Dec 1, 2008

Just a note: the IRS doesn't care if you're a Red Sox fan.

Wildfire
1.5: Guilty

This episode I wasn't too fond of, probably because it mostly revolves around Matt being stupid. This in itself is not shocking, so let's just get down to business.

Wildfire sucks, you guys. Kris keeps riding him and he continues to suck, so their attempt to get him to not suck is apparently breezing him every day. Because running a horse into the ground is the best solution!

Well, anyway, this episode opens up with one attempt to get Wildfire to wake the hell up and act like a bunch of police horses and a helicopter are tearing after him akin to that one time in the pilot, when he experienced some brief flash of speed. They decide to breeze him with Oklahoma Crude, the farm's most awesome horse. Seeing as how Oklahoma Crude lost pretty pathetically in the only race we've seen him in, this does not bode well for Raintree. Seeing as how I'm still fairly convinced Kris has little to no experience, Wildfire cuts across the track and completely blindsides Crude, who goes and breaks his leg. They haul Crude back to the barn, where I suppose a vet randomly decides he has a condylar fracture. (I say "randomly" because Raintree sure has hell doesn't look like it has an on site equine hospital, and given that Pablo is still trying to wrap his brain around exercising a horse in a pool, I consider this a solid assumption. Plus, Crude didn't exactly go anywhere but back to his stall.) So Pablo gives Jean the diagnosis and she's all "I don't have $9,000" because his explanation is along the lines of "we need money to slap a few screws in his leg and then he can race again, maybe." Yeah, if Crude races again I will (probably not be) shocked.

Jean is apprehensive about all of this, and decides that since Wildfire sucks she might have to sell him to save the better racehorse. This really doesn't go anywhere until the end, so we'll just skip forward to witness Matt being stupid some more. That boy...it's almost heartbreaking, his stupidity. Anyway, he's being harassed by Bobby the bookie because Matt has predictably done something stupid. He has bet on a game, and he lost, and he doesn't have the hundreds of dollars he owes. So Charlie, some rich video game designer guy who boards at Raintree and has some designs on Jean (which will probably go no where because that would mean Jean sold out and married a rich guy to save herself) takes Matt out to some bar to watch horse races. Here they discuss how fathers suck. Charlie's ran away, Matt's is somewhere doing something, I guess. Then Charlie has to go tell him some super secret method of success when gambling on two year old race horses. You take the time of some furlong plus the time of some other furlong in their first two races and blah blah blah Matt is in awe, of course, because he's stupid. Good going, Charlie.

So meanwhile, Kris starts looking for a job to help out. She winds up working as a waitress at the burger place everyone frequents. The burger place is continuing to confuse me, because it seems to be going for burger place/high class restaurant...I do not understand this, but whatever. So the owner gives Kris a tiny t-shirt to wear, and Kris is predictably unenthusiastic about this. So she starts working late nights and is groggy in the mornings, which, of course, screws up Wildfire's already sucky times. At this point they're breezing him every morning, so you'd think they'd both be exhausted, but no. This thought does not enter Pablo's head at all.

We've also got some other plots going on with Dani, who is experiencing the worst birthday ever. Her dad is not being as upstanding as usual, dropping her in order to presumably screw a flight attendant. Dani is not happy, and so she shows up at the burger place while Kris is working and dealing with a table of annoying manly men. Junior and Matt also show up to save Kris from the manly men. Junior, who is fast becoming the most awesome character on the show (look, he's not Brad, but I can't expect that sort of awesomeness in everything, okay?), uses his verbal wit to give everyone pause while Matt prefers to throw his fists around and act confused. Matt...is so damned stupid. Then Dani saunters in and all hell breaks loose for the rest of the night, ending in Bobby physically assaulting Dani, Kris assaulting Bobby, Dani threatening Bobby, Bobby threatening Kris because in the middle of all this fighting his BMW apparently experienced some tiny amount of damage. Kris gets fired and Dani is all "we are not friends because we stuck up for each other, bitch."

Anyway, eventually everyone discovers that Wildfire doesn't suck. He's just too smart, of course. So Pablo blasts crowd noise over the training oval and Wildfire acts like a racehorse they can all pin their hopes on. But the damage has been done, the IRS is auditing the farm and they owe $80,000 in back taxes. Matt is all, "damn, mom, don't you have a brain?" and Jean isn't taking any of that, so they have a real conversation for the first time in forever and Matt suddenly decides to act like an adult and cancel his next bet with Bobby, despite Charlie's fool proof betting technique or whatever that was. Then Charlie and Jean start to make out.

So Kris and Matt have some weird heart to heart about how he's probably going to be a gambling addict later in life, if he isn't already (okay, they didn't exactly have that conversation, but it was about how she accidentally saw him with Bobby doing their gambling thing and she pretty much says that if he's not trying to stab his mom, she's not shocked by his behavior). Then Matt somehow discovered the time to become a musician in the middle of all of this, and let's Kris listen to some "cool" music he came up with...I don't even know.

ALSO, I have to include the part where Todd and his grandfather internet stalk the IRS agent in order to find a weakness they can use to their advantage. This leads to an adventure with Ebay and way too much Red Sox talk for my liking. So when they meet the IRS agent, grandpa whatever his name is wears a Red Sox hat and sweet talks the lady by badmouthing the Yankees. Yeah, seriously. This really does no good, as they still owe the government eighty grand. Yeah, that's right. Liking the Red Sox will not actually get you off the hook with the IRS. Who knew?

We end the episode with Jean randomly telling Kris that she's entered Wildfire in a claiming race, as their situation is so dire and I guess if the claim tag is right Wildfire could not only rake in the purse but take care of their $20,000 back taxes payment plan for that year. Kris throws a temper tantrum worthy of our beloved Thoroughbred characters, but Jean cannot be swayed! Next up: The Claiming Race.

So, it took a lot for me to sit through this episode. This might be because I'm still not connecting with Matt's character, and he is just so adorably annoying. Or it might be because I used Wildfire as a distraction from staring at Friday Night Lights until well into the early hours of morning again. Yes, it took a lot for me to not rip that Wildfire dvd out of the player and replace it with Friday Night Lights, but I damn well did it. And I typed this. And I am totally not obsessing. Totally not.

Okay, that's all.

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