emptying the query bin

It has been so long! I have collected such an entertaining variety of search queries, I thought it was time to reveal a select few.


wildfire based on thoroughbred
This is a popular one, and I'm not quite sure if the blog helped this idea along or if it was originally out there to begin with.

best sex novel ever
Ever?

a romance novel including a man who lives on a farm
This sounds like the most intellectually stimulating romance novel in the history of the world.

are racing stripes stupid?
I once knew a man who put racing stripes on his car. Only they were made out of duct tape. I think that's the only time racing stripes are awesome. When you are openly mocking them, that is.

australian men are assholes
I believe you!

booked in jail strip search thong
I cannot help but wonder what this is all about. Also, I am curious how it landed them here. (ETA: Nevermind. I totally know how this landed them here.)

can i buy drover run farm in australia
Again, we're having issues with separating fiction from fact. It's such a trial, you guys.

can jessica burkhart ride horses? and did jessica burkhart learn to ride horses at the stable behind her house
Apparently Jessica has a bit of a cyberstalker. Fun!

down syndrome romance farm movie
Again, sounds like a fascinating romance. I am so fascinated.

do sandy and stripes mate in racing stripes?
Yes, because in the middle of a children's movie the two main animal characters are going to get it on. Totally logical.

how can you use "willow" in an exclamatory sentence?
Willow!

how should i use last brain cells
Okay, this one wins.

how to reenact pretty woman
Personally, I love the questions the most.

i love the 80s daterape movie
I also love the random declarations.

stalking used to be acceptable
I know! What ever happened to this wonderful pastime?

what should i do if a boy tells me i am stalking him?
Sweetie, the appropriate thing to do is deny, deny, deny. And then suck it up and move on, because obviously you've really creeped him out.

what would happen if christina reese got pregnant
Personally, I got a kick out of this one. Also, I can't remember it ever being addressed in fanfic. Or this could be because I ignored most Christina fanfic. (Yes, Thoroughbred fanfic about Christina existed! Be amazed!)

brad townsend ashleigh griffin sex
WHO ARE YOU PERSON WHO REPEATEDLY MADE THIS QUERY?



Upcoming reviews:
Bug Boy by Eric Luper
Homestretch by Paul Volponi
The Georges and the Jewels by Jane Smiley
Star's Chance, Thoroughbred #45

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

Conformation Faults
Pine Hollow #5

Friends don't keep secrets from friends, do they? But now it seems that everyone is hiding something. Callie Forester has things that she doesn't want people back home to know. But when an old friend betrays her, Callie has to wonder if any secret is worth keeping.

Impressions (Because I can't in good faith call this a review):
I genuinely don't remember a lot of this book, because I sort of skimmed through it several weeks ago and never bothered to write a review after what I managed to learn from my bored glancing.

Know this: everyone is annoying. Lisa is trying to keep it under wraps that she ever entertained the possibility of staying in California, because she is scared of her asshole boyfriend's possible reaction. Stevie, not understanding how awful her brother is in general, is threatening to tell. Carol is stupidly focused on Samson to the point that she doesn't bother to clean out Starlight's water every hour (horrors), and on the off chance that she remembers to go to school, she's cheating on her tests because she appears to spend most of her time riding Samson or thinking about riding Samson. Callie is trying to decide if she was ever friends with this Sheila girl (maybe that was her name? If not, they're basically mortal enemies, so the answer is no). Phil's friend is stubbornly refusing to be functional, causing chaos while he does an impressive display of not caring whilst playing loud music in his room. How dare he act like a normal teenager! God!

Basically it's like a very serious, drawn out Saved by the Bell episode with horses. That isn't as funny as you might think.

And that, my friends, is a Whitebrook Farm Blog non-review.

I imagine being named Tex in Oklahoma would be a hardship.

Tex
(1982)

I never knew this before, but Matt Dillon is in three movie adaptations of S.E. Hinton novels: The Outsiders, Rumble Fish, and Tex. From this I assume that Matt Dillon was the perfect portrayal of all poor, white males everywhere in the eighties. I've only read one S.E. Hinton novel, Taming the Star Runner, and from the info I gleaned from that book, a young Matt Dillon would have been perfect for the role.

Also, from Taming the Star Runner and this adaptation of Tex, I think S.E. Hinton novels are hilarious. In that the plot's going along true to normal YA conventions, and then suddenly there are drug dealers! And guns! And serious injuries! And seriousness! Oh my god!

So I find seriousness amusing. I can't help it.

That said, I'm reviewing Tex because the main character loves his horse, and his brother sells his horse because they are poor. And their father is a rodeo clown, or something, and refuses to come home and be an adult. And Tex doesn't know how far to go with a girl, only to be helpfully told by his brother that the girl will tell him when to stop. Yes, all responsibility thrown onto the girl. As always. Nicely played, Tex's brother.

The deal here is this. Mason is the responsible brother, and Tex is the brother who is slightly ditsy and loves his horse. To feed them, Mason sells the horses and Tex goes ballistic. They get into a groping fight on the kitchen floor. Two-liter sodas are thrown at walls, Mason lands a punch, and Tex runs off to search the Oklahoma country for his horse. This doesn't work out for him, because hiking around on foot in search of a horse that has been sold is clearly a waste of time.

Things happen that I don't really care about because I didn't. Only at one point Matt Dillon and Emilio Estevez make eyes at each other across a patch of Oklahoma dust used for dirt biking. The music swells. Will they ever be friends again? Will that boy with the flowing long hair and the pink comb get between them? Will Emilio crash his bike after taking off on a dare? (Yes.) Will Matt be awesome on the same bike afterward? (Yes.) Will they get back to being friends again, despite Emilio's father's disapproval? (Yes!) Sweet, sweet teenage love.

Oh, um. Tex is supposed to be in love with Emilio's sister, Jaime? I guess? Anyway. Things are going along fairly normally, to YA standards. A fortune teller even tells Tex that he isn't going to get his horse back, much to his chagrin. And then they, in true S.E. Hinton fashion, pick up a hitchhiker. And he pulls a gun on them. Shocker. I was so shocked.

Tex saves the day, and the hitchhiker is shot dead by the police. After this, more drama ensues with the return of rodeo clown dad, which means that Tex has to discover that he is not the biological son of rodeo clown dad. (Honestly, he should be thrilled with this.) Dad decides to buy back Tex's horse, which has been sold to a Christina character. The Christina character tells him that the horse is hers. Fair and square, damn it! Who the hell is he to just walk into her residential backyard and stare at her as she jumps fences? Christina informs him that she has renamed the horse Gentleman, and Tex is disgusted, as most would be in the face of such snobbery. So he gets together with this drug dealer friend, which naturally ends in Tex getting shot in the stomach.

So he wanders around a little bit, bleeding all over his shoes. Unexpected, maybe. Or maybe this is what all Oklahoma kids do? Having been raised in northwest Arkansas, I surprisingly don't know the answer to this. Sadly.

Anyway, Tex survives. And everything is okay. He gets a job at a horse farm. And his brother goes to college in Indiana. And, um, it was uplifting or something?

Casting Call: "Secretariat"

Secretariat got the green light what seems like ages ago, and now it's finally steamrolling ahead. Filming begins at the end of this month, and it should finally be in theaters next year. (Okay, I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for a Secretariat movie and I might be besides myself that it is finally happening and I don't even care if it might be awful. It is a movie about Secretariat. The only thing that could be better is a movie based on Thoroughbred. THINK ABOUT IT, HOLLYWOOD.)

From IONCINEMA.com:

Scripted by Mike Rich, this is about the 1973 Triple Crown-winning racehorse and its owner, Penny Chenery (Diane Lane). Chenery was a mother and housewife who knew little about horses when she was pressed to take over her ailing father's horse farm in Virginia. Though Secretariat came along and began to take shape as a potential champion, Chenery was pressured to sell the farm after her father died and she was hit with a multimillion-dollar inheritance tax. She saved both the farm and the horse, and watched as Secretariat became the first thoroughbred to win the Triple Crown in 25 years, taking the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont Stakes in dominating fashion. Chenery became known as the "first lady of racing."

Casting call for Secretariat is next week in Louisville and Lexington. Read about the details here!

Book Rec: Wild Girl by Patricia Reilly Giff

Wild Girl
Patricia Reilly Giff
2009

Lidie lives in Brazil. She's a wild girl who rides and dreams of one day going to live with her father and older brother in New York. Lidie's mother died long ago. When Lidie is twelve, it's time to leave for Queens, New York, where her father runs a stable at a famous racetrack and her brother is training to be a jockey.

Meanwhile, a foal is born on a farm and starts its journey to a new home. As Lidie's story unfolds, so does the tale of this filly.

When Lidie arrives in New York, she discovers that settling into her new world is a big challenge. And that her loving father and brother still think of her as the little girl they left behind. They don't even know what a strong rider she is. She must show them the real Lidie: she'll befriend, and ride, the filly her father just bought--Wild Girl.

The Review:
I've complained about a lot when it comes to middle grade horse fiction. Irritating main characters, predictable stories, super fantastic horses, antagonists with little to no purpose...the list just goes on and on. So here's when I say something a little out of character for me: Wild Girl should be on the reading lists of every aspiring or established author of horsey fiction.

It's not that it's amazing. It's just a good story, centered on a likable girl with realistic problems that have nothing to do with a horse of her own plot. The horse in question is not the second coming of every wonder horse in fiction. She's just a young filly that doesn't quite know what's expected of her, and is as equally scared as she is curious. Like most horses in the world.

Lidia arrives in New York knowing little English, and hardly knowing the father and brother that arrive to meet her. There is enough understandable awkwardness to go around, and Lidie is left feeling about as cold as the New York winter she's suddenly walked into from her Brazilian sunshine. It doesn't help matters that her family remembers her as a seven-year-old girl, obsessed with Disney and the color pink. Lidie's done some growing up, and these things were cast aside years ago, but she hasn't grown up enough to come out and easily tell her father and brother who she is, what she likes, and what she's capable of.

To make matters worse, nothing is exactly easy for Lidia on her first day of school. Language barriers create some horrifying memories, and she bolts, convinced that she's never going to fit in. Poor Lidia's got a lot on her plate, so when they drive out to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to pick up a couple of horses, she finds a bit of a kindred spirit in Wild Girl, a filly that's been on a similar journey.

So, this is where I stop talking about the plot, because I really liked this one. In the end, filly and girl are both missing something. They eventually find what they're looking for. It's a sweet book, with none of the usual grating horse story components you'll usually find. To help matters, it's a quick, well-written read. For instance, this is a chapter:

The filly felt the taste of the strange food in her mouth long after she'd swallowed. It was a good taste, the taste of a field on a summer day.

One of the creatures had come into her space. The noises it made were soft. It had brushed her side until her skin rippled with its good feeling.

And when the creature had climbed up on her, the filly had barely felt its weight, just its warmth.

It was something....

It wasn't like being in the field with the other horses, but still...

Something.

So go find it and read it already.

Dear God, please bring me a 12-gauge.

Sylvester
1985

When I was a young child, I would comb through the videos at Hastings for what felt like hours until I had a stack of horse movies I may or may not have seen. Sylvester was one I stumbled across when I was about twelve, which is why I'm using the old artwork for this movie.

It occurs to me now that this movie was probably more than I could handle as a twelve-year-old, because Sylvester is your Cinderella-style horse story surrounded by a crusty Texas attitude. There is cursing, fighting, horse abuse, alcoholism, underage sex in a stall, and attempted rape. However, there is also magical wild horse-girl bonding and totally random western girl turned three-day eventer. And not just three-day eventing. Rolex Kentucky three-day eventing. That's right. She doesn't gradually enter the world of eventing. She makes the jump from working in a stock yard to riding at Rolex.

Charlie is a sixteen-year-old orphan. She takes care of her little brothers in a trailer, breaks horses and rounds up cattle for Mr. Foster's stock yard, and spends a lot of time telling this Matt character to back the hell off already. Matt (Michael Schoeffling of Sixteen Candles and Wild Hearts Can't be Broken) insists that he's going to marry Charlie after she's done with her horse phase, although I'm pretty sure Charlie is unaware of these plans because she's too busy falling for this fleabitten gray--Sylvester. She succeeds at turning him into a cow pony, but he's way too big for the work and eventually her asshole coworker spooks him into jumping a fence and getting both of them fired.

Due to her sudden unemployment, the state is eager to take Charlie away from her brothers and stick her in a typing course. Charlie, not wanting to be a secretary, runs to Mr. Foster, who is drunk and not exactly a logical choice as a safe haven. Her brothers, however, insist on moving in with a drunk (and say so, vehemently) and the choice is made. Mr. Foster suddenly becomes their surrogate father, and has little intention of dropping his Cuervo habit. Around this time, Charlie decides to start jumping Sylvester over anything and everything, upsetting Matt and Mr. Foster for various vague reasons. Why can't she just get married to Matt and stop being annoying? God, life is so hard.

Eventually, Matt realizes that he's not going to get anywhere with Charlie unless he, like, attempts to support her dream of Olympic gold. This method works perfectly, and he's suddenly eating dinner with Charlie's highly dysfunctional, partially drunk, family. Then, all of a sudden, Mr. Foster knows everything that can be known about three-day eventing because he was in the cavalry. So he gives in and starts to mentor Charlie, leading her to her first event, the Rolex.

Granted, she's competing in preliminary, and back then it was possible to do this. Also, this is still obviously absolutely and completely insane. Also, Mr. Foster makes at least one massive disparaging comment about how stupid this plan is, but is bullied into line by Charlie insisting that he's killing her dreams. So they pack up Sylvester and head to Kentucky, where Matt gets pissed if anything male even glances at Charlie and Charlie proceeds to impress just about everyone.

This all comes to a head with Matt and random USET member getting into a brawl in the middle of a cocktail party. Because Texans solve problems with their fists! There's a big issue made out of how Charlie doesn't belong with these people, and how she needs to get Sylvester sold for the sake of her family, but in the meantime has been just so gosh darn impressive she's probably never going to see Texas again.

It's my opinion that she probably doesn't.

That's Sylvester. You pick it up because it's a horse movie, you stay for the crusty Texas alcoholics, no matter how unrealistic the plot.

There's Something About Flicka

Flicka (2006)
My Friend Flicka (1943)

Most people know the story of how these movies came to be, but I'll go over it anyway. Mary O'Hara wrote My Friend Flicka, the first of a trilogy, in 1941. Two years later, the movie came out. Thunderhead (my personal favorite) closely followed. Apparently Green Grass of Wyoming was also made into a movie, but that one is the lesser known of the three. About sixty years pass, and for whatever random reason someone comes along and decides to remake My Friend Flicka. Only this time it will be with a girl named Katy and Flicka will be a female version of the Black Stallion. Awesome, right? Maybe? Sort of?

Flicka (2006)
Despite thinking that turning Ken into a Katy was a really bad, but fairly obvious course of action, I do like this movie. Even if Katy is annoying, has few manners, and makes really poor decisions that would've won her a Darwin Award if she hadn't been graced with main character status. Even if her brother is the guy who plays Jason in True Blood, and as a result I snickered every single time he arrived on screen. Even if I could draw parallels between this and Joanna Campbell's The Wild Mustang until the end of time. It may have been hit and miss concerning the original story, but it's a pretty movie and it held my attention.

Downsides are it's predictable, Katy is every horse story main character rolled into one, and Banner is not there. I mean, come on. Banner was the most awesome ranch stallion to ever exist. Flicka is rocking the Black Stallion look. Rob has this "I am a man, and you live under my roof, blah blah blah" attitude that does a 180 about five minutes from the end. Upsides are the pretty, it is the opposite of boring, and at least there is some action to speak of.

My Friend Flicka (1943)
This is the horse story classic and helped set the standard for the "horse of my own" plots you see so frequently. Ken wants a horse, sets his heart on a filly his father disapproves of because her grandsire is The Albino, a local mustang stallion, and in order to win the approval of his father he goes about attempting to bond with this filly everyone claims can't be tamed. Today, I find this interesting given that so many current movies make a big deal about how fantastic and wonderful mustangs are, because in 1943 they made it a point to connect Flicka's crazy gene to The Albino being a mustang. There is no "mustangs are worthwhile and beautiful creatures that should be cherished!" line in this movie. Ken just basically wants to be friends with Flicka, and thinks he's up to the task of taming her. The main story revolves around Ken and Rob, and Ken trying not to be the eternal screw up who causes stampedes and picks the worthless mustang filly.

Downsides are it's slow going. Not a whole lot happens here. And there was one weird moment where Rob's advice to Ken concerning gentling Flicka had to do with taking away everything she knows, her friends, etc. And I thought that was insanely creepy, despite the fact that he was talking about a horse. Upsides are that the characters actually don't annoy me, and Flicka is not black. She is sorrel. Like she's supposed to be.

And in case you weren't finished with Flicka...

Flicka (2010)
When her grandmother is diagnosed with dementia, skateboarder Carrie McLaughlin (Tammin Sursok) is forced to leave the pavement of the big city behind to go live with her estranged father Hank (Patrick Warburton) on his horse ranch in Wyoming. With her skateboard tightly in hand, and no ramps or cement in sight, Carrie feels completely alone and is determined to make it back to the city. While putting in her time at the ranch, Carrie makes an unlikely friendship with a wild horse named Flicka who is just as unhappy and alone as Carrie.

That's right. Flicka meets Caitlin's Way! Due out next year, you guys. I know you just can't wait.