Jul 21, 2012

Heartland Season 2 Episode 1 - Ghost Horse

Here we are, Heartland, Season 2. It's four months later. Will we ever see Ty again? Of course we will! What convoluted reason will the writers come up with to get him back on the show? I'm going to tell you very soon! How will Amy react? Poorly! What is everyone else doing with their lives? I'm not sure if we're supposed to care!

So yes, it's four months later and everything is very Heartlandy at Heartland. Amy is out riding Spartan before school or during school or in a dream, I don't know. She's riding him. And she sees this herd of wild mustangs galloping through the beautiful Alberta back country. One of these mustangs is a beautiful, silver, leopard Appaloosa stallion. I also don't know about this. Anyway, Amy is very captivated by this mustang because he is Ty. You'll see. While Amy is watching, another bay stallion comes charging out of the herd and starts beating up Ty Stallion. BAM! POW! Suddenly we are somewhere in some seedy city and we see Ty being chased by two biker guys. They are beating him up! BAM! POW! Back to Ty Stallion. Poor Ty Stallion is bleeding and runs away from his herd. SHABAM! Ty runs away from the bikers and locks himself in a construction site, but not before they warn him to get his dad to pay up "or else." So, you see, vicariously Amy was watching Ty fight for his life through the battle of the two wild stallions. Things aren't looking so good, though, because Ty Stallion got kicked out of his herd. Where is Ty Stallion's daddy? What will Amy due to save Ty Stallion? Foreshadowing?!??!

Back at the actual ranch, Heartland has hired on another farmhand to replace Ty. He is an actual, genuine, rodeo cowboy who rides the circuit with his horse Shorty to make an actual living or brutally injure himself. Either way. His name is Caleb O'Dell, but Ashley quickly dubs him Caleb O'Dellicious.

Why hello there, Mr. O'Dellicious.
Caleb is quite obviously meant to be Ty's rival. Despite the fact that this situation is so contrived that it kills any possibility of even pretend chemistry between Amy and Caleb, I like O'Dellicious. Kerry James is very good at being absolutely hilarious all the time, and the writers give him some great, pointed lines that make him and Mallory quite the dynamic duo whenever they turn up in a scene together. But right now he is super serious Ty Competitor, so we don't get to see a lot of the goofy because he is Super Seriously in love with Amy's magic vagina or something, I don't know. Also, if Ty is too old for now 16 year old Amy then 34 year old looking Caleb is DEFINITELY too old. Okay, maybe it's more like 26, but seesh, you are supposed to be a family show, Heartland. Get your ducks in a row.

Of course, we have other plots to attend to. With the help of her father, Lou has gotten a loan to build her Corporate Equine Retreat, or what is more commonly known as a dude ranch. This is an appropriate task for her, the show pounds into our brains, because she has an MBA and she's got to use it, goddamnit. So she is going to become the Martha Stewart of Hudson Alberta Canada or-fucking-else. Poor Grandpa Mustache. He is rightfully pissed that no one went and asked his permission to build a dude ranch on his property, but he decides to give in because A) Lou is really annoying about it, B) She has her MBA damnit! C) Amy points out Lou could come up with something even worse, and D) It can make extra money for Heartland. All of these things happen at dinner, of course, where Caleb is also invited to eat. Mallory is there too, scheming up ways to be granted permission to stay at Heartland for the summer while her dad goes on tour as a country singer. Spoiler alert: she gets to stay.

While a lot of explosive discussion occurs at the dinner table, a lot of important dialog also occurs at the kitchen sink, because apparently washing dishes is a big family activity at Heartland. I think this is maybe because they have no dishwasher, but I've lived plenty of places with no dishwasher and that fact did NOT bring us together, trust me. Anyway, I would just like to point out that there is always a washer and a dryer. But while the washer dutifully soaps up all the dishes, no on ever rinses them off and the dryer just dries off the soapy dish. WHY? This really bothers me a lot and it happens all the time. 

Anyway.

Amy keeps seeing the ghost mustang everywhere, so clearly it is looking for her. In fact, it shows up at Heartland and Amy convinces Caleb to help her rope it and put it in a pen. Now, remember guys, this ghost mustang is actually Mustang Ty, so what this mustang represents is the fact that Ty will always love Amy. However, Caleb informs Amy that girls can't break mustangs because of size and smell, and Grandpa Mustache warns her that she could ruin his chances to survive in the wild. So Amy may have trouble winning Ty's love because she is small and doesn't smell to his liking, and also she shouldn't break his wild spirit because then he won't be able to ride a motorcycle again. I don't know. Anyway, her troubled relationship with the mustang is an allegory for her troubled relationship with Ty. If you love it Amy, set it freeeee! And make sure you smell niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice! And maybe wear heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels!

So then everyone has a surprise 16th birthday party for Amy and Mallory's cowboy boyfriend shows up:

Hello, I am Cowboy Jake. 
This guy has been stalking Mallory around with a creepy grin on is face for the last several episodes. He is very obviously and openly in love with her, and she has no idea what to do with him at one point telling him, "You're just so...short." To which his response is "I'll grow." And this is why I love Cowboy Jake.

Anyway, while everyone is partying down Ty is getting beaten to death in the rain by the aforementioned big biker guys. Somewhere in the middle of this beating he finds time to call Grandpa Mustache, who runs out of the house to save the life of his adopted son. Ty did the right thing too because boy do you want to stay on Grandpa Mustache's good side. These bikers are huge and at least twenty years younger than Grandpa Mustache and Grandpa Mustache kicks their asses singlehandedly a la Batman. 

Back at the ranch everyone is all, "Where is Grandpa Mustache?" Lou and Scott are covertly making arrangements to sneak off and have sex. I don't understand this show's attitude toward pre-marital sex. Lou can do it as long as it's not with Carl (at least while she's not at Heartland). But Amy? NO. I understand this while she's 16 and her suitors are 26 and 42 respectively, but eventually she's about 19 by the show's logic and STILL NO SEX. Are we going to have a big virginity episode? I hope not. I hope she's just doing it on the sly.

But yes, Grandpa Mustache comes back to the ranch and Amy runs up to the truck all, "We missed you Grandpa Mustache!" Then Ty gets out of the truck.

Uhhhhh. Hi?
Amy gets totally peeved and storms off without saying one word, as is her MO. Then again, I think she has a right to be pissed off that her 30 year old boyfriend kissed her than ran away for four months and didn't contact her once. That is worth some angry storming off. Suck it, Ty. 

Ty limps pathetically out to the barn and then sees ghost mustang aka HIMSELF in the round pen, and for some reason he feels compelled to walk alone into the round pen with this wild mustang stallion in the dark. But it's okay because THEY ARE THE SAME and Ty also must smell nice or something because the mustang loves him as much as it hates Amy. Amy, of course, witnesses this whole thing from her bedroom window and turns off the lights very angrily before Ty can see her standing there. And thus we have the beginnings of Season 2.


7 comments:

Mara said...

Ugh, I had all of these FEELINGS about this episode, and you brought up all of them. Except for maybe the dish washing, because I never noticed that no one rinses. But, yes, Amy and Caleb (and, similarly, Kit (or Kat?) and Ty) were DOOMED from the very start. And I also sort of love Caleb. He's adorable. More Caleb, less Scott. Which they did. So yay.

Claire said...

Ugh. I couldn't even watch any of the parts with Kit the first time through because they made me so angry. I was simultaneously angry the show was so obviously keeping Ty and Amy apart AND angry that Kit was being treated like shit. It gave me nightmares.

I am going to try to watch them completely for the blog, but we'll see. Have you seen past season 2 yet?

Mara said...

Yes. I've watched about halfway through S3. S2 made me irate in a lot of ways, mainly with the obvious stalling of Ty/Amy, but also with the random dickishness of Scott. Because Lou is seriously the most awesome person there, and I cannot abide random dickishness toward her. Which they all are guilty of doing.

Claire said...

Okay, good. If I get past season 3 and no one else will complain/squee with me, I'll be very sad. If you need help finding episodes I can send you a link.

And yes. I totally didn't get Scott randomly being a dick to Lou, especially since Scott was not only the one obsessed with dating her in the first place, but also just nice in general. It was really out of character. When the show is trying to write people out of relationships it really has a lot of trouble.

Anonymous said...

how old are these people?!

Anonymous said...

Try is 17 in the first season and Amy is 15. So I guess you can do the math.

HappyComfort said...

I also hate that they never rinse the dishes! LOL