FLICKA 3: THE RECKONING

FLICKA 3: THE RECKONING COUNTRY PRIDE
2012

When Toby and Flicka are hired at a stable, Kelly, the owner's teenage daughter, quickly bonds with the wild horse. Despite her mother's disapproval, she hopes to break Flicka for an upcoming competition. However with the competition fast approaching, a dishonest rival trainer, and a growing fear they may be forced to sell the stable, Toby must intervene to save the day. 

IT HAS HAPPENED. YOU GUYS. YOU GUYSSSSS. LOOK AT IT. LOOK.

Okay, wait. Wait. Let's just take a calm, deep breath. So, I wandered up to a Redbox after some solid life drama that I need a vacation from experiencing. Redbox, I said. Entertain me! And what does it give me? It gives me freakin' FLICKA 3: THE RECKONING COUNTRY PRIDE.

And then I stumbled all over myself to rent it. I am the reason movies like this exist. It's something I've come to accept. So, let's talk about it!

As you may have guessed already, Flicka is back. Accept here is the set up: the ranch BURNED DOWN. YOU GUYS. How the hell did this happen? Are Carrie and Hank even alive? What does Katy think of all of this? Did she even take some time off from vet school to help out and give a shit? No, all we are told is that the ranch burned down and Toby (from Flicka 2) sprained his ankle. This is shocking. I...well, anyway. So Toby, for some random reason, decides to get another temporary job as barn manager at Cherry Creek, a local eventing barn where all the kids wear collared shirts under cashmere sweaters while they ride. Oh, and they're rebuilding the ranch so Toby has brought all the ranch horses that didn't, I guess, die. Or something.

Enter Kelly. Kelly's dad died, so now she doesn't jump, but she does...just in secret or something. You know how it is. So she's off jumping this horse that belongs to Stephanie Meyers (really?), her former best friend. But Stephanie is blond, and classically enough Kelly can no longer be friends with her now that hormones have come into play over Briggs McBride, fellow rider who is honestly too pretty to be real. Anyway, Stephanie sees Kelly committing this crime and freaks out, letting her mother go to town on Kelly's mom for allowing this to happen. The horror. Why, oh why.

But then Flicka appears, kicking and screaming like The Black Stallion she so clearly wants to be. She kicks some poor guy in the gut and then rears off a trailer, complete with shot of pretty black horse back lit by the sun. Kelly goes into awe. Flicka stops being a little jerk and moseys up to Kelly and does a face plant into Kelly's hands, because of course.

So Toby gives Kelly permission to ride Flicka, and the two forever bond while Stephanie, Briggs and nameless girl train for some team regional whatever some such event. Only one of their riders is hurt, leaving a hole in the team. By this point, Kelly and Flicka are all over each other, and for whatever reason Kelly decides to trick everyone into watching her ride Flicka for the team by insisting she's a new girl on...a horse that is obviously Flicka? Everyone discovers that it's her in about five seconds, but she's allowed on the team because suddenly Flicka is awesome at jumping. Who knew! That Flicka is remarkably multifaceted. (Actually, she insists on being trained in jumping by poking a jump with her hoof and then jumping three oxers in a row.)

And then there is a dance, and Stephanie gets all pissed that Briggs likes Kelly, so she shoves Kelly into the dessert table and ruins her dress. Then they have a collective meltdown and try to match race over the cross country course to predictable disaster. Stephanie falls off and then has another meltdown in the office, pulling the plug on riding for Cherry Creek just as the trainer of the barn up and leaves for Triumph, taking Stephanie and Nameless Girl with her.

Woe!

But Briggs won't leave, so between he and Kelly they come up with a team last minute and enlist Toby to be their trainer. Toby's like, "whoa, I wear cowboy hats!" But naturally he's a great coach despite not knowing what he's talking about. And then there's a really long eventing sequence wherein Cherry Creek actually comes in second to Triumph and Stephanie.

Did you hear that? The antagonist won. What sort of horse movie is this? My faith in horse stories has been shattered.

However, it doesn't really matter because the brilliance of Kelly and Flicka's show jumping round makes Stephanie see the light and the two apologize to each other and are super best friends again, despite hormones and conflicting hair color.

AND THEN. Because this couldn't get weird enough, Toby leaves Cherry Creek to go back to the ranch, which has been fully rebuilt, and he takes Flicka with him. However, in the meantime he's struck up this romance with Kelly's mom and decides to give Flicka's son, THUNDERHEAD, to Kelly. Because he's "two, and can begin training." Ha! Oh, Toby. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'm pretty sure he doesn't own that horse. I mean, I can't remember who Toby was in Flicka 2, but I'm going to guess his title doesn't allow him the means to hand people horses for no reason.

And seriously, Thunderhead? Why couldn't this have been Thunderhead's movie? Isn't Flicka a little tired by now?

Nevermind. I'm finished here. Except, apparently, Flicka may not be through with us yet. The last lines of the movie are, basically:

Toby (after giving Thunderhead to Kelly): There's going to be more surprises.
Kelly's Mom: What do you mean?

Yes, Toby, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

(Well. All of that said and done, Flicka 3 is better than Flicka 2. Like, it's heads, shoulders, and a good portion of torso better than Flicka 2. Please, everyone let's all pretend Flicka 2 never happened.)

Heartland 1.10: Born to Run

Heartland
1.10: Born to Run

So I overdosed on Heartland, meaning that I finished season one and then splurged on season two...finishing all twenty-two episodes in a matter of days without posting one recap.

What does this mean? Countless hours rewatching episodes and actually having thoughts on them other than mindless consumption, that's what.

So what's going on here? Let's break this down by character.

Amy is starting to grow out of her storming out on hard conversations phase, but naturally the next stage is acting righteous all the time. I actually like this Amy, since she is a) the voice of reason in the first five minutes of the episode, b) doesn't completely freak out when Lou tells her that Nick Harwell wants to buy Spartan, c) has completely lost patience with Ben in a way that is awesome, and d) saves mustangs from certain doom. +4 for Amy! Bonus of +5 for pointing out to Ben that he sucks as a rider, and as a human being.

But actually this episode provides all the proof I need that Lou is the most awesome character on the show. Okay, admittedly this proof is wrapped up in my love of her plaid coat and her quick thinking at the end of the episode. What does Lou do when all the men have lost their senses and resorted to fisticuffs? She finds Jack's shotgun, fires into the sky, and then pumps it for added effect. And yells confused threats.  +10!

Then we've got Ty, who is projecting his issues on the horses around him. When Wes, evil character for the foreseeable future, smacks mustangs with ropes, Ty comes at the guy and then he gets all emotional about not standing by while innocents are abused. Nice insight into your past family life, Ty. I'll give you +2 for that.

And then there's Jack and Tim, forever locked in a competitive battle over past slights and fairly large family problems. In a previous episode, they came to blows while Tim mocked Jack for being old. Great times were had by all. This time Jack threatens others while Tim checks up on his progress, indicating to me that they are in fact best friends. They just don't know it yet. You'll get there eventually, guys! +2!

Oh, and Mallory. Look, I like this kid. I like her random appearances when she shows up in the house wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a towel. I like her insistence that she's taking a mental health day when she decides to skip school. I don't like her middle grade horse book plot of assuming Lou is selling Copper, so she decides to steal the horse and trek out into the snowy wilderness with nothing but peanut butter, saltines, and two juice boxes. Good luck with that, Mallory. At least you took your cell phone so you'll be useful to the plot later. -3

In other developments, Ben decides to leave Heartland because Nick Harwell also points out that he is a horrible rider. And also he is a bad person. Ashley, insisting that Ben is the opposite of these things, convinces him to go ride at her barn, thus ridding me of Ben and his attitude. +2!

So that's 25-3.
1.10 Born to Run: 22
1.9 Ghost from the Past: 39.1

Flicka: Part Deux

Flicka 2
2010

Carrie is a big-city teenager whose life is turned upside down when she moves to a horse ranch in Wyoming to live with her father. But everything changes when Carrie meets Flicka, a wild, jet-black mustang who's just as free-spirited and strong-willed as Carrie. The two form a special bond and Carrie opens her heart to her father and a handsome, local boy, but when a jealous rival puts Flicka's life in jeopardy, Carrie must do whatever it takes to save her best friend.

I would just like to point out that I had the option of watching this as an in-flight movie back in July, but I decided not to do that because I was sitting next to someone I did not want to embarrass myself in front of. Probably not because I was watching a really dumb movie, but because I would have started snickering like crazy in public. Sort of like what happened when I watched Twilight over the Atlantic and my friend kept giving me these weird looks when I couldn't contain my laughter.

I wasn't going to do that again. I am an adult, damn it!

The Wild Stallion

The Wild Stallion
2009

Apparently this movie was ready for theatrical release in 2006, but someone realized that it was horrible and therefore shelved it for direct to DVD release in 2009. I'm fairly positive this movie insults the intelligence of eleven-year-old girls everywhere.

Running Free, aka equine class warfare

Running Free
1999

Yesterday I discovered that Secretariat was released On Demand and with that they threw about a dozen other horse movies up for grabs. Naturally, I picked the one that would involve the least amount of thinking.

I give you Running Free.

of liberty ponies and poor navigational skills

Misty of Chincoteague
by Marguerite Henry
1947

On an island off the coasts of Virginia and Maryland lives a centuries-old band of wild ponies. Among them is the most mysterious of all, Phantom, a rarely seen mare that eludes all efforts to capture her--that is, until a young boy and girl lay eyes on her and determine that they can't live without her. The frenzied roundup that follows on the next "Pony Penning Day" does indeed bring Phantom into their lives, in a way they never would have suspected. Phantom would forever be a creature of the wild. But her gentle, loyal colt Misty is another story altogether.

A long time ago, when my sister and I were but annoying tweens, my parents went to Norway for three weeks. Yes, that's right. Norway. Because this was like 1993 and April, clearly they weren't taking us along for the magical adventure. So they tossed our grandparents at us and inadvertently created a lot of cross-generational havoc while they were skipping hand in hand through eight feet of snow...or whatever. This havoc presented itself in a litter of kittens. My sister and I naturally wanted a kitten (or all of them) and knew there was no way in hell our parents were going to allow this, but maybe our grandparents could be persuaded...

Only all of our deviousness failed, because grandparents are never as easily led by children as they seem in fiction. Our children's book learning failed us. I would have to wait until I was in college to get a kitten, who is now my own personal hell beast/serial killer.

Anyway, I relate this story because I feel like Misty of Chincoteague bears a striking similarity to my life in April of 1993. Paul and Maureen have been thrown at the Beebes because their parents are gallivanting around in China (for what seems like five and a half years), only their parents have made a crucial error. The Beebes own horses. Not only do they own horses, they live on Chicoteague island, an island packed with ponies. An island packed with ponies that holds annual pony festivals where they basically give these ponies away to any kid who mows enough lawns during the summer.

There is no way those parents are getting their kids back.

There's Something About Flicka

Flicka (2006)
My Friend Flicka (1943)

Most people know the story of how these movies came to be, but I'll go over it anyway. Mary O'Hara wrote My Friend Flicka, the first of a trilogy, in 1941. Two years later, the movie came out. Thunderhead (my personal favorite) closely followed. Apparently Green Grass of Wyoming was also made into a movie, but that one is the lesser known of the three. About sixty years pass, and for whatever random reason someone comes along and decides to remake My Friend Flicka. Only this time it will be with a girl named Katy and Flicka will be a female version of the Black Stallion. Awesome, right? Maybe? Sort of?

Flicka (2006)
Despite thinking that turning Ken into a Katy was a really bad, but fairly obvious course of action, I do like this movie. Even if Katy is annoying, has few manners, and makes really poor decisions that would've won her a Darwin Award if she hadn't been graced with main character status. Even if her brother is the guy who plays Jason in True Blood, and as a result I snickered every single time he arrived on screen. Even if I could draw parallels between this and Joanna Campbell's The Wild Mustang until the end of time. It may have been hit and miss concerning the original story, but it's a pretty movie and it held my attention.

Downsides are it's predictable, Katy is every horse story main character rolled into one, and Banner is not there. I mean, come on. Banner was the most awesome ranch stallion to ever exist. Flicka is rocking the Black Stallion look. Rob has this "I am a man, and you live under my roof, blah blah blah" attitude that does a 180 about five minutes from the end. Upsides are the pretty, it is the opposite of boring, and at least there is some action to speak of.

My Friend Flicka (1943)
This is the horse story classic and helped set the standard for the "horse of my own" plots you see so frequently. Ken wants a horse, sets his heart on a filly his father disapproves of because her grandsire is The Albino, a local mustang stallion, and in order to win the approval of his father he goes about attempting to bond with this filly everyone claims can't be tamed. Today, I find this interesting given that so many current movies make a big deal about how fantastic and wonderful mustangs are, because in 1943 they made it a point to connect Flicka's crazy gene to The Albino being a mustang. There is no "mustangs are worthwhile and beautiful creatures that should be cherished!" line in this movie. Ken just basically wants to be friends with Flicka, and thinks he's up to the task of taming her. The main story revolves around Ken and Rob, and Ken trying not to be the eternal screw up who causes stampedes and picks the worthless mustang filly.

Downsides are it's slow going. Not a whole lot happens here. And there was one weird moment where Rob's advice to Ken concerning gentling Flicka had to do with taking away everything she knows, her friends, etc. And I thought that was insanely creepy, despite the fact that he was talking about a horse. Upsides are that the characters actually don't annoy me, and Flicka is not black. She is sorrel. Like she's supposed to be.

And in case you weren't finished with Flicka...

Flicka (2010)
When her grandmother is diagnosed with dementia, skateboarder Carrie McLaughlin (Tammin Sursok) is forced to leave the pavement of the big city behind to go live with her estranged father Hank (Patrick Warburton) on his horse ranch in Wyoming. With her skateboard tightly in hand, and no ramps or cement in sight, Carrie feels completely alone and is determined to make it back to the city. While putting in her time at the ranch, Carrie makes an unlikely friendship with a wild horse named Flicka who is just as unhappy and alone as Carrie.

That's right. Flicka meets Caitlin's Way! Due out next year, you guys. I know you just can't wait.

Well, that was unexpected. And possibly not appreciated.

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron
2002

I actually hadn't planned on viewing this movie (for the second time) until I was finished with my Supernatural marathon. However, because Netflix seemed to pick up on how much I like chronological order, I was given Spirit instead of Supernatural, Season 2, Disc 6, which is listed as "short wait." Damn you, Netflix. How dare you anticipate my needs!

Well, I have remedied this in my own way. However, I still had this stupid Spirit movie to deal with, and I had to go watch it again.

I honestly can't remember when I first saw this. Or with whom. Or where. Or when. This time, I made it through about forty-five minutes before deciding that the fast forward button was my friend (the last time I remembered I could fast forward through things that bored and/or horrified me was when I had to watch Caligula for academic purposes...and no, I'm not really comparing Spirit to Caligula because that would be insanely inappropriate). Because, really, who needs animated movies where the main animal characters can't speak proper English. Hell, if the Lakotas can speak perfect English, and Spirit manages it in voice over, the horses can figure it out also.

Obviously, I did forget that the horses do not actually speak in this movie. I kept expecting it to happen, because there are several instances where it totally would have helped. Like...when Spirit magically shouldered Rain onto his shoulders in the rapids. Or any time before or after that, really. Any time.

So, here are my points, as recorded in my notes when I wasn't busy fast forwarding:

• Clouds shaped like horses. Subtle!

• Bryan Adams. When I think of Bryan Adams, I think of Kevin Costner. It's unfortunate for Bryan Adams, but it's just a stigma that will never wash clean. Poor career move, Bryan Adams.

• I could be really anal about the weirdness that is Spirit's herd, but part of me really doesn't care. I could be annoyed that he appears to be born in the spring, only for it to magically become winter two seconds later. Then there is this sticky "Like my father before me..." narration that kicks in after minutes and minutes of Spirit never interacting with his father whatsoever to the point where I am convinced his dad died like months before he was born. And I could also point out that colts don't inherit herds from their sires...because that just isn't how it works. HOWEVER, I don't care. So.
  

• Spirit's herd snuggles as a group. It takes a village, people. It takes a village.

• That mare he shares grass with? She so wants him.

• The eyebrows!

• There is a lot of The Last Unicorn in this movie. Not to mention Lady and the Tramp and The Last of the Mohicans.

• I love random explosions. I'm not sure how a locomotive rolling down a hill into a camp could cause a firestorm of that magnitude, but whatever. I'll roll with it.

• And then they jump the Grand Canyon! And it is inspirational!

• The head nod of understanding between the colonel and Spirit was just a tad too much.

• Well, okay, the manly hug between Spirit and Little Creek surpassed the nod of understanding. I guess all of this makes sense because Spirit is a stallion, who is raging with testosterone, the main source behind nods of understanding and manly hugs? Maybe?

This is a good movie for kids, surely. For anyone who realizes horses don't have eyebrows, this will get tired quickly.

This is what happens when I let family members influence my television viewing habits.

Fury
1.1: Joey Finds a Friend

Befriended by Jim Newton, a recently widowed horse rancher, Joey and Fury become fast friends at the Broken Wheel Ranch, where, along with their pals Pee Wee and Pokey, all their adventures begin.

The other day I was talking to my mother about My Friend Flicka, which got her talking about Fury like it was the pinnacle of horsey television. For anyone looking at that DVD cover dubiously, your first instinct is correct. It is not the pinnacle of horsey television. It is a rip off of The Black Stallion, actually. But I'll get back to this in a minute.

I haven't been around in a while, and for that I apologize. I sort of got derailed with watching Supernatural to this scary obsessive degree (Jensen Ackles likes horses...think on giving me something to blog about over here, Jensen), and then I started up the editing of the manuscript again because it is so close to seeing the blissful light of day. Anyway. Don't worry, the blog is not in hiatus or will ever be forgotten. And eventually I'll post another book review. However, for right now I bring you Fury.

No, I am not going to go through this episode by episode. I wouldn't survive that. Fury started up in 1955 and ran to 1960. It is about a boy and the wild black horse who loves him. Apparently it is out in DVD to some extent, and you can buy it on Amazon if you just can't help yourself. For some reason my scary big library system has the first five episodes, of which I'm only reviewing this one, entitled Joey Finds a Friend. Well, the third episode is titled Joey's Dame Trouble, so I might watch that one for obvious reasons.

Fury starts out with Jim the rancher of what I keep wanting to call the Broken Spoke for reasons that have everything to do with my being from Austin, Texas. Anyway, Jim has his heart set on catching the wild black stallion that roams his property, and eventually captures him using a fancy trapping method called luring. With the stallion caught, Jim's evil ranch hand decides he's going to gentle that horse right the hell now, and he's going to do it by beating him with a stick!

This doesn't work out, again for obvious reasons. Shamed, the evil ranch hand is then immediately left alone because Jim has to go to the city for some vague reason, but not before another ranch hand can not so subtly inform Jim that the ranch really needs a washing machine (aka "a dame") to spiff things up around here a little. Jim is mortified! Why doesn't anyone understand that his wife died? Surely no other dame could ever clean his clothes as well as his dead wife. And then he flounces to the city, where he seems to be spending all his time staring at young boys instead of doing something productive.

Joey is the lucky kid who catches Jim's eye, because Joey is busy beating the living crap out of another kid on the sidewalk. Of course, this is expected because random fist fights are required in any visual media from this era. Joey appears to win the fight, but then the other boy picks up what looks to be a wrench and flings it at Joey's head. Oh, 1950's violence! I love you so much.

The wrench, or whatever, misses Joey by nearly a mile and smashes into a store window. Joey is immediately blamed for it and hauled to delinquent court, where Jim also happens to be. Jim is creeping me out right about now, especially when he manages to get the judge to just randomly hand Joey over to his care. Because that's a fantastic idea! Give the troubled orphan to this stranger who just walked in off the street. I would be shocked if this sort of thing wasn't a formula from this time period. Judges seemed to hand delinquents off to just about anyone back then.

While Jim is off in the city, the evil ranch hand manages to tack up Fury and ride him. This also doesn't go well. Shamed, the evil ranch hand has to face Jim, who berates him for about two seconds before he is immediately placated by the evil farm hand's innocent look. Joey knows better, of course, and tries to make friends with Fury by giving him an apple. The evil ranch hand picks this moment to walk into the arena with a whip. Because where a stick and bronc riding failed, a whip will surely succeed! He walks in the arena like he's Batman, picks up Joey and actually tosses him in the general direction of the fence, and then starts whipping Fury.

Fury isn't having this shit, people. He does what he did the two other times, and chases the evil ranch hand out of the arena, accidentally stomping on Joey's head as he goes. Somehow Fury escapes. Whatever. Jim later berates Joey for being a child and not telling the truth. Surely Joey is wrong and the evil ranch hand is right when he says Fury randomly attacked Joey. I mean, obviously.

And then they discuss how a dame would clearly be able to take care of Joey far better than they could. Hey, there is that school teacher lady who lives down the way! Surely she's just waiting to nurture something! And that's how Joey gets a surrogate mom.

Joey, however, is displeased and decides to walk home. To the city. And he runs into Fury, who appears to have a giant fungus growing on his leg. Or possibly was drawn on with chalk. Only this is called a cut, and I totally didn't get it. Jim finally realizes the error of his ways because the dame is totally cool with nurturing when Jim doesn't understand it at all. He fires the evil ranch hand, but in a cruel twist of fate the ranch hand finds Fury and decides he'd like to shoot him while Fury can't defend himself. So Jim has to launch himself off of his galloping horse and pummel the evil ranch hand with his fists. And all is well.

So that is two fights, one randomly evil antagonist, and one comparison of women to washing machines. It's high drama, and 100% inadvertently hilarious.

And I don't care what my mother says. My Friend Flicka is so much better than Fury.

Phantom Stallion: Horse abuse is really not ok, ok?

Phantom Stallion 4: The Renegade
Terri Farley
HarperCollins 2003

The Synopsis

When an ambitious rodeo contractor comes to town, Sam worries. The woman wants to buy tamed mustangs from local ranchers, including Sam's dad, and doesn't seem to like taking no for an answer.
Then Sam spots the Phantom's herd- without him. She's sure he's been captured by the rodeo, but how will she find him? And even if she does, how can she set him free?

Oh lordy, the Phantom is in trouble again. It seems like everyone and their cat want this horse. But he's Sam's. You got that?

All in all, a fairly accurate summary, so not much else to be said here.

The Summary
The book opens with Rachel Slocum showing everyone what a spoiled little bitch she is by taking her father's horse, Champ, on a ride without telling anyone. Linc asks Sam and Jake to ride out and find her, which they do... on the floor and having a grand old tantrum. Sam gets all Jealous that Jake and Rachel get to share a saddle. Which is sort of cute, actually. I like how Terri touches on Sam's crush on Jake in this series. They have the classic love-hate relationship going on, which warms the cockles of my heart.

Linc Slocum makes mention about a rodeo contractor, Karla Starr, who is going to be buying some stock for her show from him, and she wants him to throw in a pale mustang to sweeten the deal. Oh, dear. What horse could this be, I wonder?

The next day, Rachel decides to try and coax Sam into teaching her to really ride, while not being upfront about the reasons behind this. Something about the "Best in the West" blah blah blah. She drops hints that the drought might be causing financial trouble for Sam's family and it would be in her best interests to cooperate.

Later Sam and her BBF, Jen Kenworthy, are out riding and find the golden fringe from a show jacket in the middle of the flats. Odd, no? Could Rachel and Karla Starr be connected somehow?

The Phantom almost gets hit by the school bus and Sam gets into big shit for saving him and risking her own life. She gets banned from riding the bus for two weeks, which is no biggie, as well as being confined to the ranch after school. Clever Sam cons Rachel into getting her driver to give both herself and Jen a lift as part of the riding lesson deal.

So, it turns out that Miss Perfect wants to win a Rodeo Queen competition so she can show her English brother, Ryan, that she's a real American cowgirl. So she also enlists Sam's help with finding the perfect horse for her. Joy. You can clearly see who our antagonist is in this series, yes?

Ace, Sam's little mustang gelding, has been escaping from his paddock and Sam begs to take him for a gallop. She and Jake go and we are treated to Sam's thirteen-year old mind's inner workings as she observes Jake ride Teddy. But, a storm breaks, releasing them of the drought, but causing the ground to go slippery. Teddy slips and falls and Jake breaks his leg. But he's all manly about the pain, so Sam is even more in awe of his awesomeness.

So, Jake is bedridden and Sam visits him on his birthday and gives him this bridle she bought him and some info she printed out on Native American trackers that she thought he'd be interested in. I have to say at this point that I really do like how their relationship is written. Terri really has a knack for characterization.

Sam's dad, Brynna and Gran go off to some fair to compete and Sam sneaks out to check and see if the Phantom is still with his herd. He is not and Sam ends up caught in a flash flood trying to save some stupid heifers who think drowning is the way to go.

Dallas, the wise and aged foreman, takes Sam to some local rodeos to look for him and then decided that the best event for him would be the wild horse race. But, no such luck.

Eventually, Brynna gets involved, being a BLM staff member, and they find the Phantom at some rodeo with some stock of Linc's and the shady Karla Starr.

He is released back into the wild and all is well.

Just a side note here, it is very clear that there is romance between Wyatt, Sam's dad, and Brynna. And Sam is not all that thrilled about it.

I like this series. There are some awesome lines and description that far surpasses any other horse series in the YA lit section. Plus, I like Sam. She's not little miss perfect all the time and makes some real human mistakes. And not everything is handed to her on a silver platter. Plus, we are constantly shown that she does not know everything there is to know about riding.

So, yeah. Not a bad book in the series, all in all. But it does get better as Terri settles into things and feels less need to explain the setting and characters.

The #1 way to get a horse: cry and insult your loved ones.

Moon Shadow
by Chris Platt
Published: 2006

While reading this book, I pondered on what would happen if all of these horse story main characters somehow found themselves locked in, say, a giant, isolated warehouse somewhere. You know what would happen? It would be a blood bath. That's what would happen.

Thirteen-year-old Callie lives with her parents on the edge of the Nevada desert. More than anything, she wants a horse of her own, but knows that her family could never afford it. For a long time Callie has watched a herd of wild mustangs -- sometimes playing, sometimes battling, but always magnificent. The stallion she calls Cloud Dancer and his pregnant palomino mare Moonbeam are her favorites. Callie daydreams that the beautiful Moonbeam will someday -- somehow -- be hers.

But not everyone loves the wild horses. Area ranchers complain that the herds are overpopulated, and in one of the Bureau of Land Management's periodic roundups, Moonbeam is brought in. When the mare dies after giving birth prematurely, Callie devotes herself to caring for Moon Shadow, the orphaned filly. It's touch-and-go as to whether the little mustang will even survive. But if by some miracle Moon Shadow does make it, will Callie be able to adopt the beloved foal?

I am glad to see that Chris Platt escaped the Ashleigh series with her career still intact, considering that it looks like, for some authors, the Thoroughbred series took them down with it. In an unexpected move, Chris Platt bounced from horse racing and breeding to flinging her formulaic rage at the BLM. I feel like this is a stage for some authors. It's only a matter of time before a horse story author moves from racing or horse camp scenarios to focusing their adorable little indignant characters on ripping into the moral fibers of BLM employees who don't appear to give much of a crap, but do invariably lose to the willpower of a tween and her gaggle of influential friends who keep the story moving for her, because she is ultimately powerless.

Callie is one of those adorable, indignant tweens. She's thirteen, horse crazy, and forced to wear homemade clothing because her parents are overgrown hippies who grow their own organic food and appear to live in a junk yard. Callie is upset about this because she does not like tie-dye, and incense makes her a little nauseous. She bravely soldiers on, making due with the family's draft horse and longing for the day she can adopt Moonbeam, her favorite local mustang.

It's summer, and Callie is serving as an equine vet assistant who does plenty of rounds at the local BLM. While they're there, Callie meets two new cowboys, Sam and his son, Justin. If you're waiting for me to say that romantic sparks start to fly between Callie and Justin, I'm sorry to inform you that this doesn't exactly happen. Because another local boy, and rich kid, Luke, likes to pester her in typical displays of male youthfulness, Callie decides that she'd really like to treat Justin like a foreign creature. Because typical tween maleness is seen as unsatisfactory in this book, let it be known that Luke is the antagonist. It's just not really convincing because mainly it's just Luke acting like a boy and Callie completely overreacting to everything he does. Sort of like Christina overreacting to Brad. That sort of overreacting.

So...Moonbeam is driven into the BLM compound and, because the BLM is evil, she is in labor and gives birth prematurely and wins up being put down because the BLM is evil. Did I mention that the BLM is evil? Have I mentioned yet that the "boss man" at the BLM does not like orphan foals? No? Well, he doesn't. And he has pig eyes and is unintelligent. No kidding. So, moving on, Callie has a hissy fit in the middle of the BLM about Moonbeam and immediately names her filly Moon Shadow. Because Callie can't just move into the BLM complex, she is forced to go home. When she comes back, she finds Justin helping out with the filly and has an immediate jealous urge to whine to herself about how she wants the filly to interact with only her. She has to note to herself that people call Moon Shadow her filly, not anyone else's filly, or the government's filly, or whatever. It's HER filly, people. Despite it not being her filly at all. Sam and Justin try to get the filly to bond with a nurse mare, but that doesn't work, so she takes to formula. By this point, Callie is determined to adopt Moon Shadow for herself, because boss man whoever is giving the filly the evil eye.

At this point, Luke's old pony gets loose, so Callie leads it back to Luke's farm and meets Luke's dad, who is very Clay Townsend. He's all ridiculously eager to be nice and happy to help after Callie pours out her emotional vomit about Moon Shadow. He is going to a) give her a job, b) front her the adoption fee, c) transport the filly to her house, d) tell her fantastical stories of the history of mustangs for some reason, despite everyone all ready knowing about the history of mustangs. Callie makes some callous comment about how Luke would never sit and listen to this crap, and it's no wonder, really, because it would bore anyone out of their mind. Only a horse story main character would listen to this. Anyway, Callie practically floats back home to tell her parents her plan, but they are not immediately swayed by its awsomeness and Callie flips out completely, shrieking about how she hates tie-dye and living on a yard with junk in it. Then she realizes that she's a bitch and it's too much. She bursts into tears and, probably because her parents are horrified that she's going to get into their medicine cabinet or start burning herself with their incense sticks, they immediately fall into line and let her adopt the filly.

Callie finds herself at the BLM place soon after her diabolical fit, toting Luke's father's check and the signed paperwork...only to find that the BLM boss guy has somehow figured out her plans and decided to swiftly cut her off at the pass, letting this random city woman (who is unfit to own a horse because she wears spike heels) adopt Moon Shadow. The horror! Clearly the BLM exists solely to piss off tween girls. Callie is paralysed into staring in abject terror at this development, so Sam and Justin do all the legwork and get city lady interested in another mare and foal so city lady changes her mind and, oh bliss!, Callie gets to keep Moon Shadow.

After this, Callie starts to work at Luke's place, trains Moon Shadow to lead, somehow accidentally lets Luke unlock the filly's stall, loses the filly for about two pages, and then decides to enter a halter competition with Moon Shadow when Luke's dad comes to the rescue again and offers her a new halter and all of his daughter's old clothes. At the show, Luke gets instantly pissed off because by this point he's probably realized he's the antagonist and he's not going to win at anything in his life ever again. So he decides, you know, screw it, and goes for the only option available to him: he lets Moon Shadow loose on the grounds. Callie and Luke's sister, Jill, find the filly, clean her up within about five seconds, and then release them into the show ring.

By this point, you're just waiting for me to say that she comes in first in her halter class, right? Well, she doesn't. She comes in fifth. Luke, of course, doesn't place at all, so that's really the most important thing. Sure, the book tries to indicate something about how it's all about the horse and the girl going on to become a fantastic team or something, but you know it's all about the tween girl beating her antagonist and affording to be smug about it later.

It's not a horrible book, but it strictly follows the wild horse/western formula. It also throws in some main character angsting about how everyone thinks pedigreed horses are better than mustangs and how wrong everyone is for having this mindset. And I can't exactly figure out why Sam and Justin like Callie when she mainly spends her time treating Justin like crap, just because he happens to be a boy, which Luke also is. Also, notice how she doesn't exactly do much of anything that moves the plot forward except go into hysterics, which lands her a horse her family can't afford. The big saving grace here is that she comes in fifth, and is happy in fifth. She could have come in first, and made the cliché complete. The bottom line: solid, despite the converging of formulas.

It's amazing what allowances I'll give a book that doesn't reward its character with a justified blue ribbon in the end.

Rodeo Rocky: How quickly could you break a wild horse?

Rodeo Rocky
The Horses of Half Moon Ranch #2
by Jenny Oldfield

Kirstie Scott lives for horses. While at a local rodeo contest, she is horrified to see how Rocky, an injured horse, is treated. Kirstie persuades her mother to buy him, but soon learns that training an ex-rodeo horse is not easy. And when Rocky throws Kirstie on a trail far from the ranch, she quickly realizes that the only way to get them both home safely is to trust herself and the unruly horse.

So, this summary really doesn't hit the mark. Kirstie doesn't persuade her mother to do anything, training Rockey isn't exactly what I would call hard, and Kirstie doesn't have some adventure involving trusting the horse to get her home after her fall. It's a little weird how off the mark this summary is, considering I did think the first book was relatively good for its audience.

This book starts off at a rodeo, where Kirstie is being predictably horrified by everything around her. My first reaction is if she's this upset by a rodeo, perhaps she should have stayed at home. At a certain point, the rodeo breaks out its most offensive event: the wild horse race. A bay stallion that is immediately named Rodeo Rocky is shoved in the arena for this event, and after a significant struggle he wins the race. Unfortunately he's all cut up and turning mean before Kirstie's eyes, but he's the crowd favorite so the lead organizer of the rodeo insists that they use the horse in the upcoming bronc riding event. Kirstie has a heart attack about this and causes a giant scene during a lull between horses, when one rider has fallen and could very well be dead for all Kirstie cares. She's too upset about Rocky being used in the event to register that this unconscious guy is being carted off by paramedics, as the narrative briefly wonders if he'll live. Human tragedy is not as important as making sure this horse with a few cuts on his flanks doesn't have to go through some more rodeo antics, at least this is the case for Kristie's horse story main character mind set.

Out of nowhere, her mom jumps in to offer the rodeo organizer two thousand for the horse. He accepts and they take Rockey to Half Moon Ranch. Everyone is a little confused about what they're going to do with this horse. Some people think Kirstie's mom is insane for dropping that much money on this horse, and then they go act stupid by releasing it (a stallion, mind you) in a round pen with two mares. Right off the bat. As in they back the trailer up to the round pen and release it straight in there with the other horses. Predictably, the stallion rushes in and kicks one of their mares right in the face.

The mare survives this trauma, and shockingly enough no one ponders to themselves how they could have avoided this whole thing. Hey, people, it's called FORETHOUGHT. Take the two mares OUT of the pen before putting a PANICKED STALLION in the pen. Come on. Anyway, so Rocky is in the pen and Kirstie decides to let him lay low the rest of the day before gradually introducing herself to him. Once she starts to "train" the horse, it goes pretty well. He's following her around like a loyal dog after only a few days. Breaking him to saddle is also uneventful. As in completely uneventful. The only thing that stirs up some drama is a trail ride, where some moron drives a giant truck right up to Rocky and he spooks and takes off.

Everyone freaks out, overreacting completely, except for Kirstie (predictably), who keeps insisting horses can and will spook when rushed by a truck. But no one listens, they continue to freak, and Kirstie's mom announces that the horse is going to auction because no one can 100% guarantee that he'll be a safe horse for their guests. Seriously? What horse is 100% safe?

Well, anyway. Eventually Lucky, Kirstie's palomino, somehow finds himself in a mud pit and they have to use Rocky to haul him out. After they all discover that they can keep the horse and give him to Charlie, their cute ranch hand, to ride. What? Why didn't they think of this a hundred pages ago?

Sigh.

• Head collars! I have never known an American to use this phrase. Jenny Oldfield was going pretty well with using the word halter, but then at some point a switch was flicked and suddenly it was all head collar all the time.

Anyway, I'm not a fan of this one. I started skimming pretty early on because Kirstie was annoying during the rodeo and she got worse from there when she was training Rocky. It was just too typical a horse book, what with the Mary Sue interaction with a horse that goes from wild to perfectly tame within the space of a week. I did like that Rocky wasn't kept for Kirstie to ride, because if he had been it would have been a completely predictable story. This detail saved it just slightly, but I still would recommend the first book over Rodeo Rocky.

Wildfire: In which this show suddenly turns all Hey Dude on me.

Wildfire
1.7: Lost and Found

Well, where do I begin? This show is such a mixture of goodness and fantastic hilarity. Consider this episode. I was genuinely touched during some moments here. The rest of the time I was keeling off the sofa in fits of laughter. I can't figure out why it is that I like this show so much, but I have a feeling it has something to do with the way this show really attempts to be taken seriously during its fits of 100% pure grade CW angst. It's good stuff.

This is the episode where the writers, I believe, decided that it was time to make Matt manly. If they were trying before, they really fell short of the goal, because as I've said several times by now, Matt is STUPID. The poor boy. So to make up for this serious lacking, the writers have given him the gift of tracking. Surely this is manly and the very opposite of stupid (I refuse to say that tracking involves skill, and therefore requires some sort of knowledge, because if Matt can figure this out, a random city dweller should be able to accomplish it, especially when Matt admits to not knowing how he picked this up).

Okay, so now I have to get into why I'm talking about tracking. Therefore I've got to get into the plot, which is both good and remarkably silly at many, many moments. I also said that, for my own amusement, I'm going to replace these people with their Thoroughbred equivalents. So for this entry that is exactly what I'm going to do. Although for the sake of my sanity, I'm only going to do this with Ashleigh, Mike and Brad (Kris, Matt and Junior), and if anyone has suggestions for equivalents for the rest of the characters, I'm happy to open the floor in the comments. Suggest away. (And no, Dani can't be Lavinia, because that just violates several of my very strict rules. Dani will stand in as Brad's long lost sister, okay? Okay.) Oh, and for the hell of it, Wildfire is now Wonder. That's right. Just roll with it this time, folks.

We begin this episode with Ashleigh putting a random horse in a corral with other random horses, one of which being Wonder. While she's just standing there doing nothing, a herd of wild horses goes cruising by, upsetting the old horse she just stuck in the corral, as apparently the horse used to be a mustang. Never mind the fact that mustangs apparently don't exist in California. They do for the sake of TV, and as we all know creative license is all TV needs to explain itself. That and a bunch of people going "there are no wild horses here" while Ashleigh vigorously defends the fact that she has eyes and in fact saw the horses. Anyway, because Wonder is awesome, she jumps the fence and somehow, because she is awesome, lets the other horses out of the corral. They all run off with the wild horses and Ashleigh is staring open mouthed at this. She runs back to the farm house, where...Mike's mom Jean (roll with it, damn it) is recovering from a sprained ankle. Ashleigh goes on about the horses and after they're through refuting her claim to there being wild horses, Jean demands that they go after them and is up to, you guessed it, rummage around for food. Because that is what Jean does all the time.

While Mike and Ashleigh are readying their mounts for immediate pursuit, Brad drives up and inquires as to what's going on. Then he wants to come with because he's all in lust with Ashleigh. Ashleigh wants to know if Brad can even ride and he's all "yes" and they go off on their adventure.

Meanwhile, back at Whitebrook (haha) Jean and Charlie are trying desperately to make out at any opportunity. Although in an attempt at comedy the doorbell keeps ringing, interrupting their attempts at precious adult alone time. So just keep thinking of that, as it's like a continuous loop for about half the episode. The kids keep riding around, Mike making his serious non-stupid face all the time while Brad is back there mouthing off and attempting to be amusing, probably to keep himself occupied, as Mike is busy being dull and Ashleigh is busy being determined when she's not trying to fling branches back into Brad's face. They have some crisis moment over a cougar possibly existing somewhere, and then Dani appears because she was at Whitebrook, having interrupted Charlie and Jean to discuss where her brother is. And oh, yeah, two of the horses returned to the farm. Only Wonder and random important old horse are still out there with the wild animals. So they discover that the horses have forded the river they're next to, and because it's, like, maybe late afternoon or something they decide to call it a day and swim for a while.

These kids, they are so motivated. Like, wow. Anyway, they find a completely fake looking pit of water to swim around in and begin to tell secrets because this is just what they stumble into doing. Ashleigh reveals that she can't swim. No one is interested. Dani reveals that she tried to track down her mom, and Brad is all pissed about that. Mike reveals that he saw Charlie making out with his mom, and Ashleigh reveals that her mom always had guys around (yeah, so that's not exactly Thoroughbred equivalency). So they all climb out of the pool thing and wander around to make camp, setting up a heart to heart between Dani and Ashleigh about how Ashleigh has a "wire" with Wonder. Ashleigh asks Dani who she has a wire with, and Dani won't respond. Then she says something about how she knows Ashleigh isn't exactly the reason she and Mike broke up, but I honestly think she's mainly thinking her wire is with Brad.

Meanwhile, at Whitebrook, the doorbell rings again. Oh, hilarity! Actually, it's Pete (or Joe Lando, which brought back awful memories of Dr. Quinn), Jean's not at all forgotten ex-husband, there to give her $10,000 and attempt to win back her affection in Charlie's presence. This somehow leads to Charlie and Pete drunkenly attempting to make dinner before Jean makes it obvious to Pete that he will not be inserting himself back into her life, no matter if he's turned from "gambling to investing." (Yes, that was one of my fall over laughing moments.) So Pete slams the door, never to return! Or, I guess he does return. Five more times. Or something.

Back out in the wilderness, the kids are sleeping after a rigorous attempt at dancing to Mike's "music" which makes me wonder how Mike got that stereo out there and how he kept it dry during that river fording. All very mysterious. No one is actually sleeping. Mike and Ashleigh go out to get wood for the fire and remark that the stars are blah blah blah and then a stallion appears out of nowhere and Ashleigh sees it and Mike doesn't believe her again. Then Ashleigh wakes up again to go sit and stare at the stars and Brad follows her. He sits down next to her and tells her that her secret about her mom was in fact a real secret and that his is that he really sees her. It's all romantic and such, and Ashleigh completely falls under the spell of Brad and they start kissing. Only then the cougar has to come along and ruin this moment.

And then it's day again. I guess that cougar threat went no where? Well, anyway. Wonder shows up and takes them to the body of the old horse, who has died of simply being old. Then the show had to go get touching again, while Mike gets all manly and has to go tell his mom that the horse died. Brad and Dani have a nice moment while they stay with the horse's body, talking about their mom and how they wonder if she's dead or alive or what. Mike takes Jean back via truck and Jean says goodbye to her favorite horse and they start to dig a grave for him right there, while off in the distance the stallion from the herd rears in a field.

Really, it's not a bad episode. It's cheesy occasionally. Actually, this one really reminded me of Hey Dude. I half expected them to get lost and have to craft a giant SOS sign out of rocks so passing planes will notice them and alert authorities, but seeing as how Mike is manly now, surely he would have thought of something more updated. Like finding a cell tower for Brad's phone. Crafting words out of rocks is so circa 1989.

A British take on the American West

The Horses of Half Moon Ranch
Book 1: Wild Horses
by Jenny Oldfield
Published: 1999, 2008

I am typically not a huge fan of Western horse books. For instance, as much as I always loved the movie My Friend Flicka, the novel has sat untouched on my bookshelf ever since I received it as a gift...something like ten years ago. I can't really get into the Phantom Stallion (sorry, Monique!), and Joanna Campbell's attempt at wild horses and Westerners in The Wild Mustang is one of those moments in my life I sort of forgot about (case in point: I had to go to the Master List to remind myself of that title...it's just not something that I really click with). So when I was asked to review this series, which apparently isn't a new series, just republished for American audiences, I seriously wondered if it was going to keep my attention.

Lucky me the first book in the series, Wild Horses, is 153 pages. I can do 153 pages. Of course, the real test was ahead. Could I stand the characters, plot, and most likely accidental mistakes inherent in a British author writing about Americans in Colorado?

Kirstie Scott lives for horses. She is leading a horse trek through Miners' Ridge when a sudden storm causes a landslide. She is trapped alone in Dead Man's Canyon with a herd of wild horses whose leader -- a proud stallion -- has been hurt by falling rocks. Cold, wet, and alone in the gathering storm -- can she find a way out and help the injured stallion?

The summary takes us through about the first quarter of the book. Kirstie actually doesn't spend the entire novel in Dead Man's Canyon. In fact, she gets out of the canyon in the third chapter. Besides this, and the obvious point that leaders of wild horses are almost always proud stallions, the summary gets it right. For the first three chapters, anyway.

So. Our brave heroine for this post is Kirstie Scott, a 13 year-old blond girl who loves horses. She's got an older brother (18 year-old Matt), a mouthy best friend (Lisa), a single mother (Sandy), a wayward father who abandoned them (name not important), a hunky stable hand (19 year-old Charlie, who is tanned, and this does not escape the notice of anyone), and a smattering of other minor characters and random guests because Half Moon Ranch is a dude ranch. Kirstie used to live in Denver before her father ran away, leaving her mother no option but to move back in with her parents. Kirstie's grandparents died relatively quickly afterward, giving Sandy free rein to do whatever she wanted with the ranch. So she converted it from a working ranch to a dude ranch, and their operations are recently in full swing.

The book starts off with Kirstie and Charlie leading the dudes (this is what the cooler Westerners call their less cool Easterner guests, which is almost always derogatory and implied to be synonymous with "moron") along a trail ride. The dudes are nervous about this, because they do not trust their horses and it looks like rain. One dude is outright bullying his horse around, like only a stupid Easterner...I mean dude...would. While Charlie goes back to push this guy into line, Kirstie leads the group up to the canyon, where they stumble across a herd of horses. It starts to rain, just when the dude who wants to bully his horse more than trust it does something completely predictable and the horse bolts up a ridge, causing a landslide that cuts Kirstie off from the group and injures the black stallion that leads the wild herd.

Kirstie, being a heroine in a horse story, feels the urge to assist the stallion. So she pulls the rocks off of him and tends to his injured left leg. Now, granted, I was ready for some Joanna Campbell shenanigans reminiscent to The Wild Mustang. I was waiting for the stallion to do something minor, like snort or prance, in an attempt to be threatening. Jenny Oldfield thankfully does not do this. Jenny's stallion kicks and freaks out, not at all thrilled with this human trying to help. But help Kirstie does, and somehow gets a halter on him so she can encourage him to stand. I don't know how logical that is, given that he's wild and a stallion, but there you have it.

Meanwhile everyone else has gone home and Charlie comes back to tell Kirstie that he called her mom and she wants him to get Kirstie out of there. Like...I thought that was the original plan. Get Kirstie out of the canyon. Obviously. The stallion would come second to getting the girl out of a dangerous situation. Whatever. They get Kirstie out by...informing her that she can pick her way up the ravine wall in a careful manner, which she does with her horse, Lucky. And they are free of the canyon, just like that. Wow, that took remarkably little effort. I was expecting more dramatics.

Anyway, everyone goes home and they wait for the vet to arrive so they can go back out to the canyon and help the stallion. Vet finally arrives and they go to help the stallion, who has mysteriously disappeared. And the herd has disappeared. And Kirstie draws a blank as to how this happened, while I'm all "Kirstie, how did YOU get out of the damn canyon?" And then they're all, "OH! Yeah, they probably climbed out like you did." And I smack the book against my forehead. But this doesn't explain how the stallion got out, because obviously Kirstie's makeshift bandage isn't magical. Everyone ponders this before doing a collective shrug and going home. Only Kirstie and Lisa are not giving up. They decide to stick it out until morning, so they pitch a tent and camp out by the canyon. Nothing much happens here until morning, when a bobcat comes out of nowhere and spooks the horses before dashing off into the woods. The girls recover from this and move on into the canyon, where they find a narrow passageway behind a waterfall that leads into a mysterious hidden meadow. Think My Friend Flicka, just with a black stallion instead of an albino. That's pretty much what we're looking at here. They find the stallion and discover that someone has put some ointment on his knee. They are amazed by this, and decide to go back and report their findings.

Somehow it's decided that whoever moved the stallion into this meadow is probably a drifter/horse rustler bent on healing the horse before taking him to market to be sold to rodeos. I don't know how they come to this decision (because the meadow is hidden, and people deduce later that drifters probably wouldn't know about a place most locals don't know about), but suddenly it's decided that a rustler obviously did this. Kirstie is crushed. The black stallion is clearly in danger now, so she goes out there again to get the stallion out of there. So she arrives again and discovers that the stallion is still hurt. Like, it's been a day or something since this happened. Of course the stallion is still hurt, Kirstie. No magic ointment is going to heal a knee injury in 24 hours. Take it from someone who speaks from experience.

Figuring that she doesn't have time to lead an injured stallion around as it gets closer to dusk, Kirstie goes home and waits until morning, when she drags Lisa out to the canyon and inadvertently runs into Bob, a drifter and horse rustler. Kirstie singlehandedly stops him from roping a wild mare, and then Lisa blurts out that they're not going to let him steal the stallion. Somewhere in there they had decided Bob was behind all of this, despite absolutely no proof, and then it becomes blatant that Bob has no idea what they're talking about. So now they've really screwed things up. Both girls rush back home to tell everyone what just happened, and realizing that the stallion is in real danger of being found by evil Bob, everyone "cowboy's up" and goes back to the canyon with an earth mover so they can get in there and free the poor thing.

Only when they get there the waterfall is much larger, resulting in Kirstie almost drowning in an attempt to reach the stallion. The stallion accidentally saves her when a natural dam breaks and the flow of water sort of smacks her right into his neck. The stallion drags her to safety, right when this random guy walks up and says something like: "Ha! He saved you! I would have, but I was standing over there." Kirstie is all, "Who are you?" He is Art, the guy who is looking after the stallion. He is also a drifter, but in a good way because his father or grandfather or someone was a local or something. And he remembers how to mix up concoctions that basically double as Neosporin. Kirstie is in awe. He should be famous because he remembers how to make Neosporin out of herbs! But Art is all "Now, no, I don't want people banging on my door for my herbal Neosporin." And Kirstie understands that Art doesn't want to be famous. So he puts more herbal Neosporin on the stallion and tells Kirstie to wait a few days and she does and they release the stallion into the wild. The stallion runs off. The end.

So, it's got some unrealistic points. These sort of stories always tend to, although I do give Jenny points for indicating that the stallion isn't exactly trusting of Kirstie. He just sort of puts up with it, although he does bond with Art. I appreciate this, because at least he didn't bond with Kirstie. The plot also stretches a little thin in areas, especially concerning people being a bit obtuse. If the plot is relying on short-sightedness on the part of characters and readers, I start getting a little critical. Although I find lately that horse books rely mainly on the main character, and in this instance the main character is someone I like. Kirstie is down to earth and full of good intentions. She's helped out by being surrounded by characters who are realistic and don't enable any possible weirdness, which I see a lot with horse books. If a main character isn't going to be likable, she's usually surrounded by a bunch of people who are more than willing to let her jump off the deep end, despite the fact that you know and they know horrible things will be the result. So in the end, I liked this, and it's definitely a quality read for its target audience.

Oddities:

• "Damn" is said twice. Once by Art who's talking about how he doesn't want people asking him "damn fool questions" about his herbal Neosporin, and again by Kirstie when she's parroting Art. See, this is why I like Kirstie. When we've got a main character in a children's book who swears, you know you're seeing something interesting.

• Admittedly, I don't know Colorado that well. One or two vacations aside, me and Colorado are not on familiar terms, so I guess Jenny Oldfield did a good job given that she lives in Yorkshire and published this series first in Great Britain. I don't know it's just because she mentions Aspens a lot, or what. But she did a good job.

• That said, one thing bugged me. She uses the term "head collar" instead of the more American halter. Then she calls the lead rope the "halter rope" and further confuses me.

• Also, the stallion becomes a mare very briefly at the beginning of the book. It's a common mistake in horse books, but one I have to point out given that in horse books you'd think people would be more aware of the terms stallion, mare, colt, filly, gelding, and horse. I mean, they're the subject, after all.

I also have the second book in the series, Rodeo Rocky, which I intend to review/recap as well. The next two in the series, Johnny Mohawk and Crazy Horse are due in book stores in February 2009. You can visit Sourcebooks for more info on the series and release dates.

The Phantom Stallion plus Russell Crowe equals The Silver Stallion

The Silver Stallion (1993)
aka The Silver Brumby

So I went to the library because they had the first season of McLeod's Daughters waiting for me (I know, but I'm watching The Black Stallion...I don't know why I keep insisting on requesting things all at once), and randomly The Silver Stallion was sitting there with it. So, here we are with another movie to revisit.

The magic of the mountain. The obsession of a man. The beauty of the Silver Brumby.

Deep in the heart of the highest and most remote mountain range are the home and hiding place for the legendary Silver Stallion. The ranchers tell stories about the Silver Ghost Horse, that has led them on wild chases, half seen but never captured. For one man, the desire to capture the Silver Stallion has become an obsession, and he will stop at nothing to tame the wild beast. Told through the words of a mother as she writes page-by-page entertainment for her horse-crazy daughter.

The concept for this movie goes along nicely up until that last sentence, because that's where this movie hits a wall. I've never read The Silver Brumby, or any of Elyne Mitchell's novels for that matter, mainly because they're both ridiculously hard to find and expensive. So I'm not sure exactly what's going on, or how true it is to the book, but I do have a hard time believing she wrote herself into her story. This is unfortunate, because it's a beautiful movie and it has a young Russell Crowe in it (so how can it be bad, right?), but then it has to go stumble over itself with this mom and her daughter who spends her time looking down her nose at the men who gather up the brumbies and break them for auction. Like...how many stories like this do we need?

Apparently there is an unrelenting demand for these stories. Who am I kidding? Anyway, our movie begins somewhere in Australia. Out in the bush, or whatever. It's raining and the kid, Indi, can't sleep because of the storm. In the middle of the night, some men visit the house to tell Indi's mom, Elyne, that they patched up a fence for her while her husband is out of town. One of these men is The Man (Russell Crowe). Elyne thanks them and then goes back inside to get Indi back in bed and tell her a bedtime story about Thowra, the silver stallion.

Elyne gets all involved in her story, and so she starts to type it up after Indi has gone to sleep. The rest of the story about Thowra will be told with great amount of voice over from Elyne for the remainder of the movie, which is just about all of it. Thowra is born to this palomino mare, Bel-Bel, who is apparently the most independent mare that ever existed, because you don't see her herd for at least half of Thowra's first year. Until he runs into the Brulga, a gray stallion that Elyne has a lot of bad things to say about, along with describing him as ugly, while I think he's probably the most gorgeous horse on the set. I mean, how can you not like a dark, dappled gray? So there's the Brulga, Bel-Bel, Throwa, and Yarroman, Thowra's dad, who is constantly getting into fights with the Brulga.

(Although for the record, Thowra is the cutest foal ever right here.)

Eventually Thowra wanders across the Man, instigating Russell Crowe's obsession with capturing and taming him.

(Okay, so this shot is mainly gratuitous. Whatever.)

There he is! Russell Crowe, with his dog and his black horse. All three Elyne tries to demonize at some point, and it doesn't really work out well for her. We all know Elyne and Indi are morally superior. It's that irritating quality about horse story main characters that makes me want to punch every author of these plots in the face repeatedly. Indi at least is a rude brat, considering how she fails to speak to any man who rides a black horse because of the book her mother has been writing (which, for all she knows, is totally fictional). Although she figures it out at one point that Thowra is real, which means the Man is real, so Indi can go be somewhat justified in hating everyone who rides black horses. Really, the Man isn't evil at all. He loves the horse just as much as Indi does, he just has a different way of going about putting that love to productive use. So given all of this, I found Elyne and Indi a total waste of my time. If they'd just shut up and moved to Melbourne so Russell Crowe could get on with his story of love and obsession everyone would have been better off.

That all said, the man is getting fed up with trying to chase the horse down. So he finds himself a pretty palomino mare to buy. He names her Golden and he trains her responsibly. Observe:

This scene is only important because we're supposed to see how different the Man is compared to the other guys who just jump on any horse and beat it when they get thrown. But at this point, the Brulga has killed Yarroman and stolen all of his mares, including Thowra's mom, so Thowra is feeling his Oedipus complex pretty hard, and wants Golden for himself. He comes down and steals Golden, knocks her up, and Golden, in a state of confusion over suddenly being free, heads back to the Man to have her baby.

Of course, Thowra's all pissed that Golden has the audacity to leave his splendorous presence, so he has to go back down and get the Man to chase him around while the elements converge and lightning shatters the paddock Golden is in so she and her filly can escape...again. Seriously, that's where the story goes insane. The Man is pissed again. He's not having this, people.

Thowra takes a time out to defeat the Brulga and take all his father's mares back, including his mom, so he can stop obsessing over her. Then the Man and his friend launch Operation Obtain That Damn Stallion, which results in Throwa throwing himself off a cliff.

So he dies in the end. Elyne and Indi have their moment of tearful solitude when they hear about this, but then they hear the stallion's voice on the wind because he's a ghost now and happy or something, so they are happy too. Frankly, the Man also sort of cries on his way back from the cliff, and his reaction was way more satisfying. In that he actually had some contact and relationship with the damn stallion. Shut it, Elyne and Indi.

• This is a really gorgeous movie, but it spends a little too much time on the scenery after a while. Add in all of Elyne's narration and it gets really slow. So eventually you can just fast forward through a lot of the movie, since there's more narration than dialogue anyway.

• During the whole episode with Golden and her foal, Thowra comes off as an abusive boyfriend.

• Again, I watched this on my computer and was amused that I could see the tips of the helicopter blades during some of those grand panorama shots. Oops.

• There was also some side plot going on with Indi, Elyne, a kangaroo, and listening to the bush. I've decided to ignore this because Elyne and Indi are generally annoying.

I think I first saw this in 1994. It was a while back, and I think I enjoyed it more then. I guess I'm becoming increasingly impatient with characters like Indi, but really, they're so holier than thou anyone would be irritated with them after 93 minutes.

Wild Horse Summer: When feminism and prepubescent hormones collide.

Wild Horse Summer
by Hope Ryden
Illustrated by Paul Casale
Published: 1997

By request, I bring you Wild Horse Summer:

Thirteen-year-old Alison is nervous about spending the entire summer in Wyoming, on a ranch with her blind cousin Kelly. For one thing, she is afraid of heights and the ranch is situated in the high mountains. She is also afraid of horses and she knows her cousin wants a riding companion.

Gradually, Alison is coaxed into the saddle and even agrees to ride up the mountain with Kelly. The day ends in disaster, however, when her horse, Smoky, is spooked by wild horses and runs away with her. After her dramatic rescue, Alison refuses to get on a horse again.

But horses play such a big role in ranch life, they can't be avoided. When a wild foal is placed in Alison's care, she learns to love it. And when Kelly's seeing-eye mare, Cookie, is abducted by a wild stallion, Alison realizes what she must do. In spite of her fears, she embarks on an heroic rescue to bring Cookie home.

So, honestly, do we need to read the book after this summary? Well, of course we do. Why? BECAUSE IT HAS PICTURES. And maybe because we should all experience a twelve-year-old girl's dilemma over whether or not she should become a feminist while all facts seem to point to the contrary. Anyway, I bring you Alison:

Here Alison decided to break in her new cowboy boots just before getting on her train from Chicago to Wyoming, a 23-hour trip. Alison is doing this because she's afraid of planes, which is really just a fear of heights in general. I have no patience for people like this, for definite reasons I will keep to myself. So, granted, Alison isn't starting off on the right foot with me. However, she likes cats and figures that since she likes animals in general she should also like horses and dogs and whatever else exists in Wyoming. She is apprehensive about this trip, because she's never met her cousin and she's afraid she's going to be spending her summer as a blind girl's companion, which must be boring. I don't see how this should be a problem for Alison, given all she seems to really enjoy is cats and sleeping. Boredom is Alison's life, pretty much.

When she finally gets to Wyoming, her extended family is waiting for her. Meet Kelly:

Kelly is blind. Alison has no idea how to approach this, because everyone has to be all politically correct in large metropolitan centers like Chicago, which basically means everyone just shuts up and doesn't say anything out of fear of being misunderstood. Alison appears to have had this ingrained into her at an early age, so she doesn't really know how to broach the blind topic. Kelly helps her out by not caring and trying to be completely approachable. Yay for Kelly. The only problem I'm having with this section (actually, from this section all the way to the end of the book) is that everyone speaks with perfect grammar and say things like "Do you find it beautiful here?" and "Was the coyote handsome?" WHO SAYS THIS? Seriously. It's like being stuck in 19th Century England. It's just not normal.

Okay, so they all arrive at the ranch and Alison meets Bill, her 15-year-old cousin. Sparks fly on Alison's end, causing me much concern, because Bill is just about the most beautiful boy ever. Thankfully Alison is twelve and awkward, so there's no way this is going to become some kissing cousins story. Although, just for the record, had it become that I would have totally reacted with glee. Nevertheless, Alison gets her thrills from hearing that Bill thinks she's hot (and probably not in a cousin way, either), but that's as far as it gets. Thankfully. I guess. Anyway, Alison is given the job of feeding orphaned calves at the ranch, and finally her uncle gets her up on a horse for the first time, overcoming Alison's height issues, which she's too self-conscious to tell anyone about. I don't really get why, and I guess Alison doesn't get it either, because she just berates herself and then shuts up about it. She's kind of a sniveling character.

Kelly and Alison go out on a ride, although their horses are spooked by the wild horses that they happen to run across in a cave. Alison's horse flips out and bolts, carrying Alison into a meadow and dumping her before running off. Kelly and Alison are separated, so Kelly heads back to the ranch and Alison hangs out in the meadow and eats her peanut butter sandwich. Then she falls asleep and a horse talks to her. She wakes up and has a run in with a black stallion and his herd. Then the helicopter comes to save her, but she's got that stupid phobia and refuses to get in the damned helicopter. So her uncle radios Bill and has him come down to the meadow on horseback with his friend, Matt. When they get there, she refuses to ride a horse by herself because she's "not good" at riding. What's a girl to do? Climb up on Matt's horse and cling to him like the damsel in distress that she so obviously is, that's what.


And she's freaking thrilled about it. Right about here, I decided Alison was going to get married at 17 and start popping out kids six months later. She's that type. Anyway, Matt carts her home, giving Alison plenty of time to decide that Matt is even better looking than Bill (and not related to her...huzzah!) so she can start fantasizing about him now. After this, Alison still refuses to get on a horse because she's afraid she'll be tossed again and will lose another one of her uncle's horses. Although they find the errant horse eventually anyway. Alison still refuses. So she has to ride with Kelly on Cookie to the annual wild horse round up, where they are suitably disgusted by the goings on and return home.

Only they discover that a wild mare has been sold already and she has a foal out there somewhere, so they have to go get the foal. Finders keepers and all that. Again, Alison refuses to go (despite Matt going, which you'd think she'd want to go given I was sure she was eager to glue herself to his hip at this point), giving her time to drive into town with her uncle and talk about how mustangs are related to Spanish horses and such. They return to the foal, a little chestnut colt that Alison wants to name Angelpuss because he's cute and small and adorable. Kelly puts a stop to this (thank God) and points out that the foal isn't going to be a baby forever, and will need a more suitable adult name, like Coronado. So Alison relents and doesn't name the foal the stupidest name she can pluck out of her empty brain. This, by the way, was the second piece of proof I needed to know Alison was going to get married at 17 and give birth six months later. In fact, she'll probably name her first child Peanut or Cutie or Misty or Flower or something ridiculous. And Kelly won't be there to stop her when she does this.

They put the foal in a paddock with Cookie, who goes into heat soon after, attracting a wild stallion down to the paddock. The stallion steals Cookie and Kelly freaks out. So Alison gathers her lacking courage and decides to do something about this...in the form of finding Matt and making him do it for her. The third reason I needed to know she's getting married at 17. Matt and Alison ride out to the stallion's herd and they do something and he ropes Cookie and they take Cookie back home. Yay!

And then Alison turns 13 and Matt kisses her on the cheek and her uncle gives her Coronado and Alison tells her parents that they can cancel her train ticket and book her on a plane because all that riding around in the mountains has cured her of her fear.

• At one point, Alison tries to beg off of learning to ride by telling Bill that she doesn't feel well. In that she's implying that she's on her period. Even though she doesn't have her period yet. Yeah. Yeah.

• So where's all this feminist junk, right? There are two instances: Alison wanting to know if mares have any say in the herds they wind up in and why mares are kept mainly for breeding instead of for roping or whatever. Call me crazy, but I always thought mares did everything geldings are typically used for. Hope seems to be implying (by stating, actually) that because stallions are involved in these activities they can't be trusted around female workhorses (which may be true occasionally, but it's not something I've seen, so I wouldn't know). Horse people? Help!

Random fact: Hope Ryden is mainly a naturalist, so I guess that takes into account the perfect and therefore abnormal dialogue. And that's Wild Horse Summer. A Summer of Horses is next. I also just received Without Wonder, so I'll take a shot at that soon. Ta.