Derby Fever (Rhoda hasn’t Got it!) - Ashleigh #7: Derby Day

Derby Day – Ashleigh #7
Created by Joanna Cambell
Written by Chris Platt
First Printing: November 1999

Ugh, here it is – the saccharine sappiness of Aladdin’s Derby. It’s just so sappy; obviously he’s not going to lose the freaking race, but oh no, we’ve got to throw more obstacles in his path and muck him up even more in the process. After all, god forbid any of Ashleigh’s Special Horses™ have a smooth and easy route to the Triple Crown. That said, I am glad that Chris Platt’s at the helm of this book. She seems to be pretty grounded in the reality of the racing world so to speak, and usually keeps things sane.

The Cover:

It’s hideous. The pinks and purples make me want to puke at the glaring florescence of it. Aladdin looks like a backyard pony with a too long unpulled unruly mane; and I grow continually more convinced that when the Edgardale mares go to other breeding farms, the frikkin teaser stallion jumps the fence and knocks ‘em up (and the other farm owners laugh all the way to the bank: “Hey Frank, that mare from that rinky dink breeding farm just got jumped by the teaser, what’cha say we let it go, and tell them our real stallion did the job. They’ll never know, hahahaha!”) Aladdin looks more like an Appaloosa trail horse than he does a racehorse with that weird pink mottled muzzle, and the mottling around his eyes. Ashleigh looks to be wearing a very unflattering salmon-pink sundress (oh barf) or else she’s committed the grave sin of wearing a hideously bright t-shirt in the winner’s circle of the nation’s biggest race. Also, Aladdin’s bit looks far to large for his mouth, and Ashleigh looks far too tall considering that Aladdin is “almost 17 hands tall” – so either she’s Andre the Giant, or Aladdin isn’t an inch over 15 hands in that picture.

(Note bene: The only picture I could find of the cover is pretty washed out and faded, the actual one is really much more florescent and eye-blinding)

Ye Olde Summary:

Gag! That said, the back cover blurb is pretty much dead on, if rather stupid. I think the less said on this, the better. So I’ll stop here before I start frothing at the mouth (rabid dog, rabid dog!)

The Big Picture Plot:

1) Aladdin’s Treasure: Apparently being sired by a fairly prestigious stallion, and owned by wealthy privileged folk, he’s still viewed as a jumped-up upstart who’s “got no place racing with these upper-class horses.” He was supposed to run dead-last in the Blue Grass considering his past performances, so everyone not connected to him throws a shitfit when he does win. So then during a “Breakfast with the Works” morning gallop, he gets body-slammed by a two-year-old brother of the mean-tempered Derby favorite, Star Gazer. Naturally, this involves him throwing his jockey, and bolts into the machine yard, thereby giving Ashleigh a heart attack that they’d have to put him down. Which of course brings us to …

2) Aladdin can’t settle down! OH NOES!!!! So once again, as soon as Ashleigh the Wondergirl extracts the colt from the machine yard, he’s off to Paradise Edgardale for some peace and quiet. Except he doesn't settle down there either. He still acts a little spooky, and a little jumpy, and freaks his jockey out, and once on a trail ride, he tosses her off -- and then she's forced to bail a second time. Of course, Ashleigh manages to sneak a little ride on him (again!) and finds out he's actually behaving perfectly, and she guesses it's his jockey being nervous which sets him off, and that means...

3) It's all Rhoda Kat's fault! Seriously, I know why... it's her name for christ's sake. Rhoda Kat. Sounds like some cheap 80-1 claimer at Emerald Downs. Hell, I'd be nervous and freaked out too if I was imagining myself in the post parade of the nation's most important horse race and heard my stupid name being called over the loudspeaker. Anyway, Rhoda's got this exclusive contract with the Danworths to ride Aladdin in the Derby, but after she gets thrown, and Aladdin acts up, she has her confidence shaken. So of course, it's up to Ashleigh to get her back in the saddle and confident by ...

4) jumping "Jessica's Jump" which is apparently some made up backstory about some girl who tried jumping a horse over a 10-foot gully and ended up in the hospital. So Ashleigh writes a note to Rhoda saying she's going to go jump the gully, conveniently leaves Aladdin's saddle and bridle in very plain sight in front of his stall in which the horse himself is penned up (yeah, doesn't it just scream set-up?) and gets ready to do the deed, but lo and behold, Rhoda arrives in the nick of time (as if Ashleigh really had the cajones to jump the thing anyway) and rides Aladdin real good. So she's not scared anymore. And so they ride in the Derby. Yay!

Points of Interesting Useless (or not so useless) Facts:

• OK, Chris sorta has it wrong here, since she says the horse has to be nominated to the Derby when it's young (there's the whole issue of supplemental fees, but technically, it's cheaper to nominate horses early on) but y'know, props to her about horses running well and/or winning in the Derby preps. It's a breath of realism in a fantasy world. Sure, you're always gonna see owners who throw a no-chance horse in, but realistically, when they do well in the preps, it's just more evident to run them after all.

• Aladdin's run 7 times as a 3-year-old. Then the Blue Grass and Derby make races #8 and #9. Holy cow, compared to today's modern Thoroughbred, he's a machine.

• Y'know, I'm really happy to read how the Wortons have a 6-furlong training track where Aladdin works. It's cool, see. Way better than some giant one-mile track. I've seen aerial footage of Churchill Downs, and it really makes you realize how big the freaking track is. For any Thoroughbred farm (no matter how prestigious) to have a track of that size, they'd have to have a shitload of land.

• And Caro's gift for Ashleigh's birthday was a peach-colored sundress. That means that the hideous garment Ashleigh is wearing on the cover is a dress. Ugh. It's awful.

• Rhoda comes to stay at Edgardale between the Blue Grass and the Derby. She and Ashleigh go for a ride. Rhoda rides Stardust, and Ashleigh actually rides Moe again. So much for being too "big" for him. Suddenly he has value to her again because he's the only other ridable critter on the place.

• Aladdin runs in the 125th Derby. And gets Gate 8 in a 16 horse field with fairly high odds. Gosh, Derby 125 brings back memories. Come to think of it, that was Charismatic's year, and he went off at high odds too.

And Aladdin wins the Derby. As if he'd lose, judging by the cover. Puh-leeze! So that's over and done with, thank you very much. I need brain bleach or something. And I think I'll try and review another non-Ashleigh series book right now to recover from the torment of Derby Day. I dug around in one of the cardboard boxes that my horse books are temporarily being stored in, and think I found a nice old one that should do nicely.

Danger, Danger, Ashleigh Griffen – Ashleigh #6: A Dangerous Ride

Ashleigh #6: A Dangerous Ride
Created by Joanna Campbell
Written by Mary Newhall Anderson
First Printing: August 1999

And fast on the heels of forbidden stallions and Ashleigh being grounded from riding, we have a dangerous ride coming up. Presumably, Ashleigh is no longer grounded, unless of course she’s doing something bad and sneaking another ride … but we shall find out in due course. And there’s the simple matter of what kind of ride turns dangerous?

Maybe the cover will tell us!

Ah! Ashleigh is riding Stardust. She must have been allowed to ride again. She also appears to be wearing show clothes, but looks very very unbalanced leaning over the left side of her horse like that. It’s enough to send any riding instructor into screams of outrage. Any more unbalanced, and she’s likely to tip right off Stardust. Or hey, if Stardust screeches to a halt, Ashleigh will find herself doing a faceplant in the dirt. She also looks far too big to be a 10 year old girl, and maybe even too large for that horse. Dramatic cover, maybe, like something out of a Nancy Drew mystery. But dangerous ride? Nah, maybe the summary will help us out.

The Summary:

Is Ashleigh forgetting her dream?

Ashleigh Griffen loves riding with her best friend, Mona Gardener, so when Mona starts jumping and competing in horse shows, Ashleigh wants to give it a try.

But without the right clothes, a fancy horse, or a nasty attitude, Ashleigh feels out of place. Spurred on by a group of snobby horse-show girls, she rises to the challenge, determined to beat them at their own game.

Soon Ashleigh and Stardust are jumping and showing all the time, and winning, too! But no matter how good she gets, Ashleigh still wants to be a jockey. Doesn't she?

Dangerous rides? Nope, nothing there, unless one refers to the “snobby horse-show girls.” The hunter-jumper scene can be incredibly catty most of the time; you have to have that $4,000 Butet saddle, or those $900 Cavallo dress boots -- it’s like swimming in blood-filled waters with man-eating sharks. Hey, maybe that’s it! There’s the danger! The Hunter Bitch Princesses will eat you alive! That said, the plot summary gives nothing important other than Ashleigh’s newfound hobby of horse shows and wondering if she’s giving up her dream of being a jockey. Well, frankly, considering she’s all of 10 years old, I’d say she could stick to the horse shows for a few more years, get some good riding experience under her and then go on to get her jockey license when she’s old enough. Hey, it worked for Christina, didn‘t it?

The Big Picture Plot:
Fresh from her adventures in The Forbidden Stallion, Ashleigh is now able to ride a horse again. Bully for her. Plus, it even sounds like she’s super good friends with Peter Danworth now, considering how catty and angry they were towards each other for two-thirds of Book #5. So off she goes to ride with Mona, and they end up popping over itty-bitty two-foot crossrails and Mona gets all excited about doing a pairs-class with Ashleigh. But Ashleigh turns her down because Aladdin is coming up to Keeneland, and she wants to go see him.

And so they’re off to the track, where they not-so-surprisingly run into a certain dark-haired boy (who just can’t seem to get a break even in a 2 paragraph cameo appearance) before they find that Aladdin has been stuck in the wrong stall (hey, didn’t we already see this in book #10 of the regular series?) and is throwing a temper tantrum. So they whisk him off to the comfort of Edgardale but not before Ashleigh meets a former jockey by the name of Sam Wiggens who was apparently so great he even rode Secretariat and was supposed to ride him in the Bay Shore, but oh, a tragic accident beforehand crushed that chance. Literally.

So Mona finally manages to talk Ashleigh into riding at a show, Caroline shows how talented she is at braiding a horse’s mane (and indirectly hints that while she does like horses, she’s not horse-crazy, so everyone needs to get off her back about it) and Ashleigh runs into two hunter princesses (scratch that, one is a hunter bitch princess, the other just rides really well) who criticize her clothes and her horse and her saddle (clearly Ashleigh does NOT have a $4,000 Butet) but lo and behold, Ashleigh and Mona win the blue ribbon in the pairs class. And then Ashleigh shoots off her mouth at spoiled Miss Debbie, and Ashleigh leaps into showing like there’s no tomorrow.

And at least, we find our ‘dangerous ride’ Ashleigh does something stupid, and races after Frisky who threw Mona at an A-rated show. Whoopie! Ashleigh clearly is the only person capable of catching Frisky. And off she goes to the racetrack to watch Aladdin’s race. And gets a bunch of people talking about how she will be a super jockey someday. Hooray!

Some Key Points of Interest:

• pg. 30: Hey look everyone, it’s Brad! Poor guy can’t get a break even in a cameo. He’s “rude” according to Ashleigh. Instant clash. Yeah!

• pg. 38: Aladdin’s sire, Royal Tee is a “full brother to Secretariat” which makes me giggle madly because he “never got a chance to run many races.” Yeah, which means either The Bride was substituted for Royal Tee or Syrian Sea was. It’s just amusing because it’s an obvious attempt to give Aladdin some kind of family relationship to some famous horse.
  

• pg. 39: Sam Wiggens was supposed to ride Secretariat in the Bay Shore. Hey, did anyone ever tell Ron Turcotte he could have lost the ride that day?

• pg. 106: Peter claims that Aladdin will be the next winner of the Keeneland Mile. Which Keeneland Mile might that be? The one that races on the grass? For horses four and up? In fact, the only spring mile race at Keeneland for males is the Makers Mark for 4-Year-Olds & up. And that is run on the grass. Research, people!

• pg. 125: “Magic is out of Bold Ruler, Ashleigh.” ARGH! Mary, I gotta hand it to you as a writer who can pen a readable story, but for god’s sake, Bold Ruler is a stallion. Stallions do not give birth to foals. Foals come OUT OF mares. Foals are BY stallions. It’s a major pet peeve of mine when people fuck up terminology like that. Also, Bold Ruler died in 1971. For him to have sired Magic, that means Magic is 27 years old. Gee, he’s probably a bit long in the tooth to have been just off the track and doing show jumping, don't you think?

So there you have it, thrills, chills and spills! And the excitement of Ashleigh competing in the backstabbing world of Hunter/Jumper. Next up, Aladdin freaking wins the freaking Kentucky Derby!

She’s a Rebel… A Rebel with a Cause – Ashleigh #5: The Forbidden Stallion

Ashleigh #5: The Forbidden Stallion
Created by Joanna Campbell
Written by Chris Platt
First Printing: August 1999

So here’s another one! This is probably be the last one for the weekend since tomorrow is March 2nd, and that means it’s Mitch’s birthday (Happy Birthday to my pony!) and then my birthday happens to be Monday. So it might be Tuesday before my next review. But that said, here’s book #5, with what I consider to be an incredibly cheesy-ass title … but then, most of the books in this series have the most awful cliché titles in the world. Also, I’d like to know why I seem to be adapting these review titles to quotations from movies lately – maybe it makes it more fun that way. Or something.

The Cover:
Now, aside from the painfully awful title in red and white on the bottom of the cover, we finally get a cover pumped full of action and raging equine testosterone. Why, it seems to leap right out of the Black Stallion movie – except of course that Aladdin’s Treasure is a three-year-old colt, and a Thoroughbred, not an Arabian. It just screams romance though; the wild looking horse running free through the crashing waves at sunset. Which actually doesn’t ever happen in the book. Yes, Aladdin gets loose (way to go Ashleigh) and runs around on the beach, but it was in the morning, and he was fully tacked up. I’d highly doubt that he’d be running around wild and free on a beach otherwise given how supposedly valuable he is. Plus, the water looks very weird; the waves are breaking rather far behind Aladdin, but he’s able to run through deep enough water that he leaves a spray plume behind him. I don’t know if that’s possible; I’ve ridden on the beach, and usually, you have to be right down by the breakers to get a spray plume like that. Still, compared to the bland and boring inaction on the last few covers, this is an eye-catching breath of fresh air.

The Summary:

Ashleigh is torn

Ashleigh Griffen knows it's wrong, but she can't help it-she's jealous. Peter Danworth has everything: a huge Thoroughbred racing farm, money, and one of Ashleigh's favorite stallions, Aladdin.

Then Ashleigh gets amazing news. If the stallion loses his next race, the Danworths will retire him to stud at Edgardale!

Excited, Ashleigh sneaks a ride on Aladdin -- and she accidentally discovers how to run him to win. Will she keep quiet so the magnificent stallion can live on her parents' farm? Or will she give Peter, the boy who has everything, Aladdin's secret?

So where do we start? I know, let’s start by comparing the similarities between Brad Townsend and Peter Danworth. Well, to start off, they’re both filthy rich and live on big old Thoroughbred farms. Plus, from reading the back cover, you kind of get the sense that Ashleigh has a serious case of the green-eyed monster, and that things won’t start off right with old Peter just the way things didn’t go so hot with Brad. But by and large, the summary pretty much remains true to the plot, and it all unfolds pretty much spot-on through the whole book. Which pretty much gives away the entire plot on the back cover. Heck folks, save your $5 and don’t bother to get the book. You got the gist of it right there in those three paragraphs.

So speaking of which…

The Big Picture Plot:
I’m happy to say there’s actually multiple plots within this book. The previous books have been pretty much one-dimensional in that the key point of the story was for Ashleigh to whine and pout and sulk about how she doesn’t have a horse, and we’re supposed to feel sorry for her because of that. Now that she does have that wonderful equine friend that’s taller than 14 hands, then we move to a storyline with a little more substance. The main story plot here is that Aladdin’s Treasure, the big black stallion that Ashleigh just adores, is uber sucktastic on the racetrack. In fact, he’s so sucktastic, he pretty much reeks because he hasn’t even broken his maiden yet (but somehow despite this, the Danworths have entered him in a stakes race that he somehow meets the conditions for.) Ashleigh knows he’s this super horse and all because he’s by the same sire as Wanderer’s Quest, so it’s up to her and her family to figure out why this regally-bred horse is pretty much doing the equivalent to what The Green Monkey did, and hasn’t lifted a hoof. Therefore, our uber-wealthy friends, the Danworths (not to be confused with the other uber-wealthy friends, the Fontaines) fly the whole Griffen clan of five down to Florida on their private jet so they can get to the bottom of this mystery or else Aladdin’s Treasure will be retired at Edgardale to stand at stud (considering that he hasn’t so much as won a race at this point, if I were Derek or Elaine, I’d be insulted that the Danworths wanted to fob off a loser stallion on me considering if he’d won some races, other farms would be clamoring for him.) Which leads us to …

Peter Danworth. The good-looking son of Mr Danworth, and surprise surprise, he’s thirteen, just like Caroline. He just screams Brad-clone, you see. Everything fits, even the way he and Ashleigh clash right from the start. But lo and behold, Aladdin’s Treasure is actually his horse. And he actually cares for the horse, and doesn’t want to see him go to Edgardale. In fact, we even find out that he exercise rides Aladdin (gee, just like Brad – what is it about these rich boys who ride their daddy’s horses?) and wants to be a jockey, but will grow too tall, which leads to another source of contention with Ashleigh because she’s still little. They really butt heads when the Griffen’s return for the week of spring break, and Ashleigh has to spend time with Peter for math tutoring. Which brings us to….

Ashleigh’s not above blackmail, it seems. She really really wants to ride Aladdin even though she flunked a math quiz and has been grounded from riding. She has a few pet theories about why Aladdin is such a sucky racehorse, the chief theory involving a whip (which is as usual evil) and seems convinced the only way she can get to the bottom of the mystery is to actually sit on him herself, conveniently forgetting the fact that he’s almost 17 hands tall, and she’s all of four and a half feet which makes his head just about as big as her torso. In order to ride the horse, she blackmails Peter, and gets to ride. Which brings us to our conclusion…

Ashleigh is a friggin genius. She solved the problem of why Aladdin is such a loser. All he needed was a shadow roll. She also does stupid things like waving a whip around his face to see if he is whip shy. Oh, and falling off. There’s a reason why they call it overmounted. Ashleigh was in way way over her head. But huzzah! She solves the problem that even the super duper new trainer can’t solve. Way to go, Ashleigh. Aladdin’s Treasure finally breaks his maiden.

Some Points of Interest:

• I got a good old-fashioned heart clench reading the description of Hialeah Racetrack being called a “first-rate place.” By the time this book was written, it was just a few short years from being shut down and closed. I’ve seen pictures of the place since then; it’s got that old-fashioned classic beauty, so it’s nice to read about it as actually being alive again. Or at a time when it was alive, or something.
  

• I will never understand why these authors seem to think racehorses are just like regular horses that just run fast. Thoroughbreds don’t get “put in crossties” … that’s why you see them being held while being groomed or tacked up. Too much can go wrong in a crosstie. I was once tacking up the mare I was leasing, and she started bucking around in the crossties, she could have hurt herself. Think about it, you’ve got a possibly multi-million dollar animal, and you’re going to clip two long lines to these rings on its halter – lines that possibly will not break in an emergency – and hope that he doesn’t go bat-shit-crazy and break his neck? I don’t think so. You’re gonna get a groom or two to hold his lead rope.

• Mike Smith? Mike Smith? This just has me convulsed in giggles. Of all the names that could have been picked for the introduction of this character, it just seems so damn amusing that the Danworth’s new trainer has the exact same name as two-time Breeders’ Cup Mile-winning jockey, Mike Smith.

• Aladdin’s Treasure is “almost seventeen hands tall and was jet black with four white socks, a star and a stripe.” And yet, Ashleigh is able to brush his back. Let me show you a horse that is 17.1 hands tall.

See, that’s Bubba. He’s at our barn. There’s only a few inches of difference between him and Aladdin. And yet, I can barely reach this horse’s back. I cannot see over his back. And I am a foot taller than Ashleigh. But hey, maybe she was standing on a stepladder or something. Or has elastic arms like Mr Fantastic, Richard Reed.

• Ashleigh and Peter do not get along at first. In fact, they kind of hate each other. But unlike Brad and Ashleigh, who never seem to really reconcile their animosity, Peter and Ashleigh seem to come to a friendship. Which is weird, because you’d have thought they’d try the same kind of love/hate rivalry plot as they did with the main series.

• I said it before, and I'll say it again. Ashleigh is wasted as a jockey. If she can deliver a foal all by herself in the middle of a blizzard, she's the equine version of Doogie Howser.

So there we have it, The Forbidden Stallion. Why it had such a name like “forbidden” I’ll never know. It’s not like Ashleigh was prevented from seeing the horse, she just couldn’t ride him. But hello, she was grounded from riding horses – any horse. Not just really tall black stallions. And soon, she’ll be back in the saddle, and immersing herself in that catty bitchy world of Hunter Show Princesses. Whoop de doop.

With God as My Witness, I’ll Never Love Horses Again – Ashleigh #4: Goodbye Midnight Wanderer

Ashleigh #4: Goodbye Midnight Wanderer
Created by Joanna Campbell
Written by Olivia Coates
First Printing: April 1999

Churning them out like clockwork, I am, right? I’m actually a couple of books farther in the Ashleigh series, but it involves finding the time to type everything up. Since I’ve got a new hayburner in my life, I tend to think the joy of actually riding a pony takes precedence over reading about selfish, spoiled children complaining they don’t have a “real” horse. But we begin as we always do, with the cover:

It’s unfortunately another one of those very uninspiring and bland covers that were it not for the fact that is it part of a series, people aren’t likely to be very willing to leap at the chance to look inside it. Ashleigh once again has very straight and very light brown hair again, and looks vaguely how we might assume Jessica Alba looked at age 10, only with Botox treatments. The shape of her face changes from cover to cover, only here, she doesn’t seem to have cheekbones, and her skin looks very very shiny. The horse looks far too old to be a yearling and has a mottled muzzle and mottling around its eyes. Now, these are Appaloosa characteristics, and last I checked, Edgardale was a Thoroughbred breeding farm (unless an Appy teaser got to Wanderer while she was visiting another farm to be bred.) Also, the horse doesn’t really look like anything in pain, he looks like he’s zoned out, and probably wondering “Why the heck are you sticking your face that close to my eye?” Lastly, the bedding material in the stall seems to be something weird – is it sawdust or straw? Strawdust -- with all the absorbency of sawdust but with the stick-like pokiness of straw? Can I somehow market that stuff? I have a pony to support after all.

The Summary:

Was it really Ashleigh’s fault?

Tragedy has struck at Edgardale. Ashleigh's favorite yearling has been injured in a terrible accident, and Ashleigh feels responsible., The vet says the colt should be put down. Ashleigh begs for time, and devotes herself to caring for the yearling. But nothing Ashleigh does seems to help. The yearling must be destroyed. Blaming herself for the colt's sad fate, Ashleigh vows never to become attached to a horse again--it can only end in tearful goodbyes. Can any horse mend Ashleigh's broken heart?

Can I be evil, and point a finger at Ashleigh and go: “Yes, yes it is all your fault, wallow in your guilt, girl, for the rest of eternity!” But seriously folks, this summary does seem pretty spot on with the plot in the book. Horse gets hurt, girl blames self, vet wants to put horse down, and Ashleigh begs for extra time, but horse doesn’t recover and thus gets the sleepy shot, and our favorite equine-loving heroine retreats from horses. But of course, her heart is mended, because otherwise, the series would be over right then and there.

The Big Picture Plot:
Obviously, the big plot point to the story is Midnight Wanderer, the farm’s best yearling out of the farm’s best broodmare, breaking his cannon bone in an oh so tragic accident because he was ‘play-fighting’ with some other yearling. Now, the sensible thing to do is be humane to the poor creature and put him down. He’s a yearling, he’s nothing but a money sink at this point, and for a family business that relies on yearling sales to keep afloat, trying to save a colt like that would be insanity. Maybe if the Griffens were independently wealthy like Roy and Gretchen Jackson, maybe saving Midnight Wanderer would have been more feasible, but considering they aren’t, then it would have been a wiser course of action to have put him down from the start.

Which of course would mean that we wouldn’t have any kind of a story past the first two chapters. So naturally, Ashleigh must beg and plead (never caring just how expensive this kind of thing is) for his life. So yay, they slap a cast on and drug him up to high heaven. And now Ashleigh starts blaming herself for not stopping the two horses. But alas, Midnight Wanderer doesn’t heal, and even two weeks later, his leg isn’t even knitting, and the Griffens do the right thing, and let him go.

Which brings us to the semi-plot within a plot. And that’s Ashleigh’s broken hearted pity-fest. Instead of immersing herself in horses to make up for her loss of the well-loved yearling, she abandons them entirely. And it’s not until Caroline tricks her into going out to the barn by hiding her kitten in the tack room, does she realize that Stardust is now cribbing out of boredom (gee, you know, I dealt with that. Bravo, Ashleigh, if you’re lucky, you can catch it in time, if not, hello fence repair!) and she finally decides to love horses again.

Some Key Points of Interest:

• On page 6, we are told that Wanderer’s Quest is prepping for the Florida Derby. Now, if I’m not mistaken, Wanderer’s Quest was introduced as a three-year-old turf filly running in the Providian Mile on Derby Day in Ashleigh #1. Christmas and the New Year have been and gone, Wanderer’s Quest is now officially four. The Florida Derby is on the dirt, and it is age-restricted to three-year-olds because it’s a Kentucky Derby prep race. Therefore, she’d be ineligible to run unless the Fontaines (her owners) have truly found a way to turn back the clock.

• Ashleigh daydreams about riding Wanderer’s Quest in the Preakness. “The barriers went down and they were off, racing down the track.” I don’t know what kind of racing this author watches. The starting gate opens, and even in the old days before the introduction of a mechanized starting gate, the mesh-rope barrier thing went up. Standardbreds have this cool mobile starting gate mounted on the back of a car or truck, maybe that’s it … except even those barriers fold inwards. I don’t know of any barriers that go down.

• Ashleigh almost administers a shot of Bute to Midnight Wanderer. My question is; what kind of parents are Derek and Elaine if they just leave serious drug medicine lying around on a desk where their 10 year old daughter can get to it? Phenylbutazone is dangerous – fatally so in some cases. Far as I’m aware, you can only get it from your vet or from Valley Vet with a prescription, and they rarely dispense it in anything other than paste/tube form. If they do give it in shot-form, I'd imagine the best thing to do is lock that stuff up, ASAP.
  

• Later, Ashleigh does give Midnight Wanderer a shot of Bute. Perfectly done. Holy Jeebsus! The kid’s missed her calling! Forget about being a jockey, if she can administer a shot like that without training based off what she’s seen others do, then she’s a child prodigy veterinarian. Even I can’t do that, and I’ve owned horses for longer than she’s even been alive. Seriously though folks, it’s not just a matter of sticking the needle in the horse’s neck, Bute needs to be administered intravenously. Sticking the needle into muscle tissue can cause tissue damage.

• There’s that mention of the Florida Derby again, and they keep calling Wanderer’s Quest a mare. Mares are age four and over, fillies are age three and under. Therefore, that does indicate that she is over age three. Hello! Age-restricted race calling again.

• Now it’s Caroline and Ashleigh’s turn for the catty screaming. Oh the joys of sisterhood.

Well, that was a sob story (Not!) Wah, dying horse. I don’t think I cried though. We knew it was a lost cause from the beginning, because Nureyev aside, very few horses survive severely broken legs. So we never could expect miracles, and therefore no reason to cry. Now, if I wanted a tearjerker, I’d read The Forgotten Filly. That really tugs my heart strings. But moving on, Ashleigh has boy-trouble of the horse and human kind!

DUDE, Where’s My Horse? - Ashleigh #3: Waiting for Stardust

Ashleigh #3: Waiting for Stardust
by Joanna Campell (with help from Mary Newhall Anderson)
First Printing: February 1999

So I’m actually tackling two books today. You see, Mitch was getting a little lesson in patience in the crossties, so I killed time by reading a book about a girl who gets a horse because she’s too “big” for her pony which is incredibly ironic considering I had a horse and now have a pony because horses are too “big” for me. So, onwards, snark-wards ho!

Can any horse replace Lightning?

Giving up Lightning was the hardest thing Ashleigh Griffen has ever done. Nothing can replace her beloved mare, and nothing anyone can say or do will make Ashleigh fell better. How can Ashleigh ever fulfill her dream of becoming a jockey without a horse to ride?

Even Mona, Ashleigh's best friend, has her own horse now. Ashleigh feels left behind and lonely. Is there a horse out there for Ashleigh -- one she can love as much as Lightning?

The Cover:
It’s a very bland, generic cover really. Firstly, we see a brown-haired girl in front of a stall, it’s Ashleigh of course. She seems to suffer whatever fate Thoroughbred series characters seem to suffer when it comes to their hair. First it was dark brown and kind of wavy, and then it was very dark brown and very straight. And now it’s sort of a chestnut-brown and slightly wavy. What kind of hairdresser does this kid have? Does Caroline secretly practice hairstyles on an unsuspecting victim like her sister? Secondly, that’s a very unflattering-looking horse. FHOTD candidate, anyone? The cats, well, the cats are cute, and obligatory because you know how there has to be cats around a barn to catch mice. In short, it’s a very blah and uninspiring cover with very little action. If it weren’t the fact that it’s a series book, it wouldn’t ever catch my eye.

The Big Picture Plot:
So it’s Christmas, and Lightning has gone, Ashleigh gave her away to the cancer treatment center for those kids to love and adore (horses are healing power!) and thus she only has herself to blame if she feels sorry for the fact that she doesn’t have a horse. Ashleigh and Rory go outside to ride Moe, and Ashleigh still feels sorry for herself because she’s riding a pony. And then, lo and behold, Mona gets a Thoroughbred for Christmas, and can’t help but rub it in. Ashleigh goes to visit the next day, and Moe gets hurt through a careless and selfish act of Ashleigh’s. This of course means that Rory hates her, he said so, and he even hits her (ah, fantastic, domestic violence from a 5 year old) Ashleigh has also lost her allowance because it’s going towards Moe’s vet bills.

And then Mona calls; fur flies and hot tempers boil over. And Ashleigh slams down the telephone (hurrah, ten year old drama, they’re just getting started, give them another 3 years and it’ll be even better) and now they’re both in a snit at each other. And it’s not long before Ashleigh throws herself into working around the barn, mainly because she doesn’t have a best friend to hang out with anymore. And this in turn means that she can now fix up a stall for a new horse. But who is this mystery creature?

Why, it’s a pretty half-Thoroughbred mare that Ashleigh decides she’s going to name Stardust. Except, she doesn’t get along so famously with this horse. Who apparently Does. Not. Like. Her. And Mr. Griffen gets the story; it’s another abusive person, but this time, a girl Ashleigh’s age. Hurrah! And they resort to the tool that every single Natural Horsemanship guru from Pat Parelli to Clinton Anderson endorses – the round pen! Double hurrah!

And then Ashleigh tries to ride Stardust because Mona talks her into it, and she can’t! So she yells and screams at Mona again (way to go Drama Llama!) so they aren’t talking to each other again. But at long last, Ashleigh gets to ride Stardust and together they save Rory from a storm. Hurrah! Stardust can stay! Plus, Kurt is leaving, and they get a new hired hand named Jonas.

Some Key Points of Interest:

• Yet again, we have an example of Whips Are Very Very Bad™ only now, it’s a young girl about Ashleigh’s height and age under the direction of a trainer. Because clearly, everyone else is a lazy villainous slob who prefers to flog their horses to death to make them do what they want, when our heroines win equine hearts and minds through love alone.

• Poor Moe. For the first two books, he was a Welsh/Shetland pony just under 13 hands (so hey, 12.3 hands – medium pony height) and now, he’s been regulated to an ordinary Shetland because everyone knows Shetlands are tiny little ponies, and what better way to make the reader feel sorry for Ashleigh than to put her on a Shetland.

• Once again, we are reminded that ponies are the Evil Kiss of Death™ because Ashleigh is too “big” for her pony, and spends her entire time feeling sorry for herself because she doesn’t have a “real” horse. Off hand, I think this is part of the American culture, why settle for a pony when you should have a horse. In an almost freak contrast, it’s not uncommon in the UK and Europe to see grown women in their 20s and upwards riding the native ponies. Maybe the Brits and Euros are smarter than the Yanks.

• Frisky is about 16 hands. But just for the sake of argument, let’s say she’s 16.1hh and Silver is 13.1hh. That’s a difference of three hands. That means that Frisky is roughly a foot taller than Silver at the withers. To put it all in perspective, a horse that is 16.1hh at the withers is about 64.4 inches at the withers. And their head is probably about another 6 or 12 inches higher. So, essentially, the horse stands 64.4 inches at the withers. I am 5-foot, 6-inches. I am roughly 66 inches tall, at the top of my head. I can barely look over the withers of a 16.1 hand horse. On average, a 10 year old girl is about 10 inches shorter than I am. How the hell can a 10 year old child saddle a 16.1 hand horse. Why is she even riding this animal? Send her back to the ponies post haste!

• Speaking of heights, why are horses “over 15 hands” or “16 hands at least” in this book? I know Thoroughbreds are taller on average, but everything is either 15 hands and up making it a horse or 13 hands and under and is therefore a pony. Where is the 14.3 hand horse? The perfect size? Why do these kids complain about having ponies and wanting a “real” horse? They ought to take my little tank for a spin, he’s small, but mighty and moves like a warmblood. But on that score, who decides the sizes of these horses? Who measures them? Expert Village’s “expert” Sarah Stettner?

• Ashleigh and Mona are extremely catty towards each other in this book. It doesn’t bode well for future installments if they’re already yelling and screaming at each other at this point of the third book in.

All in all, I did not like this book. Ashleigh was incredibly selfish, and needed the Waaaahmbulance far too often for my frame of mind. It just seemed like every single page we're being bombarded with how much Ashleigh's life sucks because she doesn't have a 15+ hand horse. Boo hoo for her. Mona's acting like a smug little 'tard to boot. They're freaking 10 year olds for god's sake, not high school drama queens -- not even middle school yet. They need to chill. Totally. But it is over! Ashleigh has a horse, we can all cheer and make noise now. Rah. And coming up: Death comes to Edgardale.

Dear Santa: I Can Has Horse Now, Plz? – Ashleigh #2

Ashleigh #2: A Horse For Christmas
by Joanna Campell
First Printing: December 1998

Will Ashleigh lose the horse she loves?

When Ashleigh Griffen first found Lightning, the poor mare was thin and sick. But now, because of Ashleigh's loving care, Lightning is a beautiful, healthy horse. Ashleigh dreams of all the wonderful things she will do once her family has officially adopted the mare.

But then the humane society announces that they've found another home for Lightning--and they're going to take her away right before Christmas! Ashleigh is frantic. How can she make them understand that Lightning belongs to her?

The Cover:

Firstly, I really wish I could find a copy of the full image of the cover art. It’s a real doozy considering you only see about half of it. But if you happen to be holding the book in your hands, flip it over, and check out the whole picture on the back cover. Fantastic, isn’t it? So just who is that blond child sitting on the horse? The brown-haired girl is obviously Ashleigh who looks far older than a mere 10 years of age, is child #2 Rory or some random kid that will pop up in the story like Kira, perhaps? Also, that riding helmet looks as if it was added after the fact, did some safety conscientious person scream in horror and flip their lid? (OMG, Teh Safetees!!!!) Never mind that there is no actual chinstrap on that helmet; if Ole Dobbin there (but wait, that’s Lightning, she wouldn’t ever hurt a fly) bucked, that helmet would go flying up and off before the kid did a faceplant into the ground. Secondly, you really ought to see the entire cover art; there is no saddle blanket at all, and from what I see, a cinch would be vitally important to keep that sucker on that pony’s back. Without it, the helmet will go flying, followed by the kid, who would then have the ignoble embarrassment of having a Western saddle dumped on top of them. Isn’t it wonderful?

The Big Picture Plot:
Ashleigh has saved Lightning from the horrible evil bad owner, and she’s been taking a lot of good care of her. Lightning has gained weight, put on muscle, and she’s really really pretty now (because of course, every little girl wants a beautiful white horse) and Ashleigh is already making plans to what she will do when the Humane society lets the Griffens adopt her. We’re told that Lightning is not a pure Thoroughbred, and Ashleigh thinks that just having a dished muzzle means she’s probably got some Arabian in her (but you can bet she’s really probably just a grade mare – nothing wrong with that, but why oh why do people automatically go for the Arabians and Thoroughbreds?) Mona comes over to visit, and of course there’s the usual speculation about how Ashleigh will ride in the Kentucky Derby when she gets older.

But all is not well in future-jockeyland, Ashleigh overhears some Humane Society people talking with her parents about a home for Lightning, and she worries about it while watching a horse race that one of their former horses is running in. Finally, after the race, she confronts her parents, and turns on the hystronics about taking care of Lightning. Kurt hints that there might be other people interested in Lightning, but brushes it off (it really builds the suspense!)

Ashleigh keeps working with Lightning, and they finally get her saddled, and finally ridden. But then some rich Society donors show up, and Ashleigh gets lippy with them, and worries some more. And then it’s off to the Keeneland Yearling Sales for the Edgardale yearlings to be sold. And then Ashleigh’s parents take her over to Hopewell Center, a center for children with cancer, and those people want Lightning too. Ashleigh meets a girl named Kira, and everyone goes crazy over Lightning, not knowing that she might be theirs. The Hopewell kids come to visit Edgardale, and at long last, Ashleigh decides to give Lightning to them. There’s a Christmas party, and she gives Lightning to them, wrapped up with a bow.

Some Key Points of Interest:

• Did you know that Lightning stands just a little over 15 hands? Joanna tells us this multiple times. And yet Ashleigh has to stretch to put the saddle on her back, I think she needs to stay with the ponies for a few more years. Besides, what’s a few inches more or less between horse and pony size anyway?

• Slammer, Wanderer’s black yearling who sells at Keeneland, is sold for (and I quote) “Slammer had gone for more than twice the price the Griffens had expected: two hundred thousand dollars. It was a breathtaking amount of money.” – I gotta ask, was both Coolmore and Godolphin conspicuously absent from Keeneland that year? I mean, $200,000 isn’t exactly pocket change, but it’s small potatoes in a multi-million dollar horse market known for some pretty intense bidding wars.
  

• Once again, Ponies are the Kiss of Death™ because Mona says she "needs" a full-sized horse. Now, this is a 10 year old kid who’s pony isn’t exactly pint-sized. Silver is 2 hands shorter than Lightning. That puts her at 13.1 or 13.2 hands, and therefore in the medium-to-large pony range. If you ask me, Mona’s full of herself. And this is coming from a grown adult to rides a pony. Ponies are fun!

• Go Gen’s filly sold at auction. We know she has a filly because we are told this on page #49. And then again on page #50. And on page #51. C’mon, Joanna, give kids some credit. I know TV and stuff has made it hard for them to remember things sometimes, but surely they can’t have forgotten that Go Gen has a filly so quickly that you need to repeat it three times in as many pages.

• This book ends with a soft whicker and lovey dovey moment as Ashleigh gives up the horse she loves.

And thus ends Ashleigh #2: A Horse for Christmas. Except it was not Ashleigh who got the horse for Christmas, but rather the Hopewell kids. And now, tension shall build as Mona is surely about to get a real live full-sized horse while Ashleigh gave up the horse she could have had, and is stuck with Moe, the pony. Woe and angst full speed ahead in "Waiting for Stardust" which shall be read shortly. But in the mean time, I have a pony to pay attention to. Ponies rule!

Ashleigh the Wonderkid Takes on Horse Abuse: Ashleigh #1

Ashleigh #1: Lightning's Last Hope
by Joanna Campell
First Printing: October 1998

Can Ashleigh protect Lightning?

Ashleigh Griffen thinks horses are the most wonderful animals in the world. She can't imagine why anyone would want to hurt a horse. So when Ashleigh discovers Lighning living in a filthy stall on a neighbor's farm, she can't ignore the horse's suffering.

Ashleigh knows Lighning isn't her responsibility. But Ashleigh is sure that Lighning's life is in danger is she stays with her abusive owner. How far will Ashleigh go to save the beautiful horse?

Hey all! I'm proud to be able to contribute to the project here, and have taken on the task of reviewing the the Ashleigh series. The Ashleigh series was a spin-off of Thoroughbred; of a time before Wonder, and Whitebrook Farm and Townsend Acres, and was something of a time bubble in which Ashleigh never aged past 11. The events that started Thoroughbred are never expected to happen -- and so we can expect our heroine will live in blissful contentment at Edgardale for the rest of eternity.

But first we begin with the story of Ashleigh the Wondergirl taking on horse abuse! Joanna Campbell returns from whatever black hole that life has drawn her into to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard as the case may be these days) and thus the Ashleigh series is born at the whim of the publishers who wish to capitalize off the original series' fame.

But before anything else, we must kick off with a look at the cover. It's a white horse! (After all, the horse hero of the book must surely be white, next to black isn't that color what every little girl dreams of riding when it comes to horses?) Now, one can draw a guess that Lightening (who looks remarkably well cared for considering she's "living in a filthy stall" ) must get her name from her color, and not the fact that she's fast. Also, one wonders at the genius who decides to sit on a horse presumably bareback without reins on the bridle. Not even a lead rope. That horse takes off, girl is toast. I can only draw the conclusion that it is meant to be some kind of romantic image of what owning a horse is really like, but yet fails to touch on why it would be any "last hope."

The Big Picture goes as follows:

After establishing our heroine as a horse-crazy girl with a pony named Moe, and an equally horse-crazy best friend named Mona, we find the two of them on a trail ride, where they discover a deer path in the woods. Exploring it the following Saturday, they come across a dilapilated farmhouse and barn (complete with junked out old cars that just screams Kentucky redneck) and a skin-and-bones horse who despite this still has "excellent conformation." But lo' before our heroines can abscond with the poor creature, the mare's seedy villainous owner arrives, and threatens them with a shotgun. (*gasp!*) and warns them never to come there again.

Later, Ashleigh has a dream about the horse, and it seems Mona does too (as if Lightning were the next Pet Psychic in Horse form), but when our intrepid girls can attempt a return to the farm, they are confronted with the seedy man whipping Lightning! (Oh noes ... whips!) They make several more visits to the horse, sneaking hay and grain to her. And again later, when Ashleigh returns alone, she finds the man beating the horse again. She finally spills the beans to her parents, and Kurt (the hired hand) brings the horse to the farm.

And everyone lives happily ever after, Ashleigh gets to go to the Derby to see a horse the family bred run on the under card, and dreams of owning a chestnut filly that wins the Derby (because we just have to throw in every single reference to the actual series after all!) Everyone is safe and sound and happy ... at least until the next time.

Some Key Points of Interest

• Once again, we confront the fact that Whips are Bad™ -- because after all, everyone who uses them must be an absolutely evil person. Takes a lot, I'd say to flog a horse to the point of injury/breaking skin and bleeding sores. Lightning's owner had gray hair, and it sounded like he wasn't in the best of health. Makes me wonder how he'd manage to whip a horse, except that whips are of course evil, and somehow he manages to do it.
  
  
  
• Ponies are the kiss of death. I mean, these girls have a wonderful home to live at, with horses right at their finger tips (even the townie friends keep their ponies at a stable) -- something your average girl (and most likely the reader of this book) can only dream about, and they spend half the time griping about how they can't wait to get a real horse.
  
  
• Everything of course must be set up for a dramatic finale. Ashleigh won't tell her parents, but Kurt follows them, but doesn't get involved until the very end. Of course, if Ashleigh had told her parents right away, there would have been no story.
  
  
• Lightning's owner was using her to pull a block-and-tackle to lift car parts. Why someone would pick a Thoroughbred/light weight riding horse to do this job rather than a draft or a draft-type pony, I'll never know. He also didn't seem to feed her very well, which meant he wasn't long on brains. By feeding the horse, it meant it has enough strength to do the job. But no .... he has to resort to the Evil Whip™
  
  

I still fail to see how this was Lightning's last hope in any way? It's all too neat and cut and dry to me. Ashleigh doesn't want to admit anything to her parents because she's afraid she'd get in trouble for being a "horse thief" but somehow repeatedly trespassing on someone else's property is A-OK. But hurrah, finally the police get involved, and Kurt just goes and takes the horse. And now she gets to live with Ashleigh. For now. On to book 2!