Karen, have we really come this far?

Horse of Seven Moons by Karen Taschek (aka Bentley) Published: 2005 I know we're all ridiculously eager to find out what Karen Bentley has been up to since her last Thoroughbred book went to print eleven years ago. I am here to inform you that Karen Bentley is now publishing books on bats and the universe in general. Next year, she's taking on the civil war. No kidding. I don't know what possessed me several weeks ago, but I discovered all of this and even went so far to find a photo of her...which I promptly lost. I was rather flummoxed by this strange bat, universe, civil war fixation, as this seems to be a rapid departure from her bitchy girl takes on the horse industry writing background. Only then I found Horse of Seven Moons and all my worries ceased.

Struggling up the mountainside in a fierce storm, sixteen-year-old Bin-daa-dee-nin tries to survive. The Mescalero Apache has lived off the land in southwestern New Mexico, hunting and raiding since the death of Apache leader Victorio last October 1880.

Just before dawn, under a full moon, Bin-daa-dee-nin finds a black-and-white horse whose intelligence and beauty surpass that of any horse he's ever seen. Bin-daa-dee-nin trains the surefooted pinto to run fast on command so that he can use him to hunt and on raids. But when the army attacks, the horse disappears.

Fourteen-year-old Sarah Chilton has never felt at home on her family's ranch in New Mexico near Cooke's Peak. At least, not the way she did in Fort Smith, Arkansas, where she lived until just four months ago. Then on Valentine's Day, 1881, Sarah finds the horse of her dreams: a gorgeous pinto, wandering near the river under a bright moon. She names him Moon Dancer and teaches him to jump. Just as she's making wonderful progress with Moon Dancer's training, the Apaches raid the ranch, and Bin-daa-dee-nin has his horse back.

Through army battles, Apache raids, and perhaps Moon Dancer's own mysterious desires, the horse changes hands between Sarah and Bin-daa-dee-nin several times. As each puzzles over the training and tricks the other has taught the horse, the boy and girl learn that life requires adaptation and adjustments--and can sometimes bring great joy.

So that's the longest summary in the history of ever, right? Let me see if I can expand a little on this. Bin-daa-dee-nin is super awesome because he is a) Apache b) on the lam and c) has perfect eyesight. He and his random friends/sort of relations are running from U.S. soldiers after some conflict or something or another. One of his friends is hurt, so this book inevitably becomes one long torturous session as we wait for this guy to die. This takes just about forever. Anyway, Bin is hiding out in a cave, wondering just what the hell he's going to do here, and he has a spirit dream or something and presto! A horse appears. And let me tell you, this horse is freaking gorgeous. He is a black and white pinto, and Bin names him Moon That Flies. Okay, so blah blah blah...Bin obsesses over the horse and ponders if he's been trained and blah blah blah. Eventually we break into Bin's story to learn a little about this girl named Sarah Chilton, a fourteen-year-old blond girl fresh from Arkansas, where things were perfect (you know, this just amuses me). She rues the day her family moved to New Mexico, because she wants a horse, which apparently they can't have despite all sorts of space and other completely ridiculous reasons that involve quality of grass? Well, whatever. Sarah wants a horse, Sarah doesn't have a horse, so what does Sarah do? Sarah wakes up in the middle of the night because she thinks livestock is roaming around the house, breaks all her father's rules in order to be responsible and save the livestock, and winds up catching the same pinto, who randomly shows up on her lawn. So Sarah sticks the pinto in the chicken coop, a Cindy move if ever there was one, distressing her sister, who loves chickens (I am not kidding). We get more pondering over if the horse is trainable or not, blah blah blah. Sarah gets dumped, but she's all self-righteous and perfect about it, and invariably Bin shows up and steals the horse away. Sarah is pissed. How dare they? Don't they know that this horse is her property? Oh, the indignant anger. The self-absorbed whining. Where have I seen this all before? Yeah, Bin steals the stupid horse back and I stopped really paying attention. All I know is that Sarah's anger was so great her father joined the army to get this horse back because Sarah's happiness is everything. So they get the horse back and Bin gets shoved on a reservation and Sarah is all happy again. Of course, she realizes that Bin loves the horse also, but to hell with that. She has her horse, and will proceed now to never think of this situation ever again. We then have an epilogue. Lindsay, Sarah's descendant, goes to a gas station. Mike, Bin's descendant, goes to the same gas station. Lindsay pumps gas. Mike gets a soda. They both notice each other and OMG, sparks fly! Across the gas station parking lot...as wild horses suddenly decide to romp by. And because the horses are all inspiring, they both have a revelation that they should know each other from somewhere, although this is completely impossible because they don't know each other from anywhere.

• It is Sarah's birthday when she finds the horse, which she names Moon Dancer. She has always wanted a horse, and when she finds Moon Dancer she immediately thinks exactly the same thing Cindy would think in this situation: If she found the horse, shouldn't that mean she can keep the horse? Sarah, take your 1880's etiquette and apply it to your real life, please.

• Bin's story is supposed to be the interesting, action packed portion of the book, but I found it exceptionally boring. Plus, he's as perfect as Sarah, what with his zoom lens eyesight and his ability to ride a horse bareback at a gallop and kill things with a rifle without really trying.

• The end was exceptionally weird. Lindsay and Mike both have to think back to their great great grand whatevers, Sarah and Bin-daa-dee-nin. We get extremely short discussion on what they did: Sarah had kids and loved her horse, who disappeared after 20 years of service. Bin-daa-dee-nin went to the reservation and apparently also had kids. Blah. Boring.

• Mike's notice of Lindsay made me laugh: Check out those three hot girls in a car, he thought. Nice. Who the hell thinks like that? Not to mention, Lindsay isn't even in the car.

• Just so you know, Moon Dancer is the fastest horse ever and jumps perfectly.

• Phoebe is Cindy's Heather. At one point, Sarah is having Phoebe, her friend, set up jumps for her (like this is fun and rewarding for the friend...nice, Sarah). And Phoebe requests some time to ride the horse. Sarah hesitates, pondering how much experience Phoebe has. Ahh, wonderful. Phoebe gets on the horse, does everything wrong, and Sarah just suffers her incompetence, further making Sarah look like the perfect equestrian saint. Yes, Karen. I noticed what you did there.

So, yeah, I didn't actually get all the way through this. I suppose Karen has grown marginally as a writer since her run as a Thoroughbred author, but she clearly hasn't gotten over her various characterization issues. All her characters are still variations of Cindy, but are we really surprised?

Samantha's Journey is a long, boring road full of potholes

Samantha's Journey
Thoroughbred Super Edition
by Karen Bentley
Published: 1997

So I know what you're thinking. First off, it's probably "Where are the posts?" I totally understand and I offer two extremely weak explanations (at least, for me): Breaking Dawn happened and I had to attempt to read it and fail, and I became thoroughly obsessed with Guy/Marian from BBC's Robin Hood, which I find creepy because I've only watched three episodes, and he kinda sorta kills her in one of them. I don't know if this should indicate something to me or not...but I'm going to lean toward not being disturbed by this. Because I am drawn to somewhat-unrequited-but-not-really sexual tension above all else, it appears (and tall, dark and handsome morally ambiguous men, but we already knew that). And yes, this means I've been reading fan fic...which I haven't done for a while so don't judge me.

And now, back to the task at hand.


Yeah, I decided I didn't quite get enough of Karen Bentley. Actually, no, that's not true. I was going to read A Home For Melanie, but then this book came along and then I got all sidetracked with Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome Who Isn't Brad Townsend and wow...that was a long journey. Anyway, so here we are. Another super edition I haven't read. It's not a horrible cover, except for the fact that I'm pretty sure that is a denim shirt. Thankfully there is no denim jacket to complete this outfit of evil. Plus, who rides their horse to a cemetery these days? Whatever. The horse, at least, looks good.

Haunted by the past...

Samantha McLean has a terrible scare when she sees Cindy, her adoptive sister, fall over Whitebrook's track rail during a workout. Cindy's accident is frighteningly similar to the one that caused Samantha's mother's death years earlier.

Cindy's accident brings forth a flood of troubling memories for Samantha. She begins reliving the traumatic years which followed her mother's death - a difficult time when she and her father, Ian McLean, traveled aimlessly across the country in search of a place where they could rebuild their lives. Will Samantha rediscover happiness at Whitebrook Farm? Or will she be tormented forever by the tragedies of her past?

Isn't it weird how a supposedly healed trauma just up and becomes an unforeseen issue resulting in a super edition? Also, what is up with the blue, red and pink color scheme of this book? It is horrible. Red text on a pink background is not acceptable. Even in 1997.

The prologue starts out in Whitebrookland, where the squirrels and the birds sing merry songs and Samantha dances around in her amazing storybook forest that smells like rhododendrons and violets. All she's missing is a poofy pink dress and a speaking unicorn with a rainbow-colored horn. Why is it such a great day? Well, it's not because she's found her true love or anything. No, Samantha is an independent female and is thrilled because she's just been offered the formal job title of assistant trainer at Whitebrook Farm. Call me unenthused if you will, but I kinda sorta already thought that was what she was doing. Nevertheless, Samantha's off hugging herself when Tor comes along to turn her independent womanhood into domestic subservience and asks her to marry him. Wow, things just could not get better!

Completely knocked over that her life is now more thrilling than it was previously, Samantha hauls Tor down to the training oval so they can share the news. Only then Cindy has to go fall off of Honor and Samantha has to have a flashback and run away. Like the suddenly irresponsible and delicate girl she never really was but now kind of is. Cindy may or may not be dead (that Samantha knows about...I mean, she runs off to the broodmare barn...who does that?) and that means that Samantha's life will never be fun and thrilling and full of love ever again. What does she do about this? She cries in the barn. Yeah, shocking. Didn't see that coming at all.

Now we're required to jump back in time to when Samantha was twelve and her life was super freaking fantastic. Her mom, Suzanne, is awesome. Her dad, Ian, is supposedly awesome but Samantha isn't really too sure because she spends every waking moment with her mom. And you know who else is awesome? Gulfstream Waves...the horse with horrible luck in names. Gulfstream Waves is a former claimer turned stakes horse, which means he is now more loved than any other horse in the barn. Except for Miracle Worker, who is a claimer and is loved by Samantha despite this horrible fact. Gulfstream is basically Suzanne's special horse, and is going to run in the Donn and make Ian and Suzanne filthy rich and will somehow finance an entire farm that has been their dream for ages. I continue to not understand how this is possible...it's not like a $400,000 purse goes straight to the trainer and even if it did I'm pretty damn sure a farm in Florida is going to cost way more than what Ian, with his five claimers and one claimer turned possible Grade I winner, can finance realistically. Considering they live in a mobile home and all. Honestly.

Well, whatever, because Gulfstream Waves is the perfect not so perfect horse and he wins the Donn anyway, this means Samantha is so close to owning a Triple Crown winner and getting a baby sister that she can practically taste it. But then Gulfstream Waves has to go remind everyone that he was a claimer (and therefore was abused, because all claimers who are not trained by Ian McLean are abused) and he goes crazy on Suzanne and Samantha thinks she'll help out but just manages to get in the way and accidentally causes her mom to go through the rail and break her neck or something. I find it interesting that this role Samantha has in her mom's death isn't immediately dragged out into the light of day...but it isn't. Gulfstream dies, her mom dies, and Ian immediately has an apoplexy about Samantha being within five yards of a horse that may or may not go crazy at a drop of a hat.

Once Suzanne dies, Ian goes a little off the handle and I suppose that means he's no longer financially sound either because that whole farm dream goes up into smoke and before you know it they're moving to Oklahoma City. Then they move to L.A. Then to Del Mar, Long Island, Finger Lakes, and then to Townsend Acres. I could get into the actual plot, which is they keep moving and Samantha keeps having issues with trying to keep her promises to her father so she won't be shoved off to live with her grandparents, but it was too boring and recapping it would be rather pointless. Anyway, it's essentially the same thing over and over. Samantha moves, finds a horse that needs her magical help, and then she has to move again. Occasionally she has friends, occasionally she doesn't. Occasionally everyone at school thinks she's either a misunderstood brat or a scrubby track kid they can torment for fun. This all lands her at Townsend Acres after about a year of wandering around the country, where she proceeds to act like a very repressed fan girl at the sight of Ashleigh Griffen, Charlie Burke and the handsome Mike Reese. And then we have a repeat of Ashleigh's Dream while Wonder's Pride stares all knowingly at Samantha. Because, as we all know, Wonder's Pride is not only perfect, he can see into the future.

Skipping back into our current time, Tor finds Samantha in the stall and convinces her that all is well and requests a kiss. Samantha complies. Fans of Thoroughbred groan and roll their eyes.

• "I'll train so many different types of horses," Samantha murmured. Oh, really, Sammy? As a thoroughbred racehorse assistant trainer these different "types" would be what, exactly?

• "Finding the next Kentucky Derby winner in an overlooked colt will be my specialty!" Just kill me with a blunt spoon now, so I can savor the pain.

• Do you know, just in general, how lame Tor's proposal is? In short: "I have news!" "Well, so do I!" "Great, you tell me your fantastic news first!" "No, I insist! You tell me your fantastical news!" "Okay! Why don't you marry me!" (This is news?) "Why, gosh, let me debate for a second if this is a dream...wait, I think I am in fact not dreaming! But wait, I need to hesitate for about ten seconds so I can give my future husband a heart attack. (...) Yes, I will marry you because you are blond and like horses, which is of the utmost importance!" "Yay! Let us carry the news to the rest of our equally perfect co-workers and friends and general townsfolk!" Yay! What is THAT?

• Wow, just how fast did that ambulance arrive?

• Even though the four-year-old colt was a claimer -- a horse who ran in the bottom ranks of racing -- Samantha wasn't taking any chances on having him run away with her. This sentence suggests that not only do claimers tend to not "run out" as much as stakes horses, but that people don't really care if and when they do go berserk on anyone.

• Samantha knew that with her red hair and green eyes, she looked like her mother. Oh yeah? That's fascinating, Samantha. Please, tell us when you first "knew" about this ever so important fact?

• Galloping ahead, Samantha saw her mother... This suggests that Samantha is galloping ahead of her mother when it's the other way around. Is it so difficult to expect an editor to be able to write, or is this asking too much?

• Miracle wasn't in Gulfstream's class as a racehorse, but Samantha loved him anyway. This sentence speaks volumes of the Thoroughbred mindset, I think. That, and apparently it's much easier to love stakes horses.

• "Gulfstream's really wired." I think at this point Karen Bentley must have had a race scene outline pinned above her head in her office, and this line was required for all pre-race dialogue.

• I have a feeling even the most dense of traumatized twelve-year-olds would be able to recognize a dead body when they run right up to one and stare at it. Also..."Samantha, your mother is dead." Look, Ian, I love your blunt informative sentences most of the time, but that was poorly done.

• Samantha's never seen a mockingbird at age twelve? What is she? Blind?

• Random fact about Ian: He can drive for twenty hours straight. By himself. He is a man of steel.

• I'm torn between finding Samantha clutching her mother's boot either sweet or remarkably silly. At least, when she starts talking to this single boot...it is remarkably silly. Good job, Bentley. Good job.

• She realized she'd expected the Remington track to be second-rate after Gulfstream. Yeah, unfortunately, you know, it is second-rate after Gulfstream.

• So Samantha is shunned by the kids at her new school because she's wearing rancher clothing, or something to that effect. Just to be clear, she lives in OKLAHOMA CITY which is located in OKLAHOMA where it is FILLED WITH DUST and RANCHES. Where did she live previously? Miami. Are we supposed to believe that Oklahoma City has something on Miami in terms of fashion that we're not aware of? This feels like some sort of fashion Twilight Zone.

• Anyone notice how all of the main horses in this book win? Anyone?

• At the end, after Samantha visits her mom's grave, we get this weird discussion with her dad about how she's always blamed herself for getting in the way and causing Suzanne to go through the rail. And apparently Samantha was also pissed at Gulfstream for this? What? Wow, did none of that ever come up previously. Nicely done, Karen. It wouldn't be a Bentley book if the characters didn't suddenly state that they're over their inner turmoil over something no one was all that aware they were angsting over to begin with.

One thing that strikes me about this book is how it's basically the same chapter over and over and over again. Samantha moves. Samantha whines to herself. Samantha finds a horse she can secretly cherish. Samantha moves again. There was other stuff in there, but mainly I was bored by the amazing rate of repetition and am therefore going to ignore this book and move on to A Home For Melanie. Finally.

(Want more? Claire's review is here.)

If we weren't slap happy before, we should be by now. TB #23: Cindy's Honor

Cindy's Honor
Thoroughbred #23
by Karen Bentley
Published: 1997

Here we are, ready to tackle the book where Harper Collins finally decided that they'd had enough. Really, what took them so long?

This is one of those covers that's unintentionally misleading. Who is this boy wearing Whitebrook's silks and why is he smiling at Cindy? we all must ask ourselves. At first it appears that Cindy's dating some new jockey and they've had a lover's quarrel that's left Cindy bitter and he's either over it already or ignorant that she's actually quite pissed off. Actually, the cover is pretty telling of their relationship. Jeremy is a nice guy. He's a professional jockey not much older than Cindy and by any normal standards is good at his job, but the problem is he's taken Cindy's ride on Honor and that means that, no matter how much of a natural he is at riding or how polite and professional he may be, he does not love Honor enough and therefore is ruining her! Ruining! Therefore Cindy pouts and scowls and starts acting all paranoid. Thus we have this book cover. Also, either that fence is tiny or Honor and Jeremy are giants.

Who's riding Honor?

Honor Bright, one of Cindy Mclean's favorite horses, is old enough for her first racing season! Cindy can't wait to be her jockey. So Cindy is terribly upset when she has an accident during a training session and the doctor says she wont be able to ride for a while.

Now Jeremy Correll--a young, new jockey--will get to race her special horse. Jeremy is an excellent jockey, but Cindy believes that only she can ride honor to victory. Will Cindy be able to swallow her pride and watch Jeremy race Honor? Or will she ignore her doctors orders and try to ride again?

Plot:
No one ever taught poor Cindy McLean how to fall off a horse, so instead of jumping ship she stupidly stays on Honor as she rips through the inner rail of the training oval. Welcome to the opening chapter of Cindy's Honor, where Cindy quickly falls unconscious. Unfortunately she has to wake up and whine about things, so the book picks up again in the hospital so Cindy can shriek and flip out about Honor. While we're in the hospital, Cindy takes some time to process the information that her shoulder has been broken and she cannot ride for some time. Naturally Cindy ignores this bit of information because she's stubborn to a fault, which encourages fantasies of me smacking her around. Oh, that would be such bliss.

Eventually she leaves the hospital and in the meantime Ashleigh has committed the ultimate betrayal. She has gotten someone else to ride Honor. Oh, the horror. The horror. (Rolls eyes.) Meet Jeremy, Lavinia's cousin. Why Lavinia has a cousin who is an accomplished jockey on the West Coast is anyone's guess, but that's what's on the page so we'll roll with it. Cindy is not pleased with this development, has some brief flash of anger at Ashleigh for daring to continue with her plans to train her horse without Cindy (I don't know what Cindy was thinking would happen exactly...it's not like the farm shuts down when Cindy's not around...or does it?). Jeremy rides Honor around on the track and is just too professional for Cindy's taste because he's all trying to make Honor mind his authority! Holy hell! Who does he think he is, just pushing that poor, sensitive, blushing petal of a filly around like that! Whitebrook Farm, as we all know, just uses their never ending flow of love to convince horses to want to do what's asked of them. Jeremy is not in on this sappy little girl logic, and Cindy's pissed about it.

So there's all this crap about Honor getting a saddle sore, which Cindy rushes to blame on Jeremy although no one's really explaining who saddles this horse up every morning because it certainly doesn't look like Jeremy's doing it. Then it's like Jeremy is too professional and Honor's all confused because she expects love and leniency all the time and Cindy worries some more. And then she worries ever more because everyone's like SO thrilled that Honor is training so well, while Cindy bitches and moans about Honor supposedly not training well. It's essentially everyone's more knowledgeable opinion vs. Cindy's intuition, and everyone else pretty much wins out. Jeremy actually moves into Ashleigh and Mike's house, which I can't even begin to imagine, and everyone and their dog is just so in love with the guy that Cindy's sheer hatred of him would make for a retelling of Body Snatchers if this story was at all interesting.

Then, because Honor needs help, Cindy tries to ride Champion and fails miserably. Yeah, you try figuring that out because I'm done trying to find reasons for Cindy's asinine actions. Anyway, because Cindy is right and everyone else sucks, Jeremy acts like a lunatic waving a crop around in Honor's first race and Ashleigh takes him off of the filly as Cindy delivers the dire warning that Honor's career might be over! And Ashleigh apologizes to Cindy and lets Cindy ride Honor and Cindy lies about the pain she's experiencing and she wins some race and finally this stretch of books is over.

Oddities:

• Cindy demands to go to the barn after she gets back from the hospital and, being a slave to her every whim, Max carries her down there where she winds up collapsed on the floor. This is where Jeremy pops in to announce his presence and Cindy says bluntly, "Who are you?" Wow, Cindy. Manners, much?

• Don't you just love Karen's random attempt to stick as much description as she can into an awkward spot? Cindy's collapsed on the floor, Jeremy's aimlessly standing next to her, and here comes Ashleigh with Christina. Karen MUST describe Christina, so she packs in her features and then ends it with: "Christina sat down on the stable floor and began to arrange bits of straw into a tepee."

• Max asks Cindy how she thinks it will go with Jeremy riding Honor, and Cindy immediately insists it will be awful. "Honor doesn't even like him." I think someone is projecting her emotions.

• Cindy "will just have to believe that Ashleigh knows what she's doing." Yeah, because after that whole issue that was Cindy feeling inferior to Ashleigh, she now feels like she's somehow surpassed Ashleigh and now knows all! Only Cindy could possibly understand that another bad ride could end Honor's career! Only Cindy could know that hiring Lavinia's cousin is crazy! Why don't they all just listen to Cindy so they can stop repeating these silly mistakes that take whole books to resolve?

• Let us all take note that Cindy is no longer mad at Ashleigh for hiring Jeremy. Thank goodness, I was so unaware that she was actually mad.

• Jeremy breezes Honor and afterward she's sweaty and breathing a little hard. Everyone acts like this is normal except for Cindy, who's ready to flip out at any tiny damn thing, and she's all shocked when no one really reacts to her query over how Honor seems so upset. Doesn't anyone understand how sensitive Honor is? Yeah, for the horse that was beating up every other foal in the paddock we're now supposed to believe she's a delicate flower?

• Does anyone else think that Jeremy shouldn't be expected to groom Honor? Perhaps Whitebrook should bite the bullet and finally employ some grooms.

• The crop finally makes another appearance, and Cindy immediately protests its use even though Ashleigh justifies it by saying Jeremy can't allow Honor to run through the rail again. Only then Honor comes off the track favoring not one, but both front feet and Cindy knows exactly what the problem is. Jeremy smacked Honor with the crop and made her go off balance or something equally stupid.

• Max arrives and informs Cindy that the doctor just called to announce that her recent x-rays show her shoulder is healed and she can start physical therapy. Cindy instantly takes off her sling to do something triumphant with her arm (I'm sure) and is all shocked that she can't move it. Someone clearly needs to inspect Cindy's head instead of her arm.

• "You're not the kind of person who would make things up just to get another jockey off a horse you want to ride." *giggle/snort* Really, Max? Really? I'd take a long, hard look at that statement.

• I must say, it is hugely gratifying to see Cindy struggle to lift her arm two inches when she was so super confident she'd be riding again after one physical therapy session. Like, I love watching her in pain. This is probably because she's been putting me through so much crap for the last few books that I'm starting to feel vengeful.

• Out of nowhere Cindy decides to ride Champion, because if she can ride the most difficult horse on the farm she can ride any horse, including Honor. At least, that's her theory. One would think that she might want to reconsider this when she realizes she's not strong enough to lift a saddle onto Champion's back. But not Cindy. Oh no. She just decides to ride him bareback. Seriously, someone should lock this kid in her room. She's a danger to the community.

• Cindy insists that Honor is in trouble! Hence: "I just feel like Honor's on the edge, and it wouldn't take much to push her over." Max replies: "And no one else sees it? That's a little hard to believe." Why, yes! Max, you are so right. It is hard to believe. It's so hard to believe that I'm wondering why there's a whole book based on this idiotic premise obviously dreamed up by a nitwit with a bitchy streak.

• Perhaps Cindy should consider that if she's the only one who can see that Honor isn't happy, it's probably because she's wrong.

• Jeremy says something about how Honor thinks she can get away with misbehaving after she tries to dump him, or something, and Cindy's all with the how dare he! Yeah, who is that jackass who thinks he can just state fact like that! Only Cindy can think and/or comment on Honor's actions in any slightly negative, but mainly positive way!

• Cindy wants to stay in Honor's stall, but Jeremy points out that the filly is finicky and shouldn't have to get used to sharing her space the day before a race. A completely logical point! And Cindy turns to Ashleigh for the ultimate decision and Ashleigh sides with Jeremy. That backstabbing bitch! Cindy is all betrayed now and she's going to go be petulant and annoying and invariably piss the reader off again! Damn it all.

• "There's no time for misunderstandings in a race this short," Ashleigh groans, or moans or says or whatever. You know, there's also no time for this much talking in races this short either, but the Whitebrook crowd manages it time after freaking time. Something tells me Honor could do a back hand spring down the track, jump the rail twice and then cartwheel across the finish and still finish in the top three. So please, Karen, spare me the complaining.

• Great, so after Jeremy's sudden turn around into a completely incompetent rider, Ashleigh apologizes and states that she should have seen it all along. How random and convenient. Cindy can smile and be gleeful now. Her competition is gone. Joy!

• Cindy is going to go ride Honor in one of those grand Thoroughbred experiments that could very possibly end in disaster but always wind up in triumph. Mark tells her, "We'll go get front row seats. No, seriously, if we make you nervous we don't have to watch." For some unexplainable reason I am filled with love for Mark now.

• During the Magnolia, Cindy manages to force herself to stay conscious. Which I have to say is testament to her super jockey powers!

Well, we made it. Now we can move on and pretend this never happened.

One book left! One book left! TB #22: Arabian Challenge

Arabian Challenge
Thoroughbred #22
By Karen Bentley
Published: 1997

I remember picking this book up in 1997 and scoffing at it. A Thoroughbred book called Arabian Challenge, I thought? It just had to be bad. I put it back. Right there I saved myself 201 pages of torture. But, being too curious for my own good I had to read it sometime and now I'm rereading it because apparently I just like to enrage myself. Anyway, here it is. The book that is endlessly worse than Glory's Rival. To the cover!

There isn't a lot to complain about here. In fact, it's easily Champion's best cover. The color scheme even works with the image, and that doesn't happen often. Cindy's smile is even somewhat convincing, although there is an air of annoying superiority in it that makes me wish she'd fall off the horse and then die in the desert of dehydration. I find all of this quite unfortunate considering Arabian Challenge is probably the book that most enrages me. At least of the Cindy books. I haven't read the majority of the New Generation, so who knows what's awaiting me.

Will Cindy win her biggest race as a jockey?

For as long as she can remember, Cindy McLean has longed to ride a Thoroughbred in a world-class race. And now that she's sixteen, Cindy's dream is finally coming true. She'll ride Wonder's Champion, the Triple Crown winner, in Arabia's Dubai Cup!

Cindy will have tough competition. She'll be racing not only against the best horses and jockeys in the world but also against her friend and teacher, Ashleigh Griffen! Is Cindy ready for the challenge of her life?

Don't you just love the "Arabia's Dubai Cup" line? It's exactly how you'd dumb down a more complicated phrase for a four-year-old. Sort of like "That's beer, and no you can't drink it" turns into "You don't want to drink the bad juice, it's icky." You know?

Plot:

We're skipping another year here, with almost no mention of what happened after Champion's Belmont Stakes because, hey, who needs all that pesky backstory? I'm sure Cindy moped about something and Champion won a few races and all was well with the world. We've got more interesting things to get to, like Cindy's apprentice jockey license! Which she's somehow applied for at the age of 15 because she starts off this book in a gate test, which she passes with flying colors and an extra handful of glitter for extra measure. Afterward there's all this talk about how much Ashleigh and Cindy understand each other now that you get this distinct feeling that Cindy thinks she's in some uber special girl jockey club with Ashleigh, which must mean their minds have melded and no one else can understand their super powers. Despite this, it is painfully clear to Cindy that she is only the lowly sidekick to Ashleigh's Wonder Woman, and she is desperate for Ashleigh's compliments and opinions. She'll learn to disregard these later, of course.

Immediately upon returning home, Cindy starts taking herself a little too seriously. If she's going to be a (top) jockey now she must devote all her time to her career, which would apparently mean sitting around on her ass thinking about riding in races because she sure as hell hasn't been asked to ride in any yet. Thus she alienates all of her friends in a mere two pages. This doesn't bother Cindy. They'll come around, she tells herself, and then frolics off to think about racing some more. However, because Ashleigh and Cindy are in the same super girl jockey club, Cindy gets home to Ashleigh offering her a ride on Black Reason! Yay! All her thoughts are now justified; she is a Real Jockey. At the age of 15, which one book ago was impossible (not to mention in this fabulous thing we call "reality"). Just as Cindy's riding her high of getting to race, Ashleigh brings her down by reminding her that it's not her entire life and thus Cindy concludes that Ashleigh takes her whole life for granted. Ashleigh will never understand her determination!

As it turns out, no one understands her determination. Cindy starts getting up at 3am every morning in preparation for her first race. As if riding one more horse every morning (bringing the grand total up to two horses each morning) will prep her perfectly for race riding. All she accomplishes is exhausting herself and developing these ridiculous flashes of anger at anyone who dares question her grand plan to super jockey stardom.

Of course, Cindy doesn't win her first race and decides it was that pesky problem of being forced to attend these public education facilities called schools that derailed her glorious vision of winning and being presented with roses and trophies and rapt attention from everyone. So she decides to cut everything out of her life, including her friends. Who needs them, anyway?

So the instant her friends and family start reacting to Cindy's putting them...oh, about last on her list of priorities, she's all with the drama, repression and pissiness. Anyone's attempt to talk her earth-sized head down to a diameter that will at least fit her through a doorway is met with antagonism and defensiveness, but while Cindy is causally driving everyone she likes away from her and secretly developing a very frightening jealousy over Ashleigh, she's getting everything she wants. A second ride on Black Reason, leading to promised ride on Champion in the Dubai World Cup.

Then, right in the middle of avoiding everyone (because at this point she's convinced herself everyone is against her), Cindy has her moment of enlightenment! Oh, it's like the pure joy of a thousand gleaming diamonds falling from the sun! Cindy decides that she's been focusing too much on herself and winning, not enough on her horses and winning. Or Max and winning...or something equally vague. Her moment of enlightenment isn't exactly as clear cut this time, but it has something to do with being less selfish, but still caring deeply about winning.

So she patches things up with Max and then wins her next race on Black Reason, so now she's all sparkles and happiness, with only occasional (meaning every two to three pages) completely insane glimpses of irrational envy, jealousy, overreacting to innocent statements, irritation and obsession.

When they finally get to Dubai, Cindy's convinced Ashleigh doesn't really want to talk to her. Which basically means Cindy's the one that doesn't want to do any talking. In fact, she turns her back on Ashleigh when she tries to talk strategy concerning the sand surface, and Cindy decides she needs to concentrate without Ashleigh, which means riding Champion at night on the track without anyone else around. Naturally this doesn't go well. The ride is a complete failure, and Mark catches her on top of it. No one is happy, least of all Cindy.

Instead of being forced to deal with the repercussions of Cindy's crushing stupidity, she gets everything she wants in the end, wins the Dubai World Cup, and Ashleigh forgives her. Yay. Sunshine, rainbows, and butterflies!

Oddities:

• For as long as Bentley has gone on and on about this Very Important Fact that you have to be sixteen to ride a horse on any race track, Cindy says to herself in monologue on the very first page during her gate test that she's "almost sixteen." She just couldn't wait, could she?
  

• After Cindy passes her gate test, Samantha congratulates her and looks "wistful." This is because Cindy has accomplished what Samantha never could, and obviously Karen has to take some time out to focus on how Samantha was just too tall and heavy and therefore just not as happy with her life as Cindy obviously will be.

• Sometimes my life is just too good to be true! Cue sunshine and rainbows! Where are the butterflies, damn it!? We need butterflies here, stat!

• Cindy knew that everyone at Whitebrook simply expected her to become a great jockey. Yeeeeah. I'm sure they do, Cindy. I'm sure.

• Reason's great to ride, but he doesn't move like my Triple Crown Champion! You know, Karen Bentley probably thought she was being so clever when she named Wonder's Champion. I'm sure she was just tickled to death by all the annoying ways she could use the horse's name in a sentence.

• Also, someone probably should have explained to Karen that "Arabia" and the United Arab Emirates are not the same thing. As a former editor, you'd think she would have caught that.

• Oh, the infamous "the Nad al Sheba track is sand! I don't compute!" moment. All dirt tracks involve sand in some large quantity. The Churchill Downs track, for instance, is 75% SAND, 23% silt and 2% clay. Nad al Sheba has roughly the same percentages of the same stuff. Basically, it's like saying Ashleigh can train horses on Bluegrass but not Fescue.
  

• Since when is an airport waiting room sterile? If anything it's one of the most disgusting spaces one could ever be so unfortunate to occupy for even a few minutes.

• Again the word exquisite pops up twice on one page. Imperious is Karen's other favorite word, mostly reserved for Champion when he's feeling like a haughty jackass. It's just that every horse is exquisite and seriously what the hell is wrong with words like dainty, beautiful, elegant, graceful...fine-boned, even! For Christ's sake, crack a thesaurus once in your life!

• Pathetically enough, Mark and Cindy have more chemistry than Max and Cindy could ever hope for. No wonder they were doomed.
  

• You notice how Karen keeps calling Whitebrook's colors sky blue and white? Is she unaware that blue and sky blue are are entirely different colors or is she just a huge UNC basketball fan? Was she even looking at the book covers that were coming out before and during her writing tenure?
  

• Ashleigh and Cindy visit the inner sanctum commonly referred to as the jockey's room. Ashleigh informs Cindy that she's riding later on, but she's here to keep Cindy company. Then, no more than two paragraphs down the page, Ashleigh jumps up, says she's going to go change, and proceeds to abandon Cindy. What is up with that? Not to mention, once Ashleigh walks into the jockey's room she's not leaving until her race is run. Like hell she'd be able to lead Cindy back out of the room and into the walking ring for Cindy's race.
  

• Cindy comes in third in her race and immediately breaks into tears because she didn't win, thereby letting down everyone at Whitebrook. Or something equally horrendous because she will never win! She hasn't won and she never will! Why did she even bother trying! Black Reason doesn't deserve her! Cindy stops just short of breaking out a razor blade and slitting her wrists on the track.

• Unfortunately Cindy pulls it together and decides to act professionally by congratulating the winning jockey. The winning jockey is about to tell her she did pretty well as Cindy then turns on her heel and walks off, because "pretty well" is not good enough! Screw this professional thing. Who needs it, right?

• Oooh, not only is Cindy pissed off that she lost her race, she's pissed off because Ashleigh won hers with Champion. Ashleigh's won so much and Cindy has never won, therefore she can't find it in herself to be happy for anyone else's success. All of a sudden. Seriously, this kid needs to seek therapy. Possibly she should be on medication.

• If all of this wasn't enough, Cindy convinces herself that Max and Laura are going at it behind her back. Those backstabbing whores! Cindy's going to go cry now and you'll all be sorry! You'll all be! (I'm getting a really odd vibe that Cindy's about two steps from becoming suicidal in the middle of this book...she's acting like a lunatic who's taken one too many anti-depressants.)

• Ashleigh and Cindy go out on their trail ride, and switch horses for absolutely no reason other than it gives Karen another chance for Cindy to whine because Ashleigh can ride both Wonder and Honor like it's nothing and Wonder, like, slightly hesitates for Cindy which is OH MY GOD HORRIBLE! But then Ashleigh informs Cindy that she'll get the ride on Champion in the Dubai World Cup if she does well in her next race, and believe her, it's not a favor to Cindy. Oh no. It's because Cindy and Ashleigh are in their super duper girl jockey club and no one else can be trusted.
  

• Cindy decides that if she wins the Dubai World Cup and beats Ashleigh everyone will take her seriously and stop asking her to, like, go to school and do homework and have a life. It totally doesn't cross her mind that people would write her off completely even if she won the Dubai World Cup because she happened to be riding a TRIPLE CROWN (sigh) CHAMPION. They could stick a potato to Champion's saddle and probably get the same result.

• Heather and Doug have an "exciting" dinner for Valentine's Day. What were they doing? Espionage?
  

• Well, finally Samantha hits the nail on the head: The way you act now, I'd think that all you care about is winning your races, rather than the actual horses...or any of your relationships. Cindy's reaction is disbelief and shortly replying, "I'll just stop talking about racing to you, then." You know, all of this would be interesting if Karen Bentley had any clue and had made Cindy at all likable in the many opportunities she had before this book.
  

• Cindy cries to Honor, "Why didn't I win when I tried so hard?" Here's the thing. It's called odds making, and with each additional competitor your overall odds worsen. Even if you're riding an overwhelming favorite, there's still the chance you're going to lose. If you bet against the favorite, there's still a good chance you're going to get a payback. This is how the majority of gamblers make money. Cindy does not understand this, obviously. At her rate, I can see her playing the lottery and going into hysterics when she doesn't win because she picked her numbers with such care! Give Me A Break.

• Cindy's a good ice skater now? Since when does she have time to practice that? Anyway, she and Max get into their little fight and he informs her that he's actually not seeing Laura. You know, for once in this series I would like it if their worries were actually justified. If Max had said, "Yes, I'm seeing Laura because I realized you're not interested" I would have respected Karen a little more because that would have been so cool.
  

• Why don't they just homeschool Cindy? She's taking what looks like the whole of March off from school, which doesn't exactly work in the public system.
  

• Apparently Cindy's been eating a lot of French food at tracks around the country, which surprises me given all she eats at racetracks is backside kitchen food, which I'm am SURE does not involve anything I would call French cuisine.
  

• During a bit of bored skimming I ran over a sentence involving the words "Cindy" "Max" "hand" and "roaming" and nearly had a heart attack. Unfortunately, after a second read through, it was just a day dream about roaming around the desert while holding hands. I am so disappointed.
  

• Cindy wins her next race and everyone lavishes her with praise. Praise such as "Your first win, and you're already practically in the record books" and, not to mention: "a win like this is good PR for Whitebrook." Okay. She didn't set a record and it's an allowance race, which is one step up from bottom of the barrel. What, pray tell, is so great about this?

• Although I will say that having Cindy riding in the races is the best move Karen could have done for her race scene writing. Finally the talking stops.

• Mark makes some innocent comments and Cindy completely flips out in inner monologue, accusing Mark of thinking she's a second-class jockey. Nooo, but I would say everyone thinks she's an apprentice. Which she is. Which is not any sort of class.
  

• Nothing beats being a jockey! Cue sunshine and rainbows! Where are those damn butterflies?

• Oh, man, fantastic comedy. Ashleigh and Cindy have some match race at Gulfstream, and Ashleigh deliberately pulls Limitless into Champion's flank to interfere with him. Then she speeds on to win. Cindy is so pissed off she actually expects an apology, and when Ashleigh just bursts out laughing (because this was supposed to be lighthearted, but as we all know Cindy doesn't do lighthearted.) Cindy goes back into "near tears from frustration" scene and thus we end the chapter with Cindy assuming Ashleigh is going to play dirty in the Dubai World Cup. Which is just so funny I cannot express my glee properly.
  

• Welcome to Dubai! Within a page or two Karen compares a mosque to the Jefferson Memorial. So I'll just stop there with any possible discussion of what she thinks the rest of Dubai looks like.

• Hey, everybody! It's Ben! I wonder what miracles he'll perform this time!
  

• Now Cindy has it in her head that Ashleigh's not talking to her about training and then she has her second enlightenment, which is laughably wrong. Cindy discovers that Ashleigh isn't talking to her because she's afraid she'll lose the race if she gives Cindy any tips! How remarkably stupid. Just...no, stupid.
  

• Yay. Clover's back, only now he's Al Sha'ar. Cindy's read all about Al Sha'ar but apparently she was too dense to figure out he was actually Clover.
  

• I've never been so disappointed in anyone. Don't talk to me, Cindy. See, that is awesome. If only Karen had kept up the Cindy hate through the end of the book.
  

• On the phone to Max, Cindy actually says that the worst part of the conversation was when Ashleigh told Cindy that Champion wasn't her horse. Yes, that would be the worst part according to Cindy. Facing reality must be very difficult for her. Far more difficult than having someone tell her that they're so angry they can't abide listening to her talk.
  

• She supposed Ashleigh did have a right be frightened and angry when she saw Cindy and Champion out on the track. What? Kinda like she has the right to tell Cindy that Champion isn't Cindy's horse because he's, you know, ASHLEIGH'S? (And Brad's, but we won't get into that now because had Brad been at the track with Ashleigh he probably would have killed Cindy with the strength of his glare.)
  

• Ah, Ben does have a purpose. He tells Cindy that she has to listen to Ashleigh's advice and not let it be a slight to her self-esteem. Or her giant freaking ego that probably has several satellites the size of planets by now.
  

• Yeah, you know, kudos to Ashleigh for being the bigger person and approaching Cindy first before the race...but I would have been much happier if she'd let Cindy sweat for at least another book.
  

• The way Karen writes the Dubai World Cup racing scene, Limitless should have won. The only explanation for Champion winning is his special bond with Cindy and his extra superdrive, or whatever, because if he's written as tiring enough to look it with a quarter mile left in the race with Limitless in the lead, he's toast. Easy as that.
  

• How does Ashleigh feel about losing? Cindy wonders to herself. I can say, without a doubt, she doesn't feel like crying her eyes out and making a fool out of herself. Unlike some people I know....

Long story short? Cindy is insufferable. I'm shocked it took the publishers eleven books of this hell before pulling the plug on Cindy and Karen Bentley. Seriously, what was the point of this book other than learning you can be a bitch with no redeeming qualities and still get what you want if you push hard enough and then cry for added sympathy? Because that's what this book was throughout. A complete trainwreck.

One book left. One book left. One book left.

Got Hope? - TB Super Edition: Ashleigh’s Hope

Ashleigh’s Hope
Thoroughbred Super Edition
Created by Joanna Campbell
Written by Karen Bentley
First Printing: April 1996

Well, I wasn’t going to be doing this one for a while, but I seem to have misplaced my copy of Ashleigh #7. I’m sure it’s in my room somewhere, maybe buried under the laundry pile of washed clothes that I was too lazy to fold. Or maybe somewhere else; but I’m sure I’ll find it eventually. In the meantime, I might as well review something else, right? Because I’m not sure if I’m ready for the saccharine sappiness that is Aladdin’s bid for the Kentucky Derby.

Before I begin, overall, this book was not bad, it had it’s moments so it could never be The Most Awesome Horse Story Evar!™ but it was not too hard to follow.

The Cover:
This is actually quite a lovely cover, the colors are so rich and vibrant, and it’s just really really peaceful with Ashleigh there with her horse. Of course, she does have blonde-ish looking hair and a nose like a pixie, but it’s still a nice cover. Granted, the horse must be one of those giant 17 hand monsters, because the angle of where his (her?) neck is coming down is waaaay up there at the top of the cover, and the halter is bigger than Ashleigh (hahaha). But it’s a lovely cover, you can see the horse has a kind eye, and it’s really very sweet. Probably one of my favorite covers, ever.

The Summary:

A Born champion...

Ashleigh Griffen is thrilled when she gets accepted into the exclusive Chesterton Riding Academy. Now she’ll get the training to accomplish her lifelong dream – to own her own horse. But the other girls at Chesterton are jealous of Ashleigh’s natural talent as a rider. They threaten to destroy everything Ashleigh has worked so hard for.

Nasty Diana Carruthers and her friends try to keep Ashleigh from competing by spreading oil on her horse’s saddle and sabotaging her practices. Ashleigh must find the strength to confront these girls. But will she be able to stop them before they succeed in ruining the only thing she’s ever loved?

I hate this blurb. It’s just so drama llama when it really isn’t. I mean, it’s really not that bad anyway, it’s not like spoiled little princesses do ruin Ashleigh’s life in the end.

Ultimately, this is another one of those “Ashleigh Needs a Big Horse of her Own Real Bad”™ plots. It’s really a recurring theme in the series, Ashleigh already has a pony of her own, but you know she “needs” a big horse to do anything. It doesn’t generate much sympathy on my part (being as I know what it’s like to be horseless, period) but I guess for horse-crazy pre-pubescent girls, it must be a smashing hit.

Also, as a note, it’s really a lot of fun to compare Ashleigh #3: Waiting for Stardust with this book because there are some similarities, and some differences. And it’s fun picking everything out.

The Big Picture Plot:

1) The main and most important plot of the story is Ashleigh’s burning unfulfilled desire for a real live horse of her own; it’s as I’ve said, a recurring theme of the series. Ashleigh needs a horse of course; a pony just isn’t good enough after all. Especially since Moe seems to be confirmed as a purebred Shetland and is 11 hands high. I sort of get Ashleigh’s point here, the smallest pony I ever remember riding was a 13-odd hand POA, so I can see why she’d want something a bit taller – but she’s shooting for the moon here; even a 14-hand horse is too small, she wants a big Thoroughbred racehorse. So this means Ashleigh will constantly sigh and mope and sulk through most of the book until she finally does get a horse. Yay for her! But first, her parents insist that she and Caroline take riding lessons, which brings us to…

2) Said riding lessons at a big-time stable in Lexington. Chesterton Riding Academy is a posh upscale place with two outdoor arenas, an indoor, with “most of the horses on the place over sixteen hands” and probably very expensive lessons. And riding in the lesson group with Ashleigh and Caroline are a “bunch of rich snobby stuck-up kids from school” such as…

3) Diana Carruthers. Who’s apparently the Thoroughbred version of Veronica DiAngelo (or perhaps a younger version of Lavinia Townsend.) She’s snobby, she’s popular, she’s the star center on the school soccer team, and she’s filthy stinkin’ rich, which is everything that Ashleigh is not. But unlike Veronica D, Diana has cronies, and they play tricks on Ashleigh such as putting too much oil on her saddle, or smearing her school horse in horseshit (really, wouldn’t these kids get noticed if they were pushing a wheelbarrow full of manure down the aisle?) Diana is all jealous and bothered by Ashleigh’s “natural talent” and makes life pretty tough for Ashleigh – but I’m sure by normal riding school standards, it’s all a walk in the park.

4) And then we come to how Karen Bentley interpreted Caroline’s accident that was referenced in Wonder’s Promise – only instead of a horse merely spooking at a truck backfiring, this horse freaks out, runs off and gives Ashleigh the chance to save the day – and Caroline gets thrown, breaks her head (was she bloody wearing a helmet?) and goes into a coma for days and days in which her parents hover by her bedside, leaving the day-to-day running of the farm in the hands of their younger daughter (way to go Drama Llama Bentley!)

5) Mona: In both the regular series and the Ashleigh spin-off series, Mona gets her Thoroughbred, Frisky, before Ashleigh gets Stardust (Mona gets Frisky on Thanksgiving in this book, and at Christmas in Ashleigh #3.) This of course means, Mona being a smug little wench calls Ashleigh to brag about her brand new shiny horse, and thus it always leads to a yelling, screaming cat-fight between the two girls. They fight twice in this book, which doesn’t surprise me much, since Mona acts smug and superior, and then worried and possessive. And Ashleigh’s on the defense because poor poor her, she doesn’t have a horse of her very own. Still, they reconcile pretty easily here, and I was a little disappointed because I really sort of liked the long drawn out angst in Ashleigh #3.

6) Stardust finally arrives! Hooray! Ashleigh has a horse at last. Sweet! And it’s instant EXPLODING HEARTS AND STARS for both Ashleigh and Stardust, which is a relief because we’re spared the pseudo-Natural Horsemanship crap from Ashleigh #3. You even get a little sappy suspense going on; with Ashleigh taking Stardust for a ride, and then feeling sorry for herself afterwards until her parents say “You can has horseh!” Everyone lives happily ever after…

7) … except maybe for Diana’s Warmblood gelding, Silverado. Ashleigh got to ride him a few times in her lesson, and got to jump him. And then Diana got careless, pulled a Veronica D. and crashed her horse into a jump, and then they had to put him down. At which point, Ashleigh decides that riding lessons just aren’t for her, and she stays at home to ride Stardust.

Some Key Points of Interest

• Did you know the Griffens bought Zip Away (who is apparently one of their best broodmares) for peanuts? No kidding, and I quote: “Yes-we were very lucky to get Zip Away when we did,” Mr. Griffen answered. “We paid only twenty-five hundred dollars for her at the Ocala Breeders’ Auction a year and a half ago.” Karen, you dolt! $2,500 is pin money. It’s like NOTHING. I bought my Haflinger for “twenty-five hundred dollars” If this mare is really high class, there’s no way she would go through the sale that cheaply. Please, please tell me you meant twenty-five thousand dollars. Please, for all that is holy!

• I can’t help but giggle when Ashleigh thinks that Cheryl Marshall (one of Diana’s friends) says she has a Hanoverian, and Ashleigh’s response is “Big horse” and privately thinks “in her opinon someone as short as Cheryl didn’t belong on a Hanoverian, but it wasn’t worth it to Ashleigh to point this out.” Uh… yeah, this coming from a girl who wants to ride 16 and 17 hand Thoroughbred racehorses? A girl who isn’t exactly Shaquille O’Neill herself?

• I could kick Diana right now. I’ll challenge her to a duel, pistols at dawn. How dare that little fictional figment of Bentley's imagination say that “riding a pony isn’t the same as riding a real horse.” I dare ya, Diana, ride my pony, then we’ll see who’s better, huh. Double dog dare ya! Seriously though, it’s that kind of attitude from the writer that makes people think that only little kids ride ponies, when in fact, grownups ride them too. And have more fun that way!

• Triple Derby who is Zip Away’s “half-brother” won the Breeder’s Cup Classic the year before this book takes place. However, when he races again in the next Classic during the events of the book, Mr. Griffen gets excited and says “he’s setting faster fractions than last year’s winner.” Uh … he IS last year’s winner. Duh.

• Ooooh! Foreshadowing! Wanderer is mentioned in the book, and how she’s expecting a June foal that Ashleigh thinks will be a colt. Why, it’s a perfect lead in for Ashleigh’s Diary.

• pg 141: Cheryl circled Dynasty. He was so big, Ashleigh thought Cheryl was posting in slow motion. Yeah, no kidding. This is why these 10 year old kids should be on fucking ponies for god’s sake.

So there we have it, Ashleigh’s Hope. Not too bad a read all in all, but not the most wonderful of novels either. Guess I’ll have to go dig Ashleigh #7 out of the laundry pile now. Or maybe I’ll put off the sappiness that is Aladdin’s Derby still longer, and review the one book that has the uncanny ability to reduce me to tears even at my age.

Hmmm … Aladdin? Tears? Aladdin … heck with it, I’ll break out the tissues, and cuddle up with The Forgotten Filly, seeing as we’re all taking a bit of a break from Thoroughbred itself. Besides, it’s Thoroughbred-related, being part of “Ashleigh’s Thoroughbred Collection” and written by Karle Dickerson, who has written some of the New Generation books.

Brown streamers because Champion's brown, silly! #21 Wonder's Champion

Wonder's Champion
Thoroughbred #21
by Karen Bentley
Original Publication: 1997

Ehhh....

Three things we know for sure from this cover:
1. Champion wins the Belmont Stakes, and apparently no one was there to witness it besides Ashleigh and Cindy.
2. Cindy cannot dress herself. Pink shirt, green pants...what exactly was she preparing herself for? She's at the Belmont Stakes and apparently it was laundry day.
3. After all of that scowling and shrieking I'm guessing that Cindy's forgotten how to smile. I assume the look on her face is supposed to be joy, but if you stare at it long enough she begins to look pissed off. That's not a smile on her face...that's Cindy's attempt to not bitchslap anyone.

Also, Champion looks bored to within an inch of his life, Cindy has no right arm, and I love how Ashleigh's carrying that giant trophy around like it weighs next to nothing. No wonder Cindy looks up to Ashleigh so much. She's got a rowdy racehorse in one hand and a trophy as big as her torso in the other and she doesn't even realize how amazing the feat is. Surely we should look up to her also.

The moment Cindy has waited her whole life for...

Cindy McLean's colt, Wonder's Champion, is facing the three most challenging races of his career. To win the Triple Crown, he has to sweep not only the Kentucky Derby but the Preakness and the Belmont Stakes as well.

Cindy has trained Wonder's Champion to become Whitebrook's greatest runner yet. But her work is far from over. Illness and injuries threaten to ruin her colt's chances of winning. And now it's up to Cindy to prove to everyone that her colt is truly a winner.

This is such a piss poor attempt at blurb writing. Really. Or perhaps that really is the plot in a nutshell, which would basically be: Champion will win! Only he keeps getting sick/injured! Damn it! But he wins anyway!

Plots:

So, here we are at the beginning of Champion's three-year-old campaign. He races in some Kentucky Derby preps, winning the Fountain of Youth before coming in second in the Florida Derby. This causes everyone to really look at his whole issue with going after horses during a race, and Cindy comes up with the solution. He must formally greet every horse and person he comes across. First impressions, after all, are everything. Everyone pretty much thinks that's the stupidest idea they've ever heard (much to my relief), but Cindy is adamant that they try out her theory on Freedom's Ring. Naturally her theory works, and it works so well they don't have to formally introduce him to any other horses. Champion is cured!

So he goes on to win the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness, although he's injured after the Preakness -- a superficial, most likely self-inflicted cut on his heel. Yes, this is the great and horrendous injury/illness that was spoken of on the back of the book. Although all of a sudden they run him in the Belmont Stakes anyway, and he wins, so like that was a big deal. Thus Whitebrook Farm has its first Triple Crown winner! Yay! Blue, white and brown streamers for everyone!

There's also a little subplot about Mandy being irritating. She wants another horse! A bigger one! A thoroughbred! But she doesn't want to sell Butterball! Good God, what is a rich, snotty child to do!? And Max kisses Cindy in front of many people, who seem to forget about it immediately afterward.

Oddities:

• Cindy, Beth, and Samantha help prepare the house for the New Year's Eve party and Samantha takes it upon herself to buff the floors. I'm a little curious about this, considering buffing hard wood floors is like a day project. Not a quick tidy-up-the-house project.

• "Like Cindy, Heather rode whenever possible, although Heather didn't have her own horse." As if Cindy does?

• Oh right. Cindy informs us that Ashleigh takes into consideration each horse's needs and assigns them riders. Cindy essentially hopes she'll ride Honor. Uh-huh.

• Tor arrived late to the party after he "finished caring for the horses in his jumping stable." I will say this for Bentley: she writes Tor out of the story most of the time, and if he's around she always throws in a "he's just so busy" line in there somewhere. It makes for high entertainment on my end.

• How Glory's Joy is just fine despite being a month early never fails to confuse me.

• You're going to be Glory's Joy -- and mine too. I'm convinced that Joy would have been officially Cindy's had Bentley kept going with the series. She would have been 18 when Joy was three, so it falls into place perfectly.

• Cindy's offering up a ride on a Whitebrook horse as a raffle prize at their upcoming school dance. I love how she just randomly makes these decisions without really informing anyone who actually owns the horses she's offering.

• Cindy mentions that Pride's first foals haven't done well on the track, but then they're only two-year-olds. Okay, you know what? It's freaking JANUARY. No kidding they haven't done well. They haven't raced yet.

• Cindy's an alternative music fan. I find this both odd and yet fitting.

• Max kisses Cindy! Let's all be mortified now! Although, honestly I'd be pretty damn embarrassed. It works out like this: Cindy and Max and friends get into Beth's car at the end of the dance. Presumably Beth drives them home. However apparently they go to Whitebrook to drop Cindy off first because before we know it Cindy and Max are at the front steps of her house, with the whole car full of friends in the driveway. Max leans down to make a snowball, but abruptly abandons that idea and decides to kiss Cindy instead. With a whole car of kids and Beth watching. I think Bentley meant to say that Max's mom was bringing them home, because as it is I have no idea what the hell was going on.

• Yay. More brunch.

• About the incident with Far Sailor: Mandy's such a manipulative bitch. Frankly, she's far worse than Cindy.

• It seems that every book Samantha has to remind us that she was born in Florida. That's great, Sammy. Really very interesting. No one cares.

• Cindy tells Chelsea that she "didn't have a horse either" at Chelsea's age. Perhaps Cindy's hallucinating because she still doesn't have one.

• I feel that Bentley should have come up with some synonyms for "exquisite" by now. Instead she's using the same word twice in one page. That's exquisite torture.

• There's some weird jostling at the end of the Florida Derby, and Champion comes in second. Again we're met with grim faces all around. Cindy's over there berating herself for thinking Champion would win all the time, and Ashleigh announces that Champion's pattern of bad racing manners is back. After one race. Since when is once a pattern?

• Again we're back to the "he's hypersensitive to everything" crap. This time Cindy worries that Champion may not want to win and Ashleigh comes up with the following: "we do want him to win, and so he's trying to intimidate the other horses." Yes! That must be it! It's something that couldn't possibly be corrected with gelding, of course.

• The poor kitten that Cindy adopted had a cute name for a moment (Kitcat), but the instant it associated well with Champion it's name changed to Best Pal. Who the hell names a cat Best Pal?

• Oh, no. Cindy has her moment of enlightenment! If she shows Champion that it's okay to like other people and animals, if she introduces him to them properly, he'll like them! It's like...the best plan ever! Yay! Let's skip off and get Vic so we can introduce him to Champion and see if he won't get kicked in the head!

• To Ian's credit, he starts laughing when Cindy tells him that Champion made a new friend. I can just imagine the daggers shooting from her eyes in response.

• Cindy tells Ashleigh she'll go slow implementing her plan. She'll start right now! Someone has got to teach this kid patience.

• I have suddenly started to wonder what Cindy's going to do in order to convince Champion that Vic is an okay guy. What's she going to do, rub herself all over him? For some reason I have it in my head that the only way this can possibly end is with someone screaming statutory rape.

• Ah, instead she just rubs herself all over Freedom. And we wisely skipped over the part with Vic. This is disappointing because I'm sure that was hilarious.

• God, Bentley gets the post position draw for the Kentucky Derby so wrong it pains me.

• Ian yells during the Derby that Sky Beauty hasn't been tested at a mile and a quarter. That would be because none of the horses have been tested at a mile and a quarter.

• In the winner's circle Cindy spots the reporter who was all critical of Champion. She snidely told him that she thought Champion would win the Kentucky Derby in response to his critical remarks after a race when Champion was two. Naturally she takes the time to be smug about this.

• The end of the year dance is all about Cindy. Of course it is.

• I suppose Karen has forgotten that Wonder won the Belmont, considering Cindy's remark on how a filly hasn't won it in over a century.

• Now Limitless Time is black instead of bay. I can overlook this because Limitless beats the crap out of Champion in their work. Ah, sweet justice.

• I have news for Cindy. The post position in a mile and a half race doesn't matter.

• The way Bentley writes the Belmont, there's no way Champion would have won the race going away. He would have been hard pressed to even win it when he's using himself up in the backstretch.

• Reporters ask Ashleigh if they're going to run Champion in the Dubai World Cup next year. I honestly don't think any reporter would ever ask that after a successful Triple Crown attempt when they're still in the winner's circle.

I really stand by my first opinion of this book, which is it would have been better overall if they'd split it in half. The Triple Crown only takes up the last quarter of the book, which gives it a rushed, inadequate feeling. Of course, this is the Thoroughbred Series, where every horse is saved and expected to perform well based on how much love it receives, so it would have been inadequate no matter what.

So, now that we're done with our fictional Triple Crown trail...who wants Big Brown to win the Belmont?

The emergence of the infamous superdrive: #20 Champion's Spirit

Champion's Spirit
Thoroughbred #20
by Karen Bentley
Original Publication: 1997

He's Wonder's "strongest" offspring, not to mention her most fabulous, speediest, and magnificently headstrong colt. He's chestnut...or brown...or bay, or possibly black. He's been touted as Whitebrook's "first" Triple Crown winner since he was a foal. I give you Wonder's Champion:

Let's go back to our tally...
Cindy's expressions on covers so far:
Scowls: 2
Smiles: 2
Fear: 2
Expressionless: 1
Frightening Motivation: 1
Heartbreakingly Emo: 1

This is one of those covers that encourages squinting and pondering. Champion's hooves, for example, are incredibly boxy. The people holding him never cease to confuse me as well. The girl I assume is Ashleigh, and the guy...well, who knows. Only I keep staring at it and the more I look at it the more I'm convinced he's biting his lower lip.

Is Wonder's Champion too wild to be a winner?

Cindy McLean is sure Wonder's Champion will be Whitebrook's fastest colt yet--if he ever gets to the track. Wonder's Champion just won't behave. He acts up in the saddling paddock, chases the other horses in the walking ring, and rears in the starting gate.

But when he runs, he's almost perfect. Wonder's Champion has strength and speed like no horse Cindy has ever seen. But she knows the competition at the Kentucky Bonus Series races is tough, and the colt is going to need more than sheer force to come out on top. Can Cindy get the rebellious colt to behave before he ruins his greatest chance for victory?

This blurb apparently doesn't take into account that Wonder's Champion breaks his maiden on his first time out and wins a stakes race his second time out. He's wild, sure, but it isn't exactly hampering his ability to win.

Plot:

So here's the thing: Storm's dead. It's months later and Cindy isn't over it yet, but she's keeping that mainly to herself. Or so she thinks. She's off visiting Storm's grave more often than she likes to admit, and most of that time she's spending pruning the flowers. Half that time she drags Champion along with her, and he's apparently pretty resentful about this. God help him if he tries to eat the flowers on Storm's grave, because Cindy isn't having any of that.

Champion isn't doing too well on the track, although he's winning a good percentage of the time so everyone's having a hard time deciding if they want to complain because he's not winning by enough or because he's being a terror while he wins. Yeah, it's a hard life for the Whitebrook people, but they try so hard. Anyway, Cindy comes to the awestruck conclusion that she's been comparing Champion to Storm too much and because of that she's going into his training sessions expecting him to act up, thus causing him to act up. Or something along those lines. So she decides she's going to love him ever so much, believe in him, and let him do his thing out there and presto! He's winning without trying to kill people.

There's also some development with Max and Cindy. He asks her to a school dance, and she flips out because she doesn't think about Max in a romantic sense. She tells him they shouldn't go to the dance and he overreacts and stomps off before she can clarify, resulting in weeks of avoidance. Then, right after her great moment of enlightenment with Champion she tells Max that she was an idiot and that she was just afraid he wanted her to be his girlfriend and that they should go to the dance. He apparently doesn't like like her either and all is well. They go to the dance and have a good time. Kudos to Cindy and Max for managing to figure that whole thing out.

Oddities:

• Some horse kicks the fence and Cindy's all "maybe it's Honor!" because Honor is her favorite and god forbid something happen to her. So she discovers it's actually this Hero's Welcome horse that kicked the fence and I actually expected her to feel selfish relief at this. Unfortunately I got something that looked like concern and an out of no where explanation for why Hero kicked the fence. "I'll bet a fly was bothering her," Cindy informs us, because she is RIGHT ALWAYS. She is so right that she's right about THINGS SHE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE.

• You know, Honor is a bitch of a horse. She and Cindy were made for each other.

• Just for the record, I do like the name Honor Bright. It's the only good name Cindy ever came up with.

• Okay, just to get this straight, people seem upset that Champion isn't winning his races by large enough margins. He has an attitude problem = Champion only wins his races by a nose = they have to get through to him so he'll win by greater margins. Yes, that's right. It's not only obsession with winning, it's obsession with crushing the nonexistent competition.

• Mr. Wonderful comes in second in the Hollywood Gold Cup and there's another classic instance of moping and declaring that his career might be over because he faded in the stretch. I don't know, perhaps he faded and came in second because Brad isn't there to whip his horses into condition.

• This is really the book that recreates Thoroughbred Series history. Bentley informs us that Ashleigh jockeyed Wonder in the Kentucky Derby, Pride won the Belmont Stakes, and that Jocko (blast from the past!) beat Townsend Victor, who never ran in the Derby according to Bentley.

• Mr. Wonderful comes in a close second in the Pacific Classic and again everyone acts like someone just died. Ashleigh throws in the towel, declaring that he's going to be retired to stud. After two second place finishes in Grade One races. It's just...irrational logic. If Bentley wanted to retire Mr. Wonderful she should have come up with something better...like drawn on that supposed unsoundness issue she was all about insisting Wonder passed on to her foals. That would have been logical. Two close second place finishes? No. Absolutely not a reason to retire a horse. Where the hell is Brad to slap some sense into these people?

• I would also like to point out that Mr. Wonderful now sparkles and Champion glitters. If anyone has ever seen a horse do this without the assistance of cosmetics, please inform me and back up your claim with photographic evidence.

• It occurs to me that if this book was supposed to solve Champion's training problems perhaps he shouldn't be winning every race he's entered in. Just a thought.

• *gasp!* Max asks Cindy to a dance! I must say, I really didn't remember Bentley taking this long to shove the two of them together.

• Who breezes a horse (a two-year-old, mind) four days after a race? It's not like Champion is prepping for a two week turn around, here.

• Champion has a superdrive and Cindy ponders to herself what sort of gallop a superdrive is. Here's the answer: the fictional kind.

• Cindy notes that they're running out of time with Champion. Out of time for what? It's not like any of the stewards have formally told them to fix the colt's attitude or anything. They have no deadline whatsoever, as far as I can tell.

• Secret Sign's jockey and Ashleigh get into it at the end of the...whatever race where Champion loses. Ashleigh's playing the overly dramatic card, essentially saying "you whipped my horse and he could have fallen and we could have DIED!" and Secret Sign's jockey actually uses the words "your ill-mannered colt." I can't begin to visualize this conversation, but I'm pretty sure no jockey would say "ill-mannered" whilst yelling.
  

• Cindy has her miracle light bulb on! moment concerning Champion's problems. He's reacting to her mood! Ta-da! He's not a brat, he's just extremely sensitive. And now we're expected to love him, because everything annoying about him has supposedly been Cindy's fault.

• Oh, yay. Max isn't actually interested in Cindy that way. They're almost absurdly mature for "best friends" of opposite sexes. I'll give them that.

• Yes. A loose rein, love, and belief are the fundamentals behind training every horse at Whitebrook. Along with hugs, plenty of quality time with infants and being forced to share their stalls with sleeping humans.

• I honestly don't think Karen understands what "rate" means in racing. She mentions it practically every race, but it's always in a weird context. "She's trying to" or "she's going to" or "she was trying to"...why are we mentioning this damned word so much? Half the time she can't even remember if a horse was rated in a previous race or not.

• It took six pages for Karen Bentley to write the last race scene. Six pages. Six boring, dialogue-packed pages.

Overall impression? Okay. Even if the solution to Champion's problem was pretty lazy. In any case, we've got the Triple Crown next. And after that? Let's say that I ordered every Joanna Campbell book (non-Thoroughbred, for a change) I could get my hands on from the Pittsburgh library system. We're going to have ourselves some book rec fun!

Sparkling horses and metallic sunsets! #19: Cindy's Heartbreak

Cindy's Heartbreak
by Karen Bentley
Thoroughbred #19
Original Publication: 1997

I have nothing to say leading up to this installment. So I'll just jump straight to the cover:

Cindy's expressions on covers so far:
Scowls: 2
Smiles: 2
Fear: 1
Expressionless: 1
Frightening Motivation: 1

I suppose we can stick this under the category "crushing sadness" or perhaps "heartbreakingly emo." Whichever works. Then there's Storm, who looks like some wild pony who hasn't been properly groomed for some time. At least not to racehorse standards, at any rate.

A heartbreaking decision...

Cindy has trained Storm ever since he was a colt. Now he's a full-fledged racehorse and he's blindingly fast. In his three-year season at Gulfstream Park, Florida, he piles up victory after victory. Cindy is sure that Storm is on his way to becoming a champion.
When they get back to Whitebrook, though, disaster strikes. Cindy discovers that an incurable disease has spread through the area. Then Storm tests positive, and the vet warns that if they don't put Storm down, he may spread the disease to the other horses. Cindy is heartbroken at the thought of losing her beloved Storm. But can she risk putting other horses in danger to save Storm's life?

Plots:

1. Storm. So we skip forward about a year in this book. Storm is turning three and Champion is turning two. For some reason, after buying Storm specifically because they wanted him to be a sprinter, Whitebrook starts entering him in races at a mile and a sixteenth. Which he kinda sucks at, naturally. So after freaking out about a loss in one of these races, they put him back in sprints and yay, he's a natural.

2. Champion. He's like Storm's polar opposite. He's being a brat and Cindy's apparently challenged in getting him to train. That's pretty much it. Just Champion being a royal pain and people complaining at his antics.

3. EIA. I'm not going to bother getting into the fiction and the reality of EIA, because honestly I don't know what I'm talking about any more than Karen Bentley, and I have a feeling she doesn't know much. So here's the problem: Equine Infectious Anemia is sweeping around the country in this book, and Storm is infected. The plot comes to its natural conclusion.

Oddities:

• Cindy asks Ian if Champion looks like last year's two-year-old champion, Satin Romance. Ian says: "He doesn't look like him anymore, Satin Romance is dead." Oh, Ian, way to transition! We could all learn something from this man.

• Someone needs to point out to Karen that a dark brown horse, a dark chestnut horse, a liver chestnut horse and mahogany wood are all very different. Yet Champion's color resembles all of these. Which one is it?

• How the hell are you supposed to accomplish riding a deranged horse in a "wide circle" on a training oval?

• Now Storm is going to be the fastest horse in the world(!). That makes three fastest horses in the world at Whitebrook, including Princess and Glory.

• Cindy remarks to herself that Storm was the easiest horse she'd ever trained. No kidding. Are we supposed to be awed by this?

• Storm glitters like mica. There's something so very wrong about this image. (And yes, it might have something to do with my sudden realization that Storm is like the equine equivalent to Stephenie Meyer's Edward. The speed! The sparkles! The crushing, whiny angst! Woe!) But really. The horse sparkles. I'm sure Champion is going to glow in an ethereal light by book 21.

• Cindy ponders if she'll be one of the top jockeys in the world. Heather remarks that she'll have to win a race first. Oh, Heather. You're back!

• It's Christmas! And Cindy is shocked and awed that she has so many presents. Because she is an orphan and it still hasn't sunk into her thick hide that she's privileged now, apparently.

• Cindy gets a saddlecloth with Storm's name on it and she's all overwhelmed. They did the same thing for Glory and I'm at a loss as to how this is like an amazing fantastic gift. It's a saddlecloth. What's she going to do with it? Don't all their horses have saddlecloths, or are they reserved for Cindy's special horses?

• Since when does it snow a freaking FOOT in Lexington, Kentucky? In December? Honestly. You want to know how warm it was in Lexington on Christmas Day in 1997? 45 degrees F. How much snow was recorded that month? Two whole inches. A foot of snow my ass.

• Ashleigh remarks that this Christmas is better than last year's as she almost died in labor the year previous. Funny how her opinion was exactly the opposite in Christmas Miracle. Plus, who says stuff like that? Oh, yeah, this Christmas is so much better because I almost died last year trying to give birth. Like anyone around Ashleigh might have possibly forgotten about that.

• Yay! Get the cots, Cindy's sleeping in the barn again!

• Okay, Karen Bentley has these absolutely crazy descriptions concerning sunlight. Before the Holy Bull Stakes the horses load into the gate and she says, "the afternoon sun shone on the still horses, making them look as if they were frozen in amber." What the hell?

• Storm finishes third in the Holy Bull and Cindy starts crying, wondering how her horse can try so hard and not win. Here is where I wish someone would have gotten in her face and told her to suck it up.

• Cindy utterly overreacts to Storm's loss in the Holy Bull. She literally starts thinking the dramatic "his career might be over!" line that warrants eye rolling.

• In preparation for the Hutcheson Stakes, Cindy and Storm go through some sort of training akin to Rocky IV. She grooms him, she walks him, she gives him attention from infants (what?), and sleeps with him every night. Yeah, that makes a racehorse in the Thoroughbred Series.

• People come up with the stupidest training ideas in this book. Storm won't perform in a breeze against two allowance horses because they didn't pose enough of a challenge. Uh-huh. So Cindy thinks they should breeze him against Mr. Wonderful for a half-mile. Because Mr. Wonderful poses more of a challenge and Storm will really have to race. This makes me want to repeatedly hit something.

• Just to make sure that we know Storm is special, Karen throws in a comparison to Bold Ruler. Like that's probable or something.

• You know, why does Ian even try to be firm with Cindy? Every time he sees Cindy with Champion he forbids her to work with him and in two paragraphs she changes his mind.

• Now Karen Bentley is likening a sunset to cinnabar. I don't know what her deal is with colorful/shiny minerals in this book, but I'm pretty certain cinnabar is the last thing I think of when looking at a sunset.

• And here's the infamous part where Storm beats that quarter horse at some distance supposedly close to a quarter mile and we're supposed to ooh and aah because this should mean "maybe no horse has ever been as fast as" Storm. Here's the thing: the world record for quarter horses at a quarter of a mile is :20.686. This spring two thoroughbreds breezed a quarter of a mile in :20.2 and the most recent world record stats I could find on thoroughbreds list the world record at two furlongs being :20.4. So you tell me what's impressive here, because the numbers suggest there isn't anything impressive about it at all.

• At thirteen Cindy should be able to differentiate between caution and full blown panic. She seems not to be able to handle rational thought.

When it's all said and done, I actually like the end of this book. I like that Storm died. I like that Ashleigh had to pull Cindy away from the stall. I like the last chapter, when Cindy decided to start looking forward instead of focusing on her pain. I liked all of that. So I guess I would say this is Karen's strongest effort. It was the ending Wonder's Pride should have gotten, really. Love didn't cure all and crying and doing nothing didn't miraculously fix everything. So. Yeah.

Cindy's still annoying, however. And now we're walking right into Champion, just in time for the Triple Crown....