New Series: Timber Ridge Riders

Keeping Secrets
Timber Ridge Riders Series

by Maggie Dana

A valuable horse is dead, and it's all her fault . . . which is why 14-year-old Kate McGregor has put horses and riding out of her life. Forever!

But her new job as a companion to Holly Chapman, a former riding star who's now confined to a wheelchair, takes her back to the barn where she's forced to confront her guilt. Can Kate keep her terrible secret from Holly, who is fast becoming her best friend? And, more important, can she keep her secret from Angela Dean who lives for only two things--winning ribbons and causing trouble? 

Some of us might find this synopsis familiar, because Timber Ridge Riders was once a book series called Best Friends. It took me a while to put my finger on why it seemed like I'd been here before, until I realized I'd read the fourth book in the series, If Wishes Were Horses, circa 1988. Naturally I hadn't read the previous books, as I was a child and had not yet developed crazy quirks like stridently insisting on chronological order. Therefore my memory is hazy, but bells are definitely ringing and I am intrigued.

Anyway, Kate is a roving teen looking for a job. Her mom is gone, and her dad has basically abandoned her for bugs, leaving her with an aunt who would rather not have this responsibility. Consequently, Kate goes forth and, with the courage and tenacity most of us lack in this economy, lands herself a job as companion for a wheelchair-bound teen named Holly. Kate moves in for the summer and thinks she has it made, right up until she realizes that horse stable they all live on? Yeah, that's going to be a big part of her life, and Kate would rather it not be.

Holly lives and breathes horses, which is not so great for Kate because it turns out Kate is traumatized from having accidentally killed her old barn's favorite horse: Black Magic. In order to get out of being near the horses Holly insists she be around every waking moment, Kate feigns horse phobia (is there a word for that? Equinophobia! Thank you, internets!) and is immediately mocked by the reigning antagonist, Angela, an antagonist name if ever there was one. Angela has problems of her own, of course. Her mother is a show mom on steroids, and it's all she can do to get a couple of nice words out of the woman. Therefore, all will know Angela's wrath, and Kate is right in her path of fury.

When Sue, one of the riders on the stable's equestrian team, is injured out in the woods somewhere, Kate is forced to out herself and leaps aboard Holly's horse, Magician, in order to race for help. Everyone goes ooooh at Kate's sudden and unexpected ability, before going boooo at Kate's lie, and finally landing on awwwww after she tells Holly her tragic tale of woe. But now that Sue can't ride, Kate is the perfect fall back, so looks like everything happens for a reason. Or something.

Only Angela is lurking in the shadows, having overheard everything and plotting mercilessly to make sure Kate can never ride at Timber Ridge! For that would surely mean Angela would not receive the medal for individual accomplishment at the upcoming show, and that means she must do what antagonists do sort of well, but not really. Sweet, sweet blackmail.

Forced to not tell Holly's mother, the manager and trainer of these kids and their horses at the barn, because Angela will then take Kate's horse killer story to her mother, who will then make sure Holly's mom knows the sting of a pink slip, Kate feels trapped and helpless. Thus begins the power struggle.

I will say one thing, I have never seen a more motivated antagonist. You know how lots of middle-grade horse books have "antagonists" who are sort of annoying and might do one or two somewhat ridiculous things that are more merely irksome than they are true sights to behold? Angela falls into the last category. When blackmail doesn't succeed, she moves on to researching the rulebook to get Kate kicked off the team. When that doesn't pan out, she destroys the cross country trails to ensure Kate gets lost. When Kate pops out of the forest despite the bad signage, she wrecks Kate's stall so the team will be docked points for bad stable management. That actually works. But is she done? Hell no! We have stirrups to tamper with, because Angela is thorough.

But I'm not saying Angela makes the book. Kate is rather likeable by herself, and Holly is plucky and enthusiastic. The horse scenes are knowledgeable without going overboard, and while there is a subtle hint of Wonder Pony about Magician, the book certainly tones down the sentiment that seems to run rampant in horse books. (ie, crops are used to effect without anyone crying about it.) By the end, winning is shown not to be all there is in life, which is accentuated by the show results and the battle royale at the end.

Keeping Secrets has reminded me that I really should scour Amazon for more independently published horse books, because where traditional publishing has failed me in so many ways, the indie authors are out there striking out on their own, taking chances publishing houses would probably rather not. Kids with Kindles and a distinct love of horses will devour Keeping Secrets and search for more. Not to mention, I will be reading more so I can compare and contrast with my hazy memory of book #4.

Keeping Secrets is available for Kindles everywhere at Amazon.

"You never get used to it. That's why they make Jim Beam."

Luck
1.1: Pilot

Luck might be interesting.

I say that since I could see my face reflected back at me on my computer screen as I watched the pilot episode, and mainly my expression was that of pained befuddlement. And I kind of got what was happening about three quarters of the time. No really!


We shall start with Ace (Dustin Hoffman). Ace just spent three years in prison for something. Maybe that something was mentioned and I tuned it out somehow, but he's been in prison and now he's out and he's kind of melodramatic and eccentric...in a cute way. At one point he gets all bent out of shape when one of his shady friends hesitates at his recording device and he throws a fit about how it's a helpful aid because he forgets things *tears shirt apart, buttons flying everywhere* and he was in prison and holy shit the buttons just flew off his shirt and now he's embarrassed and he needs new shirts because prison left him a physically smaller masculine specimen. And he sits down and tries to do his buttonless shirt back up.

He's adorable.

Meanwhile, since I suppose he was banned from the track, his chauffeur now owns all of his horses, one of which is a $2 million dollar pony that will not pass a bowel movement, irritating his trainer who gets mad at his bug jockey for saying things like "we're going to win big!" or something, because to talk about anything other than the weather on the backside is forbidden. (They do, actually, win big.)

Then there's Nick Nolte. I don't know what his name is, but he mutters to himself a lot and stares at his horse and I suppose some of those mutterings were about how someone killed the horse's father...or his own father. Regardless, someone (or some horse) is dead and Nick Nolte didn't stop it. Generally speaking, the second these words popped out of his mouth, I thought about that creepy shoebox of porn and a little part of this show was ruined for me.

Then there's the four handicappers who spend the whole episode plotting to win the day's pick six. I have no idea what their names are, but for me they will be known as Oxygen Man, The Degenerate, Dick, and Third Wheel. Oxygen Man is the ringleader who yells at The Degenerate a lot, since he has a gambling problem (ha! at a racetrack, you say?). No, no, he has a poker problem. He only gambles on racing to feed his urge to lose at poker. Dick and Third Wheel are sort of extraneous characters I don't care about, only Dick feels that he's entitled to blow his winnings on prostitutes and Third Wheel is essentially that. I have no idea why he's there. Anyway, they win $2.8 million dollars on the pick six, making them sort of well off after you divide that four ways and take out taxes. Don't get too excited, you guys. You'll only be back tomorrow.

Also, a horse dies...graphically. It was not too offensive, and did not insult my intelligence. They just outright show everything: bone snaps, vet shows up, screen goes up, intravenous pink liquid administered, horse dies. Pretty cut and dry. But the poor, previously enthusiastic bug has his heart broken and trampled upon, so Gary Stevens shows up to tell him how to cope: drink. Heavily.

However, it's an exercise rider girl who provides the moment I really liked in this pilot, which basically sold me on the entire series, where she rides Nick Nolte's horse in a breeze. It's beautiful. Girl and horse are galloping and then girl and horse are racing time, and the second that happens was pretty awesome to behold.

So it's a pilot that is putting down a lot of ground work. I can't say I was really wildly impressed with it, but it's certainly authentic. I felt a little dirty after watching it, just like days at the track usually make me feel. I suppose I'll keep up with it out of curiosity's sake or until I'm genuinely interested in the goings on, which apparently occur around episode five.

This will be a long race.

TB #51: Distance Runner

Distance Runner
Thoroughbred #51
by Jennifer Chu

Christina and Star need a change of pace.

A competitive bug is sweeping through Whitebrook Farm. Image, Star, and Gratis are all contenders for the Triple Crown races, which begins with the Kentucky Derby, a little over a month away.

Christina can't stand the pressure. So, when she is given the chance to leave Kentucky for a little while and ride for another farm in California, where Derby fever isn't quite as intense, she packs her bags and takes Star with her. There, Chris focuses on making the most of Star's running style. He's always been a come–from behind–horse, but he sometimes misses his chance to beat the leaders. Christina is going to try to change that in time for the Derby. But it may not be as easy as she thinks.

Hey, guys! I have returned with another Thoroughbred book, which just so happens to be more Christina melodrama, so I'm sure you're all appropriately thrilled. Up there we have a book cover, in which Star and Christina are attempting to wedge themselves in between two horse butts and Star is probably about a half second from clipping heels with Horse Butt #1. You know, of all of these colored pencil drawings (or whatever they call themselves) I happen to be mildly okay with this one. There is action. For whatever reason, Christina is wearing green and white. It's just like Wildfire, you guys! How can I not like such randomness?

Well, anyway, Christina and everyone else she's ever known (that's almost in the literal sense) are at Keeneland preparing for the time-honored tradition of running a Whitebrook pony in the Bluegrass. Actually, Jennifer Chu really screws up the Derby prep race order in this book thanks to creative license, which is one of the many reasons the rest of the lead up to the Derby makes even less sense. But that's reality, and Thoroughbred doesn't do reality, even when it tries! (I actually really, really regret the attempts at inserting realism, but that's another story.) Christina exercises Star during yet another time-honored Whitebrook tradition: the three-furlong breeze. She notices, to her horror, that Star starts his breeze well enough, only to not try to rip her arms out of their sockets and leave her behind in a speedy fury in the second furlong, gradually speeding up in the last bit of the work.

As we all know THIS IS HORRIFYING. SO HORRIFYING. Ashleigh, Mike, Ian, Cindy, and probably even Melanie take one look at this situation and call it like it is: Star is a closer. A closer, Christina. This is how closers act in workouts, never mind actual races. But these people, of course, are not Christina and they can never know the sheer magic that courses from Star to Christina. Never! (Okay, I'm pretty sure Christina never utters the infamous "they don't know *insert horse name here* like I do!" line, so I'll hand it to Jennifer Chu for finding a new way to get that sentiment across without being totally aggravating.)

So here's the deal: since Star wired the field in the Louisiana Derby, Christina, for whatever reason, believes he is now a front runner, and must exercise as such forever and always. Christina apparently hasn't heard of flukes, or maybe Karle Dickerson just knew the easy way out of a race scene. Regardless, Christina now wants Star to be a front runner/awesome stamina-having sprinter of doom. I don't know. Star, of course, has no idea what he's in for.

Trying to avoid the crush of reporters that flock around her always, Christina runs into a horse having it out with a mechanical hotwalker. Because Christina keeps dozens of carrots in her pants, she whips them out and of course this distracts the horse from destroying the hotwalker and bashing open her head in the process. His trainers, the new kids in town from the West Coast called the Johnstons, immediately show up to give Christina the critical eye and proclaim her fit to ride their pack of nerves called Callie later that afternoon.

Chris rides the horse, they win, but Melanie rode Raven in the same race and decided to stir up some drama by calling foul. Get this: according to Melanie, Christina was over there waving her crop around in the middle of the race, and because Raven is a delicate Whitebrook horse, she flinched. Now, this is hard to believe just in general, but who actually uses crops at Whitebrook? Even though they all like to say that maybe the crop could be the miracle answer to all life's ills, and supposedly these devices are used on other, less fragile horses...seriously? I'm supposed to believe this?

Christina is crushed, and Melanie decides to glare at her for several days. They go to the birthday party of a friend (like we care who) and act like twelve-year-olds, and then Christina discovers Parker aimlessly stalking the broodmare paddock at Whitebrook in the middle of the night and they break up because they have no time and apparently this will eventually mean heartbreak and hurt somewhere down the road. Thus Christina can now take Star to California, and Parker can train for the Olympics in England, and maybe they will successfully date others who will never understand their miraculous bonds with their wonder ponies. Ha! If only.

Christina manages to convince Ashleigh to let her take Star to California, because Cindy helpfully dragged up all those time she was a bitch to people. Yes, fierce competition within family units is a horrible thing, something I was forced to read about for many, many books. Thanks for reminding me, Cindy. THANKS A LOT.

So Christina has her way and takes Star to California, because she does not have to be at school and her parents totally trust her with the farm's Derby runner, and apparently "exclusive" attention for Star in Christina-speak is training Callie, exercising every other horse in the West Coast, and then getting around to Star.

While in California, things continue to go to hell with Star as Christina refuses to believe he is anything other than a frontrunner. Meanwhile, new boy Aaron is here to offer a shoulder for Christina to cry on. He tries to take her out on the town in efforts to show her California, but in true Thoroughbred fashion, Christina freaks out over Star's poor times and shuns him, refusing to have fun because that is for the irresponsible. She decides that the only way to get Star's attention is to smack him with the crop, which of course Star literally cannot stand and falls apart. Christina does not know any other way to train her horse, so she keeps using the crop and things keep getting worse and let me remind us all that this is the girl that used her hand to smack her horse when he was panicking not two books ago. Two books! Two!

So at Santa Anita, during the big reveal for Callie's owners, nothing works out, both horses suck, and famous trainers rue the day that they asked a 17-year-old they don't know to train their horse. Or whatever was going on. Aaron comforts Christina as she has a breakdown in Star's stall, and then finally gets her to go to an amusement park with him.

This is probably the first time Christina has experienced non-horse fun in her life, so naturally she has no idea how to react. Poor girl. She backpedals to discuss Star at any and all opportunity, and has her moment of enlightenment: she's a moron! That's right! Star isn't a frontrunner. He's a closer! Looks like all those people that didn't know her horse like she did actually did know her horse better than she did. So Aaron and Christina decide to pull a Cindy and take the horses out at night in order to prove Christina's point that she was stupid. After some brilliant attempts to lure Star into running like his old self using motivational speaking, it turns out that, yup, Chris is stupid.

So Christina gets out of everyone's way, Callie wins his race, Star comes in second in his after narrowly avoiding disaster, and Christina tells everyone that Aaron should ride Callie in the Preakness before coming clean to poor Aaron that she just broke up with her lifetime forever love. But don't worry, Aaron. You've demonstrated to Christina that there are other things out there besides horses for girls to think about (i.e., males, of course!) Hooray Triple Crown!

• "Spectators" and "reporters" are not the same thing. 
• How is it that Image and Gratis are the horses to beat? Did I miss the point in the series where they were brilliant and actually won a serious race?
• Dude, the whole point of a race (and a breeze) is to go faster at the end than you're going at the start. That's what they call "building stamina" and how you win races. Stop complaining about nothing, Chris! (By the way, this is the Big Problem That Needs Solving in this book. Which means it's not a problem at all.)
• If Christina "is the only one" who knew how the Louisiana Derby really went down, she's not doing her job.
• How many carrots does Christina keep in her pockets at any given point in the day? A whole bag?
• Ooh, today Brad is wearing a tailored suit with gold buttons.
• A Jeep! It's been so long since I've seen a Jeep carting around a Thoroughbred series character, it almost makes me misty eyed for the good old days. With this and all the Cindy Era nostalgia I'm half tempted to just say it: Jennifer Chu is the New Generation's Joanna Campbell.
• Does anyone get the feeling of Gary Stu for Aaron? The book, as refreshing as it is in certain ways, has the stink of fanfic on it. Consider: main character dumps boyfriend, and suddenly a new love interest pops up who is, of course, perfect in all ways. I'm not saying Jennifer Chu wants to date Christina, but it fits a certain pattern.

Next up, I think we're actually going back in time to see what Melanie was up to in Florida. Because apparently she was there, and now she's back in Kentucky, and no one decided to talk about it at all in Distance Runner other to say she was there and there were "obstacles."  Yet one more perplexing decision brought to you by Thoroughbred!

Thoroughbred #50: Team Player

Team Player 

by Alice Leonhardt 

2001 

It seems that Team Player had the misfortune of being too long when it was a Word document sitting on some editor's hard drive, and instead of requesting a little editing to trim the story down to an appropriate length, the editor decided it would be easier to highlight the entirety of the last chapter and hit the delete button.

Oh, Thoroughbred. It's this dedication to quality that makes me love you so.

Will Parker make the team? 

Parker Townsend and his Thoroughbred mare, Foxglove, have proven that they have the talent to compete in the Olympics in combined training. But they still haven't made the team. Parker can't figure it out. He's won more events than any of his competitors, and Foxy is in top form. No jump is too high for them, no dressage course is too technical. So why haven't the Olympic stewards asked him to join the team? 

His trainer, Samantha McLean, knows why. Parker isn't a team player. He always does his best and usually wins, but sometimes that's not enough. In order to compete, Parker must show the Olympic stewards that he can help out his team members and ride for the team.

This summary is a tad exaggerated. Parker has in fact not "won more events than any of his competitors," nor does he "usually" win. The sad state of affairs is more subdued, but that doesn't make for good summary writing, apparently. The fact of the matter is that Lyssa has actually been the winner of all the events the summary seems to think Parker has been winning, therefore making the question of why Lyssa has been picked to be on the team and not Parker far less of a head scratcher.

But whatevs. Let's get down to business.

Parker is super busy. He's got responsibilities (horses to ride, Foxy to train, Kaitlin to yell at, mountains of tack to clean because we all know tack is forever dirty even two seconds after it's been scrubbed to death), unappreciative girlfriends to placate (Christina), parents to avoid (The Townsends, in all their awesome hilarity), and so many things to worry about (the Olympics, school, maybe buying a new horse with no money). It's hard to be Parker, okay? 

Because he has no money, he's been reduced to teaching kids how to pull the manes of their school ponies, which is a tremendous lesson in patience while Samantha is persistently nagging him to buy a young horse while trying to hide the magazine that proclaims Lyssa the next Olympic horse goddess. Lyssa has gotten on the USET team's short list, and Parker has not. Parker attempts to not be bitter, and fails. Samantha makes a casual remark about that chip on his shoulder and then whirls off to be unproductive somewhere else as Parker drags his feet to Whitebrook to remark about how his relationship with Christina has changed, and it's not for the better.

You see, Christina and Parker never see each other anymore, both aiming for their completely unreasonable dreams because everyone knows that after the age of eighteen it's standard practice to give up on yourself and help children you kind of know and/or created accomplish greatness. In other words, life loses all meaning when you're an adult. Parker tries to seek support from Christina regarding this whole Lyssa development (come on, people, we know you all just want to bitch about her. Just do it already) and gets nothing but, "That's great! They're still accepting young riders!" Of which they have one, so do they need more? Just saying.

Parker trudges off to class and then goes home to Townsend Acres, where he decides that it's finally time to suck up to his parents and try to get back into his trust fund. Brad, because nothing is better than racing -- nothing -- has cut off Parker and made him drive an unreliable truck and be poor until Parker shucks off his Olympics dreams and gets into the family business. Only all he's greeted with is a buffet table of eggs and bacon, which Parker falls upon like a ravenous honey badger while Lavinia looks on in sheer horror and Brad mutters about how a Townsend doesn't wear jeans during breakfast. They wear suits and diamonds, naturally. 

Fresh from that comical interlude, Parker runs off to Townsend Acres Version Warmbloods so he can look at a horse that is outside of his price range, because Samantha doesn't get that he has no money. That's when they meet Wizard of Oz, or Ozzie, burned out stadium jumper who has no interest in doing work ever again. Naturally Samantha's all ooooh, this one! And so they take Ozzie on trial, but not before they look down their noses at Ozzie's successful and therefore "arrogant" and obviously horrible owner.

There's a three-day event of some such that Parker wins, attracting the attention of Captain Donnelly of USET fame, which leads to Captain Donnelly deciding to move his two short list USET people (Lyssa and a Jeff who is of no import) to Whisperwood so he can stalk Parker and cause him great emotional turmoil. Parker drops the ball when put on the spot, but then manages to save things when he's invited to a lesson with Lyssa and Jeff, only to drop the ball again when he gets all internally uppity about being told what to do. Nobody knows Foxy like Parker!

You know, it's a real wonder that Christina and Parker couldn't make it through this book. They are so perfect for each other. Unfortunately they split. Or "take a break" after Parker misses a date and decides that hey, he won't try to call or do anything about it until later. How do these people not have cell phones? This is 2001!

Well anyway, Parker takes Ozzie out to mull his decision about whether or not to go further into debt in order to buy him and Lyssa, giver of bad advice, says that he totally should. Just stick him in a round pen (which doesn't wind up working, of course) and all will be fine! Oh, if only we could all be sponsored like Lyssa! What a magical life she leads. I'm shocked Parker hasn't gone crazy. I really am.

So Rolex rolls around. Samantha and Kaitlin strong arm Parker into going to the party beforehand, which Parker is of course staunchly against. Parties might mean fun is afoot, and as we all know fun is the work of the devil! I'm surprised Samantha even wants to take part in this horror show, but I suppose that she is an adult, and her life no longer has meaning or ambition. All the more time for parties! 

Parker goes to the party, only to run into his parents, who have come to the realization that there are rich people around the Rolex also! Let's mingle! Brad remarks that it's quaint that the winner gets a Rolex watch. Oh, if only Parker were into racing; he could have all the Rolex watches he desires should he give up on this fool's errand. Mission to destroy Parker's confidence accomplished, so back to mingling!

God, that man is just so awesome.

Samantha gets Parker's mood back on track on the first day of Rolex, and he completely crushes the dressage test and skyrockets into third. Then the cross country comes along the second day, and there's much angst. It is hot! Horses are dropping like flies. The jumps are terrific and difficult. If only Parker would listen to advice. Samantha is here to help with her so-so wisdom! Captain Donnelly wants him to do well, but not invite him on the team so Parker tosses his advice and goes for broke. Foxy barely makes it through the course in an effort that puts them in first place, but this effort is too much for the horse and there is pandemonium and tears and screaming and oxygen tanks and hypodermic needles and Parker feels like a total loser because his horse is probably dying right there at Rolex and...

That's the end of the book. No closure for you! That's just the way Thoroughbred rolls.

In all seriousness, Alice Leonhardt was awesome and supplied fans with the cut chapter. I once had it in my possession, and I once knew what it contained. But that was in 2001, so I've clearly forgotten it entirely and have lost the chapter in all the computers I've left in my wake.

That all said, despite the mysterious ending, Team Player is a solid installment in the series. Granted, I have a hard time wrapping my head around Parker trying to get on the USET team, especially when he has these hilarious moments of enlightenment about how he's competing against riders who are worlds better than him at Rolex and he's still expecting to get short listed. 

Maybe this series was always about supporting delusions of grandeur. It's all starting to make sense now!

#51, Distance Runner, aka Christina Discovers California And Fails to Appreciate It, is up next. 

Thoroughbred #49: Rising Star

Rising Star
By Karle Dickerson
Published: 2001

Hey, you guys! So I haven't read a Thoroughbred book since February 2010. I had to look this up, because it had been so long. Then I had to look up just where this story had left off with Christina before Rising Star came along and introduced Whitebrook to Louisiana. Turns out they were in Montana previously. And then everything came flooding back. It was like watching scenes from Thoroughbred flash before your eyes in a crappy montage with music by Coldplay. It was horrifying.

So let's step back on the crazy train, shall we?

Is Wonder's Star a has-been? 

No one thought Wonder's Star would get well again. Everyone was certain he would never run another race. The racing press was calling him a has-been.

But Christina Reese never gave up hope. Slowly and steadily she's been bringing Star back into racing condition. In her heart of hearts she still has Triple Crown dreams for them, but the Kentucky Derby is only a few months away and they're running out of time! Instead of starting with an easy local prep race, Christina enters Star in a tough Derby prep race, praying that he can withstand the grueling pace. Is it too much, too soon? Or will Star shine like the champion that he is? 

In the previous Star/Christina book, they were in Montana learning about the itancan from Lyssa because Star isn't being all he can be three days post deathly illness. Then the whole trip wound up being useless because all they had to do was wrestle in a pond for five seconds and magically Christina and Star are best friends again. Hooray! Let's win the Kentucky Derby!

Only since we all know Thoroughbred is basically just a roller coaster ride through Christina's manic depressive episodes, this is bound to unravel completely. Because everyone around Christina is somewhat competent, professional, and experienced, she starts to lose her shit when they unanimously agree that Star is not on the path to Kentucky Derby immortality. This collective knowledge, of course, does not equal the simple fact that no one knows Star like Christina, a line that Christina mutters to herself at least once every other chapter.

While Christina and Ashleigh are having this unspoken battle of wills, a reporter from the Racing Reporter shows up to ask Christina lots of leading questions like "Is Star a total brat?" and "Are you suffering delusions of grandeur?" Apparently the only way this woman got on the farm is because Ashleigh somehow thought she was saying Daily Racing Form every time the lady told her Racing Reporter, which is the most awful of awful racing publications in the world. Ashleigh doesn't bother to hide her disgust about this lady's employer, right before she abandons her child with a reporter she clearly does not approve of. Nice going, Ashleigh! Another example of shady parenting accomplished.

While the reporter eagerly clamors for gossip about how Star is washed up and a "bad actor," Christina becomes infuriated that anyone could think any of these things about her precious baby. She proceeds to have a literal melt down, and takes her feelings out on the track to prove this reporter wrong. Of course, because Star is a sensitive snowflake, the shit hits the fan and Christina not only delivers the most stunningly awful work in the history of Whitebrook, but because she doesn't use a crop she resorts to smacking her wonder pony around with her hand. During a work. Because when all else fails, hit your panicking mount when you're zig zagging across the track going 35 miles per hour! Awesome thought process, Chris!

So it takes about a chapter and a half for Chris to a) verbally abuse Dani and Star, b) physically abuse Star, and c) receive no punishment except for realizing her own mistakes. Because that in itself is punishment, or something. Christina proceeds to almost fall off of Star before realizing she needs to "join up" with him...although how she does that while she's clinging to his neck is questionable. Nevertheless, it happens.

Armed with proof that Christina is a total nut job, the reporter writes a pathetically childish gossip story that everyone in the country immediately believes. Christina, for about two seconds, thinks this is fine. Let everyone think Star is a has-been! At least the reporters will leave them alone now. And then she gets all pissy when everyone thinks Star is finished.

Sigh. It's so hard being locked in this kid's brain, you guys. I can't even.

Then Ashleigh decides to ship Image to Florida, where Whitebrook has historically dominated for eons. Christina takes it for the slap in the face that it is: Image is Whitebrook's Derby horse...despite the fact that Image is not Whitebrook's in any way, shape or form. Nor has she proven to be Derby caliber, or even interested in racing. Who knows. I certainly don't. Christina goes all bonkers, crashes into depression, and decides to watch Wonder's Derby tape so she can throw it in Ashleigh's face and ask her why she's trampling all over Christina's dreams.

Ashleigh, naturally, takes this to heart and tells Christina about this fabulous place called Louisiana. It's a state! In America! And Christina is all, "Tell me more about this...Louisiana." And then she's immediately turned off because such a newfangled place could never have the competition in Florida. Christina, being passionate about running her horse into the ground, will only accept G2 Derby preps or better. Little, short, dinky races are not acceptable as come back races for Star.

But then Christina hears of the Louisiana Derby, which she supposes will do for her purposes. She attempts to sweet talk her mother into her race selection using bagels, but Ashleigh has experienced an unusual moment of forethought and entered Star before Christina could have a panic attack about it.

Now we enter Christina's manic phase. She's so happy! Star is going to be awesome and prove everyone wrong, especially that evil Racing Reporter lady and all the people she converted to the opinion Christina wanted them all to have. But then she learns that Celtic Mist, the Townsend Acres horse of doom, is racing in the Louisiana Derby, sending Christina crashing into depression...despite getting what she wanted? Didn't she just want to race Star in the Florida Derby against Celtic Mist...? I'm just going to stop trying to follow her thought process. It's way too hard at this point.

So, in New Orleans, a place that does not take itself seriously (which Christina notes disdainfully while telling herself she's taking everything seriously) Christina notes with horror that it is hot, and there is jazz music everywhere, and this place has culture that she refuses to appreciate because she's busy. And then Brad Townsend and Lavinia show up to go through a comic relief sketch only found in movies meant for eight-year-old children. Dani sprays them with a hose, and then Brad steps in manure...only to scrape it off his foot without looking because he's in the Intimidate Christina Using His Persuasive Voice Zone.

Then Christina crashes again, because Celtic Mist is awesome and she should just stop trying. No one believes in her, Parker doesn't want to talk to her because she's deferring college for a year, and no one needs to know that she should be on serious medication. So she calls Ashleigh, who talks her off the ledge. Christina is happy again! And then she crashes again. Then she listens to some random track workers talk about their jobs and she's happy again because if you're going to work on a track, you should at least own a wonder pony. Those poor saps! Christina is living the dream!

And then she wins the damn race like we knew she would and they talk about red roses being better than orchids, the Louisiana Derby flower. Yeah, screw orchids. Roses are awesome.

I could get into a list of points of interest, but I think Claire already covered them here. Plus, there's a lot I find enraging about Lyssa and her stupid itancan philosophy and the superior/anti-fun attitude Christina & Co. have toward everything that I don't think can be contained in this post.

I will be moving on to some book about Parker next, because he's got Olympic issues that take whole books to cover.

Upcoming: The Greening of Whitney Brown

My one thought: Kris Kristofferson seems to be cornering the girly horse movie genre. That is all.

Upcoming: The Cup

So this has been out in Australia for all of five seconds, and I have no idea when it's wandering over to the US. Still, it looks promising in a Champions sort of way.