Feb 13, 2009

Heartland: Proving again that Lou has no people skills.

Heartland
1.5: Best Laid Plans

Oh, Heartland. How I've missed you. The last I watched Heartland, everything was busy imploding with the addition of Ben, the boy who had personal issues and was way too involved with his horse. Amy was paralyzed with not appearing to care very much, Ty got sick of Ben's attitude, and he eventually abandoned Heartland for the evil farm owned by Ashley's mom, Val. Okay, let's go.

While visiting the cafe owned by Soroya's mom, Amy and Lou run into Ashley and her group of constantly squeeing friends. They are busy celebrating the recently made commercial (or, as Lou puts it, "promotional video" that just happens to be a thirty second commercial) for the evil farm, and more squeeing happens as Ty, who also happens to be there because Ashley apparently hopes that if she drags him around with her enough he might give in to her sexual harassment, looks annoyed and/or disgusted with his decision. Amy stares longingly at Ty, who tries not to stare longingly back, while Lou stares in awe at the "promotional video" and Soroya bitches that Ashley and her friends have only ordered water. Although, really, it's bottled water. You have to pay for that, Soroya, so why don't you concentrate on your other customers and stop trying to find fault.

Because of this promotional video/commercial, Lou is suddenly struck with the urge to make her own commercial for Heartland. She's going to get Carl (this never seen boyfriend) to talk to his director friend, and they will have a commercial before they know it! Everyone is predictably unenthusiastic. Seriously, this is the most downcast group of people ever. Everyone complains and bitches and argues and, most importantly, Amy gets all threatened by Lou's sudden scary motivation. Lou might change how Heartland is being run so let's all freak out and stomp on her enthusiasm! Lou is not to be dissuaded, and she starts ordering everyone around. Ben, move that manure pile! Mallory, sand and paint that door! Amy, look less morose! Come on, people! No one takes this well.

Eventually, the director pulls out of the project before even starting and then Lou hears that she's lost her big New York City job, which she proceeds not to tell anyone about. Instead she prefers to mope and act passive aggressive during dinner, the time that everyone gets together to air their grievances, which usually results in Amy storming off and failing to eat. Instead this time everyone manages to get through the meal, although Lou keeps complaining about the commercial and the complete lack of support that her completely worthless family provides. She says that the commercial would have been great, and all you naysayers are little jackasses who don't realize true potential! That commercial would have run right after the local news! Suddenly everyone's all...oh, we could have been famous. And Lou just rolls her eyes, probably.

I'd just like to break in here and say that if she wanted a commercial space right after the local news, she would be paying for it. Considering Heartland isn't that well off, I doubt this is possible, because networks only air unpaid ads when they have no other paid ads to run. This is the reason why you see so many infomercials for things like the Ped Egg right now.

Okay, so let's talk about Ty. Ashley keeps sexually harassing Ty, and he keeps taking it like sexual harassment doesn't exist in Canada. Eventually Jack comes along to tell Val about the paperwork she needs to sign for Ty's probation and she has a fit as Ashley never told her about his issues, and fires him on the spot. Ashley still invites him to her "field party" and he still goes, because I guess he likes the attention, although he really doesn't look it. Of course, Ben is going to the party in his Hummer, and he takes Soroya (who has a thing for Ben, despite Amy warning her that he has issues and is in a relationship with his horse) and Amy, who confronts Ty, blah blah blah. Teenage drinking ensues. I still can only hope that they're drinking wine coolers.

And then Lou's friend's wedding videographer husband shoots the commercial for them, suffering through Lou's completely freakish controlling behavior and eventually running them off the farm with only enough footage to piece together a completely unprofessional video (but somehow it is completely awesome, according to maybe three people, but because those three people are Amy, Jack, and Scott, I guess that means it is awesome because their opinion is the morally correct one always). Lou and Scott go out and drink, and Scott is so in love with her that there is an uncomfortable moment, and Lou deals with this by making it worse and telling him that she lost her job. Then they park in front of her house and she cries in his shirt.

In the morning, Amy is all frighteningly upbeat. Crap, she's weird when she's upbeat. Apparently everyone loves the commercial and they've gotten tons of phone calls and Lou is forced to agree that the commercial was good. Although it wasn't. I can't see how anyone would send a troubled horse to Heartland when the commercial involves Lou running from a horse and shrieking. Helpful training techniques indeed!

Then Ty comes back and tries to get a reason out of Amy for why he should work for Heartland. She just tells him she wants him to come back, ignoring any actual reason. This appears to be good enough, so Ty agrees to come back, and I'm sure some confrontations with Ben will come rolling down the pike immediately in our next episode.

  • Ty's fancy work uniform at the evil stable involves breeches and tall riding boots. I am endlessly amused by this, because his only function at this place appears to be mucking out stalls and tacking up horses. And being sexually harassed by Ashley. Although, maybe Ashley's making him wear those breeches for her own amusement. I wouldn't be surprised.
  • Val is being interviewed by someone from Canter & Gallop Magazine. Fantastic fictional magazine title! It's sort of like Horse & Rider, in a completely nonsensical way. I wonder if there's a Walk & Trot Magazine in their world?

1 comment:

Bookworm said...

This show looks amazing....lucky Canadians. (: