Last Junior Year before revising your career goals.

Last Junior Year
by Barbara Morgenroth
1978

It's been a while since I've delved into the 1970s, but after reading The Perfect Distance I was inclined to hunt this book down.

Kim wanted to ride, ride really well; well enough to make the U.S. Equestrian Team. But the only thing she had going for her was her horse, Foxy. Her father didn't really approve of her love of horses and refused to spend the money that would give her good teachers and allow her to go to the best shows.

At seventeen, a senior in high school and about to begin her last official year as a junior rider, she was desperate. She needed a big break. And she got it in an unexpected way. An assistant judge at a small show, who liked her and liked her horse even thought the main judge didn't, suggested she call an Emory Reis. Over her parents protests, she did. And suddenly she had a teacher -- a free teacher, who asked only for real dedication to horses and riding. Eventually, because the inner circle of riders form a close group who help each other when the help can go both ways, she not only had lessons but a place to ride and a friend to ride with, to practice jumping with, and eventually to do the winter circuit in Florida with.

But along with really learning to ride, Kim learned almost too much about the politics and economics of riding. Dreams, she found, must sometimes die in order that possible things, and maybe better things, can happen.

Not the best summary, mainly because it reads like a brief book report. Also, that is the book. There's nothing to say now that the summary hasn't already pointed out. Kim is obsessed with trying to get into the U.S. Equestrian Team. She has a number of factors that sort of make this dream impossible to accomplish: she isn't rich, has only one horse, her horse is sort of green, and she sort of isn't that good. She also has parents that are not at all interested in horses, and think she should (gasp!) go to college. So she has her family to contend with on an almost regular basis. The story rambles through Kim's attempts to take the right advice and improve herself through her last junior year before aiming for USET, school and education be damned.

There are many things that I liked about this book, most of them having to do with how freakishly knowledgeable Barbara Morgenroth comes across as being. There's a directness in the dialogue and the characters that I really liked, and Kim isn't a typical horse story character. She's obstinate, but she's not annoying in her determination to realize her dream of riding for USET. In terms of her horse, Foxfire, he's good, actually better than she is, but he isn't a Super Special OMG Amazing Wonder Horse. The secondary characters are all appropriately developed and a little quirky. So that's all good.

What I liked even better (and I'm about to spoil this for you, if the summary didn't do that already) is that the book's whole purpose is to point out that sometimes your dreams are hilariously wrong and you've romanticized your end goal to a point that it will never live up to your expectations. So when you realize this, suck it up and act like an adult. Kim gets invited to try out for USET, but before she can even get to the trials it's made wildly apparent to her that USET isn't where she wants to be. Mainly because they point out to her that there are tons of riders available to them. What they need, unfortunately, is horses. Good horses. Horses like, say, Foxfire. So will Kim kindly shove off, but leave behind her horse, please? Kim doesn't really have to think about that very hard. USET is firmly ruined to her, and she decides to take her career and apply it at the barn of the (formerly mentioned from summary) assistant judge, Jeff (who I was sort of in love with by the end of the book) who wants a rider. So, yes, the whole book is a lesson in getting to your goal and figuring out what to do when you realize your goal is a deep, meaningless void. Fun!

What I didn't like was that, for as much as I liked the book, it felt like it was scratching the surface with the story. You like the characters, but you don't know the characters. Kim likes horses. She's a feminist. She sticks to her principles. That's it. The book isn't very big on description; in fact, it's basically an endless parade of horse scenes or mulling over horse career aspirations, leading us to yet more horse industry facts. It was a barage. Seriously, I wanted this book to back off a little in that department and give me a little plot, which was lacking. There is no closure with Kim's parents, Kim is remarkably unable to think of anything other than horse career goals, and if there was any one horse story character that I desperately wanted to have a hobby, it was this girl. Friends, even. Kim has no hobbies, she has no friends. She has only a dream and determination, which is all classic horse story character, so at the end of the day, she's not that enjoyable to be around. You sort of want to scream at her to go buy a pair of shoes that would never survive one walk through a barn. I mean, it's okay to own clothes that you can't ride in. Seriously. It is. Kim, of course, refuses to accept this basic fact of life.

Ultimately, I classify this as a good book. I liked it, despite some rather tiresome problems that are both expected and, well, smothering. This book nearly burned me out on horses, that's how crazy obsessed Kim is, which would be unfortunate given that I'm going to the barn first thing tomorrow. However, I enjoyed the realism and I enjoyed the ending, and it's really not a special horse and determined girl win everything and are loved by all book. So if you want to take a look at Last Junior Year, head over to your library. This one is out of print, and it looks like buying a copy online will run you over $30. I feel I need to clarify now: this may be a better horse book, but it's not worth $30. It's library worthy, but if you find it for five bucks in a used book shop, go for it.

Jockeys: Zenyatta!

Jockeys
1.2: One Good Horse

It occurs to me that I didn't watch the Breeders' Cup last year, and sort of completely ignored Zenyatta, who appears in this episode of Jockeys and is easily the star of the whole show. If you don't count Garrett Gomez walking around in slow motion, acting like he's a very short, moody James Bond. So I just need to say that Zenyatta is a gorgeous horse, and I think Chantal harbors some jealousy over the fact that Mike gets to ride her.

Alrighty, so from where we left off, a horse fell and everyone's all "is it Joe?" Because I guess we all really care about Joe. No, actually, Corey Nakatani fell and broke his collar bone. Dear Joe won the race. Now we can ignore Joe and move on to Kayla, an Australian jockey who is trying to break into the scene at Santa Anita, and is finding little luck during morning work outs, where she offers to ride horses for free, like all the other jockeys who are desperate to find and maintain good relationships with trainers. Kayla doesn't do at all well and gets no rides that morning or afternoon, giving her tons of time to drink at a bar with her "friend" who lobs her these questions that obviously give her the opportunity to talk about how she wants to make it big at Santa Anita and that horse racing means so much to her that winning a race is better than sex. Move from here to some high class restaurant somewhere, where Mike Smith and "Jockey/Mike's Girlfriend" Chantal talk about how Mike is experiencing pressure to keep winning the big races, although with these big jockeys, especially when they talk about how that one time they made just over six million in one day, I have a hard time believing that any meet is a make or break situation. Of course, I love Mike Smith, so he can talk and play with the stage drama of this show as much as he likes. Chantal, on the other hand, with her attempt to not look bitter over his riding Zenyatta, needs to get on a horse and shut up.

Race time! Kayla finds a mount, but unfortunately for her she's found a crazy one and comes in last. Then we can leave her for a while and focus on Garrett Gomez as he saunters in his suit, and then lazes around the jockeys' room half naked while others talk about how he's got an attitude compared to Mike Smith's happy-go-lucky awesomeness. Power rider vs finesse rider, is the point. Garrett is riding Hysterical Lady in the Lady's Secret, and she's virtually the only other filly that could beat Zenyatta. I know how this turns out, so it's not shocking when Zenyatta pulls off to win the Lady's Secret as Chantal cheers Mike on in the jockeys' room. Chantal...get on a damn horse already. Is she going to ride on this show, or be a girlfriend? It's also not shocking when a montage rolls through. Garrett Gomez glares at unspecified things, while Mike Smith blesses babies. I liked the end of this episode. Mike Smith smiles and says he's just happy he gets to ride Zenyatta. Sunsets and kisses for everyone!

The remarkably forced melodrama is not so hot (i.e. awkward introspective moments over Jack and Coke!), but the rest of it is actually interesting. I just don't want to see Mike and Chantal having relationship issues on camera. That will probably be my breaking point.

Next week: bulimia! Don't think jockeying is all fun rivalries, drinking and glory, kids.

Jockeys: Because I can't help myself, I'm taking a quick detour into reality tv.

Jockeys
1.1: Starting Gate

You know, for one horrible moment this show reminded me of The Fast and the Furious...just without Vin Diesel and illegal street racing. Which reminds me of the time I accidentally found myself within an impromptu street race, but that was on a highway about two miles from New Jersey (where I'm sure this happens all the time...because it's New Jersey) and it was sort of awesome. People should always drive gaudy yellow cars at 100+ miles per hour on the freaking shoulder of insanely busy highways. Right?

Anyway, I make this comparison because of the music selection in Jockeys. Because I'm pretty sure those people in the gaudy yellow cars listen to similar crap while they're street racing in New Jersey during rush hour.

Never fear! Jockeys is not about illegal horse racing in the streets of New Jersey. It's about legal horse racing on the synthetic race track of Santa Anita, in Los Angeles. We have the following jockeys to follow during the Oak Tree Meet, which all took place last year:

Joe Talamo (18, arrogant, probably will get punched in the face eventually.)
Mike Smith (The really, really, ridiculously talented one.)
Jon Court (Looks really, really familiar, but fails to jog my memory.)
Kayla Stra (Girl. Prefers racing horses to having sex.)
Chantal Sutherland (Girl. Probably prefers having sex to racing horses.)
Aaron Gryder (Family man. Also looks familiar, but again I fail to remember him.)

We start off our program with the music and the montages, because if anything horse racing programs rely heavily on montages. Then, once I am thoroughly convinced that horse racing is dangerous for everyone, we skip to Aaron and his kids. Aaron plays with his kids, totally not pandering to the camera crew, I'm sure. We learn that Aaron is riding at Pomona before Oak Tree, where Joe Talamo is surely going to be, acting like he has some rivalry with Aaron, who seems to not outwardly pay him any attention.

"When people ask me what my son does for a living, I tell them that he's a jockey," says Joe Talamo's mother, while my mother decides she's not a fan of this show, gets up and mutters, "I guess that's what you would have to say seeing as how that's what he does." Thanks, Mom! She took the words right out of my mouth. Like mother, like daughter.

Anyway, much is made of how Joe is "young, aggressive, cocky" while Joe shoots his mouth off and Aaron looks like he wishes someone else would walk over to the kid and smack him in the mouth. Aaron is currently too good to care much about him, but we'll see how that goes. The show continues to reinforce that jockeying is dangerous, okay, and considering the race footage to wreck footage ratio, a totally ignorant person would probably assume that something awful happens in every race run. Nice, Animal Planet.

To balance this out, Chaplain Pete is here to pray for everyone, just in case you didn't think race tracks had chaplains...and I actually didn't know that they did. This seems a little sacrilegious, given the whole point of horse racing is gambling, and, you know, I remember my Southern Methodist Bible school, unfortunately, well enough to find the humor here. People sort of put up with the prayer, and then they get out there to race some more in a big horse race, where Tice shows up. A horse I actually remembered immediately as Silverbulletday's 2002 foal, formerly named Duckornodinner. Just thought I'd throw that out there. The little guy was claimed last year to the trainer you see in this show, so let this serve as a reminder: sometimes a horse gets claimed and then winds up on a reality show! Happy endings do happen!

Well, anyway. Tice happens to suck in this race, finishing out of the money under Aaron, while Joe goes and wins on a horse called Booyah, probably inadvertently setting the scene for the rest of the series. I find this fitting because now we get to talk about Chantal Sutherland, the jockey who did that underwear photo shoot a few years ago. She is also Mike Smith's girlfriend, so she will be forever known in this show as "Jockey/Mike's Girlfriend." And she cries a lot about leaving Canada for Mike in Los Angeles, and spends most of her time this episode supporting Mike and taking over his closet space.

Another big race rolls around, in which it looks like Joe may or may not have fallen, because we go to credits and a preview of the next episodes, when Chantal continues in her girlfriend role by privately musing to Mike if she should go back to Canada and Mike calls her "man" and indicates he'll be just fine. Oh, Chantal, go get on a horse and stop supplying the romantic drama, okay? And Gary Stevens comes out of nowhere to play with fire. Yay Gary!

So I'm definitely going to watch more. If only because I can't wait to see someone punch Joe in the face.

I don't typically watch reality tv...but I can make an exception.

Jockeys
Win or Die Trying
Premieres Friday, February 6th, 9PM E/P
Animal Planet
Website

This is the best horsey romance novel ever written.

Millions to Spare
Thoroughbred Legacy #5
by Barbara Dunlop
2008

Reporter Julia Nash has waited years to join the top ranks of investigative journalists. When a trip to Dubai reveals the key to a mystery in the world of Thoroughbred racing, Julia finds her chance. But then she's caught snooping…and held in the sole custody of Lord Harrison Rochester!

As long as it takes. That's what Harrison vows when he keeps Julia at his desert estate. He'll discover what the beauty has been up to—even if the search leads to an attraction neither expected. But when Julia's safety is compromised, they must say goodbye…or "I do."

I debated over whether or not to post this synopsis, because it's just so stupid it makes my head hurt. Okay, actually, when I bought this I bought it because of this synopsis. I'll admit that much. It made me laugh out loud in the grocery store, where I was standing shamelessly in front of a Harlequin novel display. (I was in Detroit. I didn't know anyone who wasn't related to me. It was okay.) I wanted this book to be a really awful Stockholm Syndrome crazyfest that happened to involve horses (somehow) and instead...oh, instead. Instead I got the most awesome romance novel that I've ever read. I actually stayed up into the early hours of morning to finish this thing, and that sort of obsessive behavior is usually reserved for the most awesome of books. Books that are not romances. Or horse books, as it turns out. Usually.

I know! That was unexpected. So let's just start. Because I might like this book a whole damn lot, but it's so insane that I do have to recap it. Julia Nash is at Nad al Sheba, doing something related to Quest and her Equine Earth (think Thoroughbred Times) job when she sees a horse that is the spitting image of Leopold's Legacy, the horse with father issues. Previous experience with Leopold's Legacy look alikes lead me to believe this horse is a plain bay, but this time out he's a distinctive dun with a flaxen tail. Well, whatever. Stunned, Julia goes to take a picture of the horse and is thwarted by security and this creepy guy with the end of his nose cut off. She is informed that this horse is Millions to Spare, owned by Cadair Racing. Julia, trying to be good at investigative reporting, climbs into the Cadair trailer to get a saliva sample from the horse, only to get stuck in the trailer and accidentally transported all the way back to Cadair, where she is discovered and hauled off to jail.

Jail in Dubai is glorious. No, actually, they strip search her and take away all her clothes, leaving her with a cotton cover up of some sort. Julia spends the rest of her time contemplating whether or not to pee in the drain, because no one seems interested in her bodily functions and she has no other option.

Now we get to meet Harrison and his lawyer friend, Alex. Because Harrison is English and apparently a diplomat, he's hosting this meeting over a pipeline or whatnot that was important for, like, a page. Because Julia shows up in his horse trailer, and this meeting is coming up, he comes to the stunning conclusion that Julia is a secret operative with the CIA. I know, right? It can't get better than this. For whatever reason, Harrison decides to bribe the police and get Julia put in his custody. Because it's more convenient for him to watch her just in case she does turn out to be a spy, in which case he's totally prepared to handle her when he willingly brings her into his home, the place she was (according to his logic) trying to get into in the first place? Either Harrison is remarkably hands on or he's insane. Because this book is so awesome, it's got to be the former.

Anyhoo, he goes and gets Julia, telling her that she'll be placed in his care until he feels convinced she's no threat, or some such. Julia immediately requests a phone, and he decides that, you know, he'd like to not let a potential spy have access to a phone. Instead he has her write down all her contacts and then tells her that he'll have his assistant tell, like, her family and all her friends, that she met a guy and would really like to whore around Dubai. He comes up with this plan because he's somehow found out that she was wearing a thong before the strip search, resulting in this gem of a conversation:

"You think that because I wear a thong I'll jump into bed with a man I just met?"
"I think your underwear was designed to share."
"Not with an insufferable bastard like you."
"But, Julia. Since your friends have never met me, they won't know I'm an insufferable bastard, will they?"

Oh, point taken, Harrison. Then he does super secret diplomat things, like checking out her magazine's website. Indeed Julia is a reporter, but then that could be a cover! He decides to keep her at his Dubai palace (because he has a Dubai palace) just in case. The next day, Julia decides that she's going to keep on not telling him that she thinks Millions to Spare and Leopold's Legacy are somehow related, and decides to do an impromptu interview that he just decides to go along with. Here we discover his full name and title is The Right Honorable Lord Harrison William Arthur Beaumont-Rochester Baron Welsmeire. And this pops up more than you might think. After this enlightening conversation, Julia runs into Millions to Spare in the stable and rips out some of his hair, because she now only owns whatever she left the jail in and therefore lost her previous sample. And then the horse dies, provoking Harrison into a fit that finally gets Julia to come out with her real reason behind all of this.

So everyone's on the same page. Finally. Harrison and Julia go to the Preston's hotel to sort things out and give Julia her life back, leaving Alex and Harrison's fiancee to be, Brittany, alone to bitch at each other. Something to Talk About (horse from previous book) runs in the Sandstone Derby and wins, during which Harrison tells everyone that Millions to Spare and Leopold's Legacy are related, resulting in some minor plot. Julia decides to stick around in Dubai until she can gather enough information to write a fantastic piece, only to discover that the police feel they haven't been bribed well enough and are out looking for her again. She tries for the airport, only to run back to Harrison, resulting in the most amazing romantic action sequence since Romancing the Stone. No. Really.

Anyway, that party/meeting is happening when Julia arrives. The police are not far behind her, so Harrison decides to drive her out into the desert, but not before Brittany decides that she has to swap clothes with Julia in order to serve as a proper decoy. Alex and Brittany ride off on horseback, leaving Julia in this silver evening gown...in which she is going to evade police! Fantastic. Harrison (also in a tux, I should mention) and Julia drive off into the desert, starting a police chase that doesn't end until they hit full on sand dunes. Alex and Brittany, because they are the second romantic couple in this book, and also happen to be awesome, ride their horses to a shack and then call a taxi to go to some city...but I'll get back to them in a minute, because Harrison and Julia are fending off desert raiders on camels and horses! In evening wear! Oh my God.

Actually, they just go faster than horses and camels can travel, leaving the raiders behind. Although they do notice that the guy with no nose was among the raiders, looking threatening. Wow, a double pronged threat. Police and crazy mob/raiders...all after Julia for seemingly no reason. Anyway, Harrison and Julia wind up at this oasis and spend some time with one of his people's relatives. There they decide that they should really have sex, because we've gone a lot of pages without sex, and this is a romance novel. So sex happens, and he spontaneously starts muttering French, and she spontaneously understands him, to which he's all shocked and she asks him if they could just blame the adrenaline. Then this conversation:

"I mean, have you ever..."
"Had sex?"
"Had sex like that."
"You mean in French?"
"I didn't realize you spoke French."
"No kidding."
"You're not going to tell me you just had the most incredibly mind-blowing experience of your life, are you?"
"Are you the kind of guy who needs to hear that?"
"It must have been the adrenaline."

Just in case you're curious...it gets more awesome from here because Brittany and Alex are at a water park. I am not kidding. I couldn't even begin to embellish this because this book is just that hilarious. So, yeah, Brittany and Alex are buying swim suits, and he challenges her to wear the most hideous thing he can find, which she totally accepts because she's into one upping him at any opportunity. So she wears his choice and knocks him dead in it, of course. And they, like, go on water slides. And apparently this is sexy or something. I was astonished. Amazed. I would read it again. It totally beat out that time in that other romance novel where the main couple went to Toys R Us.

But back to Harrison and Julia...they are currently at the oasis and dealing with a sand storm. Yup, a sand storm. Which would give them opportunity for more sex, but they have to talk about Brittany and so they don't have sex. Instead they decide that there is a way for Julia to get back on a plane bound for Kentucky! She would have to have a diplomatic passport...the kind she could only get if she happened to marry a diplomat, which Harrison just happens to be. But Harrison puts his foot down. No...nope. He's marrying Brittany because she's the acceptable choice, and he cannot get married to an American in the middle of the desert. No. He would sooner pack up the Jeep and find a way to illegally smuggle her out of the country. Yes...that is a much more fantastic plan! But then, the next morning, he has a change of heart. They are so going to get married in the desert. And they do. They actually do. Only if they immediately get divorced. Julia agrees and then they send for a helicopter and helicopter her passport out to be changed to a diplomatic passport, which comes back swiftly in time for them to hop in the helicopter and realize, to everyone's immense astonishment (only a little too late because they are in the air) that the no nose guy is flying the freaking helicopter. Harrison has to beat the guy up while they're taking turns flying the helicopter, resulting in hysterics before, quite out of nowhere, Harrison pushes the guy out of the helicopter. At this point, Julia decides to ask him if he can fly a helicopter. He responds that of course he can fly a helicopter. I mean, notice how they aren't crashing right now.

Meanwhile! Oh, meanwhile. Brittany and Alex decide that she should really stop being a virgin because she's 25 and clearly he is the best choice to remedy her curiosity. But she is supposed to get engaged! To Harrison, with whom they share so many things in common, like "religion, politics, art and mutual friends" (and this is stated several times, just like this, much to my amusement). So they have sex and ponder openly to each other:

"I can't believe I'm about to ruin our lives."
"Never stop ruining my life."
"I could ruin your life forever."

That is the best, best, BEST sex talk ever, I think.

Okay, then things calm down. Harrison and Julia have their last night together, during which he's supposed to find the Arabic initials to his name in the henna designs on her body, only belatedly realizes he doesn't know how to read Arabic. She informs him that she would like a Dalmatian puppy named Herman, and then they have sex. They go to Kentucky, where they get all upset about this marriage thing and how he's supposed to propose to Brittany, who clearly is not interested in him, but they don't know that, and they part ways thinking it's over. Harrison visits Brittany, who cuts him loose by saying she's in love with this American (Alex), Harrison meets Alex and tells him Brittany is in love with an American, Alex is all "WHAT AMERICAN?!" Ha ha. Harrison is all, "um, I think she means you." Alex then rushes to Brittany and they decide to get together, no matter what her father wants for her, because Alex is sort of wealthy. Alex says that they could tell her father that he "used to kill people professionally and blow things up recreationally." Because that will surely change Brittany's dad's mind. Brittany's all, "yeah, probably not. Let's just get married." I guess they get married.

Cue Harrison! He goes back to Kentucky with a Dalmatian puppy he names Herman. Only Julia has also acquired her own Dalmatian puppy, also named Herman. They meet at her cabin at Quest (because she lives there for some reason) and ponder this serious two puppies development. They decide that they should stay married, own both puppies, live in Windsor, raise Dalmatians, plant a cherry orchard, and travel on their diplomatic passports.

THE END.

So, maybe it doesn't make much sense, but then it is part of this series that is not ever going to resolve its horse daddy issues until the very last book. I'm sure. So I loved it. If I didn't have so many horse books to read, I'd freaking read it again. Best. Horse. Romance. Novel. Ever.

McLeod's Daughters: Putting Australian men in their place, one rodeo at a time.

McLeod's Daughters
1.3: Don't Mess with the Girls

I thought about creating a Tri-Venn diagram to explain this episode, but that probably would have been over the top. Instead, let's just take some time to get to know the girls a little bit more, shall we?

Claire is the tomboy, Tess is the city girl, Meg is the maternal figure, Becky is the slut, and Jodi is the princess. Are we all good? Okay. I could get into the boys, but they're either Australian and assholes or Australian and romance novel heroes. Maybe they'll display some personality later, when they become important. For now we're going to focus on the girls and the fact that Australians have rodeos.

This fact does not surprise me, really. However, the outfits and the line dancing...there's no reason for that. I don't care if the outfits (leather fringe, the color turquoise, etc) and line dancing (I have always absolutely refused to line dance) are like a package deal with rodeos. Maybe I just wish this stuff was contained to, like, Texas. And I'm from Texas. I'll never be able to wash the stigma of leather fringe and the color turquoise off of me.

The reason we're at this rodeo is because Claire has entered herself and her father's horse, Sirocco, in some herding competition. I'm not quite sure what that was, but it involved picking out a cow and then running around with it in an arena. There is initially some concern over whether Sirocco will work well with Claire, because his favorite person was Jack, and Jack is dead. In order to get Sirocco to settle, Claire rubs him with Jack's shirt, proving that the clothes of dead people will calm any animal, and Amy from Heartland really should have known about that earlier. She and Sirocco do well in the first round of their competition.

Meanwhile, we've got sibling drama. It is beyond apparent now that Alex likes Tess, which irritates Claire. Now we've got Nick, Alex's brother, who also would appear to like Tess, irritating Alex. Tess, as it turns out, probably likes Nick more than Alex, which means that Alex will eventually wind up with Claire. Of course, know that I've wildly spoiled myself on these storylines, so I do know what happens to all of these characters. Anyway, that's all that I've really got to say about those four. They just dance around each other the whole time, and then Claire gets upset when Tess eats lunch with Nick and talks real estate value. God forbid! Although it is hilarious to watch Nick and Tess chat about real estate while Alex and Claire eat together and glare at them, totally pissed off for separate reasons.

Now we have to get to Becky the slut. Becky is a slut. In the first episode she flashes a group of drovers (I said I'd never use this word, but I guess I have no easy alternatives) who really didn't deserve to be flashed. They deserved a kick in the groin, actually. Instead she decides to flash and taunt them...which doesn't seem like a smart decision. In the next episode, she sleeps with one of the shearers (the good looking one, but still.) In this episode she wears a short skirt and dances with drunk rodeo people and happily accepts whatever shot anyone buys her. Then she throws a drink in someone's face, upsetting the balance of alcohol = easy sex for many of the men around her. This guy goes ballistic, and other men are forced to escort him out of the establishment. Later, Becky's employer brings out his own bottle of liquor after the place closes...which should bring back that alcohol = easy sex connection for all of us, especially when the scene abruptly cuts to later that night.

Claire and Tess are sleeping on the ground, and Tess isn't happy about it, so she gets up when she hears someone crying. There's Becky, sobbing and sitting on a swing, muttering about how she gets to choose who she sleeps with. Which is apparently everyone, but who's keeping count? Besides me? Tess convinces Becky to go to the local cops, but Becky chickens out at the last minute, leaving Tess to report the rape. The cop asks her some basic questions like: "who was assaulted?" and "what is the name of the assailant?" Tess has no answers for these things, so the cop just shrugs and sends her on her way. Becky won't report the rape, the news of the event spreads among the girls when Tess (it's always Tess) opens her mouth and reports things to Claire, who has a very Pablo from Wildfire sort of reaction. That short skirt is all sorts of invitation! In case you hadn't figured it out, Tess, she's a slut, okay? I have a feeling Claire and Pablo would get along fabulously. Or they would classically hate/lust after each other. It's a toss up.

Jodi asks after Becky at the establishment, and gets creeped out by Becky's employer. Jodi immediately thinks he's the one, and she'd be right. Because Becky's way of dealing with her rape is acting like nothing is wrong, she bounces into the establishment and starts to work, only to get fired and told that no one will believe her if she tries to report that it was her employer who did it. Finally totally humiliated, Becky stupidly wanders the rodeo grounds, running into the group of drunken idiots she taunted previously. They begin to manhandle her, and the boy that likes her attempts to help, but is also manhandled. Tess finds out about this and alerts Claire, who gives up her next round on Sirocco and gallops to the scene of the manhandling with Tess, saving Becky and galloping off into the sunset.

Becky comes to live at Drovers Run, where she finds a piece of glass and, instead of committing suicide, shears off all her long blond hair. She insists on helping out with the farm, and is welcomed into the fold, where she winds up being one of the most helpful workers. And then Meg makes this guy (I can never remember his name or who he is, but she is having sex with him...which is all that's important, I guess) make good on his promise to strip naked and walk into town the instant someone feels sympathy for Becky. Lots of people feel sympathy for Becky now, guy. Strip! He does, and then Meg makes him walk to town as she follows him in her truck, headlights blazing on his butt. Nick and Alex drive by. They point and laugh. The end.

Running Horse Ridge: In which I discover what being on the fence feels like.

Sapphire: New Horizons
Running Horse Ridge #1
by Heather Brooks
2009

So, yeah. The Super Bowl. While I'm fairly sure that most of my city is falling down drunk and committing some ill advised arson right now, I'd like to take a time out to say how awesome Pittsburgh is. Not Brad Townsend level of awesome, but pretty awesome.

Okay, to the book.

Home is where your horse is

Emily Summers does not want to go to Oregon. Why would she want to leave her friends and Rhapsody, her perfect dressage horse, to move to a horse rescue ranch all the way across the country?

Then Emily discovers that at Running Horse Ridge, she'll be living her dream of riding and caring for horses 24/7, and after she meets the roguish black stallion named Sapphire, she feels she's found a true friend. There's just one catch: Sapphire is at Running Horse Ridge to be retrained and sold. Has Emily met the horse of her dreams only to lose him?

I finished this book a while ago by now, because since then I've spent restless hours thinking about it. I thought about it through the night, through work, through the freaking Super Bowl, and all of this made me angry. This book has hijacked a lot of my time, and I really didn't see that coming. I mean, look at it. Look at that cover. I hate the cover, okay? Who in their right mind expects a book to be good when they're met with this cover? It's got a nice, pretty banner and absolutely no substance. In fact, the photo of that horse comes very close to offending me because it smacks of laziness. Someone went to the trouble of creating that banner, which I think is great, and then...that photo. That photo.

Okay, let's do this. Emily and her dad are driving to Oregon because his father recently died and they need to be at the funeral. Emily never met her grandfather, so she's spending her time dwelling on the fact that this horse she rides back in New Jersey (Rhapsody, who is sublime and refuses to drink from his water bucket if it is not absolutely pristine) is very probably going to be ridden in an upcoming competition by the probably blond female antagonist. So Emily is battling with her raging jealousy about this, bemoaning this stupid funeral for a man she never met.

Then this horse jumps out into the road and he looks exactly like Rhapsody, conveniently enough. That's all it takes, and instantly Emily is in love. Her cousin shows up and carts the horse, Sapphire, back to Running Horse Ridge, which Emily only now seems to start registering as a stable. So they get there and Emily immediately runs off to the stable to bond with Sapphire. The next day, Emily's aunt Debby gives her a riding lesson. Her very first jumping lesson, actually, because Emily is a dressage freak. I know. Color me shocked. Emily is determined to eventually ride Sapphire over jumps, but Debby refuses to let her ride him yet because she's saving him to sell and he's not done training...all perfectly logical. Then Emily accidentally lets Sapphire out of his stall and he runs off again before the funeral.

Everyone panics, but the horse is found and all is okay. Until Emily goes back to the stable early and decides to ride Sapphire without anyone's permission while they're still at the funeral. As you can imagine, Sapphire goes nuts out in the field and dumps Emily, who sprains her ankle and has to wait to be saved by Debby and her dad. They find her, and Debby's husband, Rick, carries her back...but during all of this they find an abused horse off in the woods.

This horse happens to be from a stable that I guess no one ever knew about. Emily discovers the place with her dad, who goes completely insane on the owner of the stable, attacks him, and then locks him in a stall. Then they call Debby et al, who arrive and completely panic. Like...there is running and screaming and...you'd think that there was some maniac shooting a gun indiscriminately at passers by, that's how completely crazy everyone was acting. The cops eventually let them take the horses after the abusive owner attempts to attack one of the cops, and so all forty animals go to Running Horse Ridge.

Despite all of this activity, Debby has not forgotten about Emily's shenanigans with Sapphire. She asks Emily about it and Emily insists that her accident was a one time thing, blah blah blah, and Debby basically emotionally bitch slaps her and says, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Then she bans her from seeing Sapphire. Emily feels the pain of injustice! But she just wanted to ride him in the open without supervision after only knowing the horse for a day, and she only sort of accidentally injured herself and the horse, and she only wants to own him and Rhapsody, and if she can't have him there's no way Debby can sell him to someone else...oh my God, I wanted someone to stop beating around the bush and tell his kid to shove it. She is a VISITOR. For all she knows, she's out of there after the weekend is up. Who the hell is she to walk in there and start bitching about her relatives selling a horse that is theirs to sell, especially when she's never met any of these people and she is going back to NEW JERSEY. Never did anyone say they were staying there for a long period of time. Never. It just completely astonished me, actually.

So more bitching and whining happens about Sapphire, and Debby bitches at Emily some more. Emily tries desperately to prove how responsible she is by taking care of the abused horses, and Debby seems to not care that Emily is working so hard. Then Emily's dad announces that he's bought all forty of the horses (because somehow this will help the stable? I don't get this, because it's not like the stable owns the horses.) All of them except Sapphire! Emily is frustrated some more, Debby doesn't care some more, and then this abused mare gives birth, which somehow means Emily has to ride Sapphire, breaking all of Debby's rules for the sake of the mare. Debby tells Emily that her dad is giving the foal to Emily (of course!) and Emily somehow proves that she is not a whiny brat and Debby decides that she won't sell Sapphire yet, just as Emily's dad decides very conveniently to stay at the stable a little longer to help get the place out of financial distress (because it is, of course...that goes without saying.)

• Emily likes dressage. Again, this completely amazed me. Also, it's apparent that whoever wrote this (as I'm still not convinced that Heather Brooks is real...her little author blurb in this book is way too "she loves to write and rescue horses on the weekends!" to be real) knows what they're talking about. I actually followed what Emily was doing when she was riding this horse in her first lesson with Debby. I comprehended. I was amazed that I comprehended. I sort of grudgingly liked this book for being comprehensible in this area.
  

• The little details in this book are pretty awesome. Right before Emily's dad throws a fit and attacks the abusive owner guy, we learn that the guy is eating a red Popsicle. Right here I was even further incensed because I could just see all of this happening. The red Popsicle made me like this book.

• But seriously, I don't want to like this book. Actually, I don't like this book at all at many, many points. Most of this hinges on Emily. She is a self-absorbed, irresponsible whiner. At one point, she seriously hopes that her father will buy both Sapphire and Rhapsody, and while that's a logical hope for a thirteen-year-old, it's also not a realistic hope, and any thirteen-year-old will own up to that without being pushed. Emily doesn't exactly admit that to herself.

• Plus, she DOESN'T LIVE THERE. She's known all of these people for a grand total of a few days. And she's throwing fits over a damn horse she has no slight right to throw a fit over.

• But still. Like...this book took time to discuss Emily's relationship with her father, her confusion over never having had a cohesive family that did family type things. It captures her complete failure to adjust to her relatives. It was weirdly good in parts. It went far beyond my expectations in several areas, which made its illogical parts so much more irritating.
  

My general consensus here is that I liked it and I really didn't at the same time. I am not happy about this, because I didn't want to read the rest of the books in this series. Now I'm afraid I'll have to.