie's owner, and of course Patrick is Patrick Johnston.  There's no Cindy, I guess because it would be too confusing with real!Cindy.  I can't decide if I find this sweet or annoying.
  
• We all know that Jennifer Chu was a fan of the books before she ever wrote any of them, which I normally like, but she's very hit-or-miss about the little details she throws in.  She tells us that Cindy missed riding Honor Bright, which is correct; she would've been eighteen (and in Dubai, then New York) when Honor was three.  We also find out that Honor and Glory's daughter, Honor and Glory (how's that for creative?  They must've really been missing Cindy's magic touch with the naming there), ran third in the Derby the year Christina was ten.  However, Jennifer also feels the need to remind us that "Cindy had played a large role in March to Glory's training. The horse had set a record in the Breeders' Cup Classic and had been named Horse of the Year after his three-year-old season."  As if anyone could have forgotten (and believe me, some of us tried).
  
• Also, Christina later rides March to Honor, another of Honor and Glory's foals.  I hope they didn’t have more than two; what would they have called it, March to Bright?
  
• In a well-meaning but misguided attempt to comfort Christina, Melanie tells her, "You have to believe that Callie will make it, just like Raven and Image did."  Yeah, that helps a lot, Melanie.  So far, I guess the accident count is Melanie 1, Christina 2.
  
• Whitebrook has a horse named Charisma, a daughter of Pride, not to be confused with Charismatic, who won the Derby and the Preakness in 1999 but broke down in the Belmont.  His jockey, Chris Antley, acted quickly to save his life.  Does that sound familiar?  I hope so, because that's your Famous Horsie reference of the book.
  
• Melanie thinks that maybe "Enigma" would be a good nickname for "Enigmatic."  She really has  been spending time with Cindy.
  
• Is it bad that I keep getting this book mixed up with Breaking the Fall?   Not on the basis of plot, just on the basis of title.  (Or maybe on the basis of plot after all; I think Breaking the Fall also features Christina and Melanie supposedly having a "fight" of some sort.)  I was always sort of glad that the Thoroughbred titling convention stayed far, far away from the Baby-Sitters Club-esque style of "Christina and the Broken Leg of Doom," but at the same time, it would be nice if the titles actually helped you keep the storylines straight.

Next up:  The hideously-titled Parker's Passion, already reviewed by Claire.  Next up from me:  I can't believe I'm about to say this, but in comparison to this festival of tedium, I'm almost looking forward to the Samantha Diary of Exposition.

Christina's Shining Star is not all that shiny. Thoroughbred #58: Christina's Shining Star

Christina's Shining Star
Thoroughbred #58
By Mary Anderson
April 2003

Can Christina and Star pull off a victory?

As Christina Reese's high school graduation draws near, she's filled with questions and not enough answers. Has she sacrificed too much to follow her dream of taking Wonder's Star to the top? She and Star failed to place in the Kentucky Derby. Can they win the Preakness and still have time for Parker, Melanie, the prom, and graduation?

An unexpected brush with the trainer of Affirmed—the famous 1978 Triple Crown winner—not only leaves Christina with some amazing insights, but confirms her belief in Star. Will Christina be able to show everyone how special Star is? Or will her doubts and distractions keep them out of the running … again?

The Summary:

Eh, 50% credit. I think they could have left out everything except the last two sentences, because that's basically what this book is about. It's amazing how you can stretch three weeks to fill 160 pages.  

The Cover:

I don't know what happened -- they must have switched to a new artist or something -- but starting with this book, some of the covers have this weird, cartoony, almost video-game-ish look to them. (Just wait till I get my hands on you, The Price of Fame.) I guess Star is curving his head around from his body, although it looks kind of like Christina has her hands on two different horses here. And what is she wearing? Is it ... the uniform of a Catholic schoolgirl? The puff sleeves that Anne Shirley so wistfully coveted in Anne of Green Gables? Yet another style of Whitebrook silks? The world may never know. What I object to most is the tagline "Can the legendary racehorse Affirmed inspire Star to glory?", which has little to nothing to do with the inspiration that actually happens in this book. Also, Affirmed died in 2001.  

The Plot:

In one of those awesome split-book-type-scenes, Christina's Shining Star picks up from the end of the Kentucky Derby. While Image is shooting across the finish line and breaking her leg, Star is getting boxed in and finishing dead last. The rest of this chapter is a total loss, since it helpfully informs us of things like the fact that Celtic Mist came in second, Gratis came in third, and Image gets moved to Townsend Acres to recover. This is why split-screen tends to work better in movies than books.

As for the actual book, it basically follows a pattern of something happening and then Christina whining and moping. She and Ashleigh have a couple of arguments about why Star got boxed in. One night at dinner she plays with her food, lining up her veggies " so that they formed the same bunching that had held Star up during the Derby." Aside from the fact that it makes Christina sound like she's two years old, this is kind of cute because it reminds me of the time she made a jump course out of her food. How times have changed.

Christina takes a little break from moping to go to the prom with Parker, but she puts her foot in it by asking Katie who came up with the theme, when Katie has told her several times that she was in charge of the decorations. Oops. The night gets even better when Parker tells her point-blank, "Your ego got in the way," and "if you had been more focused on the quality of horses Star was running against and not stuck on the idea that Star deserved to win, you might have done better." Christina throws a hissy fit and demands that Parker take her home, then wonders "why life had to be so complicated."

The next day, Cindy and Samantha come over to talk to Ashleigh about some breedings, including Sterling to Jazzman. Because he was trained as a jumper. Just like that time he ran in the Pimlico Special. Boy, there sure are some great jumps on that track, aren't there? Anyway, Christina whines and mopes to Cindy and Sammy how stressed she is, what with racing Star and fighting with Ashleigh and taking some finals in those, like, two classes she attends. One of them is "contemporary world problems." I'm not sure what that means. Maybe it's to show that Christina's whining and moping issues are nothing in the grand scheme of things. No, more likely it's to show that Christina's problems are as weighty as the problems of the world. Speaking of which, Katie is still ticked off at Christina, which is just so rude and unsympathetic because doesn't Katie know that Christina is the only teenager in the history of the world who's ever ridden in a horse race?

 Ashleigh and Christina fight some more about how Christina didn't pay attention during the Derby and needs to do better in the Preakness. At this point, and we're only about a quarter of the way through the book, I want to drop both of them in a pile of manure. You know, I feel bad for Ashleigh most of the time because it seems like she spends a lot of time caught up in boring administrative stuff and not doing what she wants to do, but all she seems to be doing here is telling Christina she needs to do better without actually giving her suggestions about how to do it better. Maybe that's Ian's job. He's still around, isn't he?

 The next day, a reporter shows up at the farm and writes a bitchy article about Christina and Star, which causes Christina to whine and mope. She goes to visit Melanie at her fancy Townsend Acres cottage and whines and mopes on the way home. She goes over to Tall Oaks and whines and mopes so much that Cindy suggests that she bring Star over to train there so she can get away from Ashleigh. Cindy also says that Gratis is such a handful because he has both Affirmed and Alydar in his bloodlines. Get it? AFFIRMED and ALYDAR? Remember those guys? Oh, do you not know who they are? Well, that's okay, because we will be glad to explain it to you! Honestly, sometimes these characters walk around sounding like they've swallowed Wikipedia.

Cindy thinks it's great to have Christina at Tall Oaks because Wolf needs to learn some good old-fashioned jockey manners. I don't think Christina is the person to teach him about that, but okay, whatever you want, Cindy. She and Christina go on a trail ride, and Cindy says she's going to start taking courses at community college this fall, so that she can be "more of a help to Tall Oaks than just a horse trainer." Very subtle. Of course, Cindy is the one who came up with "Wonder's Champion," so … never mind. Wolf and Christina work their horses together, and Christina accuses him of interfering with her, but Wolf tells her that he never touched her and she's just being too timid. Christina whines and mopes.

Christina takes Star to Pimlico a few days before the Preakness, where she just happens to run into Steve Cauthen, who won the Triple Crown on Affirmed in 1978. Right, Affirmed! Remember him? The horse we were just talking about? Purely coincidental, of course. Anyway, Ghyllian Hollis and Vince Jones are also there with a colt called Wild 'n' Free, also a descendant of Affirmed, who's racing in the Preakness too. I think we're supposed to care, but honestly, I have a hard time keeping track of all these different farms/horses and which ones are supposed to win/place/show in which races. Later, some other awesome horse named Magnifique turns up too, and he is magnificent. Get it?

Christina overhears some of the other jockeys talking about Wolf's reckless riding style, but decides not to say anything to him, particularly after he makes fun of her for losing a race on another one of Ghyllian Hollis' horses. Dani tells Christina more than she ever wanted to know about her college course schedule, which is "worth the effort because I'll be able to help the animals I love." Is anyone seeing a pattern here, or is it just me? No? Just me. Okay then.

Brad and Lavinia come by Star's stall, explaining to a group of investors (? Friends? Groupies?) that Christina bought out his interest in Star, and that they are so pleased that she's turned him back into a nice riding horse, even if he no longer has the competitive spirit. Christina rallies and says Brad is lucky "to be able to buy a colt with such good bloodlines, since you couldn't produce one worthy of the Triple Crown at Townsend Acres." Oooh, if this were a movie, there would be a cool sound effect right now. Ghyllian Hollis comes by to agree that Brad is a pompous jerk and to invite Christina to a party that night, where she runs into Steve Cauthen again. His sage advice is that "all you need is a little more confidence in your connection with your horse. Going out there knowing you've got a great horse under you is really important." Funny, this is exactly the same logic I use when I play the lottery. You can see how well that's worked.

Then the Preakness happens. This has to be the most boring race in the history of Thoroughbred. (Note: I have not read, um, most of the books lately, so I'm willing to take nominations for the actual winner of the "most boring race" award.) It is 14 paragraphs of actual race and the only thing of note is that Wolf cuts Christina off, and Star comes in fourth. Ian and Ashleigh tell her what a great/terrific job she did, though they don't sound particularly enthusiastic. Christina says they only placed fourth, but Wolf was disqualified, so Star is moved up to third. Celtic Mist wins, Wild 'n' Free comes in second. Wait, that was it? And the point of this would be … what? When you stop whining and moping and just have confidence in your horse, you place third? Sounds like a solid game plan to me.

And thus we enter a dark age of Thoroughbred, where every book includes an encounter with a famous person/horse that is supposed to be somehow relevant to the plot. I can't decide if this is better or worse than the famous-horsie-trail-ride that Cindy took in Ashleigh's Farewell -- at least those horses weren't real.  

Points of Interest:

• "Christina had been so sure that Star's start from the number three position would put them in a good place right at the beginning of the race, she hadn't thought beyond it. She hadn't anticipated Perfect Image, Gratis, and Speed.com getting into a speed duel right from the start. All I could think about was the fact that I'm actually racing Star in the Kentucky Derby. What am I going to do? she berated herself, searching intently for a way to move Star ahead." I always like when Christina (and characters in general) acknowledges that she was stupid and that she did something wrong. Unfortunately, this scene occurs very early in the book, and none of it seems to carry over into the rest of the plot. So Christina was too confident, and the solution is … to be more confident?
  
• "[Christina] thought of Miss America's bay colt, Royal Blue, wondering if the Blues King foal might be her next chance for a Triple Crown win. She quickly dashed the idea away, feeling as though she was being untrue to Star by thinking ahead that way." Right, because if Christina really loved Star, she'd figure out a way to invent time travel so he can run again next year.
  
• For the prom, Christina wears a blue dress that is "almost the same color as her racing silks." Wait, didn't Cindy do that once?
  
• Christina's "pearlescent blue" dress also catches the golden light as the "sun shone brightly through the bedroom window." I'm pretty sure Cindy's horses also used to do this during morning workouts.
  
• Parker brings her a blue-and-white corsage and picks her up in a blue limousine. What the hell? He must have inherited that decorator gene from his mother.
  
• Parker wears a black tuxedo to the prom. This is how you can tell this book wasn't written by Joanna: it's not white.
  
• I haven't been rereading in order, so maybe I missed this, but Christina mentions (perhaps for the first time) that she regrets giving up Sterling and Legacy, and wonders what she'll do after Star stops racing. I know I made fun of all the anvils about college, but I think that's actually pretty logical given that she only got into racing because of the angry fans with pitchforks Star.
  
• Christina refers to Brad as "Bradley Whiplash," after the way he disappeared from the horse cabana in the last book. Ha.
  
• Sammy has been looking "pale" lately. Gosh, I don't know what that could mean. She must be … um, not getting enough vitamin D. Yeah, that's it.
  
• Celtic Meadows' silks are "dark green shamrocks scattered over a white background." Ghyllian wears a green sundress to the race. I guess she went to the Lavinia Hotchkins-Ross Townsend Decorating School, too.
  
• Mary's favorite vapor lights make an appearance at the beginning of chapter 9.
  
• Christina is jealous that Jazz is writing a love song for Melanie, because "Parker would never do something like that." Um, Christina, that is because Jazz is a singer and a songwriter. It's his job. He gets paid for it. Parker's job is to muck out stalls and little teach kids how to tack up their horses. I'm sure if you asked nicely, he'd muck out a stall for you.
  
• Ashleigh tells Christina that there will be more horses running at Pimlico. Except that the field is the same size, with Wild 'n' Free replacing Image. Last I checked, Ash, nine was the same as nine.

Next up: the Belmont. I'm off to play some more lottery numbers! I'm feeling very confident.

Faith in an Extreme Long Shot

Faith in a Long Shot
Thoroughbred #57
by Alice Leonhardt

Does Image have what it takes to make Melanie's derby dreams come true?

Melanie and Jazz couldn't be more thrilled when Image comes in second in the Florida Derby. This is just the kind of proof they've been waiting for -- Image is ready to race in the big leagues! With high hopes, they decide to enter her to race in the ultimate competition: the Kentucky Derby.

Image has proven she has what it takes to win against other colts. But her competition at the derby will be really tough. Image will be running against Wonder's Star, Gratis, and Celtic Mist. Winning is a long shot. Does Melanie have enough faith in Image to make her derby dreams come true?

This summary misses the main point of the book, which is People Be Jealous. Otherwise, I suppose it's accurate. The cover, on the other hand, is composed based on all those winning shots of Kentucky Derby winners past, but in that style that makes you want to walk up to the artist and yell, "Since when do black horses look gray. Since when?" I'm having a hard time understanding this style's ability to depict black correctly. It's kind of basic. Then there's that buckskin in the background, which does make me a little ragey, I admit. They are running in front of a crowd that is wearing a lot of orange, blue and green. It does a good job of indicating the attendance of the race, but otherwise the colors amuse me. And Melanie's silks. Music notes on a field of green must be very hard to remember or draw...either way, she most certainly is not wearing red and blue.

But moving on...because pointing out the flaws of the covers and summaries is often like shooting fish in a barrel, right? Let's focus on the book, because Melanie is insistent on driving Image to Keeneland for the Ashland Stakes. For all of us wondering, that puts us back in April. So, that means that the events of Derby Fever have already happened, but Cindy's Last Hope is currently happening, and Great Expectations will happen...in May. Those being the three books leading up to Faith in a Long Shot. (Don't get me started on Hoofprints in the Snow.)

So, Image is entered in the Ashland Stakes after coming in second in the Florida Derby. Melanie starts to sense some attitude coming from the Whitebrook camp when she finds out that Ashleigh didn't want to put Catwink up against Image in the Ashland, and so decided to enter her in a claiming race because "Catwink needs it." I don't know why, exactly, but there you go. Impetus for drama ahead! Image wins handily, spurring Jazz into making crazy-eyed comments to similarly crazy-eyed reporters that this horse is running in the Kentucky Derby. OOOOOMG, says everyone. And then Melanie gets all crazy-eyed angry that Jazz hauled off and told everyone when she wasn't prepared for that sort of...reality? I thought they were thinking Kentucky Derby since Florida, but apparently this is news to Melanie.

Back at the shedrow, some guy tells Melanie that she doesn't know what she's in for with the media. They are relentless vultures that she cannot hope to handle, because she is a) a girl and her horse is also b) a girl. Also? The other Derby entrants are boys. OOOOOMG girls vs. boys! It's the biggest headline ever, because sex battles are the best. Everyone knows this. Melanie brushes him off. Surely the media frenzy for the Kentucky Derby won't be that bad, she thinks to herself. Surely!

And then she discovers that Catwink was claimed, which is somehow Melanie's fault because no one can trust Ashleigh to make a sound business decision if her life depended on it. Dear Ashleigh: if you want to keep your horse, totally and completely, don't enter it in a claiming race. You're not cut out for that type of gamble. But anyway, now Melanie thinks this is all her fault. Racing Image in anything means that Whitebrook will get screwed over, and then she realizes OOOOMG I'm racing Image against Star in the Derby! What will become of us all?!

So then we need Jazz to step in and tell Melanie that when he got famous, all of his previous friends who couldn't handle it got all butthurt and jealous of his success. People Be Jealous, he says. But that's okay, we're better than them. Did he lose a lot of friends chasing his dreams? Yes. Tons of them. They dropped like flies. But don't let that stop you from being a special snowflake, dammit! Melanie tentatively takes this advice and proceeds with plans to run Image in the Derby, despite what she feels is an increasingly icy atmosphere at Whitebrook. So icy, she stops riding Image on the track because that is apparently where Christina spends every waking moment relentlessly racing Star against the clock.

Compounding matters is the media frenzy. Because Whitebrook employs two people and lets random passersby wander their paddocks, the farm is trampled by reporters desperate for interviews and photo opportunities. Ashleigh has a meltdown about Whitebrook not being able to handle the attention. They've never had to go through this before! Ever! (Um, yeah.) And it's all Melanie's fault for entering an unworthy filly in the Derby as a distraction! Melanie tells reporters that she wouldn't have entered Image if she didn't think she could beat all the colts, upsetting Christina's delicate sensibilities, and causing to deepen the rift. And then Christina nearly runs over a reporter with her car, crossing the line between innocent girl we should feel sorry for and assault with a deadly weapon (vehicular.)

At school, Melanie is told she sucks at chemistry, and so she decides that she will force Parker into tutoring her. Because apparently he is back from England, although I was pretty sure he was supposed to be training for Burghley. But whatever. Apparently he has time to skip back and tutor Melanie in chemistry so he can hang around Whitebrook and make eyes at Christina, who has suddenly taken an interest in clothing and proper hair care. She is dressing and blowing out her hair like this girl who has walked out of a teen drama, much to Melanie's consternation. Feeling slovenly and unworthy, Melanie slinks off to talk to Jazz on the phone, who tells her he won't be in town until Tuesday. OOOOMG. Or whatever. It's like a week from the Derby now, and Melanie just wants this over with all ready, except then some guy decides that jumping into Image's paddock at night to get a photograph is the best time to do this ever and causes another collective meltdown. Image isn't safe! There could be people with cameras hiding in her stall! Lurking in the bushes! Sleeping at her feet! (Wait, that's Melanie...) She has to get out of here!

ENTER BRAD TOWNSEND.

So, apparently Celtic Mist isn't getting the attention Brad thinks he deserves. So he listens to Parker's business proposal that they allow Melanie and Image to stay at Townsend Acres so that Parker can finally have sex with his on-off girlfriend, and hears instead that he should have Image live at Townsend Acres so he can get in on the media frenzy. He approaches Melanie about his proposition, and Melanie is of course a petulant brat at first before Brad employs his awesomeness and she is stunned into accepting. In a haze, she tells Mike and Ashleigh about Brad's plan, and of course they all say that Brad is awesome and she should clearly do this. Of course, this could just be them trying to get rid of her, but Image must come first! Horses, then family. Always.

Melanie settles into her gargantuan and exquisite surroundings at the Townsend Acres guest house, and Image settles in under the watchful security cameras and Brad's all knowing stare. Much to her irritation, Melanie loves it. She loves the manicured grounds, and the helpful groom that has to work for her or be kicked out on his ass, and the microwave that looks like a bread box. She loves it. So much that she goes to a formal event at Townsend Acres. She wears a dress. And it is tight, and mid-thigh, and low-scooped, and splashed with primary colors. Even Jazz decides that tonight is not the night for his all black ensemble, or his groom outfit, or his geek costume complete with pocket protector. Tonight is the night for no ties and no socks. Jazz cannot be contained. Nor can Christina. She waltzes in wearing a short blue dress and strappy heels.

For a second--a brief, almost horrifying second--I imagined this as a CW show. And it almost worked. I could almost see it happening. But then Christina opened her mouth and started to accuse Melanie of abandoning family for the enemy, and then I couldn't decide if that made this vision worse or better. Melanie insists that she did it for Image. It was all for Image! Only Christina doesn't believe her and flounces off, somehow managing not to break her ankle while wearing heels for the first time in her life. Melanie then overhears people talking about how little a chance they believe Image has, and because she is a Thoroughbred series character she seriously takes this to heart.

When derby day dawns, Melanie puts Jazz's new silks on and stares at herself in the mirror long enough to feel self-conscious when someone else walks into the jockey's room. It was just a loose thread! Ha ha! I wasn't just staring at myself, or anything. Christina gives her a look, and probably rolls her eyes. Then Wolf gets into a jockey war of words that is ridiculous, and Melanie has to break it up before they start calling each other jerkface and proclaim that the other will eat their dust. OOOOMG. Jockey fights are the best.

Out in the paddock, Jazz kisses Melanie for good luck and off they go. Admittedly, I was bored, so I skimmed through the race, but rest assured that the announcer said something stupid and all the horses are so evenly matched that they all tried to run in front together. Only at the very end of the race do Image, Celtic Mist and Gratis break free of the clump and race on to victory. Star, as fate would have it, got stuck behind horses, which is a phenomenal achievement when there are only nine horses in the race. Nice work, Chris!

But then, after the high of winning the Kentucky Derby, Image breaks her leg and falls to the ground. Melanie goes into shock and wakes up in a hospital bed with a broken rib and a bruised lung, which means she is just sympathetic enough now for Chris to make the effort to make up. Everyone group hugs, and Melanie decides to let Image die, which is probably the most adult decision anyone has ever made in this series, considering it's a series of completely ridiculous recoveries and declarations of "we must try!" Melanie just throws in the towel, knowing that Image is the second coming of Ruffian and isn't going to stand for a sling and will probably tear down her stall.


And thus Perfect Image dies.

Ha! No, wait. This is still the Thoroughbred series. Here's what really happens: Melanie goes back to Townsend Acres, under the impression that she will stay there for a few days with Christina and Parker and Jazz and this is okay with all their parents despite them being rowdy teens. They are rowdy teens in mourning, I guess, so whatever. Before Melanie can get to the guest house ENTER BRAD TOWNSEND who is all come, Melanie, allow me to show you my super awesome medical facility that is part of my super awesome Thoroughbred farm because I am so super awesome I can barely be contained. COME WITH ME. And Melanie, because she cannot say no and has no power against him, goes. Brad shows off the whole place, and forces Melanie to agree that he is awesome. Although she is suspect, because Brad is cheerful and chipper, and for whatever reason everyone in this series gives Brad the side eye when he's happy. Then he shows her the pool, and lo...there is Image treading up a storm.

Melanie falls to her knees, totally stunned, and Brad lets out one final, "Yes, I am this awesome" before he magically disappears before Melanie or Jazz can find and thank him. At one point, someone actually says they should thank Brad..."wherever he went."

Brad Townsend = Batman. I'm just saying.

So then Melanie jumps in the pool and swims out to Image, and it's heartwarming and actually an okay ending. So there.

Talking Points:

• A lot is made of Whitebrook really depending on Star and expecting him to do well in the Kentucky Derby, but I'm not sure that's ever been the case. Case in point: see all the times everyone didn't want to race him after the virus. 
• Ashleigh never won the Triple Crown, apparently. She just won "jewels," much like Julie Krone.
• Also, Wonder never won the Derby after Winning Colors. 
• Also, Champion never won the Triple Crown. Whitebrook has now "never had a Triple Crown winner."
• Ashleigh, at one point, says that the farm isn't able to handle the kind of attention they're receiving. She waves her arms around and says, "Look at this place!" I think...I may be imaging some of it because I find it super amusing. But it's still basically what happened.
• I highly doubt Ashleigh would act like that much of a bitch to her niece. Christina, yes. I mean, that's a given any day of the week for any reason at all, but Ashleigh never had it in her to make Melanie feel that unwelcome. I think there's always been an undercurrent of Ashleigh finding Image unruly and not worth the trouble, but this book takes it too far. And where the hell is Mike to temper this craziness? 
• Brad has Melanie's dad and her stepmom ride some boat in some Kentucky Derby festival thing and they're all besides themselves because to ride this boat is reserved for dignitaries or whatever and I imagined Brad Townsend standing atop it, staring into the wind, being so full of awesome no one dare approach as the boat wins their festival race by daylight. 
• And then Image won and Star came in last. I still can't wrap my brain around this. Years have passed and I am still awed and confused by this decision.

 Anyhoo. So that's the Kentucky Derby. Next up, the Preakness (wherein Star still doesn't win.)

The Head and Not The Heart

The Head and Not The Heart
by Natalie Keller Reinert
2011  

Horses have always been Alex’s obsession. Their presence has defined her life: all her choices, from her love-life to her career, have been made with horses as her priority. But the horse business isn’t for the sentimental, and it’s growing harder for her to tamp down her emotions and think about the horses with her head and not her heart.

When their racing stable suffers a loss, she and Alexander, her partner and teacher, slowly begin to fall apart. A chance find of a long-lost horse sends Alex alone to New York City, and she wonders if this is the sign she’s been waiting for. Is it time to leave it all behind and start fresh?

Everyone say hello to Natalie. She runs the Retired Racehorse Blog, a place where most of us could probably lose hours of our lives. Natalie is steeped in horses, so much so that her knowledge flows over in her debut novella, The Head and Not The Heart. Horse fiction realism, thy name is Natalie.

But let's get down to business. The Head and Not The Heart has a basic premise: horses. You love 'em and you hate 'em, am I right? They suck you in and keep you there, held hostage for years of your life, never able to do simple things to the point that you find yourself envious of people who have a three day weekend in which they do nothing but sit around marathoning Heartland all day (I am guilty. I am so, so guilty). So, how awesome would it be to break free and not be around horses all the time? Pretty freaking horrible, that's what. God, how can you even ask that question?

Equiholics are in deep. There's really no saving them.

So we have Alex. She manages the racing stable she shares with her older mentor/live-in boyfriend, when their favorite horse is injured and subsequently destroyed. This alone might not have been catastrophic, but it comes on the heels of the death of their absolute favorite, Red Erin, two years previous, and now they're really in a funk. Now her boyfriend is sequestering himself in his man cave and Alex can only dream of a future where she's forced to smell the gut-churning scent of lube mixed with manure forever. Being only twenty-five, Alex is starting to have second thoughts about her career choices. There's still time, Alex! Break free!

Dumb luck presents Alex with that option: television offers up the missing half-brother of Red Erin and she is quickly dispatched to New York to meet with this colt's trainer. While in New York, she is further tempted. She could be a writer. She could live in Brooklyn. She could hang out with hipsters and listen to indie music and be ironic all the time. But there would be no horses, and I don't know if anyone pointed this out to Alex while she was there but New York is fricking cold in winter.

Meanwhile, there is the new horse to consider. Will he be able to lure Alex back to an unforgiving horseman's life after she's sampled Brooklyn's nightlife and yelled at strangers about horses? Will Alex fall for him like a twelve-year-old with a chestnut horse and yell screw you and your bar scene, Brooklyn! as she hauls out of there with a horse trailer?

Well, I won't spoil you. But it goes without saying that this debut is bursting with realism that any equiholic will adore. The details are what make the book come alive and flesh out what is essentially a simple story about a young woman questioning her future. On the flip side, it is still a debut and it falls into a few common pits that debuts always seem to fall into. It repeats itself and waxes on in areas you wish it wouldn't, because therein lies the encouragement to skip to the good stuff -- the details, the action, the voice. These sometimes get lost in the fray of heavy inner monologue, which is common in first-person narratives. But it's 100% horses, and when the book turns on the detail no horse person in the audience (and I imagine they will all be horse people here) will care about the rest.

Solid little debut, Natalie Keller Reinert. Tighten up your craft and I'll be seeing you next time.

The Head and Not The Heart is available in print and Kindle at Amazon.

Thoroughbred: Cindy's Last Words (or Hope, I guess.)

Cindy's Last Hope
by Mary Anderson

Will Cindy have to scratch Gratis? for insane reasons we don't even bring up in this summary?

Cindy McLean and her totally platonic, sarcasm-using partner, Ben al-Rihani, can't find a jockey professional enough to ride Gratis for two minutes on a training track in the Kentucky Derby. The only person besides Christina Cindy who can handle the difficult horse is a persistently annoying stubborn and inexperienced groom/secretary/exercise rider groom named Wolf, whom Cindy wants to punch in the face. But Cindy ironically doesn't like Wolf's attitude, and refuses to give him a chance instead of firing him for being insubordinate. Besides, he doesn't even have his jockey's license yet. (Hahahaha!)

Cindy wants to ride Gratis herself probably bareback and alone, like every other time, risking irreparable damage to her already injured shoulder. Ben won't allow it. But stubborn Cindy is hard to stop. Will someone come to our her rescue before it's too late?

There, fixed!

Now to the cover. My feelings about this one have always been somewhere between sighing deeply and confusion. For one thing, the main character of the story isn't even looking at us. Is this because she's 32, and therefore horribly old, her decrepit appearance unsuitable for a book cover meant for tweens? Or is it because the cover artist decided to be really faithful to the book, wherein Cindy stands around staring at things a lot? If so, why couldn't they have taken this scene from another angle? An angle where we can see Cindy's horrifying thirty-something face? Other thoughts: Gratis looks like a carousel horse. I'm not even sure if that pose is found within any natural stride. The neck on that poor creature astonishes me as well. Also, everything about what I assume is Wolf on that cover amuses me. He looks like he's completely forgotten something important, like how to ride the devil horse underneath him which currently looks asleep. And finally, Cindy's hair. What mysteries does it possess?

So this book is yet another pre-Derby book in the span of volumes that overlap each other in a tangled mess that is hopeless to understand. It is maybe a week or two or five or eleven billion away from the Derby, but the Derby is right on top of us and will be here any second! Or maybe not. Maybe we have time for a race or two or five or...you get the idea. We even have time to drag in a few extra ridiculous books about Parker and Lyssa, because why the hell not? 

We begin this book with Cindy staring at Champion, asking Ben if he's ever seen such astonishing beauty. Ben replies that of course he has, because he's looking at Cindy. Cindy has never looked more "radiant." Because they're both mentally eleven, blushing commences and they have to talk about that time when Cindy and Champion lived in Dubai and how they "belong" in Kentucky. But with all this small talk and blushing, they've totally forgotten about Gratis and his upcoming jockey try out. Which is about to start...with no one present at the track at all besides the horse and maybe Wolf, this kid we'll get to in a second.

So Cindy and Ben speed over to the track, just in time for Gratis's groom to quit in a huff because he's been bitten one too many times. The nerve of that animal! So then Gratis goes and dumps his new potential jockey, who also storms off in a huff. Then, like the equestrian miracle she is, Ashleigh descends on Tall Oaks with her proteges Christina and Melanie to tell Wolf that he can't race yet, for he has no experience. Everyone agrees, despite all of their collective history muttering in the background that they are all horrible hypocrites with the memory of goldfish. 

Wolf is the new kid at Tall Oaks, along with Beckie, the Australian groom. That brings the total of employees at Tall Oaks up to exactly five, if you count Ben. And I suppose we have to count him, since he owns a truck instead of a "European sports car," which means he is less "rich owner" and more "I haul heavy things and sometimes work with my hands." So we'll count him. Wolf has a way with Gratis, but because Cindy is harboring dreams that her wrecked shoulder will magically be okay to race ride again, she's hesitant about doing the obvious thing and get the kid a jockey license. Wolf is arrogant! And persistent! And annoying! And inexperienced! I hope we all see the writing on the wall.

So then Brad pops up to tell Ben that it turns out he doesn't think Champion was ever legally sold, beginning the most ridiculous scheme Thoroughbred has ever tried to force onto Brad. And, naturally, Brad almost succeeds because these people are morons. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Upon hearing this news, Cindy immediately dashes for Champion's paddock in a panic, convinced that Brad has already used his supernatural powers to spirit Champion to Townsend Acres. As it happens, Brad shows up to wave papers around in Ben's face, but gets distracted by Gratis and starts to mumble about Affirmed and Alydar, both being in the colt's pedigree. So he informs Ben that he can either take Champion, or Tall Oaks can drop out of the Kentucky Derby.

This is pretty insane, actually. Since Gratis hasn't exactly done anything (you know, at all) there's no real threat to Celtic Mist at Tall Oaks. I'm going to assume that Brad does these things just to mess with everyone around him. Maybe he's just bored. But what really gets me is that everyone totally falls for it. They actually think that they might have to give in to this craziness, which is only possible because Clay is off in Europe and can't be reached by phone, e-mail, snail mail, fax, telegram, smoke signals, or carrier pigeon. Also, Ben's dad is apparently at death's door, or is old and ill and no one wants to disturb him or whatever. So Ben starts to think that yes, maybe they will have to scratch Gratis, because Brad might be right, and while they're trying to prove whether or not Brad is right...they're just going to let him do whatever he wants? What? The hell?

So now Cindy is really panicking. She wants desperately to ride Gratis, but her doctor won't let her. Even Ben's thoughtful reminiscing about those grand, emotionally turbulent days in Dubai cannot calm Cindy. So Ben decides to go buy some "desert horses." Ahem, I mean Arabians, with which they can trail ride around on the farm to cheer up Cindy, who only takes it as an opportunity to go dashing off and nearly giving Ben a heart attack. But Arabians are harmless! What possible trouble could she get into?

Then there are like five chapters saying the same thing. Cindy angsts, jockeys don't work out for Gratis, Brad and his lawyer threaten to take Champion away after they discover that Tall Oaks probably won't run Gratis in the Derby anyway, and Ben says over and over that he thinks Brad is going to win this little battle as he scrambles around for a document that says something coherent and sends his operatives to Europe to track down Clay, who is probably holed up in the Alps somewhere.

Eventually Wolf gets bored with everything that's going on around him and makes a comment about how Cindy is a has-been, causing her to flip out and fire him on the spot. Then she stalks over to Gratis and decides that today is the day she will ride him. On the trail. Where he has never been. By herself. Of course! So she does this, and naturally a quail convinces Gratis that the world is ending, and he bolts through the wilderness with a visibly hurt Cindy attempting to stay in the saddle. Then, of course, Wolf rides bareback up to Gratis on one of Ben's "desert horses" and saves the day. And he's still irritating. So Cindy tells him to take her to the hospital as repayment for saving her life.

So, now that Cindy has proven that she cannot ride Thoroughbreds anymore, she is sure that Gratis will not race in the Derby and Brad will sneak off with Champion. But, magically enough, Ben's dad speaks from Dubai and sends the necessary paperwork to prove that the whole sale was legal in the first place. Huzzah! Brad stalks off, plan foiled, probably thinking on the new details of his next dastardly plan as he drives off in his European sports car.

Then Cindy has her come to Jesus moment concerning Wolf, who is still irritating, since Ben has been dropping comments all over about how much he thinks Wolf and Cindy are alike. They are both equally irritating. So she gives in and gets Wolf his gate test, and decides to put Gratis in some unnamed prep race. Possibly the Derby Trial? Or something at Churchill Downs. Whatever. It isn't important. Gratis and Wolf win, and Cindy takes a moment to wave at Brad from the winner's circle before Ben kisses her in the win photo.

Yay. I guess.   

Oddities

"I remember the year you spent at my father's stable." - Yes, Ben, I'm sure Cindy does remember. Were you afraid she'd forgotten again? After having spent twelve years brooding about it?

And then Ben attempts a "joke" that he then "laughs at." Meanwhile, Cindy rolls her eyes.

Ben tells Cindy all about Brad's nefarious "I still own Champion!" declaration and Cindy's first reaction is RUN. Followed by Ben catching up with her and asking her why she ran and Cindy becoming confused and saying..."I panicked?" I can't tell if this is satire...or not? Maybe it's a Joanna Campbell homage?

"Alydar and Affirmed had both raced in the Triple Crown series years earlier." Try decades earlier. Also, this is a completely ridiculous sentence that doesn't even come close to indicating the gravity of Alydar and Affirmed.

As it turns out, Ben did bring back all that tack Cindy bought in Dubai and failed to give it back to her with all her other stuff because it would "remind" Cindy of her unhappiness at the time. Like a diary couldn't have done that, or anything. Not so sharp, Ben. 

Ben's heart can't take surprise anymore. How old is this person? 

"You may be a small Arabian, but you have the spirit of a true Thoroughbred." Stupidest statement of the book award, right here.

 Ben asks Brad's lawyer what Townsend Acres "will do with the stallion" once Brad reclaims Champion. And the lawyer says ominously that this is essentially privileged information, and Ben cannot know what torture Townsend Acres has devised for a Triple Crown winning stallion. I'm sure it will involve lots of horse sex, and maybe a big stall, and a paddock, and more horse sex. Those bastards.

ETA: Ben's dad does give half-interest in Champion to Cindy by the end of the book. Without her knowledge, as if that is possible. Because he has apparently mellowed in his old age, and internet stalked Cindy while she was in New York, and eventually grudgingly admitted that she is kind of okay. 

So, we're almost there, you guys. I have a non-Thoroughbred book to post next, and then we're back to the adventures of Parker and Lyssa. The important thing to realize is that we are officially done with Cindy's point of view. Perhaps we are not done with her stupid decisions, but we at least don't have to hear about them first hand. So there's the slight silver lining to Cindy's Last Hope. I knew it was there somewhere.

Thoroughbred: Derby Fever

Derby Fever
#53
by Mary Anderson

Every so often, a book rolls around that reminds me how stunningly ridiculous stories somehow find their way into print. Thoroughbred as a whole is sort of a good example of this, but that's really too easy. Since the past two books in Thoroughbred are Distance Runner and Perfect Challenge, which are two pretty solid books in terms of not feeling the burning need to kick the main characters in the head, the bar was set quite high for Derby Fever. And it crashed right into that bar, stumbled around drunkenly, and then fell down while everyone stared and mocked it.

This is not a high point for the series, is what I'm saying. But who cares! Let's get right back in the saddle.

Can Ashleigh Help Christina?With the Kentucky Derby only a few weeks away, Christina Reese is stressed out. Star is in top form, but Christina is starting to wonder if the colt might be better off with a more experienced jockey in the saddle. Her mother the trainer, the renowned jockey Ashleigh Griffen, knows Christina is the only rider for Star. But she also knows what her daughter is feeling - she's been there herself.

Flash back to the days of old, when Ashleigh raced Wonder in the Triple Crown. Drawing inspiration from the past, Ashleigh dreams up a plan to calm Christina's nerves and prep her for the most exciting race of her life!

Okay, let's stop right here. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. First, I don't know what that blurb is even trying to say. I just know that it is 95% wrong. Ashleigh does, indeed, come up with "a plan." That is the only thing that is remotely correct about this whole thing. Also, that cover. I am going to be maybe more lenient about this than Monique and Claire during their attempts to explain how this doesn't make sense, because I actually like the composition. It says to me that Melanie and Christina are on the outs (again...oh, yet again). And there's Ashleigh, which would be way more awesome if she wasn't turned away from us. She's a major character, so she gets to be included again. Although she is old, and therefore cannot grace us with her face. It might be too horrifying, despite the fact that she still looks like she's 14. The rest of it, however... Okay, look. Image looks like a gray, Star looks like some horrible mutt bred in someone's backyard, The Rein Situation confuses and dazzles me, and Ashleigh's left hand. What is she trying to indicate? What does it all mean? And, Chris, we will speak later about that outfit. I know this was like ten years ago, but that is no excuse.

Now to the book, which spends about 65% of its time on Christina's invalid complaints and 35% of its time trying to rewrite Samantha's Pride from Ashleigh's perspective. Why is this happening, you may be asking yourself. This is the Thoroughbred attempt at a mea culpa, in which they attempt to convince us all that they aren't just publishing fan fiction. You see, lots of people were annoyed with the reinvention of the series and over the course of the New Generation TPTB tried several methods to get everyone to like them again. Cue Mary. Mary was the knight in shining armor. She wanted to give the fans some assurances that someone was listening to their wants and needs, championed bringing back old characters and forgotten history. And in true Thoroughbred fashion, this is what happens.

Christina is super worried that they are about a month out from the Kentucky Derby and Ashleigh has yet to schedule Star in one last prep race. In fact, Ashleigh refuses to let Star do anything faster than jogging with the occasional trail ride thrown in for variety. Christina insists that the only way to keep Star in his winning ways is to keep racing him every week with breezes every other day, as this is clearly sensible. Ashleigh, showing a backbone and confidence for the first time possibly ever, tells her daughter no. Christina's reaction to this is to sucker punch Ashleigh with a classic "You're a Star-hater. You hate Star!" And then she flounces off, leaving Ashleigh to gaze at all the win photos that clutter her office and ponder why her daughter is such an irrational bitch.

But, you guys, Ashleigh has her reasons! You see, when Wonder's Pride was racing, Ashleigh actually supported racing him too much. Because when horses are pretty and "spirited" they are clearly ready to race in grueling tests of stamina and strength! Only Charlie was there to set her straight, although Ashleigh persisted in this line of thinking and it was too late. Pride wins the Florida Derby and then the Blue Grass by many lengths and Charlie and Samantha are all DAMN IT, except Clay, Brad and Ashleigh are like yay, let's win the Kentucky Derby! But oh, if only Ashleigh had known then what she knows now and how will she ever get her daughter to understand how psychologically traumatizing it all was for her? Ashleigh is just trying to head Christina off at the pass where she overraces her horse, okay?

Meanwhile, Christina has noticed that Star is too hyper to eat his hay. Proof positive he needs to race! So she gets up super early and takes Star out first thing, only to get caught and told in no uncertain terms that there will be no breezes for Star. In fact, Ashleigh is certain that Christina just wants to race regardless of whether it's on Star of not, so she schedules Chris to ride Raven at Turfway. Naturally, Christina is too busy thinking about Star during the race, makes a dumb move with Raven, and causes a giant wreck. But don't worry, you guys! Christina doesn't get suspended for being a moron, and Raven only severs every tendon and ligament in her leg, but isn't put down on the spot. People have to yell No! And Ashleigh has to tearfully admit that she wants to give Raven a chance. So they pack the filly full of sedatives and string her up in the stall, because that's what's better for the horse.

The only upshot here is that Christina admits that she was in the wrong and she'll pay for all of the vet bills, and then she has the nerve to be stunned that her parents agree with her. Ah, gotta love ya, Chris. Only then Ashleigh insists that it's not Christina's fault, she must ride Star, and now let's flash back to the Derby, when Samantha got all pissy that they were even running in the Derby and Ashleigh can't understand what co-ownership means.

But then Melanie comes home, fresh and super excited to be racing in the Derby. Since Melanie loves all black horses, she immediately shuns Christina for essentially killing Raven and "riding into a wreck." Okay, Melanie, you can be angrier than that. Christina caused the wreck! Go for the throat! Anyway, Melanie glares a lot and proceeds with the silent treatment. Because reporters instantly know when something uncomfortable has happened between Chris and Mel, one of them shows up to ask Christina all about her internal feud. Then they dash off to jog Star some more, while Brad drives up to take a look at the competition and cause conflict, because obviously. He drops a few remarks about how glad he was to offload Star, which I bet he is considering the boatload of drama surrounding him at all times, and then drives off, his work here done. Ashleigh flashes back to the time she told Brad that she wasn't going to bring Pride back to Townsend Acres to train (possibly the one moment she didn't give him whatever he wanted and wasn't forced to give up something big and extraneous in return for her refusal, stunningly). Then we have the Preakness, where everyone freaks out when Pride basically can't lift his head anymore. He's so tired! But he's so pretty! And Triple Crown! Ashleigh literally cannot make sense of any of this.

So anyway, because we only do things in the morning at Whitebrook, Christina is sent to Keeneland to pick up tack before school and happens to see Parker and his "new girlfriend" cozying up with the Townsends. Desperate to get out without anyone seeing her slovenly attire, Christina runs off to Tall Oaks so she can see Champion and talk to Cindy, who tells her to listen to Ashleigh and stop being pitiful. Because this is coming from Cindy, I'm having a hard time accepting it, but accept it Chris does and decides that yes, she will mind her mother, although her mother is only going to lead Star down the path to trail horsedom. That will show her!

At some point Melanie gets in a car wreck, probably because she was overwrought thinking about Raven, who, as it turns out, is perfectly fine! She can even have babies, when previously the vets were all predicting certain doom. So, things are sort of better. Only then Ashleigh has another flashback to the Belmont Stakes, which is pretty inconsequential because it stops right after Pride loses the race and we don't get to see Mary's take on Brad's verbal tirade in public. Oh, how magical that would have been! Only then Samantha shows up and says, "Yeah, I never wanted to run Pride in those races. In fact, I would have just let him graze all day every day if it had been up to me because I am this annoying. Listen to me be uppity and condescending!" Then she tells Ashleigh that she's wrong and Christina is right, overracing a horse is definitely okay? Um. I... Wasn't she just saying that no one listened to her about overracing Pride, but because Pride and Star are different horses...it's okay to overrace Star, haver of the Doom Virus? Where Pride had nothing but...sensitive feelings?

I...

So Ashleigh's irked and confounded. How will she tell Christina she was right all along, and how will they get a race into Star before the Derby? Why, they will just stick Star, Image, and Catwink on the track together and force them to duke it out in a speed duel. I guess that will work okay, too. Everyone comes by to watch, except for Samantha and Tor because they are "busy." Image and Star tie during their makeshift race, and then everyone makes uncomfortable statements about how one of them has to win the race and damn it, it's going to be Image/Star/Gratis. It will!

Interesting Points I Sort of Remember:

• I find it exceedingly strange that Samantha's Pride can be twisted in such a way that you've got Ashleigh's character reduced to "Pride is pretty and spirited, which must mean he wants to run." How does that even happen?
• Brad's quote that they lost Pride's Triple Crown thanks to a geriatric trainer and an inexperienced teen is priceless. 
• Ben shows up wearing slacks, and yet no one castigates him for essentially raiding Brad Townsend's closet. Also, I want Cindy to force him into jeans just once.
• The Triple Crown isn't closed to horses born outside America. That is ridiculous. Shut up, Ben.
• Red-gold and red-brown have names! They do! (I wonder if Joanna Campbell's penchant for "red-gold" rubbed off on Mary?)
• In my mind, Raven died. Okay, I said it. She died and Melanie did her Joanna Campbell-esque run off with the car, and then she got into a wreck, and then she broke her arm, and then she couldn't ride Image and then Chris and Star STILL lost the damn Derby. And then Celtic Mist won. He won ALL THE RACES. Hahahahahaha.
• Oh, yeah, Parker's "new girlfriend" is in fact his cousin, product of the unnamed Brad Townsend's Sister. Apparently she's just as anti-Townsend Acres as Parker. That was disappointing.
• Ashleigh's training is pretty shoddy in this book, too. I mean, honestly. You'd think she had PTSD or something.

Okay, that's it. I can't anymore.

Cancelled

I wasn't really that interested in watching more of Luck after the first two episodes, but it looks like HBO is making up my mind for me because it's been cancelled.

Although it wasn't axed because it wasn't any good...supposedly. It's because Luck just couldn't stop killing racehorses. The third died recently, and HBO didn't wait for anyone to complete anything resembling an investigation. It just pulled the plug. Which might be an indication that they regret giving it a second season anyway, or maybe they just don't like being connected to horse deaths.

Either way, Luck is gone. Oddly, I'm more inclined to watch it now that I know there's a very limited amount of episodes to view.

But when I think back on the episodes I did see...eh, probably not.

Perfect Challenge, or today we confirm that Florida is totally insane.

Perfect Challenge
Thoroughbred #52
by Alice Leonhardt

Melanie Graham knows Image is Triple Crown material. The problem is, the filly is too smart for her own good. She's difficult to train, hates to be stabled indoors, and fights with other horses. But if Melanie is going to run Image in the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, and the Belmont, the filly is going to have to get over herself.

For practice, Melanie takes Image to Florida to run in an easy fillies-only race. But when Melanie gets to the track, she discovers that her father has entered Image in the prestigious Florida Derby instead. He badly needs the purse money to save his failing business and he truly believes Image can win. Melanie is doubtful. Will Image rise to the challenge?

I'm kind of loving that this blurb automatically assumes that Melanie has been dead set on pointing Image toward the Triple Crown since day one. In fact, I've got to hand it to Melanie (for a change): Image was only ever the filly that didn't want to race, but had potential to possibly race well one day, and Melanie had the presence of mind to at least know that much. Image was never Super OMG Wonder Filly with fifteen exclamation points. It was only the casual change in plans brought to us by Melanie's dad and then Jazz that turned Image into Super OMG Wonder Filly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's fifteen exclamation points typed out. It's frightening, isn't it? Yes, I know it is. You have Mel's dad and Jazz to thank for that. Not Melanie, for a change. No sirree. 

Also, let's examine this book cover. It's atrocious, for one thing. The bit is sliding right through that bay's mouth, mainly because his jockey is exerting a lot of effort to punch Melanie in the face with his crop hand. Melanie has been captured in that "ooooh, shit" moment, right before she's about to get clocked in the head. Image, for whatever reason, is wearing a ginormous breastplate I am sure has never seen a racetrack ever in the history of time. Also, both horses look like tired plow ponies plodding into a headwind. In fact, Image looks like she's in the middle of stumbling over her own feet. This is kind of inspired by a fleeting moment in the book that I think someone took out of context or greatly exaggerated, but I guess of all the moments someone could have chosen to draw for this cover, I suppose it will do.

Anyway! So in the last book, Christina was training Star in California. The events in that book actually occur after the events of this book, since Melanie actually went to Florida when Christina was left at Whitebrook during Rising Star and was back in Kentucky by the events of Distance Runner. Melanie actually calls home to talk to Christina, who is mentioned as having Parker problems, which actually were mainly resolved during Distance Runner when they broke up. To make chronological sense, this book should have happened right after Rising Star, but for whatever reason...didn't.


We start out Perfect Challenge with Melanie and Joe stubbornly hauling a very petulant Image to Florida via van. There is screaming, destruction of property, and lots of blood along the way. I love how everyone's first thought concerning an animal who can't handle being contained in small spaces for more than thirty minutes and was banned from a relatively small time track in their backyard is to put it on a truck and haul it to another state to try racing it at a bigger track against better competition. Of course! Naturally this is the best option for everyone! Only when they finally get to Florida, they are immediately turned away at the gate of the farm they were supposed to board at due to strangles. So Image finds herself all cooped up at Gulfstream instead and Melanie is literally on the verge of a mental breakdown. Again.


But Image must race in the Bonnie Miss, since she won some race at that other track and now has to "prove herself" against better horses elsewhere for some reason. Melanie just wants to take this day to day, but her dad and Jazz collectively wear the pants in this relationship and she knows it. So Melanie is being a good employee, only she puts on the brakes severely when her dad says, "Oh, by the way, we're racing in the Florida Derby instead and it's kind of a week from now. Hooray?"


Melanie isn't feeling it. She decides that under no circumstances is Image ready to race a mile and an eighth against colts, and I'm all "Good for you! Logic has its uses, right?" But then Will puts on his puppy dog face and whines that his business is failing due to his unprecedented and horrible decisions. (Tip: Never, ever, support a band called Bugg Spray. The name should have been his first clue that the band members were unmanageable druggies. Not that being an unmanageable druggie has ever really been a bad thing in the music industry...but I digress.)


So Melanie is won over by her dad's plight and decides that hell, yes, she's totally running Image in the Florida Derby. Even despite Alexis, evil lady who once managed Tall Oaks, who's back with a Derby entrant called Speed.com who is owned by the fictional Bill Gates. I am about 100% positive you can't name a horse Speed.com, since it looks so incredibly stupid when I write it in a sentence. Speed Dot Com, sure. But I don't make the rules here, obviously.


Anyhoodle, Melanie decides to breeze Image to make sure she's good and tired and will therefore feel less inclined to terrorize everyone in her path. This ends disastrously, with Melanie falling off and Image taking a solo cruise around the track. Had Cindy been there, I'm sure she would have insisted Melanie be banned from American racing for life. But Mary Anderson isn't writing this book, so thankfully Melanie and Image get another chance. Only to blow it later when Image somehow gets loose (possibly due to Alexis, but Melanie cannot prove it so she suffers in silence) and decides to flirt with another Florida Derby entrant without a chaperone. That Image, she's such a harlot.


Being proactive for once, Melanie decides not to let the racing commission make a show of kicking her out of the track and trailers Image to Pine Haven, a rundown farm consisting of a pony called Baby and Jazz's band, Pegasus. Now Melanie is forced to divide her time between attempting to enjoy Jazz's band (and not degenerate into a self-conscious mess at the sight of Kristi, the bikini-clad wife of Pegasus's drummer, Nuke...I do not make up these names, you guys, I don't) and keeping an eye on Image. You see, guys, to listen to Jazz's band would be to have fun, which is a grave sin, because when one has fun something inexplicably horrible always happens. Like someone will take Baby to a birthday party and upset Image's delicate mental state. Or a teenaged, tube-top clad girl will get stuck in a tack room somehow. The point is, bad things happen. It's just better for everyone if Melanie puts away her black one-piece swimsuit she was so ashamed of anyway and camps out in Image's pasture, okay? Why can't we understand? It's best for everyone!

But despite all of Melanie's attempts to keep Image's life orderly and secluded, reporters find her anyway and descend upon her like a pack of starving, carnivorous squirrels. During her second attempt to work Image on the track, Melanie is peppered with idiotic questions by a school bus sized hoard while Alexis yells profanity-laced (I imagine, anyway) accusations about how Melanie has only entered Image into the Florida Derby to detract from Speed.com because Melanie has a vendetta against her. There are even hecklers. Hecklers! You know, I try to imagine this in my head and I just can't. Heckling at a racetrack has always included a good amount of alcohol, in my experience. This was a morning work. 


My only conclusion is that people in Florida must be downright crazy. But wait, it gets better!


On their way to the track for the Florida Derby, a pack of reporters is waiting, Mad Max style, to swoop in behind Image's trailer en route to the racetrack. And then, to really punctuate the unrelenting hospitality of Floridians, someone throws beer bottles at the truck and screams at them to take their horse back to Kentucky. Florida doesn't want Image. Florida never asked for some uppity girl horse thinking she's better than all the boys, okay? So the windshield shatters (although I'm suspicious that this is possible) and Melanie is screaming and all hell breaks loose. Only one of those Mad Max reporters decides to disengage from the pack and help them out, although that just confused me, really. If Joe can't see out the windshield, how is following Nice Guy Reporter going to help them out?


Well, they make it to the track, and Image and Melanie somehow survive on their way to the starting gate despite random Jazz kissage, and they come in second, which is like a victory because Speed.com came in third. So it looks like Will shouldn't have assumed horse racing was going to pull his business out of the toilet, although it doesn't matter because it went belly up anyway and he's decided to sell his interest in Image to Jazz. Melanie is all "oh hell no" because she doesn't want Jazz to be her sole boss, which he tells her isn't that important because he'll never sell Image. (Ha! So he thinks.) And then they kiss again, but they are super awkward about it because Jazz keeps insisting on talking about the Triple Crown in Melanie's mouth.


So I guess Image is going to the Triple Crown, and it ain't Melanie's idea either.


And you know what? I actually liked this book. Despite some things (Jazz's dangling gold earring, Alexis's black leather pants, Melanie's aversion to all activities that aren't standing sentry at Image's stall, the name Speed.com...all just the tip of an iceberg of reservations) it's solid. I could actually see a little bit of spark in Melanie this time around, but maybe that's just because Christina and Parker have been dominating my time lately...and as we all know neither one of them have any concept of life outside of their respective obsessions. And Melanie and Jazz have super cute banter when they put effort into it. Conversation between Christina and Parker is about as interesting as reading a legal document. 


Plus, you have to respect Image. She's the one horse in Thoroughbred land that doesn't seem to give a crap about being anyone's Wonder Pony. I do appreciate that. Now, if only Brad had been in this book. But I suppose I can't have everything.

You think you can double cross people...like our Muslim president from Kenya?!

Luck
1.2: "Episode Two"

You know, I don't think I can fully support a show that doesn't bother to appropriately title their episodes. Are you above actual titles, David Milch?

Okay. Episode Two brings us some updates on these people that populate Luck's less than rainbows and sunshine world of horse racing. Ace meets his probation officer, who seems "decent" because he turns on the sink faucet when Ace has trouble urinating into a cup. Although I did like the little detail when the officer asked Ace what he did while he was in prison, because if you can't pee when someone's watching it must be horrible being male. Ace simply says that people made adjustments, which goes a long way in showing that this sweet little man who appears so polite and clean cut (who doesn't like it when his trainer curses, for instance) is actually very frightening.

But then there was a lot of random talking I didn't follow. I think someone wants to buy Santa Anita Park, in which case I'm sure there will be more random talking that I will completely tune out. I basically heard blah blah Santa Anita blah blah buy blah monies blah.

Speaking of monies, The Degenerate is busy blowing his portion of his pick six earnings on poker. Because he sucks at poker. This nameless guy keeps taunting him about it, which I think was my favorite part of the episode. Oxygen Man is pissed that The Degenerate keeps blowing their randomly earned dollars, because they went to great effort to remain anonymous. Oxygen Man can't have The Degenerate out there losing thousands of dollars a night. They have crappy reputations to maintain! The others do not agree. In fact, Third Wheel wants to claim the horse that won them the money (more on this in a minute), and Dick wants to buy spiffy suits so he can please the women. Women, as well all know, are all about shiny packaging.

So let's talk horses for a little bit. Nick Nolte grumbles some more about this horse that is the son of the previously awesome (now dead) Delphi. He decides to talk to Gary Stevens about how Delphi is actually Alydar. People insured him for $30 million and then broke his legs to collect the pay out. Gary Stevens, naturally, gets to ride Delphi's colt instead of Exercise Girl From England Or Somewhere.

And then we get to this claiming race, and the horse who shouldn't have been in the claiming race anyway. The trainer, who is completely crazy and I have very little patience for, gets pissed off that he was claimed and I just want to slap people when they make these decisions and then get angry when the very obvious outcome happens and they vow revenge. Which is basically what happens. Only Third Wheel does not wind up claiming the horse, as someone else had a claim in on it, and I think it's apparent that this quartet has crap luck when not gambling on horses.

Speaking of crap luck, Dick gets roofied by the women he's trying to seduce...I'm not sure why...and then they try to attack him during their unsuccessful threesome. He manages to escape and winds up bloodied and roofied outside of Oxygen Man's hotel. However, The Degenerate manages to hit a win streak at the poker table after losing yet more money, walking away with some amount of cash and reclaiming a little more of his dignity.

And then we wind up in bed with Ace again, as he monologues about something. I guess it was important. I, however, was too busy wondering if we were going to end every episode with Ace talking to his chauffeur as he lounges around on his bed in his PJs.

I just don't know about this show. I can't tell if it's really going anywhere, or, if it is, that I'll actually be interested in these people when it finally gets up to speed. For what it's worth, I liked this episode better than the pilot, but that's probably just because it's benefiting from all the ground work the pilot laid down.

It still makes me feel dirty after watching it, though. It's very good in this regard.