Wildfire: The End, Part Two

Wildfire
4.13: The Ties That Bind, Part 2

You guys, I am kind of upset that I don't have any more Wildfire to watch. It kind of concerns me that I feel this way. It's sort of how I felt when I realized there would be no more new Thoroughbred books to mock.

Well, here goes.

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ Clay informs Dani that he's going to take the high road with Brad/Ashleigh because he's the parent here, and surely being a parent means you have to Do The Right Thing sometimes. Sigh. I get it, Clay. I do. If only Doing The Right Thing could be as easy as manipulating others. +50

+ Ashleigh informs Brad that "it's always been" him. Thank you for proving me right, Ashleigh. +100

+ Clay opens up to Ashleigh and she smacks him down. Not that this isn't deserved. +5

+ Metaphor! Brad is off to Alaska, creating distance between himself and Ashleigh. Wonder just ran some super long race, but she ran the distance because she loves Ashleigh. Distance can't change love, blah blah blah. Nice attempt, Mike. I am pretty sure this is going to be the last time I reward you points, so I'll be nice and give you more than usual. +10

+ Pretty riding scene that ends in a surprise wedding, because Brad isn't going to Alaska after all, so everyone appears out of nowhere dressed to kill while Jean gives Ashleigh her old wedding dress? AWESOME. +5,000

+ Everything about the wedding (that, for a spontaneous wedding, was pretty ornate). The Brad & Clay reconciliation hug of manliness, the Dani & Ashleigh conversation about being sisters, the Jean & Ashleigh conversation about the dress. Then Ian and Jean give Wonder to Ashleigh as a wedding present, and she's all decked out in white flowers and ribbons and it is the best Thoroughbred fanfic ever. The End. +10,000

The Good: 15,165

The Bad:

- "What would you do with a stolen famous horse you can't sell?" Um, Ashleigh, the possible answers to that question are remarkably limited. The only answer I could think of was kill it. Ashleigh's answer is, "Set it free!" I don't know what this says about me as a person, but I'm pretty sure Brad, Mike, and Dani were definitely with me. -10

- So Wonder's been running around in the wild because some groom forgot to lock the stall door, discovered Wonder missing, and decided to stage a horse theft. Brilliant waste of time. -500

- The winner's circle afterward with Ashleigh, Mike, Jean, Ian and Wonder was a little too much. What with the giant check, the hefting of the trophy while Ashleigh's still on Wonder's back, Ashleigh proclaiming her love for Brad to the camera...oh, man, it just needed to stop. -500

The Bad: 1,010

15,165-1,010=14,155

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5
Life's Too Short: 4,969
Vows: 1,877.5
The Comeback: 461
Being Mrs. Junior: 1,698
The Ties That Bind, Part 1: 4,654
The Ties That Bind, Part 2: 14,155

*tosses glitter and confetti!*

And that was the great Wildfire marathon that only took me a year and a half to complete. Next up in terms of television: Heartland, which is supposedly entering US syndication this fall. And then there's Luck, which will happen whenever HBO wants it to happen, I guess. I'm sure the point system will be back for both of those. Whenever they actually appear.

Wildfire: The End, Part One

Wildfire
4.12: The Ties That Bind, Part 1

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ Any episode that starts out like this one wins a prize. We've got Brad/Ashleigh in a field, the Porsche, Wonder, pretty beams of light, and a full circle moment brought to you by that yellow flower you always see in the opening sequence. +5,000!

+ Brad, Ashleigh, Clay and Townsend Acres, you say? Surely this cannot be done! It's kind of like how I always wanted Thoroughbred to wind up, which is my sad little admission, but there you have it. This show is kind of awesome. +5

+ Dani gives the best advice this season. Yes, Mike, you are entering Pride in this race in order to get back at Ashleigh for not picking you. I'm happy that you at least admit that much. +1

+ "Mike made her choose" between Townsend Acres and Whitebrook. Thank you, Jean! Finally someone is seeing sense. +3

+ Shirtless Brad. Not only that, but shirtless, wet Brad. I am pretty sure the writers were having a field day at this point. +200

+ Ashleigh is so gung ho on this relationship with Brad that it is starting to scare me. This "I don't care if you're going to Alaska, I am coming with you because that is what I want to do, so shut up already and MARRY ME" is like she's actually become decisive. +50

+ Surprise! We're going to get married after the race! +10 Will Jean and Ian walk Ashleigh down the aisle? Of course! +10 Does Clay look like he wants to kill something with his mind? +10

+ Ian and Jean are off making out in public, shocking Mike to speechlessness, as Dani says, "Everyone knows, honey." +5

+ So, Clay is fresh from being cut out of important wedding decisions (or cut out of manipulating important wedding decisions) and acts out by telling Ashleigh she is an opportunistic, ex-con who is also a whore. Ashleigh takes that rather well, but Brad is the one who strolls over and disowns him with about three words. They are all so awesome I hardly have words. +500

+ The melodrama at the end of this episode rivals just about every soap opera cliffhanger I can think of off the top of my head. "It's Wildfire! He's...gone!" Fade to black... +10

The Good: 5,804

The Bad:

- Mike, your childishness knows no bounds. I am so very sick of you. -100

- The great plot reveal: Wonder should come back from retirement to race one more time! Against juveniles! Because that's super logical! -1,000

- Raintree has silks? Has this become a giant inside joke or what? -50

The Bad: 1,150

5,804-1,150= 4,654

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5
Life's Too Short: 4,969
Vows: 1,877.5
The Comeback: 461
Being Mrs. Junior: 1,698
The Ties That Bind, Part 1: 4,654

Wildfire: Being Mrs. Brad Townsend

Wildfire
4.11: Being Mrs. Junior

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ This episode starts out with Brad and Ashleigh attempting to pick a date for their wedding while Brad feeds her random items he finds in the fridge (grapes, whipped cream from a can). Sooo... +550!

+ Holy crap, you guys, the season changed. It looks like it might be late spring. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't autumn. Sure, this kind of puts their Kentucky Derby conversation in jeopardy, but I don't care because I am so happy to see some summer clothing I cannot tell you. +10

+ Brad is on a horse again! Oh, show. Thank you for anticipating my needs. +20

+ Brad attempts to defuse Mike's rampant jealous rage with humor. This only causes Mike to storm off in a huff, because all humor is lost on him always. Too bad. +3

+ Thankfully, Racing!Dani has decided to be the opposite of insane. I am thrilled about this. +3

+ Brad and Ashleigh have a conversation about whether or not she'll change her last name to Townsend, and a little part of me loved it beyond reason. +140

+ Mike, your idea to take on boarders is kind of a recycled one that I'm surprised you're bringing up now after all of this time, but I will give you a point for not being totally beyond reason this episode. +1

+ Clay, you little manipulative bastard. I like your conversations with Ashleigh and Jean, but you are such a little manipulative bastard! I love you anyway. +4

+ The engagement ring makes its debut! And there was much flouncing and flailing and maniacal laughing. +1,000

+ Ashleigh confronts Clay about his delaying their wedding and being a general manipulative bastard. Good on you, Ashleigh. +10

The Good: 1,738

The Bad:

- Dani's green dress. I can't do anything with that. -10

- More about Affirmed. I guess it would be fine if he had been a totally awesome sire of epic proportions, but he just wasn't. -10

- Mike/Dani. I see your attempt to come full circle, show. I just do not think this is a logical move. -20

The Bad: 40

1738-40=1,698

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5
Life's Too Short: 4,969
Vows: 1,877.5
The Comeback: 461
Being Mrs. Junior: 1,698

Wildfire: The Comeback...to mediocrity

Wildfire
4.10: The Comeback

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ I am tentatively giving this episode points for more Townsend father/daughter bonding, even though that bonding may be motivated by sheer evil. Dani is going to run her filly against Clay's colt against Whitebrook's Wonder's Pride in some race I've forgotten the name of, and it is all very...uncomfortable. Mainly because of Noah, but we'll get to him in a minute. I give the bonding a point, despite the implication that it may be evil. +1

+ So, where does Brad want to go to get married? FIJI. And where do Brad and Ashleigh go to have sex after this announcement? A STALL. (I assume! Shut up.) Notes say +1,250. (My points are all over the place! I never thought I'd give that many points for stall sex, but I guess there's always a first time.)

+ Brad rides a horse! Really, he should do that more often. +5

+ Mike is a tracker again, because I guess someone remembered that he did that in season one. The only difference is that in season one he was motivated to find a horse, and in season four he's trying to find a couple of lost kids and is really pissed off about it. His basic opinion is that they should let the kids rot in the wilderness, and at the very least he shouldn't have to be bothered helping in the rescue effort. Oh, Mike. You have hit rock bottom for me, and I didn't even like the kids in this episode. +2 for finally cementing my opinion of you.

+ Hey, look, they are actually using the same silks in multiple races this time. If only because they aren't actually showing the races. Once they show another race, the silks change and we get a silly story to explain why Ashleigh needs to change her silks. Thanks for trying, show. +1

+ Clay is evil. Again. I liked it better when he was a soccer mom, but this works too. +1

+ Whitebrook's great comeback involves winning one race. And losing five races. The only horse that won is the very horse Mike wanted to sell in the episode previous, which means I get to give this whole scenario a point for the sake of irony. +1

The Good: 1,261

The Bad:

- There are children in this episode. Petulant, annoying children. And they shriek, and complain, and their outfits consist of primary colors and the most godawful red cowboy hats. I can almost see why Mike wanted to let the two brats who stole their horses and rode off into the wilderness die. -200

- Noah. Look, I get that you're concerned because Racing!Dani is a horrible person and Vet!Dani is so stable and likable. I, too, am concerned about this because I was really liking Vet!Dani and I thought she was over this whole Racing!Dani persona. But attacking her relationship with her father is probably not the way to go about making sure Racing!Dani doesn't make a comeback. (Also, what do you care? You haven't even met Racing!Dani.) -100

- Mike, contrary to your opinion, Ashleigh never actually lived with you. To say such a thing would imply that you had some arrangement where you "lived together" which is so not the case. -50 Also--no, not Brad's beautiful face! -100 Mike, stop trying to drown Brad in the river and act like a freaking adult. You so suck as a character. If I had created you I would have been ashamed. And then I would have killed you off. Maybe you could have been shipwrecked on an island and forced to live in solitude for the rest of your life. Yes, that would have been perfect. -350

The Bad: -800

1261-800=461

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5
Life's Too Short: 4,969
Vows: 1,877.5
The Comeback: 461

(I realize my point system has become a skewed mockery of the totally asinine point system I had previously, but according to this it looks like sex in a stall saved this episode from totally pissing me off to no end. I think I am okay with that.)

Wildfire: Vows & Vegas

Wildfire
4.9: Vows

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ While Brad and Ashleigh are headed to Vegas via silver Porsche, he lets her know that he got Lavinia's dad to stop being such a prick. Ashleigh now has her jockey's license back, allowing for celebratory making out while driving. I see here in my notes that I wrote +1,000, so I suppose that is the number I'm going with. +1,000!

+ We follow this up with Brad and Ashleigh waiting in line in front of one of those quickie wedding chapels, which looks way too nice to exist in Las Vegas. (Due to the greenery, and lack of sheer awful.) They must have picked out the nicest quickie wedding chapel in the world. And they're all nervous and adorable and then Jean has to go ruin things by getting run over by a horse. Why, Jean? Why do you do this to me? I was so close to closure, and you had to go rip it away. +2 for cuteness, I guess.

+ Here is an episode with such a Thoroughbred plot, I dare anyone question the similarities. Jean gets run over by a high strung horse, so Ashleigh decides to "encourage, not criticize" the horse in its next work because everyone is so critical and demanding all the time. Love and support will work wonders, surely. And then Mike storms up and basically says he doesn't want to see that horse ever again because of what it did to Jean. It must be sold! Preferably in the next five seconds! Poor, poor Champion Nikiya, or whatever. +10 for amusing me.

+ Noah is back, because I guess he was somewhere doing something, and I feel that a break did wonders for our relationship. I don't know how or why he's now in a relationship with Dani, but I am surprisingly not horrified by this development. I am tentatively giving Noah a point. +1

+ The misty scene where Ashleigh is grazing Wonder on one side of the fence, and Brad drives up in his Porsche on the other side of the fence and she informs him that everyone else can go right to hell because she is not letting them formulate her opinions of him for her anymore? Notes say +1,000. And it is so deserved. +1,000! Also, an added +20 for being ridiculously pretty.

The Good: 2,033

The Bad:

- "She's the great granddaughter of Affirmed." Seriously? Who dares question the similarities to Thoroughbred, now? -5, just because I hate hearing how horses are the great grand anything to anyone.

- Are we still going to do this love triangle thing? Really? Well, I guess I'm not surprised, Mike. -100

- Spring! For a half-second! -.5

- Can we all step back for a second and realize that it is insane to encourage two people to get together and then freak out about it after they've actually done the getting together? Ian, you can't tell Brad to man up and tell Ashleigh how he feels, and then tell him he shouldn't have done that a day later when your encouragement results in Brad/Ashleigh. This relationship appears to break everyone's brains. -50

The Bad: 155.5

2,033-155.5=1,877.5

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5
Life's Too Short: 4,969
Vows: 1,877.5

Wildfire: Seriously, let's finish this.

Wildfire
4.8: Life's Too Short

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ Ashleigh gets over the fact that she's basically permanently banned from jockeying in order to help out with Flame and Whitebrook's "Dirty Dozen" that have wound up actually being talented. I approve of this. +1

+ Brad and Clay wear matching leather jackets. It's the little things about this show that I have to appreciate. +1

+ Brad does not understand Ashleigh's backpedaling in terms of their relationship. Yes, Brad, I don't understand either. In fact, it is beginning to irritate me beyond words right about now because we've been doing this for four years now. Yet, oddly I am a fan of whenever Brad looks like he wants to punch something. So... +3

+ Brad and Mike are back in competition for Ashleigh. It's kind of hilarious, but also really annoying. Thankfully, Brad always lets some humor shine through these moments when he doesn't want to punch something. +2

+ Fresh from thinking he has a chance due to Ashleigh's moving back to Whitebrook, Ashleigh goes and breaks Mike's heart again in no uncertain terms. She just goes around breaking everyone's hearts these days, but I am finally satisfied. No Ashleigh/Mike. Thank you. +1

+ Ian. I don't hate you this episode! Nicely done. +1

+ Brad and Ashleigh finally have that "maybe we should talk about why I didn't get married to Lavinia" moment, and it is the BEST MOMENT EVER. +2,500!

+ "RJ was the one." Dani, you come along and make my Brad/Ashleigh glee all sad and depressing because you still can't seem to grasp that he is in a coma. He'll wake up any day now, I swear it. +5

+ I don't understand how Ashleigh can't be with Brad and live at Whitebrook. I don't understand the concept, because I think Mike can act like a big boy and stop being stupid IF HE FELT LIKE IT, which is PROBABLY NEVER, so...never mind. Anyway. Brad senses that Ashleigh is torn about this quandary, so he puts a stop to it by asking her to marry him and run away together. And Ashleigh basically says OMGYES. And I automatically give them 2,500 points. It is probably too much, but I just don't care.

+Dani. God, never stop being awesome. +20

+ For a second there, I thought Brad and Ashleigh wouldn't get their moment of driving off into the sunset via Porsche. BUT I WAS WRONG. +2,500 *tosses glitter and confetti*

The Good: 7,534

The Bad:

- The backpedaling. DUDE. This is so not the time for a love triangle, I don't even want to begin to discuss it. It upsets me that much. It verges on making no sense whatsoever, but this is usually how love triangles work. It's why I hate them. Ashleigh keeps holding them both at arm's length, doesn't give Mike any cues whatsoever other than wanting to move back to Whitebrook, Brad certainly doesn't know what the hell is going on, and EVEN MIKE is saying, "Ashleigh, it's Brad, okay? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" But then he's totally going back on those exact words later on, because Brad has to go say that he doesn't think it's happening and just UGH. -1,000 (I am going to have to carve a chunk out of the points I gave this episode somehow, guys.)

- Ashleigh is wearing a green camouflage shirt and a baby pink down vest. Ashleigh, sweetie, you dress like a hobo most of the time. It's kind of cute, in a way, but I disapprove of this. -5

- Clay drags Dani to an auction, where she falls in love with this filly. Clay says that yes, sure, she's great. Only she is a filly. That dastardly sex has no place at Townsend Acres! Seriously. Yes, seriously. -873 Only he buys her for Dani anyway, so +213.

- Jean, I fail to see how Ashleigh/Brad is a complication. How is it a complication? I fail to understand! -900

The Bad: 2,565

7,534-2,565=4,969

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5
Life's Too Short: 4,969

Wildfire: No one can make up their mind around here.

Wildfire
4.7: Commitment Issues

Ugh, filler episodes. You just give me reasons to deduct points.

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ Jean. Jean gets lots of points for her slow build back to racing and resolving her problems with Ashleigh. I am happy to see her being less bitter, at the very least. +5

+ Dani supporting Ashleigh in front of the racing board when she could have gone in there and argued for them to reinstate her racing license instead. (+3) Dani telling Ashleigh, "Who wants to get to know the girl who thinks coming in first is the best thing in life?" I think every horse book author needs to study this line before writing another word. (+7) Dani getting her racing license anyway and hiding it away in her desk, silently resolving never to tell anyone about it because she's done racing. (+8)

+ Brad suddenly has poor presentation skills. I cannot believe this! In Brad's defense, he is sidetracked by some wedding photography, reminding him of all the splendid angst that is his life. I kind of like this. +1

+ Lavinia's congressman dad has his revenge on Ashleigh by personally refusing to let Ashleigh's jockey license be reinstated. That's pretty impressive, and exactly what Lavinia's dad would do. +3

+ So, normally I don't give out points when horses win (usually I take them away), but I liked Flame's first race. +1

+ More flashbacks! I cannot explain why I love these so much, but whatever. +1

The Good: 29

The Bad:

- Ian. Look, I like that you've gotten over your issues this episode. But I think your reasoning is kind of insane and I dislike it whenever you say something stupid about how you don't want people messing around with Wonder because you've had plenty of gimmicks of your own the past four years. So shut up. You annoy me. -3

- Spring shots! I notice these things, show. I also think you have enough fall footage in your show of eternal autumn to make sure these things don't happen. -.5

- I hate all episodes that involve the racing board. The monologuing! The angst! The pleas for mercy! It's so boring. -2

- There is too much Mike/Ashleigh hugging in this episode. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it. I would deduct a point for each time they embrace, but I refused to keep count. -2

- It was a total mistake to let me see the program for Flame's race, show. For one thing, racing programs aren't that simplistic. For another thing, two-year-old maidens don't race against five-year-old maidens. -1

- Matt, you interrupted the Brad/Ashleigh moment! This is so like you to frustrate me to no end. (-3) That said, there was some Brad/Ashleigh to bridge the gap between "Hey, I just stopped my wedding for you." to "Hey, I just stopped my wedding for you, so maybe we should discuss this?" Because there wasn't a lot of anything to indicate that Brad/Ashleigh would happen (and I would be sorely annoyed if I didn't know what happens) in this episode except for the avoiding and Brad's love admission that was interrupted by MIKE, YOU BIG STUPID JERK. -3 again!

The Bad: 14.5

29-14.5=14.5


The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5
Commitment Issues: 14.5

Wildfire: Friendship vs Passion

Wildfire
4.6: Friendship/Passion

Mmmm, the definitive Ashleigh/Brad episode. Let's see how many points this one is going to accumulate, because I am feeling so very generous right now.

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ After insisting that they remain apart forever and always, right before all of the kissing that will make this all the more awkward, Brad spends the first portion of this episode literally running away from Ashleigh at any opportunity. So while he peels out in his Porsche, Mike mutters, "Wedding stress." This episode is rather witty. +2

+ Jane's resolve to hate Ashleigh is melting. Melting! +1

+ Townsend family bonding! I love it when Clay tries to be supportive as his children roll their eyes and attempt to pretend none of this is happening. +3

+ Mike, I respect your refusal to be the shoulder Ashleigh cries on over Brad. The thing is, this reminds me that Mike/Ashleigh actually happened on this show, and I felt a little bit sick. So while I thought about rewarding you with a point, I am going to have to downgrade it to a half point. .5!

+ Who makes someone memorize a poem for a wedding? Really? Lavinia, you are awesome. +1

+ Ashleigh does sort of unconsciously sabotage Brad's wedding by making Lavinia extra pissy. And Mike tells her so. Mike is right. WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE? I, just, I...I don't know. +2?

+ I really, really, really like Ashleigh standing around with Wonder before Brad's wedding. And I like that she's in her bridesmaid dress. And I like everything about this so much that I am going to give it ten points. +10

+ And then Wonder jumps out of the paddock, and Brad has driven away from his wedding to "get some air," and they accidentally meet up outside of Whitebrook (because that is apparently Brad's default setting) and they go chasing through the countryside, delaying the wedding by I don't know how long to find this horse that is speeding around because metaphors are awesome! +10!

+ And then a random fisherman tells them they should get married. I'm not sure where the metaphor went, but I wasn't expecting that. +1

+ Ashleigh admits to unconsciously sabotaging Brad's wedding, because she is all truthful now. (+1) Brad says he doesn't care and they should run away together. (+4) Now Ashleigh is the one saying that they can't because of...responsibility, I guess. And she doesn't want to be the one to break up his wedding. Dude. *cries* Why do you hate me, show?

+ Wedding scene interspersed with Brad/Ashleigh flashbacks! Oh, flashbacks. You were from a simpler time. +5

+ I cannot believe I am about to say this, but my notes read "Go Mike!" Yes, that's right. I am cheering on Mike's efforts to beat sense into the thick skulls of Brad and Ashleigh right there at the Brad/Lavinia wedding, because he's decided to skip reading the Lavinia poem and subtly inform Brad that Lavinia is all wrong for him while making it seem like this is precisely what Lavinia wants to hear. Well done, Mike. I'm going to give you, like, two points for that. We'll work our way up to the bigger numbers after I start trusting you a little more. +2

+ And then the lights go out. Brad tries to light a candle, fails, and says to Lavinia, "No spark!" Oh, show. +1

The Good: 43.5

The Bad:

- If Wonder is jumping out of her pasture, I think it would help if they got a bigger pasture. Not that this would help when there's metaphor afoot. -1

- Jean and Ian are having with the uncomfortable attraction. I dislike this. In no way should Jean/Ian happen. Jean/Clay would have been so much more appropriate and/or awesome. So, to sum up: Jean/Ian = *horrified screaming* -3

The Bad: 4

43.5-4=39.5

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32
Friendship/Passion: 39.5

Wildfire: The "Friend"

Wildfire
4.5: The Friend

I so need to finish watching this series. It's dragged on long enough!

(Reminder: I exchange Wildfire characters for Thoroughbred characters. Why? Because it is easy, and it is amusing, and I will forever maintain that someone behind this show read at least one of the early Thoroughbred books. Also, it's all on Hulu. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself!)

The Good:

+ Admittedly, I love how evil Lavinia becomes in this episode. She goes from perky blonde to suspicious and manipulative in the blink of an eye. I approve! +1

+ Just in general, watching Brad and Ashleigh step around each other over the Brad/Lavinia wedding is amusing and just angst-ridden enough to amuse me to no end. +1!

+ Ashleigh calling out Brad on whatever it is that's going on with them since he saved her from death by burning support beam is appreciated. I just don't know what her point is because Lavinia has started eavesdropping and bursts in at the last possible second before it all becomes clear (he loves her, he wants to do more than have eye sex with her, etc.) +2!

+ Oh, no. A deep conversation in which Ashleigh insists that Brad put everything important in his life after Lavinia. This, not shockingly, includes Ashleigh herself. Brad looks like he does not want to hear this and would rather punch a tree. I am further taken with this episode, because quite frankly I have kind of forgotten that it isn't Thoroughbred fanfic. +5!

+ Brad in a leather jacket and a bottle of champagne? Yes. I know. +3

+ Brad shows off his public speaking skills in order to sell the personal wind turbine project to reporters, while simultaneously alluding to how important Ashleigh is to him in the most vague way possible. I am not even sure how that worked, but there you have it. +2

+ In response, Lavinia raises the stakes. Ashleigh is now a bridesmaid! Oh, that manipulative witch. +1

+ Dani to Ashleigh: Are you still in love with Brad? Ashleigh to Dani: *shocked stare* +3

+ Noah. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I kind of don't hate you this episode. Nice job. +1

+ Ashleigh takes a walk with Brad. (+1) She basically throws it all out there about how she's still hopelessly in love with him. (+4) Brad looks like he wants to punch a tree again. (+2) Brad proceeds to reject her and insist that they can't know each other after he's married (unlikely to happen, but I'll give it a point [+1]). Then he kisses her in a desperate manner and stalks off. (+10!)

+ Fresh from that experience, Ashleigh learns that Jean doesn't want her on the farm more than she has to be, because there was some maneuvering from Mike to get Ashleigh a place to live at Whitebrook so she can continue to help with Pride. I grudgingly respect Ashleigh's mute stare of resilience about this. +1

The Good: 38

The Bad:

- Dani/Noah. It's just...wrong. RJ is totally coming out of that coma at the end of the series, Dani. It's okay! Don't settle! -1

- I honestly can't decide if Jean's unrelenting anger toward Ashleigh is warranted at this point. She holds onto a grudge, so I suppose I'll respect that. But, still, eh. -2

- Mike's opinion on marriage is that there will always be someone better than your wife, but because you are married you will wrap up that attraction to the woman who is not your wife, tie a bow on it (for some reason) and then bury it in the cold, hard ground. There is something very unsettling about this, and I can't decide if it's because Mike is such an idiot most of the time or because he's possibly being a little truthful. Either way, I don't like it. -3

The Bad: 6

38-6=32

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25
The Friend: 32

Season 4 is looking better and better, you guys.

Wildfire: Flames

Wildfire
4.4: Flames

You know, the day I find out Wildfire is available to me in its entirety at hulu.com is the day I totally lose interest in actually watching it. Yet, here I am, committed to seeing this through to the end. We are so close! Just a little bit further! I promise this won't be awful! Really!

The Good:

+ "I don't do things on the down low anymore," says Ashleigh. Whenever someone says "down low" it's hard for me to not burst into laughter. Mainly because I think it is the stupidest term since "my bad," which for some reason enrages me. That said, I am thrilled that Ashleigh isn't doing anything on the down low anymore. My little self-righteous, sanctimonious Ashleigh is back! *hugs Ashleigh tight* Never leave us again, Ash! +3!

+ Wonder's Pride has a photo album tucked away in the Townsend Acres office. Of course Brad keeps a photo album of Pride in his office. Doesn't this make sense? And within that photo album are some really horrible pictures that have been photoshopped beyond saving. For some reason, I like this. +2!

+ Brad saunters in with a briefcase of cash. Awesome? Yes. +10!

+ I even like the rocking out Ashleigh, Mike, Brad and Dani do in the truck. And the way Ashleigh and Dani say, "I used to hate you!" And the way Ashleigh says, "I can't believe I punched you in the face!" I can't believe any of this is happening. +3!

+ And then there is Ashleigh/Brad eye sex. That's right. +5!

+ Brad goes and saves Ashleigh from a flaming support beam by tackling her, picking her up, throwing her over his shoulder, and escaping a roaring barn fire. Well. +4!

+ So, I can't give Mike many points just as a basic rule. However, he rides Pride through a flaming wall, almost rivaling Brad's level of general awesomeness. But because I kind of doubt a horse is going to randomly burst through a flaming wall, I will only give this one point. +1!

+ Dani slaps Noah. This is deserved and needs to happen more often. +2!

+ Brad tells Ashleigh that he had to choose between her and Pride during the barn fire. And obviously he chose her because they are so obviously in love because they are dedicated friends who have eye sex a lot. +2!

+ Pride looks like a racehorse, whereas Wonder always looked like a very stout plow pony. +1!

Good: 33

The Bad:

- MIKE. Your stupid plans to train Wonder after she's just barely recovered from her broken leg are stupid. Please seek therapy. -3

- MIKE. Cantering away from your paying clients and leaving them in a field because they keep calling you Michael means -3

- NOAH. You are annoying. -2

Bad: 8

33-8=25

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1
Calm: 12
Flames: 25

The Calm before what?

Wildfire

4.3: Calm

This show keeps getting weirder, and I am back to bring you the fabulous point system that will in no way make anything clear. Let's go!

(Remember, I supplement Thoroughbred series characters for Wildfire characters. This show is in no way related to the Thoroughbred series, although it mirrors it in a really amusing, fan fiction sort of way.)

The Good:

+ Apparently Townsend Acres is now Townsend Industries, and Brad has been made CEO, which may just be a figurehead for the time being, but I am still all about this development. +1!

+ Brad literally cannot remember stealing some poor guy's prom date, during prom. Look, I went to prom, and I remember it quite clearly as the giant waste of time that it was. How awesome do you have to be to forget that you stole someone's date? Has Brad attained some super echelon of awesome? I think that he has. +3!

+ Dani goes through this episode being right about everything. I like it when Dani is right about everything. It just feels...natural, somehow. +1!

+ The poor MIT graduate that got his prom date stolen wants to know how Brad discovered his address. Really, is anyone shocked? He's Brad. +2! It is also kind of sweet that Brad will go this far to apologize to someone for something he can't remember doing that was probably awesome an unspecified number of years ago. (How old are these people? I am so confused.)

+ I kind of like the wind turbine idea. However, I don't know how anyone would feel about having a six foot turbine attached to their house. Also, does it work when it's not windy? Also, how does MIT guy have power if he has his whole apartment attached to the turbine that he has to blow into in order to turn on a light? Regardless of these questions, I still give a point! +1!

+ Brad will stop global warming! +5!

+ I said it once, and I'll say it again. Dani and Ashleigh being friends is awesome. Plus, considering neither have any other friends whatsoever, it's about freaking time. +2!

+ The scene where Wonder jumps out of her little baby paddock to nuzzle Ashleigh is...actually good. For a while there I was doubting the super girl and wonder pony plot, because Wonder was a little sidelined last season by the melodrama, and it's nice to actually get a completely unexpected and unrealistic reaction from Wonder. Thank you Thoroughbred...I mean Wildfire. +4!

+19!

The Bad:

- Who the hell is Ian to come waltzing into Dani's equine clinic to demand that Ashleigh leave town? Dude, this is not the old west. I think Ashleigh can coexist in the same town with you. Don't make me take Ashleigh's side, Ian. You know how I don't like to do that. -2!

- Wonder is whored out for the good of Whitebrook for the, oh, fourth time. Once a season is usually our average, and someone always gets upset about it, despite the fact that this someone has, without fail, whored out Wonder in the past. This time, instead of taking Wonder to a child's birthday party, she is a photo op for all of Whitebrook's dude ranch guests. And Mike, who dreamed up the birthday party scenario from seasons previous, is upset. Mike, how much do you suck? -2!

- While I do think Jean had a lot of reasons to be pissed off last season, now she's just being a rampant jerk. Granted, it doesn't help matters that Ashleigh is acting like a kicked puppy, but I just want some realistic anger, not insane psychobabble, okay? Is this asking too much? -1!

- Wonder ties up, which in Thoroughbred/Wildfire land means she falls over and can't get over it without magical super girl tears. Or, actually, I guess Ashleigh just happens to walk by and everything is better. I don't know what's going on there. It was too Thoroughbred series to make any sense. -1!

- Noah still creeps me out. Stop digging for love with Dani, Noah, because she is so going to get back together with RJ when he magically comes out of his coma! -1!

-7!

19-7=12

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1

Calm: 12

Not bad, show. Not bad.

Wildfire: And then this happened, and then that happened, and then...

Wildfire
4.2: The More Things Change (2)

+ Brad's non-marriage proposal to Lavinia is impressive, because only Brad can suddenly non-propose to someone and make it look totally planned. (+2)

+ Dani and Ashleigh are friends. I had no idea how much I wanted to see this until now. (+4)

+ Season 4 actually includes morning works at an actual racetrack. Color me shocked! (+1)

+ Lavinia is precisely how I imagined her, right down to the attitude. Nicely done, show. (+1)

+ I could say that Jean is being a little childish when she tells Ashleigh they really don't need her around, but I'm still riding pretty high on this feeling I get whenever someone kicks Ashleigh when she's down. So I am giving her points for this. (+2)

+ Dani wins at life. (+1)

+ Ian's "we did what was best for Wonder" message is another thing that wins points for me because it's another cheap shot at Ashleigh. (+2)

+ Brad's real proposal to Lavinia is pretty adorable. Everything he does is adorable, so I guess that's not surprising. (+1)

The Good: 14

- This episode really pushes the envelope in terms of coming across as every Thoroughbred book ever written. We've got a healthy dose of Pride's Last Race (love saves everything!) combined with a dash of Fallen Star ("You just have to get better!"), and a sprinkling of Cindy and Glory's codependence. It was actually pretty amazing in that regard. However, it's overkill. (-5)

- That horse Noah helps on the track? If that was supposed to be a racehorse, that was the most out of shape racehorse that ever existed. (-1)

- Yes, because putting screws in a horses leg when they have a fractured cannon bone is totally new and controversial! (-2)

- I love how Noah doesn't work at Dani's clinic, yet because Ashleigh saw him perform a miracle back adjustment on a plow pony/racehorse he is magically recruited to do the surgery on Wonder's broken leg. It is all very insane. (-2)

- I actually feel a little sorry for Mike in this episode, because Ashleigh spends a lot of time avoiding him and then whips up a vague reason to break up with him. And then she says, "Sorry." She is queen of the ambiguous break ups. (-3)

The Bad: 13

14 - 13 = 1

The More Things Change (1): 22
The More Things Change (2): 1

Wildfire: I cannot quit you, show.

Wildfire
4.1: The More Things Change (1)

Season four of Wildfire is not out on DVD yet, and considering season three only came out recently I'm betting this season isn't going to find its way into stores until next year. Because there are no season four DVDs, there is no season four cover art. At least, there isn't any in English. So I wandered my way to imdb.com and pulled the German cover art that seems to translate like this:

Staffel Vier: Loyalität, Vertrauen, Freundschaft
Season Four: Loyalty, Trust, Friendship

We've come a long way from strangers, seductions and secrets you guys. What is this trust and friendship concept? Is season four going to be boring? Of course, the American version will be something like "Assurance, Allegiance, Accord" because we here in America like alliteration! Either way, these synonyms lack the melodrama I've come to expect.

The Good:

+ This episode picks up "one hour earlier" and thus we really begin season four in season three, with everyone getting in cars and driving like maniacs. Brad and Mike are off to find Ashleigh before she wanders into hitchhiking trouble, and Dani has had it with Townsend Acres and gets the hell out of dodge. Last season ends with Ashleigh walking up to a car, leaning down, and saying into an open window, "What are you doing here?" I'm sure that pissed off fans everywhere. Turns out, the anonymous is Dani, who then freaks once Ashleigh's in the car and accidentally drives off the road. They take a moment to hug, because I guess near death experiences can always be trusted to wordlessly bury the hatchet in any poisoned relationship. (+1 for Dani accidentally finding Ashleigh, for Mike getting sidetracked by cows, and for Brad essentially saying "fuck it" and opting to help the blonde with the car trouble--aka LAVINIA--instead.)

+ Six months later! And it is still fall? COME ON, SHOW. Okay, never mind. I am over it. Mike and Brad finally have a good relationship again, because Ashleigh is finally gone and refusing to contact anyone. It occurs to me that Mike and Brad do have a pretty awesome friendship. It's too bad Ashleigh's going to have to eventually come back to screw everyone up again. Damn her. (+2)

+ Mike is wearing a cowboy hat. Because Whitebrook is a dude ranch now. I cannot wait to see how he screws this up. (+1)

+ Dani is opening an equine clinic in an attempt to get her racing license back sooner rather than later. Dani and Clay have a non-bonding moment that is really a bonding moment that is going to get some points from me because I like it when they have father/daughter interaction. (+3)

+ Brad is an awesome businessman. I get all giddy about this for some reason. (+1)

+ Townsend family bonding! Clay discusses Brad's upcoming marriage proposal to Lavinia, and Clay takes him to the family safe and pulls out the heirloom wedding ring he just happens to have. I can so see this actually happening in Thoroughbred. (+5)

+ Mike has to go be relentless in this episode. He is remarkably persistent. It irks me. Although I do like Ashleigh's steadfast refusal to stop punishing herself, refusal to come back with him, refusal to be even slightly affectionate toward him, and reaction when he tells her Brad is in love. Oh, show. You are such a crack!Thoroughbred fanfic. (+4)

+ Jean makes good points about retiring Wonder, who is predictably sucking without Ashleigh being around. The horse had a good career. Let's retire her and move on. Retirement is not synonymous with slaughter, you know. (+2)

+ Clay hires a videographer for the moment when Brad proposes to Lavinia at their giant formal party thing. Verbatim from my notes: "He is such a mom." Because he is. It's why I love him so much. (+10)

+ And of course the first thing Ashleigh does upon coming back to California is see Wonder, who is at Townsend Acres. And of course the first person to discover her is Brad, who is about to propose to Lavinia. Of course. I am tempted to give the show a point for this. (+1)

The Good: 30

The Bad

- Ashleigh is in Colorado participating in more illegal cross country races? What the hell? (-1)

- A harmonica is involved in this episode. (-1) What's more, it is used in the music during every dude ranch!Whitebrook scene. (-2)

- The interview process for Dani's vet is...awful. In a word. Seriously, I'm pretty sure she has no clue what she's doing, and I'm pretty sure badgering her is not going to make her like you, Noah. (-1)

- Speaking of Noah, he is sort of charismatic in a way that I like. And yet I seriously do not like him at all. I have a feeling it has something to do with his slick talker attitude that appears to have almost no substance behind it. I'm getting that brilliant, but crazy feel from him that makes me wary for Dani's sake. (-3)

The Bad: 8

30 - 8 = 22

The More Things Change (1): 22

Hey, look, I can start making season comparisons now! Slightly better beginning than last year, but I don't know if that's saying anything. I did like this episode, mainly because the show is hitting all my buttons concerning a less holier than thou Ashleigh who's going to have to do some work with everyone (okay, not with Mike because he is irrationally in love with her) to claw her way back to some steady ground. It is such crack!Thoroughbred fanfic at this point.

Wildfire: Today we bring this freak show to an end.

Wildfire
3.13: So Long Pardner

The Good:

+ Hey, look! Jean/Ian interaction that seems to indicate actual attraction! Well, at least they're planting the seed now instead of springing it on us halfway through season four. (+1)

+ Awesomely enough, Mike goes and buys a horse during his family farm's financial crisis. Even more awesomely, Jean completely flips out and Mike doesn't get it at all. Mike, your denseness is truly amazing. (+1)

+ Initially, I thought this match race would occur at the actual racetrack Omar owns and runs pretty much out of the blue. How naive of me! Naturally it wouldn't be at the racetrack. It would be a ten mile cross country adventure over rocky terrain "with no rules" and a two million dollar winner takes all purse at stake. This actually doesn't shock me that much. What does shock me is Mike's hesitancy about it, his ultimate refusal to go along with it, and my being in complete agreement. This feels wrong. So, so wrong. (+4)

+ Townsend family bonding! Clay and Dani have a moment about how she is substituting grief and anger. Dani looks like she wants to throw something at him and hug him at the same time. Clay is all hardcore awesome with the parenting skills. This is why I love the Townsends, you guys. (+5)

+ At the match race event, of course Omar brings a silver case filled with cash with him. Of course he does. (+2)

+ When Ashleigh rides up to Jean after the match race and hands her the case, Jean tosses the money in the dirt. This receives five points despite being totally predictable (+5). It's the look on Ashleigh's face that I will always cherish. (+10)

+ Even better, Ian decides to take Wonder to Townsend Acres because being far from Ashleigh and Whitebrook Farm is obviously in the best interest of her welfare. (+10)

+ California Racing Board rolls up and charges Whitebrook with a crime. Ah, this is like major stress relief after being so frustrated with these people for so long. (+5)

+ Ashleigh takes the fall for Whitebrook, as well she should because she kind of, you know, took the horse without telling anyone and raced the horse illegally and it is totally her fault and she deserves her suspension. I am thrilled to bits! To bits, I say! (+10)

+ Jean kicks Ashleigh off the farm. Ashleigh is doomed to hitchhike the California highway system for the remainder of the episode. (+3)

The Good: 56

The Bad:

- The episode starts out with Mike and Ashleigh in bed, which I found squicky. (-5)

- THE MATCH RACE, OMG. Yes, this is Wildfire. I am surprised this didn't involve riding through hoops of fire. But, come on. Really? Really? On top of which, there is no reason for Dani to really be interested in running Townsend Prince in this thing. They try to set this up as if she has to so Omar will fund her "special projects," of which we know nothing other than one of them is very probably a hotel, to which I have to say when the fuck has she ever been interested in anything other than Townsend Acres? The race itself never should have gotten past the ridiculous concept stage, and there was a lot of stretching to make it work. (-10)

- Want to keep your failing ranch so your miserable son can suck harder at management? Sell some worthless land! At least, this is Mike's idea. What is 25 acres of rocky, forested land they can't use? Shockingly, I'm kind of again on Mike's side here. Sell the damn land. It's kind of better than selling all your horses, Jean. I'm going to have to subtract points because I'm tired of agreeing with Mike in this episode. (-3)

- Oh, good. Ashleigh's reason to go with the match race is because she is tired of Jean and Mike fighting because it reminds her of her mother. This is a really weird line of thought. I'm going to subtract a point because I'm getting tired of her constantly drawing parallels. I understand that you're traumatized, Ashleigh. It's time to get over it. (-1)

- "A mile and a quarter really isn't her best distance." I admit that I laughed loudly at this. (-1)

- So, Ashleigh wants to risk Wonder's life on this race why? Dani and Mike both back out of the race, leaving Brad to surreptitiously sneak in Townsend Prince because he has issues and Ashleigh to sneak Wonder in because she also has issues. And she is willing to whore herself and her horse out at various stages in this series, so it sort of makes sense to a certain degree. Still, it seems outside of her character to totally disregard the danger to the horse she claims to put before everything as she hides behind her "we can do anything" speech. Her character really took a nosedive this year. No wonder she wound up with Mike. Ugh. (-10)

- Dani is forced to take the fall for Brad's decision to run Townsend Prince in this stupid race, and her license is revoked, and Brad is forced to take her place in the farm. Something I'm not all too sure he even wanted in the first place. His motivation to go ahead with this match race is not so clean cut. Mainly, it seems like he does it because he wants to beat Ashleigh and gain more responsibility with the farm...somehow. I'm not sure how that was supposed to work. (-1)

- Jean sells the horses at the very end of the episode and Mike's first response to his mother, as she sits there broken and crying, is: "You sold the horses without asking me?" To which she should have responded, "Oh, fuck you." But she doesn't say that, because he is her son and she is required to love him. That poor, poor woman. (-5)

The Bad: 36

56 - 36 = 20

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20
8. The Goodbye: -3
9. Heartless: 40
10. Diplomacy: 29
11. You Can't Count on Me: 21
12. Picking Sides: 0
13. So Long Pardner: 20
Total: 195

I don't know what that number signifies! Oh well.

My final thoughts on this season seem to revolve around Ashleigh's total destruction. I believe this was intentional, given Ian telling her in this episode that she's basically no better than the convict everyone else thought she was. Normally, I have no problems with dragging Ashleigh's character down to a manageable level. I actually quite like the idea of someone knocking her over and then kicking her while she's down (particularly in Thoroughbred fandom, which anyone who knows me can probably testify to). I love it when she's down. Love, love, love! The thing is, this show goes about it the wrong way. Sure, she does everything in the name of saving her adoptive family and Whitebrook, and that's admirable, but she's doing it in a way that makes her character unsympathetic. I wanted to see her destroyed at the end of this season. And...the show came through on that end. Thank you, show! I guess you got what you were aiming for? Well, whatever.

Oh, here's a question for you jumping fanatics out there. Is it possible to cut three strides before an oxer? Please let me know, because I pondered this for a while after Samantha said it with enough zeal to make it sound suspiciously impossible.

Wildfire: I choose Brad, okay?

Wildfire
3.12: Picking Sides

So I wound up taking a break for a good portion of this month. I don't know how that happened, but rest assured I am back with reviews. I'm finishing off season three of Wildfire, I've got a Canterwood Crest book in the wings, some more Thoroughbred, and Riders. Because, well, it had to happen sometime.

Before I get into the point system for this episode, I should say that this is the first time the Kentucky Derby is mentioned. Because in Wildfire, the Kentucky Derby happens in the fall and apparently any horse can run in it, regardless of age. However, that's not to say they get every possible detail wrong. It actually gets one right. However, just know in advance that this episode is all about trying to get to the Kentucky Derby...all of a sudden.

The Good:

+ The one detail they get right about the Kentucky Derby deserves five points (+5). Jean indicates that only twenty horses can get in, and this is based on a fairly basic system of graded earnings.

+ You know, Dani has very good points about how much Ashleigh sucks. And Brad has very good points on how both Ashleigh and Mike suck. I have listened to their arguments in the face of Ashleigh's stunned, blank stare, and I have really picked my side. (+2)

+ Brad is so much better at flirting than Mike, but this doesn't surprise me. The second Mike stops grabbing Ashleigh's face and saying "Om" is the moment I might give him a point because it's one less thing about him that pisses me off. (+1)

+ Dani's white dress gets a point, just because. (+1)

+ Townsend Prince wins the fictionalized Santa Anita Derby and ruins Wonder's chance at the Derby. Sweet vindication. (+1)

+ Wonder is interfered with in the stretch, and finishes third. After an inquiry, it's determined she was bumped and Mike immediately responds with, "Yes, we won!" and the steward gives him a look that screams "um, no?" and I laughed. Oh, Mike. You dope. Wonder is placed second. The Whitebrook crew cries perfect, bitter tears of sorrow. (+4)

+ Brad kisses Samantha, and I am only inclined to give this points because it will make Ashleigh and Mike stare at them uncomfortably. (+3)

The Good: 17

The Bad:

- I appreciate the one detail about the Derby they get right, yes. However, I am not liking the fact that Jean has to explain to Ashleigh what graded earnings means, nor am I too wild on her explanation that "every race is assigned a grade" because that really isn't the case. Also, why doesn't Ashleigh understand what graded races are when she "wins big races?" (-2)

- "Maybe red silks bother him?" Because changing your silks in accordance to what bothers your main competition is so easy! Well, on this show it's like every race. I am sort of stunned that they never do pick up on the fact that you can't just randomly pick up whatever silks you feel like before a race. I totally get that it's a cost saving measure. But you don't need to embrace it so obviously. (-1)

- It's fall again. No, wait, it's summer! No, still fall. Yup, fall. Damn you, Wildfire. (-1)

- Ashleigh spends most of this episode desperately trying to fashion a relationship for Mike and Brad that resembles their relationship pre-her. Much to her astonishment, this is difficult. Her irritating need to make this happen makes me dislike her more, if that is at all possible. (-4)

- Mike trots out the "don't bring him up again" ultimatum to Ashleigh regarding Junior. This makes me want to punch him in the mouth. (-5)

- The reasons behind the Ash/Brad break up were what again? Perhaps the fact that the show can't figure out why they broke up in the first place is their sticking point when they're trying to convince me Ash/Mike "just happened" and it wasn't all about Ashleigh picking between them. Boo, show. (-3)

- You guys, who likes illegal match races? I do! I do! Yeah, this sounds like it's going to work out phenomenally. (-1)

The Bad: 17

17 - 17 = 0 Ha! This makes so much sense to me.

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20
8. The Goodbye: -3
9. Heartless: 40
10. Diplomacy: 29
11. You Can't Count on Me: 21
12: Picking Sides: 0

So, neither Townsend Prince or Wonder are headed to the Kentucky Derby. I find this unfortunate, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure the Derby isn't a logical race for this show. Instead we're getting a match race, which makes little sense any way you look at it. We'll get to that next time.

Wildfire: I have a feeling I'm being way too lenient.

Wildfire
3.11: You Can't Count on Me

The Good:

+ Rory. I've got to say, I liked him. (+4)

+ Brad's busy with devious plotting in this episode. Since Townsend Prince has moved back to Townsend Acres, and Ashleigh is still riding him, Brad is sick of two things: 1) her being with Mike and 2) basically having to deal with her all the time. So what does he do? He buys Townsend Prince "for his dad" and then plans to send Prince and Ashleigh to Keeneland. When Ian points out that this makes no sense for the horse, Brad just decides to fire Ashleigh. This whole sequence earns ten points. (+10)

+ One of the reasons I liked Rory is his mercilessness with pointing things out to Ashleigh and making her stare them right in the face. For instance, it takes him about two days to make the grand conclusion that Ashleigh refuses to settle anything between herself and him, their father, and Brad. She just lets the problems hang there, making everything miserable, and then she gets defensive and shuts off. No wonder Dani hates her. (+5)

+ I love it when Brad verbally smacks Mike. Notice this brilliant display after Mike has the gall to get upset with him for firing Ashleigh: "I didn't need to give Ashleigh a job to get her to go out with me. That's what you did." (+5) Mike's flustered stare and complete inability to say anything in response to Brad yet again being SO RIGHT: 3 points (+3). Dani's grin of total satisfaction: one point (+1).

+ Another reason I like Rory: he stepped in and within a week completely shook up Ashleigh's total notion of the Reeses being her family. Because I think he's basically right, and I am really looking forward to this supposed security being swiped out from under her. Really looking forward to it. (+3)

The Good: 31

The Bad:

- Dani's giving Brad such shit about Ashleigh, and I'm a little annoyed that her character has so quickly reverted back to pre-RJ days. I get that she hates Ashleigh, and is probably acting like this because she doesn't like seeing how much Ashleigh means to him, but she could ease off a bit. (-2)

- I cannot tell you how much Mike's flirting skills make me want to throw up a little in my mouth. (-2)

- Ashleigh tells Mike that Rory wants her to see their dad, whom she is dead set against seeing. Mike tries to sympathize and mentions how he felt about his dad in an attempt to identify with her, and she immediately cuts him off by insisting it's not the same because he "didn't have to take care of" his mom. No one understands Ashleigh's pain! Do not try! (-4)

- "She's the best rider out there." How is it even possible that Ashleigh is the best rider in...California? How? (-1)

- Stupid fall shots of Whitebrook in the same episode with summer shots. I notice the color of leaves, show. Shoddy. (-1)

- Rory "borrowed" Brad's Porsche for an impromptu street race? And then he immediately returned it in perfect condition after winning said impromptu street race? I can't decide whether or not to deduct points. I guess I'll just make a note of my confusion on this scene and leave it there.

The Bad: 10

31 - 10 = 21

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20
8. The Goodbye: -3
9. Heartless: 40
10. Diplomacy: 29
11. You Can't Count on Me: 21

I admit to finding this episode boring. And I cannot wait for Ashleigh and Mike to break up, mainly because I dislike watching them kiss. They just...kiss weird. I cannot explain it. I don't want to attempt to try. I just want it to end, preferably now.

Wildfire: As it turns out, I can like this show after RJ. Who knew?

Wildfire
3.10: Diplomacy

I have to say that I unexpectedly liked the first post-RJ episode of season three. Let's see how this broke down, shall we?

The Good:

+ Dani trying to get over RJ and failing so miserably, allowing room for Brad comfort as she says: "The smell of hay is really sad." Oh, sweetie. (+5)

+ There is lots of awesome Townsend family bonding going on here, which we all know by now that I love and want to see more of. They are, quite simply, so awesome in this one. Plus, I like to see Brad get more involved in Townsend Acres, because it is so Thoroughbred series (albeit in a Brad and Parker sort of way, but I don't care). (+5)

+ Thank you, Brad. You are officially the only person in this show that forces a change. And demanding that Ashleigh and Mike admit to their relationship, and watching the inevitable awkwardness, is awesome. (+3)

+ Clay and Dani. Oh, sweetie. (+4)

+ Incompetence! I knew Mike wasn't going to handle that whole responsibility thing well. (+2)

+ Wow, Brad knows his sister way better than I know my own. I don't think I could definitively pinpoint her favorite pizza, candy, and movie. Does this make me a bad sister, or does this make Brad all the more awesome as a human being and brother? (+3)

+ Yes, Dani. Yell at Ashleigh more, because I just like to see her punished for this asinine Mike decision. (+1)

+ Brad is, not unusually, SO RIGHT when he tells Mike it isn't okay at all for him to be with Ashleigh. Just, you know, in a fundamental way. (+2)

+ Ten points for karma! Ashleigh gets punched in the eye, Dani points out that Ashleigh punched her in the eye. What goes around, comes around. (+10)

+ Okay, a little bit of me loved that Brad was rooting against Ashleigh. (+1) I couldn't help it.

+ That whole Brad scene with him freaking out at his car? And Dani calming him down? And the crying? I sort of love this episode. (+4)

+ Awesomely, Whitebrook's big client picks up and leaves for Townsend Acres. Main reason: Mike is not as good a manager as Ashleigh is a rider. Which is SO RIGHT. (+5)

+ Clay gives Brad a Porsche. Did I mention how awesome the Townsends were in this episode? (+2)

The Good: 47

The Bad:

- After Brad finds out about Ashleigh/Mike, Ashleigh mutters, "That was brutal." It made me hate her just a little bit more. (-3)

- Who just orders soda at a bar? Not just a soda, but specifically "a soda" as if that makes sense? (-1)

- Oh, Jean. Don't give me that "you're counting on a horse race to solve our problems?" criticism, because if memory serves just about everyone has counted on this as a plausible solution to all problems, including you. (-4)

- So, yeah, Brad accidentally punches Ashleigh when he means to punch Mike. I don't like this. Despite the fact that I think someone needs to smack sense into Ashleigh, I don't ever mean that this needs to be done in a physical way. You sort of suck, show. (-5)

- Flagrant Mike/Ashleigh kissing in front of Brad means I must deduct another five points. Mainly because I know Mike/Ashleigh is a diversion and also because, honestly, the guy doesn't need your stupid, happy, shiny wonderfulness right now. (-5)

The Bad: 18

47 - 18 = 29

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20
8. The Goodbye: -3
9. Heartless: 40
10. Diplomacy: 29

Also, I'll point out two things. First, I think Clay and Jean are awesome together and totally need to get married. I realize that's not going to happen, but considering Ian spent about two seconds looking at Jean longer than he should have that one time, I don't see any basis for a relationship there at all. Clay and Jean are way better. This is my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. Second, I kind of like Mike when he's with Ashleigh. As in, he doesn't piss me off as much. Granted, now Ashleigh is annoying the ever living crap out of me, but Mike is weirdly on top of everything whenever he's not busy being incompetent in a general way. However, Mike/Ashleigh is still unnatural and awful and needs to end quickly. Because...ew.

Wildfire: Another tv show breaks my heart.

Wildfire
3.9 Heartless

I really did not think I was going to handle this episode, and I am proud to announce that I did not cry! I just teared up a little, kind of.

+ "It's not you, it's me." Mike tells Samantha it's over, and Samantha tags his shoddy excuse for what it is: he has a thing for Ashleigh. Nicely done, Samantha! I like her ability to move through this episode gracefully while at the same time making everyone uncomfortable. (+3)

+ Okay, I kind of squeaked happily when RJ appeared in the recap for this episode. And then I did exactly what Dani did upon seeing him in this episode...which was more squeaking and happy hand clapping. If I could have launched myself at him, I probably would have. I am not ashamed. (+10)

+ Points for all RJ scenes! (+5) Now I will double it just because I can! (+5)

+ Fresh from her making Mike feel like shit speech, Samantha moves on to Ashleigh and makes her feel like shit. All while still maintaining her "I am awesome, look how awesome I am" vibe. Oh, I really like you, Sammy. (+3)

+ The love conversation pops up a little out of nowhere with RJ and Dani, but I love it since Dani gets awkward because she's said these words to people like Mike, but clearly they didn't mean as much as when she'll say the same thing to RJ, and RJ is still so damn awesome. (+4)

+ It's the RJ and Brad Hug of Manliness! (+1)

+ I'm actually liking the Ian and Ashleigh scenes in this episode. It's like they actually had a relationship that the show bothered building and nurturing and showing us...somewhere along the way there. (+2)

+ Okay, I kind of teared up when Brad rode the same bull as RJ, and went longer than eight seconds out of respect for his friend. This, of course, is nowhere near my reaction to Dani's heartbreak after RJ, because she's killing me with her stoic, empty staring. (+8)

+ Ian becomes the Townsend Acres trainer. I respect this move, and sure it might make little sense (I'm sure he'll be "just an employee" there, too) but where else was he going to go? (+1)

Good: 42

- It's time for another "I don't know what I want!" moment from Ashleigh. Why am I not shocked at Mike is predictably shocked by this? (-1)

- Then Ashleigh pushes Mike away because she comes up with some convenient excuse about Whitebrook being important, and then she decides that yes, they should really go for it because she "wants him" and I can only really deduct one point because I was sort of distracted by OTHER MAJOR THINGS that made the Ashleigh/Mike Hook Up Of Doom less important. (-1)

- I cannot forgive this show for the RJ thing, and how the RJ thing was handled. I just can't and I won't. Of course, it's natural for a show in its third year to do something like randomly killing off the only good character who was breaking up the monotony of every episode, and for this I would deduct major points, but I just don't have it in me. Instead I am just going to make a note of my disgust here, and call it a day.

The Bad: 2

42 - 2 = 40

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20
8. The Goodbye: -3
9. Heartless: 40

Now, in the back of my mind, RJ is actually in a coma somewhere. He'll wake up after season four, reclaim his hat, and everything will be okay. It will! In the meantime, I'm going to go suffer through the rest of these Wildfire episodes where everyone is under the delusion that he is dead. Silly people. He's just in a coma!

Wildfire: "I don't know what this thing is!"

Wildfire
3.8: The Goodbye

+ I do grudgingly give Mike two points (+2) for seriously considering selling Wonder in the face of Ashleigh's crazy shrieking. It must be hard to remain composed when you're dealing with "a girl with a horse" and for that I commend him.

+ Suddenly we all remember that Ian owns half of Wonder. This deserves a point (+1), although Ian's passive aggressive attitude about how no one remembers this almost cancels the positive here.

+ Ash comes clean to Omar when it becomes obvious that he wants to buy Wonder, and he calls her "a girl with a horse" who will do anything to keep the horse at Whitebrook, and calls her out as a liar. This might not be true, and his insistence that he knows racehorses might be a little shaky, and this whole sequence might have really annoyed me, but I am going to get over all of this because at least Ashleigh admits her nefariousness to one other person besides Mike. (+1)

+ Brad had an attachment to his nanny. This is so Thoroughbred series! (+2)

+ Congrats, Wildfire, for producing the weirdest scene in television involving the word "thing" that does not appear to apply to anything...and then having the characters degenerate into maybe/maybe not hate kissing. I did not get this at all, but it amused me. (+4)

+ Brad and Samantha dance way better than anyone else has ever danced on this show, and Mike and Ashleigh immediately pick up on this by acting all silently jealous on the sidelines. I am awarding this five points (+5) because I like it when Brad and Samantha have fun at the expense of Mike and Ashleigh, and I also like when Mike and Ashleigh get insanely jealous over things they really should have gotten over by now.

Good: 15 (I know, I was really not thrilled with this episode.)

- Ashleigh is asking A LOT when she tells Ian he can buy out Whitebrook's share in Wonder. Because Ian doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who can handle borrowing $200,000 in order to purchase a sterile racehorse who may or may not be any good. Way to go on sending Ian down a road he shouldn't be on, Ash. -1

- There's an implication here that Ashleigh and Mike had maybe/maybe not hate sex. When I say "maybe/maybe not hate sex" I mean that they seemed to reach a lull in a heated debate over a vague subject, and decided to fill the void with kissing and zipper fondling. I am going to pretend Mike got his hands stuck in Ashleigh's hoodie and gave up any further attempts at clothing removal. (-1)

- Ashleigh's ruffle outfit and side ponytail can only deduct another point from this episode. (-1)

- This whole choosing family over various love affairs thing continues to irk me. Naturally I agree with choosing family, but I don't get how this continues to even be an issue with Brad and Ashleigh. I totally get Mike deciding to sell Wonder for the good of his family's farm over his stupid thing for Ashleigh, and I love that Brad called Ashleigh's juvenile response as the stupidity it is, but I am still confused! (-3)

- Oh, Mike, don't try to tell me you ever had your life together and went by your gut. Your life has been a constant, muddled state of privileged whining. (-2)

- Wow, the silks this time around are ugly. And actually say "Whitebrook Farm" on the back. Minus one point (-1) for not even attempting to try.

- Wonder wins the Gold Cup. I so wanted her to lose. (-5)

- Ashleigh is almost totally clean after the race, despite having come from behind to win. I laugh at your attempts to muddy her face, show. (-1)

- Ian leaves Whitebrook after pouting and acting distant after Whitebrook refuses to take his offer for Wonder seriously. And he says he leaves because he's "just an employee." Oh, Ian, does someone feel left out? Perhaps Jean should have invited you to live above her garage? (-3)

The Bad: 18

15 - 18 = -3

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20
8. The Goodbye: -3

This episode benefitted greatly by my decision to not deduct points because RJ wasn't in it. I am being very kind right now, actually. Very, very kind considering all the Mike/Ashleigh that is leaving me feeling dirty and used.

Wildfire: it's a love/hate thing.

Wildfire
3.7: Push Me/Pull You

Glancing over my notes for this episode, Push Me/Pull You might be the first Wildfire episode that dips into the negative, as far as my random point scheme goes. I loathed this episode. However, for the interests of routine, let's start with the good stuff first.

The Good:

+ The longing staring between Ashleigh and Brad receives three (+3) points, just because even in a season so totally dedicated to the sexual awkwardness between Ashleigh and Mike, Brad will always be the more interesting option. Sorry, Mike. I sort of hate you now. Deal with it.

+ We had a bit of Christina's Courage in this episode, because Ashleigh freaks out on a grand scale when she sees Samantha riding Wonder. Normally, I would take points away for this irritating behavior, but I suppose it's Ashleigh indignant response when both Mike and Ian tell her that they demanded Samantha ride Wonder instead that makes me happy. Suck it, Ashleigh. +5!

+ Ian, you're sort of awesome this episode. What with the no nonsense attitude toward Ashleigh's sudden and highly irritating Cindyfication. +2

+ Dani kicks a little CEO butt during a closing on this deal Clay insisted she and Brad attend while he's recovering from his heart attack. She was impressive. +2! Brad moves in to deliver the coup de grâce, but winds up being more impressive than Dani, adding for good measure, "And if you don't like it, you can bite me." Then he ambles out of there like the Brad Townsend I know and love. +5!

+ I have to award points for Townsend family bonding, even if it doesn't include Dani. Clay and Brad have a father and son moment, and Clay starts to plant the seeds that the rush Brad gets during his bull riding can be attained every day by being an awesome businessman. Brad seriously considers this. Thank you, Clay. You also get five points. +5!

+ Ashleigh admits to Mike her complete awfulness, not that this changes the course of any of the shit she's put into motion in this episode. I will award her one, tiny little point for this half-assed attempt to right her wrongs. Otherwise, she was one big boatload of awful in this episode. +1

The Good: 23

The Bad:

- Don't we understand by now? Only Ashleigh knows Wonder! Everyone else can only moderately understand her needs! Wonder doesn't need any of this fancy dressage crap, because Ashleigh and Wonder understand each other and are above using techniques that they don't have to understand! -3

- Mike, you are deducted a point (-1) for the following conversation:
Ian: I think she's in heat.
Mike: Aren't they all?

- Samantha buys hazelnut creamer and Ashleigh and Jean are all hazelnut? What the hell is hazelnut? You people live in California. I refuse to believe that you have a problem with hazelnut. -1

- "So, tell me about this dressage." I will overlook the fact that Ashleigh spits the word dressage like it's dirty, or has personally offended her. I just think this whole plotline is ludicrous. Ashleigh not knowing what dressage is, yet is able to rope a calf in a week's time, makes me mad. Samantha indicating that she only knows about dressage because she's English also makes me mad. Also, that anyone is talking about suppling and the forehand on this show makes me laugh. -3

- Because in Wildfire's world, horses are hand picked by idiots for big races, this sheik is going to look at the Prince for the Gold Cup. Mike decides that they will showcase the Prince by breezing him with Wonder, except Ashleigh should ride the Prince and Samantha will ride Wonder in a dressage saddle. Thankfully, Samantha was all "whoa, I've never done this before, this is crazy" but I was too busy covering my eyes and making incomprehensible noises to care. -5

- Enough double entendres, show! I think Samantha went through a whole conversation where every sentence out of her mouth was accidentally/intentionally given double meaning. You all know there's something up with Mike and Ashleigh. The fact that only Brad is willing to point and say what it is means that I have to deduct another two points. (-2) You can't always rely on the most awesome of you to shed light on the situation, people. Idiots! All of you! (Except you, Brad.)

- Everyone stares at Mike and Ashleigh dancing. Sigh. -1

- The sheik is there to see the Prince, and Mike says all he wants to look at is how the horse moves. He really just wants to see "the look of eagles." Mike adds, "whatever that means." Oh, damn it. Mike, minus five! How can you be in Thoroughbred racing and not know what "the look of eagles" means? (-5)

- I have to say that the scene where Samantha and Ashleigh ride around the track is as awful as you can possibly imagine. -3

- So here's the deal: Ashleigh reins the Prince in and tells Samantha to ride Wonder with a loose rein. Ergo the Prince never gets a good showing because Ashleigh never lets him out all the way, and Wonder runs off with Samantha, who doesn't know what she's doing. This is supposed to make Wonder look better. The fact that Ashleigh was this sneaky is totally unlike her, so I have to deduct another four points (-4). The fact that Ian, Jean, Mike, and the sheik buy what Ashleigh's selling deducts another five (-5). Because it is OBVIOUS what Ashleigh is doing. You don't have to be riding right next to her (like Samantha, who knows what she's up to) to see this.

- Ashleigh is such a bitch in this episode. First she urges Mike to move into the bunkhouse with Samantha, then she rigorously acts like a brat to everyone who tries to welcome Samantha into the fold. Dude, Ashleigh, you don't even like Mike. Get the hell over it and go date Brad. Oh, that's right, you gave him some idiotic excuse about family in order to keep the tension going another year. -4

- Ashleigh comes out with the truth to Mike about what she did, but then she doesn't to Ian and Jean, who accept the sheik nominating not the Prince, but Wonder, into the Gold Cup. Mike just gives her an ultimatum about getting Wonder more fit than she has ever been in her life to make up for her sudden bitchiness. I just deduct another three points (-3) because I hate them all. And I hope Wonder loses the Gold Cup. Because I'm vindictive like that.

- RJ is not in this episode. This saddened me far more than everything else going on, and also made it that much more obvious that RJ/Dani is the only thing good about this season. -3

The Bad: 43

23 - 43 = -20

1. Fairy Tale Endings: 16
2. The Feud: 4
3. Moving On: 10
4. Close to Home: 42
5. Love vs. Work: 20
6. Kiss Kiss: 16
7. Push Me/Pull You: -20

Well, that wasn't good at all.

Books will come next, I think. I need to take a break before I get into the RJ/Dani stuff in the coming episodes.