McLeod's Daughters: Men and women have different needs, Claire.

McLeod's Daughters
1.4: Who's the Boss?

I honestly cannot remember when I watched this episode. It was a while ago, and I cannot say I have any confidence that I remember all of it...but I'll give it a go.

Becky the (former) slut has silently adjusted perfectly into her new role as a Drovers Run farm hand, and she spends most of this episode keeping everything running smoothly while everyone else acts a little unpredictable. Claire is selling some sheep...or cows...or something...see, there's that whole problem with watching this two weeks ago and just now getting around to typing up my findings. She sells something that involves renting a giant truck to take whatever livestock it was to the sale. While at the sale, she buys these neglected sheep she intends to fatten up and sell at a profit. Also at the sale, the sweet boy tries to get Becky's attention, but she refuses to get out of the truck. The only way the sweet boy can get a smile out of her is by offering to buy her a lemonade. Of course, lemonade in Australia is Sprite. I could get into how insane this is, but then if you think about it Sprite falls under soda/pop in the American North and pretty much everything carbonated is classified as Coke in the South, which also makes no sense. So if Australians want to call Sprite lemonade, more power to them.

I presume Becky drinks her Sprite. Or lemonade. And I hope she saved some for later, because the giant truck breaks down on the way back to Drovers Run and the girls have to herd the sheep on foot all the way back to the ranch. Nick and Alex drive by and offer to help instead of pointing and laughing, but the girls, being empowered, tell them to shove off. Sheep die of thirst/exhaustion, but they get to Drovers Run with only a few casualties and begin the torture of deworming and hydrating them.

Meanwhile, Jodi is waiting for her grades from this fancy private school. As it turns out, she failed. Miserably. So miserably it's actually funny. Her mom has a fit, despite Tess's repeated assurances that her mom is not going to have a fit, and tells her that if she wants to skip university she can just try to get a place in "the city" and blah blah blah. Jodi starts calling around, realizes she has $0 to spend, and dejectedly puts the phone down, resigned to becoming a worker at Drovers Run...if only Claire will accept her. Claire thinks she's a spoiled princess, which she is. It takes Tess attempting a therapeutic group meal of sorts to get everyone talking, in which Claire totally ignores the situation and Tess blurts out that her first lover was her mom's ex-boyfriend, who had a beard and smelled like cloves. Yeah, Tess, please never do that again.

Then the windmill stops working, prompting Becky and Jodi's trip to the stream to collect water as Tess and Claire try to fix the windmill. Becky reveals that she's thrilled speechless that she has Drovers Run, and does not actually want to kill herself. Jodi grudgingly looks ready to accept her fate with rural life. And then Tess and Claire fall off the windmill, although instead of injuring themselves they have a breakthrough and Claire tells everyone what good work they're doing (as per Tess's suggestion that positive reinforcement works better with women than offering free beer after hours of hard labor). While this is happening, Alex roams around in the background, scavenging for a free meal, after informing everyone that his ram has gone missing. No one cares. Cue credits.

McLeod's Daughters: Putting Australian men in their place, one rodeo at a time.

McLeod's Daughters
1.3: Don't Mess with the Girls

I thought about creating a Tri-Venn diagram to explain this episode, but that probably would have been over the top. Instead, let's just take some time to get to know the girls a little bit more, shall we?

Claire is the tomboy, Tess is the city girl, Meg is the maternal figure, Becky is the slut, and Jodi is the princess. Are we all good? Okay. I could get into the boys, but they're either Australian and assholes or Australian and romance novel heroes. Maybe they'll display some personality later, when they become important. For now we're going to focus on the girls and the fact that Australians have rodeos.

This fact does not surprise me, really. However, the outfits and the line dancing...there's no reason for that. I don't care if the outfits (leather fringe, the color turquoise, etc) and line dancing (I have always absolutely refused to line dance) are like a package deal with rodeos. Maybe I just wish this stuff was contained to, like, Texas. And I'm from Texas. I'll never be able to wash the stigma of leather fringe and the color turquoise off of me.

The reason we're at this rodeo is because Claire has entered herself and her father's horse, Sirocco, in some herding competition. I'm not quite sure what that was, but it involved picking out a cow and then running around with it in an arena. There is initially some concern over whether Sirocco will work well with Claire, because his favorite person was Jack, and Jack is dead. In order to get Sirocco to settle, Claire rubs him with Jack's shirt, proving that the clothes of dead people will calm any animal, and Amy from Heartland really should have known about that earlier. She and Sirocco do well in the first round of their competition.

Meanwhile, we've got sibling drama. It is beyond apparent now that Alex likes Tess, which irritates Claire. Now we've got Nick, Alex's brother, who also would appear to like Tess, irritating Alex. Tess, as it turns out, probably likes Nick more than Alex, which means that Alex will eventually wind up with Claire. Of course, know that I've wildly spoiled myself on these storylines, so I do know what happens to all of these characters. Anyway, that's all that I've really got to say about those four. They just dance around each other the whole time, and then Claire gets upset when Tess eats lunch with Nick and talks real estate value. God forbid! Although it is hilarious to watch Nick and Tess chat about real estate while Alex and Claire eat together and glare at them, totally pissed off for separate reasons.

Now we have to get to Becky the slut. Becky is a slut. In the first episode she flashes a group of drovers (I said I'd never use this word, but I guess I have no easy alternatives) who really didn't deserve to be flashed. They deserved a kick in the groin, actually. Instead she decides to flash and taunt them...which doesn't seem like a smart decision. In the next episode, she sleeps with one of the shearers (the good looking one, but still.) In this episode she wears a short skirt and dances with drunk rodeo people and happily accepts whatever shot anyone buys her. Then she throws a drink in someone's face, upsetting the balance of alcohol = easy sex for many of the men around her. This guy goes ballistic, and other men are forced to escort him out of the establishment. Later, Becky's employer brings out his own bottle of liquor after the place closes...which should bring back that alcohol = easy sex connection for all of us, especially when the scene abruptly cuts to later that night.

Claire and Tess are sleeping on the ground, and Tess isn't happy about it, so she gets up when she hears someone crying. There's Becky, sobbing and sitting on a swing, muttering about how she gets to choose who she sleeps with. Which is apparently everyone, but who's keeping count? Besides me? Tess convinces Becky to go to the local cops, but Becky chickens out at the last minute, leaving Tess to report the rape. The cop asks her some basic questions like: "who was assaulted?" and "what is the name of the assailant?" Tess has no answers for these things, so the cop just shrugs and sends her on her way. Becky won't report the rape, the news of the event spreads among the girls when Tess (it's always Tess) opens her mouth and reports things to Claire, who has a very Pablo from Wildfire sort of reaction. That short skirt is all sorts of invitation! In case you hadn't figured it out, Tess, she's a slut, okay? I have a feeling Claire and Pablo would get along fabulously. Or they would classically hate/lust after each other. It's a toss up.

Jodi asks after Becky at the establishment, and gets creeped out by Becky's employer. Jodi immediately thinks he's the one, and she'd be right. Because Becky's way of dealing with her rape is acting like nothing is wrong, she bounces into the establishment and starts to work, only to get fired and told that no one will believe her if she tries to report that it was her employer who did it. Finally totally humiliated, Becky stupidly wanders the rodeo grounds, running into the group of drunken idiots she taunted previously. They begin to manhandle her, and the boy that likes her attempts to help, but is also manhandled. Tess finds out about this and alerts Claire, who gives up her next round on Sirocco and gallops to the scene of the manhandling with Tess, saving Becky and galloping off into the sunset.

Becky comes to live at Drovers Run, where she finds a piece of glass and, instead of committing suicide, shears off all her long blond hair. She insists on helping out with the farm, and is welcomed into the fold, where she winds up being one of the most helpful workers. And then Meg makes this guy (I can never remember his name or who he is, but she is having sex with him...which is all that's important, I guess) make good on his promise to strip naked and walk into town the instant someone feels sympathy for Becky. Lots of people feel sympathy for Becky now, guy. Strip! He does, and then Meg makes him walk to town as she follows him in her truck, headlights blazing on his butt. Nick and Alex drive by. They point and laugh. The end.

How much slowmo is too much?

McLeod's Daughters
1.2: Ducks on the Pond

It's shearing time! And in typical Drovers Run fashion they aren't exactly on the ball. Claire et al have a weekend to shear all the sheep on the station or they'll miss the truck or sale or whatever. In order to get the sheep sheared they've hired a few professionals, headed up by Marty, who has a history of sorts with Claire.

Marty doesn't exactly have what one would call strict hiring practices, and he's hired on an ex-con that has all of the girls afraid when they hear the rumor at the ex-con's family has reportedly disappeared. Not unexpectedly, everyone starts making up stories about how the guy killed his family while they all stare at him as he dutifully goes about shearing and minding his own business. Seriously, Drovers Run girls, top acting like twelve year olds.

This is sort of a silly pseudo thriller episode, which in my opinion is not a good choice for second episode of the series. You should still be establishing characters and story at this point, not throwing everyone into a mock horror movie. Anyway, because the ex-con is out there being an ex-con who may or may not have killed his family, Tess gets into a conversation with Claire about defending themselves and what constitutes the use of defense. Claire feels it's necessary to shoot anyone who happens to walk into her house uninvited, and Tess isn't exactly on board with that line of thought, but I guess she has no room to argue what with the ex-con and all.

During the night, Tess does another accidental viewing of things she shouldn't be viewing, seeing the ex-con getting into a fight with one of the other shearers. The other shearer doesn't appear for work in the morning, giving everyone reason to believe that he's dead in a ditch somewhere. Then Claire and Marty get into a sheep shearing contest, and Claire wins, which is sort of like a kick to the balls for Marty. In retaliation, Marty insists that Claire take him on as manager for Drovers Run and Claire insists that she's in no position to hire him (seeing as how she has no money to really pay him) and Marty goes balistic and hauls ass out of there, taking the shearers with them. So now the girls don't have to worry about the ex-con and having to go through more slowmo sequences involving the shearers ogling them. Now they just have to work around the clock to shear the rest of the sheep by themselves.

Only then the ex-con returns, scaring everyone out of their little minds. But he insists that Marty was wrong to just leave, and he wants to help finish with the sheep, i.e. he does not want to murder them. Everyone is relieved, and then the ex-con reveals his deep secret to Tess, head author of all the crazy stories we've been hearing about him since the beginning of the episode. The ex-con is GAY, you guys. That is why his family left him. Apparently he'd be more accepted in the city, but what would he do? Gayness is not a profession, after all. So there you have it. Maybe it's just me, but from this episode I got the distinct impression that being gay is the same as being a nice possible murderer in Australia.

Oh, and the other shearer isn't dead in a ditch. They just got into an argument. One immediately wonders what their argument was about, as it's suggested this guy is off running through the hills screaming about how gay the ex-con is...so...yeah.

Also, Tess has dreams, you guys. She wants to own a cafe, and considers selling off a bit of Drovers Run to do it before Claire finds out and hacks her dream to bits by guilt tripping her during a lovely gallop over the property. Claire had her first kiss by this stream, Tess. How can you not think that's important? Tess dutifully calls her lawyer and tells him to hold off on her dreams for a bit longer. Claire's dreams are more important for the time being, and Tess still has to prove herself worthy of being Claire's long lost sister.

And then Claire realizes that the sale/truck/whatever isn't until next week, making all their hard work pointless. Go Claire!

Next up on McLeod's Daughters: a good old fashioned, Australianized rodeo in which Australians line dance! And they wear those crazy western shirts and everything.

McLeod's Daughters: Transplanting Australian summer into Pittsburgh winter.

McLeod's Daughters
1.1: Welcome Home

This morning it took me thirty minutes to hack the ice off of my car in order to go to work, because in Pittsburgh we don't stop for snow. Or ice, for that matter. Actually, we could put it this way: if the world suddenly fell into an apocalypse, everyone around here would be totally occupied with finding a clear path to work. I grew up in the South, so I keep hoping for a snow day...and they never come. Never. It's most unsatisfying.

Because of the crappy weather, I've decided to start my McLeod's Daughters marathon. It looks warm and inviting in Australia, which is a far cry from the northern half of the United States right now. McLeod's Daughters, for all of us unfamiliar with this series, is about two half-sisters who take over their father's ranch. Many episodes are not exactly primarily horsey, but they will be later, so that justifies my weird obsession with watching all the episodes. Australians seem to categorize this show as a soap opera, which I totally don't because I'm used to American soap operas, and I guess the best word to describe an American soap opera is incomprehensible. For instance:



No, really. Just watch that. And that's just one story arc among several. McLeod's Daughters, by comparison, is a primetime drama to me. Which makes me wonder what primetime drama is to Australians. Maybe it's all soap operas. Any Australian want to help me out here?

Anyway, this episode is pretty cut and dry. It opens up with Claire McLeod assisting her people (I guess they would be called drovers, but I'm definitely not going to use that word ever) in rounding up cattle. It's picturesque and wonderful, although maybe this is just me yearning for green scenery. Meanwhile, back in some nameless city (although it's probably Sydney, because out of like the five big cities Australia has Sydney seems to be the one everyone prefers), Tess McLeod gets a phone call about something that makes her grin and comment on how wealthy she is. It is the comment of someone who was poor about two seconds previous to the phone call. So she giggles and runs off.

Claire et al get the cattle into a holding pen and she proclaims that they will have lunch! And beer! Hooray! Only Tess has to show up while Claire is eating lunch and contemplating her cross word, asking an empty space for help on 16 down or something. It's immediately obvious that Tess and Claire haven't seen each other for a long, long while. Tess hasn't been to the house in twenty years, and her room is now a store room. Claire is put off that Tess is there, because there's lingering animosity over her father's second marriage and Claire's obsession with keeping Drover's Run for herself. Although according to the will, it's half Tess's. Claire proceeds to ignore Tess as best she can for about half the episode.

Then enter Alex and his helicopter. Alex's dad owns a neighboring ranch (can you sense the budding hostility?) and when he meets Tess it is blatantly obvious that they are going to have sex eventually. Be it in the next episode or eight years from now. It's going to happen. Claire is all annoyed yet again and Alex is all, "What? I'm a man, she's a woman." And Claire asks him, "Then what am I?" Apparently no one has ever looked at Claire. I don't really find this surprising.

Tess spends the night, but it takes the housekeeper to invite her. Everyone is uncomfortable. Claire starts crying in private, Tess is freaked out by the gecko that runs unchecked through the house, etc. Tess goes on a walk and accidentally lets the cows out. The next day, the hired hands are ordered to go out to round up the cattle again, otherwise they'll miss the scheduled truck and miss the sale. Because Drover's Run is predictably not exactly financially sound, Claire was depending on the sale. Then one of the hands crashes a farm truck (ute, whatever) into the herd of cattle and goes up into flames.

He miraculously lives, and everyone rides up to survey the damage. Alex goes running by with a fire extinguisher, which, you know, isn't going to do anything to a truck carrying extra gallons of fuel in the bed. But he sprints over there while Meg (housekeeper) tends to the injured guy's broken collar bone with a breezy scarf. Claire shoots a cow in the head and Tess reveals that she saw the hired hands taking the fuel after Claire discovers most of it missing, so Claire fires pretty much everyone and decides to work the ranch by herself.

Alex's dad has a hurrah! moment, because he is predictably evil. No lone woman can work a ranch by herself! Or possibly, like, hire new people to work for her or anything. Only they do not suspect that Meg, her daughter, the random delivery girl who is probably a slut, and Tess will volunteer to help Claire out.

The girls get on their horses, don their Australian trench coats (they probably have a name, but I'm not interested in finding it out right now) and cute hats, and gallop abreast into the green scenery.

A quiet episode. The background is, of course, gorgeous. I will watch more posthaste, because it's going to snow tonight, and I need more green scenery to offset the huge amount of awful that is more snow. I also have a ton of books coming my way from the library and Amazon (I'm serious about this...I don't know what I was thinking) and first on my list is Jessica Burkhart's Take the Reins. It's actually in my purse, because if I run off the road on my way home from work I'll have something to amuse me while I'm waiting for the tow truck.