Feb 6, 2012

Heartland 1.8: Out of the Darkness

1.8: Out of the Darkness

Yet another episode tied directly to a series book by the same name, Heartland gives us serious trauma in the form of Gallant Prince and his trainer. Gallant Prince was once famous, in that he won something. Amy likes to casually watch his race to find motivation, during which the race announcer says, "and Gallant Prince pulls away! He's going to win...the race!"

Oh, yeah? He's going to win "the race." I always find attempts to rewrite race announcing hilarious, if not completely maddening (Secretariat, anyone?)

Anyway, Lisa's ex-husband (shhh, we don't know she has an ex-husband yet) trailers Gallant Prince over to Heartland and Jack goes off about how the ranch isn't equipped to hold a stallion. Just what are they equipped to handle? I am exceedingly unimpressed with this operation. Nevertheless, their unequippedness doesn't keep Gallant Prince away. Amy takes him on, and the first night a storm rolls through and completely pushes the horse over the edge. Gallant Prince, you see, was once involved in a fire and his trainer was "on watch" that night, and was also severely burned. But not to worry, Amy is on the case!

Meanwhile, Mallory tells Ty that he needs to just come out and tell the object of his pining affection all about his turgid love. For, you see, Mallory loves Ty and seems to be very bad at taking her own advice. Why can't Ty understand her nonsensical girl crush on him? Damn Amy and her stupid, perfect hair and her stupid, perfect face! Ty doesn't get it at all, so Mallory walks off in a huff and yells at Jack that he and Lisa are equally annoying and they just need to come out and tell Lisa he wants to date her and not do this stupid dancing around each other and pretending that they're only going to a horse auction. YOU ARE OLD, Mallory proclaims. YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE STUPID, LIKE TY.

Jack does not listen, and consequently he winds up stranded on the side of the road with Lisa and a picnic involving turkey sandwiches. And it was beautiful. I wanted to be there and soak in the beauty, and I probably would have yelled at them to shut up or go make out in their truck or something so I could appreciate the beauty in peace.

Eventually they get the auction, and Lisa's ex-husband pops up to say, "Hey, you know my wife!" And Jack plows out of there faster than he could (probably) spit tobacco onto the ground, abandoning Lisa in the middle of nowhere.

While this is happening, Amy is trying to talk Gallant Prince's owner out of his man cave. His wife stands by, utterly useless, and in a huff, Amy gives up and is subjected to Ty's attempt to be open about his feelings, nearly kissing her before Amy tearfully proclaims that she doesn't want their relationship to be ruined because kissing ruins lives.

Eventually, the trainer guy shows up anyway and bonds with Gallant Prince, who is thrilled to see him. But then Lisa's ex-husband shows up to yell about how the trainer cannot be near the horse, since it's all the trainer's fault the horse is crazy. Amy is all SEE SENSE, to the guy, but Lisa's ex-husband is blind to sense and orders the horse into the trailer. Lisa tells her ex-husband he is a complete ass, and then yells at Jack for leaving her at the auction, because if he'd stayed around he would have clearly had a better shot with her. And now...well, yeah, he still has a pretty good shot. Maybe Lisa has low standards?

But then it comes out that his assistant trainer or whoever/pathetic excuse of the ex-husband's son set the fire, and Gallant Prince knows. Of course he does. So ex-husband offers the trainer his job back, and all is well.

Oh, and Amy and Tim go on a horseback ride together. It was also pretty.

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